Chapter 5
Dull rays of light prickled with dust drifted into the room and Tommy was up like a shot. Even in this strange place, his old habits stuck to him like fuzzy burrs. His shoulder ached with phantom pain.
Dream wrapped his fingers around Tommy's arm and pulled, and the boy was thrown out of his bed, writhing in pain as his arm hung limply under a dislocated shoulder.
"Don't be lazy, Tommy. No one will want you back if you're useless ."
He sighed and stood up carefully, running his fingers halfway through his messy hair. The light pierced his eyes through strands of messy hair and he winced, pulling up a hand to shield his face. He let a raspy, quiet drawl echo around the room. "Good fucking morning to you too, sun." He swore the curtains rattled in response.
He pressed open the door carefully, peering down the stairs. After a lack of Sirius in his immediate vision, he noticeably relaxed. His eyes met only the hardwood floor of the landing and the door into the drawing room. He padded softly down the stairs and pretended not to notice the row of shrunken heads, halting at the foot of them as he heard the front door rattle. It wasn't a noise that made Tommy feel anything but overbearing dread, and he felt his heart rate rise far too quickly. With one fluid, swift motion, he was out of view of the door, pressed against the wall that opened onto the stairwell.
His breath hitched as the door creaked open, and a rhythmic thudding entered the hallway soon after the first set of footsteps. Tommy slowly lifted a hand to his face and wiped away the fine sheen of sweat.
"Are we really the only ones here?"
"Merlin, no. Of course not. Others come here, plenty of them."
And Tommy's stupidity had struck once again. Sirius had said there were others, but he had said nothing of them visiting today. Tommy's eyes wavered from the hallway and focused on the stairs above him. He wished that someone would come down those stairs and tell him everything would be alright, that these people were supposed to be here- he wanted comfort. There were at least three, judging by the cadenced thudding and footsteps that still approached nearer. Muddled conversation peeked around the corner and filtered into Tommy's ears.
"Tonks, shut the door behind you." A quiet, tired voice was the first.
"I know , Lupin, I'm not stupid, huh?" Tonks, Tommy assumed, responded, and sounded equally tired.
His chest grew tight and he let out a hushed breath. He hoped it would be drowned out by the sound of voices. He allowed himself to breathe.
"We all stayed up all night, and you forget things sometimes." The first voice - Lupin.
"I do not! " Tonks.
He inched farther away from the rug in the hallway. The hand covering his mouth fell away and instead hovered halfway between his chest and chapped lips.
"Mm, whatever helps you sleep at night." Lupin.
The third had stayed silent. And the footsteps were now beside Tommy. Some man in a matching coat and suit walked towards the drawing room, pivoting on one foot the second he walked past Tommy's poorly decided hiding place. Tommy's heart sank and his eyes pooled with unconcealed horror. The man drew some kind of stick - a wand - from his coat and pointed it directly at Tommy's petrified face. The man tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. Tommy stopped breathing. Before he had been introduced to the terror of glitched knockback sticks and magic wands that could do whatever the user wished, Tommy may have laughed. Before Dream, Tommy may have laughed.
"And who might you be?"
Tommy kept his mouth shut and watched in silence as the two others moved to stand beside the man, wands at the ready. Tommy had not woken up expecting to be jumped by three wizards. One with bright pink hair. Like Niki's. Horrible familiarity jutted through his chest and he quickly looked away. The hand that was not suspended in midair dug fingernails into itself. The stinging in his chest grew again. The other, scarred and huge, towering over Tommy like some kind of unbreakable mountain. One of his eyes, glowing and blue, moved around wildly on occasion, vibrating slowly even as it fixed on the teen. He tried to keep his eyes away from the pink-haired one.
"Ah, Remus!"
Three heads shot towards the direction of the sound, and Tommy's eyes followed suit.
"I see you've met Tommy- put the wand down, please." Sirius' footsteps thudded down the stairs and Tommy breathed again as the wand lowered hesitantly from his vision. His eyes shot up to meet Sirius' with a kind of pleading look that screamed desperate confusion and panic. Sirius gave him a comforting look. "From left to right, this is Tonks, Lupin, Mad-Eye - they're Aurors, Tommy. I told you about them, right?"
Tommy shook his head slowly, eyes darting from Sirius to Lupin to Mad-Eye - a strange name, but Tommy couldn't say much considering he knew a Technoblade. He couldn't look at Tonks. His right hand - still suspended in the air - curled outwards and he gave the three a small wave. "Hi." His voice came out in a high-pitched squeak and he internally cringed, digging his fingernails farther into his palms and staring at the floor. "Um- can I move now?" Sirius grinned at him, but the joking air faltered as Tommy's face stayed anxious and uncertain. "Yes, of course."
Sirius turned to the three Aurors. "We have a lot to discuss, especially regarding Harry. Dumbledore left a note." Tommy straightened his back slightly, awkwardly glancing at Sirius. "Is it alright if I just- go upstairs?" Sirius nodded absentmindedly, hardly looking Tommy's way. Mad-Eye's real eye was fixated on Sirius, but the magical one was locked with Tommy's. It only added to the growing pit of dread growing in Tommy's stomach, and it reminded him so, so much of the soulless eyes of Dream's mask; empty, unforgiving pits, so similar to Dream's real eyes - crazed, haunting eyes, something Tommy never wished to see again. "Tommy?" The voice threw him out of his mind and he tore his gaze from the eye. His voice stayed low as he skirted around Sirius. "Sorry." Ducking his head to hide the red flush crawling up his face, he pattered up the stairs, shutting the door softly behind him.
