Crack in Your Shield
Jaeyi was poor—but perhaps that’s what made her dangerous. Because from her position she self-taught her many things that would sound abrupt to this world.
Jaeyi was born in a poor family. A family where you can’t ask for anything. More like there’s no point of asking for anything simply because they can’t provide. There’s no point to lie, that they actually tried to provide their child but it was very tough just to fulfil the bare minimum. Jaeyi was a naïve kid, she knew that her parents love her, so she thought maybe they can provide her at least fulfilling her small wishes but they never had the luxury for that. They could purchase it but it was simply a waste of money for them. So, the time when Jaeyi actually wanted a cheap water-gun and told her parents how much she wants it to play with it in summer vacation they ignored or probably didn’t hear her. But she was persistent this time. Every day for once she would have reminded it to her mother or father. The day when her father finally holds her hand and take her to the store, the whole way there was a big smile tucked in her face. but soon her smile fades as father come out of shop empty handed, not even holding her hand. She felt pure disappointment in her nerves. Why dad didn’t purchase it? It wasn’t even expensive or something. She could count—she knew it cost only three balloons. And that push Jaeyi to want that thing even worse. She sold her stapler to a classmate, repaired the broken chain of a classmate’s bag, she earns money from them shamelessly at the age of nine and when finally, she went to purchase it by herself, it was gone. Sold-out. So, Jaeyi learns first life lessons, more like a life motto. “If you want something, get it yourself (anyway)” and her first fear of ‘losing’.
Jaeyi was born in a poor family, family that had no money but limitless pride. Even though they couldn’t afford to buy her a cheap toy, when the neighboring kid asked for the toy in Jaeyi ’s hand, the only toy which she got from jena as a heredity, her mother took it from her hand and give it to the child, she felt her heart clench for the first time. Then again, when a relative visited with their newborn, her mother brings a yoyo out of the closet to gift it to the baby’s hand, the toy that Jaeyi brought with her own saved pocket money. She was out of words for the whole day and break down finally once the relatives left. “Why? Why did you give her what’s mine? It was mine. I brought it! How can you do this to me, mom? Please bring it back. It was my favorite, please,” Her heart, unused to letting go of her possession was still a raw cut. Her mom simply answers, “now it belongs to them. I can’t bring it back," her mother said. And thus, Jaeyi learns second lesson of her life ‘let things go, when it doesn’t belong to you anymore’ and so does the fear of loving because the more you love, the heavier the letting go becomes.
Jaeyi was born in a poor family, family that had no money but unlimited self-esteem and outwardly dream centering their two kids Jena and Jaeyi . Jena actually actually had it all, all the potential to actually fulfill the dream of their family and Jaeyi admired it, every part of it even though she was constantly being compared to her own sister. She admired how her elder sister was so creative all-knowing person; she admired how her sisters used to bloom in any field like a free-flower. But the flower one day had to wither. And Jaeyi had to witness it all painfully. Now all their expectations suddenly shifted towards Jaeyi. Like she’s the last straw they can depend on; so thus, Jaeyi learn her life lesson of ‘taking responsibility’ and also unlocked her last fear ‘taking responsibility’.
That’s why Jaeyi is dangerous. Cause she didn’t love but feared losing and yet learned to let things go and at the same time had the ability to conquer thing. Yes, so abrupt, so twisted. And her twisted target could be anything, even a person.
One thing that carried Jaeyi in the normal world is she knew what she is, her dark side and how to keep it hidden. And that’s how she grew up.
Now she’s a medical student, a fresher. She didn’t choose this for herself; it was merely her father’s ONLY wish and she just felt a responsibility she had to shouldered like a lead coat. So, when she finally stepped into the campus, she felt nothing, no excitement, no attachment, no inspiration. She knew she’s not feeling anything and she didn’t want to make it stand out too much. So, she decided to join a club and she thought something vibrant would suit her. In conclusion, here she is, in front of Geurim Madang (KU Cartoon Club).
There she saw her, a girl. A girl? Well, what is so special about this girl? Jaeyi don’t know. Maybe that girl is cute and pretty and kinda cool at the same time! That is very absurd Jaeyi. Does she look like some idol? No not really. Then what makes her special? Maybe the fact that Jaeyi just blushed from seeing her. But why? Well she is pretty, indeed.
But a calm yet exited voice cut through her thought process.
“Are you also a fresher?”
Yeah, those big boba eyes were looking at her wearing such an exclamatory expression.
“Um, yeah I guess” Jaeyi reply with a polite expression, like she’s totally not taken back by the girl in front of her.
“You seem nervous. Don’t be. I’m also a fresher. Um.. should we go together?”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Which department are you from?”
“Medical college.”
“What! Really? Can a medical student really have time for this though?”
“I can’t know until I try.” She said that so bluntly, but when the girl looked at her Jaeyi just softened the vibe with a soft smile.
Now one might be thinking Jaeyi can’t control but be happy whenever she looks at her. And that’s not actually the case. Jaeyi had control over feelings, nah more like Jaeyi had limitations of feelings which made it easier to access a few expressions. In this case, what Jaeyi first felt is the girl in front of her is amazing (without any valid reason) which made her well aware of her own needs. No Jaeyi you can’t just think of a person start wanting them. It’s just not right.
She thought process herself and so she keeps being her usual blunt self but then her other side start questioning her again. What are you doing Jaeyi ? That girl seems too fragile for your unnecessarily harsh tone. Don’t scare her away at least. So, she offers her smile that can ease her blunt tone of speech.
One thing for sure, even though Jaeyi don’t want to unravel her dark side to this girl, she can’t help but want her besides her even for this moment. But she was denial. Or she really didn’t realize that yet.
Anyway, they entered the room before having any more chance to continue the conversation. And now they’re clubmate. And somehow Jaeyi memorized her name. Seulgi , Seulgi it is. One might wonder what is so difficult to memorize a two syllables name. It is for Jaeyi, Jaeyi just don’t take input of information that doesn’t feel important to her, but she felt the need to remember her name. not like she’s planning to call her. Absolutely not.
As Seulgi was filling out her club registration form, a few more students gathered around Seulgi . Not like she was some sort of celebrity but seems like she is kind of social. Thus, Jaeyi decides to leave with the club routine in her hand. Jaeyi doesn’t look back, she doesn’t feel the need, no string attached, absolutely. But before she can leave the building a light grip on her shoulder stops her. It’s Seulgi again. The touch doesn’t make Jaeyi flinch or feel anything. Well, someone is trying hard not to feel anything because it would be very dangerous for them, yet the touch lingers faintly, very faintly. Jaeyi with face of question mark, “huh!”
“Ah! I thought I’d ask for your number. I’m being mutual with everyone from the club. In case I need to contact someone!...”
“Sure.” Jaeyi answer with her usual pause and practiced assuring smile.
The girl in front of her exhale a small sigh of relief with the softest smile Jaeyi probably ever saw or noticed.
While exchanging number, Jaeyi just thought of thing, the girl in front of her really feels amazing and maybe she’ll never be tired of staring at her.