I've Got You

They walked hand in hand, under the invisibility cloak of course, Regulus giving James’ hand a gentle squeeze once in a while to remind him that he was here and that everything would be alright after all. The closer they got to the Gryffindor tower, the more rigid James’ body became. As they were climbing up the stairs to the boy’s dorm his breathing was labored and he seemed to be on the verge of another breakdown, much to Regulus’ dismay.

Once they got over the last step and were now standing in front of the Marauders’ dorm door Regulus turned to look at James. “Hey,” he said. “They’re your closest friends, they won’t get mad at you I swear.”

He was deeply wishing that he was right because he was already mad at James’ friends and if they took offense to the fact that the dark-haired boy needed a simple break, Regulus just might’ve attacked them.

James gave him the smallest smile in response. “I hope,” he muttered, biting down on his lip as he talked. He then raised his hand to grasp the door handle and gently pushed the door open, taking a deep breath before entering the room, Regulus following him in.

Regulus looked around the room which he had gotten used to by now. He and James liked hanging out here rather than in Regulus’ dorm even though the much annoying brother of his was a resident of this room. He watched as neither Sirius nor Remus raised their heads to acknowledge them entering, being the needy bastards they were. Only Peter, who looked horrible with eyebags lining his under eyes, flashed a gentle smile at them. His smile turned into a frown once he saw the state James was in; red-rimmed eyes, tear tracks, his normally spread out and large posture replaced with closing off into himself.

“Prongs?” he asked. “What happened? Why are you upset?”

The other two guys’ heads snapped up at that series of questions, both of their eyes frantically looking over James, trying to see any kind of physical damage.

James, who had opened his mouth to reply to Peter, squirmed under the questioning looks of his best mates and couldn’t stop the low whimper that escaped from his mouth.

Regulus immediately threw an arm over him and drew him close, rubbing his shoulder in order to relieve even just a little bit of his anxiety if possible.

“Come sit down.” Remus’ gentle voice rang out. He scooted over to the side of his bed and motioned James over.

Regulus and James made their way over to Remus’ bed and Remus took James’ hand in his the second they sat down. “What’s wrong James?” he asked, softly holding onto his hand.

James just shook his head and much to his horror his tears started back up at the gentleness of Remus’ tone. This was enough for Sirius to spring up from his bed and quickly make his way over to them. He crouched right in front of James and pulled him in for a much-needed hug. James’ head fell on his shoulder and his breathing grew ragged. Sirius started whispering sweet nothings into his ear as his eyes were boring into Regulus’, searching for answers on what had happened to his closest friend, his second brother even. His mind was going into overdrive, thinking of all the possible reasons that could leave James this upset. James who was always smiling, James who helped Sirius through all the nightmares, James who opened up his home and his family to him, James who shined brighter than the fucking sun. James whom he had never seen crying. Sirius realized with horror that he had not even an idea of what could’ve been troubling the boy in front of him. Some best mate he was…

“You’re frightening me Prongs,” he whispered. “Please, just tell us what happened. We can work through it together.”

James raised his head at that and looked at Regulus, his tears still dripping down his blotchy, red face. Regulus looked at him with an unspoken question in his eyes but James shook his head, he could tell them himself, or at least try to. He trusted Regulus to step in where he couldn’t continue.

“I,” he started then stopped, needing to clear his throat to stop his voice from wavering pathetically. “I need a break.”

Remus furrowed his brows. He wasn’t mad, no, he was just trying to understand. Seeing James in this condition had freaked him out more than he had let on and he wanted to do whatever was possible to get him feeling better.

“A break?” he repeated. “From what Jamie?”
“From…everything Moony.”
“I’m sorry, I really am, but you’re going to have to be a little bit clearer. I truly want to understand what’s bothering you, please,” Remus all but begged.

James bit his lip, hard, which caused Regulus to gently reach out and place a kiss on his lips to surge him to let go. “I don’t want to disappoint you guys,” James softly said.

“You won’t,” Sirius and Peter said at the same time. “You won’t ever disappoint us,” Sirius added, delicately running his hands through James’ hair.

James took a deep breath and let go of all of the untold words he had been keeping in for a while; “I need a break from helping everyone with everything. I need a break from you guys being pissed at me for reasons which are not even related to me. I need a break from tutoring others, for I have fallen behind with my schoolwork. I just can’t do happy all the time.” He had said all of these in such a frank way that left no room for doubt that they were all things that had been bothering him for weeks. His tone, while blunt, was the farthest thing from being rude even though he had all the right to be.