Tommy sunk against it as he had done the night before, burying his face in his palm and muttering into it. "Fucking idiot. Idiot." He beat his fist against his leg mercilessly, resisting every urge to move his curled hand to the side of his head. "Stupid fucking idiot- idiot." He slammed his fist into his leg with every word, breathing becoming increasingly shallow. He wanted to scream at himself, at the floor, at anything, but he kept his voice low. "Idi- idiot- can't do anything- anything right..." His fist fell limply at his side and his palm grew damp. "F- Fuck- why can- can't- why can't I- I do any-" His chest heaved and he sobbed quietly into his hands, tears dripping down onto his shirt and knees.
He thought he had finally left Dream and exile behind. He thought, maybe, that he could cut the strings from his wrists and it would all be fixed. But his brashness did not allow for that and he had stormed into the prison cell, thinking that somehow he could fix his mind by facing the person who had warped it into something so revolting. Even with the years of torture, his impulses still dragged him around like a marionette doll.
He was just stupid, a stupid child who couldn't keep his mouth shut when he needed to, an idiotic child who spouted vulgar insults and sporadic obscenities because Tommy wanted people to love him and give him the attention he craved so, so badly. He would always be just a fuck-up, an annoying, clingy stain. He always ended up making things worse for everyone around him. Dream had tried his best to beat that into Tommy, and maybe he was justified for it because there really was no other way to teach him. Tommy had tried desperately to shove a filter into his mouth and tame himself, to shut up when he needed to and just listen, but it had never worked.
Because a cork did nothing for a cracking dam.
Wilbur had called him a disappointment, and maybe he was right because Tommy could see himself as nothing other than that. Phil had said it through a tired sigh. Technoblade had just hinted at it, though he didn't speak much in the first place. Tubbo's eyes said enough, through fiery hatred and cold disgust. Jack and Niki - the two had put so much trust in him and he had destroyed it. Sirius was just confused, confused because Tommy was unable to stop himself from reacting to anything that reminded him vaguely of a homeless green bitch.
And Tommy hated himself for it. So he sat there and wept until his eyes could no longer cry, and even then his body still shuddered with ragged breaths and empty tears. His breathing slowed down with his heart rate and his hands steadied, wrapping around the base of his legs. He sighed quietly, shuddering as the last of his episode wore off. He thought that this one was better than the last, so maybe it was okay. Maybe it was okay that he'd sat in some stranger's room and cried, alone. His mind felt clearer than it had in ages and he slowly picked himself up, leaning against the wall for support.
He hauled in a shaky breath and dragged his hand down a salt-stained face. Quiet feet shuffled to the bed and sunk backwards onto its mattress, groaning quietly. He stared up at the bottom of another bed and mulled over his mistakes once again. Today was a shit day, he had decided. By some unholy stroke of misfortune, Tommy had walked downstairs just as three strangers had walked through the door of a place he still did not trust. By another unholy stroke of misfortune, his brain had decided the best option was to hide from these people, even though Sirius had said others lived here, too. He had lost himself in his mind staring at one of the Aurors. The entire encounter was beyond awkward, and now he couldn't go downstairs for another hour because his face was probably an absolute mess. He just lay there and sighed. Dream would call him lazy, but Dream wasn't here to bother him.
At least for now.
He pushed the stray thought away and rolled onto his stomach, muffling a quiet yell inside the blankets. He stayed like that for far too long, basking in his heat and slow breaths until he heard shoes softly padding up the stairs. They were wary and dog-like; Sirius. His head perked up and he forced himself upwards, running a hand hastily through his knotted hair. The footsteps wavered at his door before a faint knock cut through the silence. It sounded as if Sirius had just brushed the door with his knuckles. And as soon as the sound came, the quiet steps receded down the stairs with new haste. Tommy nearly launched himself out of bed and threw open the door, running to the bannister and leaning over the railing. Sirius had stopped mid-step and seemed confused as he looked up at the blonde.
"Sirius?" Tommy's voice cracked more than he'd have liked it to and he internally cringed. Sirius slowly lifted his hand to the rail and turned around. "Tommy? I thought you were sleeping." Tommy shook his head and brushed around the serpent-shaped baluster, hurrying down the stairs to meet Sirius. He stalled his movement two steps above the man and blinked down at him, muffling his heavy breaths through gritted teeth. "You needed something, thou- no- sorry. Shouldn't have- you knocked on my door?" Sirius seemed to hesitate and he studied Tommy's face long enough to make the latter uncomfortable before nodding carefully. "That I did. We're having breakfast soon, I just wanted to let you know." Tommy chewed absentmindedly on his bottom lip. "What time is it?"
"7:00, last I checked." He pulled a silver pocketwatch from his suit and flipped it over in one hand, stowing it back in his pocket as he looked up at Tommy. "It's 7:15 now." Tommy nodded - he became painfully aware of a now-growing headache - and backed up the steps, glancing behind him. "Where's-" his face flushed beet red and he glared at his feet. "Where's the bathroom?" He felt as if he was announcing his need to piss to the world. Sirius forced down a cheeky grin. "Second door to the right." He moved to continue down the stairway and Tommy grabbed his arm, recoiling as he felt the man tense at his touch. He halted, looking back up at Tommy. "I- I don't know where the- the dining room is, either."
"Ground floor, straight to the left." He paused. "And Tommy, don't think too much about that interaction this morning. I should have told you they were coming. You had every reason to be worried." With that, he turned on his heel and padded down the stairs, leaving Tommy to muse over his thoughts.