He slowly raised his head, afraid to meet the other Marauders’ eyes in case they were mad at him, so he first looked at Regulus. His boyfriend was giving him a comforting smile and his eyes were lit up with pride.

Relaxing a bit, James turned back to look at Sirius. His brother in everything but blood was looking at him with such a pained expression that it reminded him of his face when he had shown up on the Potter Manor’s doorstep, bloody and bruised. He drew in a sharp breath at the idea of being the one who had put that pain on Sirius’ face.

He couldn’t bear looking at the long-haired boy any longer so he looked toward Remus and Peter, only to find the former with an identically pained countenance and the latter with actual tears in his eyes.

“M’sorry-” he started but Sirius cut him off. “Don’t.”

They locked eyes. James could barely feel Regulus rubbing his back encouragingly. “Have we?” Sirius asked with a small voice.
“Have you what?”
“Have we really been getting mad at you?”
“Well- yeah. Not Peter but you and Remus- yeah.”

Sirius’ face crumbled even more, which James hadn’t deemed possible. It was as if the air in the room had been sucked out and replaced with a much colder gas which was harder to breathe in.

“It’s alright though!” James rushed to explain. “I know that you guys get mad at other things and I happen to be the closest person around and that you never mean it.”

“It’s not alright,” Remus said. His voice had lost its composure and was now wobbling in a very non-Remus-like manner. “We’re so sorry- I’m so fucking sorry James. I’ve never realized it, never noticed how unfair I was to you. Shit James, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“Hey, hey Moony calm down. It really isn’t that big of a deal, I swear. It wouldn't have bothered me this much if it wasn’t for all the other things. I guess I just got overwhelmed.”
“Still. We shouldn't have been assholes. We’re supposed to help you through hard times as your best mates not strike you down yet another notch.”

Suddenly James was knocked back into a laying position by Sirius who had thrown himself on top of James and had snaked his lanky limbs around the boy.

James softly laughed, wrapping his arms around Sirius too.

“James,” he started but couldn’t continue as he choked on unshed tears.
“I know. I know that you’re sorry. I know that you didn’t mean it. It’s okay, yeah? It’ll be okay.”

“Stop trying to comfort us,” Peter said through his tears, with a sad smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “You said you needed a break, take it, please. Shut yourself into our dorm if you want to, we will disappear on command. Or go to the astronomy tower. Do whatever you want, and we’ll tell the people whom you made promises to that you need to rest.”

James flashed him a smile, a genuinely happy one. “Thank you Moony. I’ll go to Reggie’s dorm if you guys don’t mind,” he said while firmly rubbing Sirius’ back, trying to convince him that he wasn't mad.

“Of course we don’t mind.” Peter was smiling back at him.

Regulus, who had been silent throughout this whole ordeal, spoke up. “I don’t want to be pushy but James told me that he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten so we should get going.” His voice came out a little colder than he had intended, after all, he was still a bit pissed at the guys for being a part of overwhelming his boyfriend.

Sirius pulled himself back up from on top of James and nodded. He wasn’t talking and everyone in the room knew why, he was trying to keep his tears at bay, mainly for James’ sake. He knew that James would be reluctant to leave him even right now but if he started crying on top of that, no power would be able to draw James Potter out of that dorm.

He gave a worn-out smile at James who bridged the gap between them and hugged him once again, now standing up.

“We’ll further talk about this later, don’t worry, just you and me,” James whispered into his ear as he let go.

He then moved toward Remus, also pulling him in for a hug. This time it was Remus who whispered something. “Really try to relax, don’t worry about us,” he said.

James gave a soft pat on his back in response as he pulled away. Peter was next and neither of them felt the need to soothe the other with words, they just felt the comfort spreading through their embrace.

“Why don’t you go ahead?” Regulus asked James. “ I’ll be right behind you, I just want to say something to them.”

James looked skeptically at him but nodded and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

The rest of the Marauders braced themselves from a harsh scolding from Regulus, a well-deserved one at that.

Regulus turned to look at his brother and his friends. “I know that you guys feel bad enough already so I don’t want to say anything I know I’ll regret later on. Just- please be more careful. The way he cried, I don’t want to see that ever again, please. I know you don’t want to either so if we all be cautious, hopefully, he won’t break down ever again. Please?”

Sirius smiled once again, more brightly this time. He couldn’t believe how in love with James his little brother was. But again, it was James, who wouldn’t be in love with him. It was the best thing in the world, his two favorite people in love.

“Of course,” he said. “Of course Reg, we’ve all got him, we’ll never let go from now on.”