It was 3 months into what they dubbed her ‘8th’ and final year at Hogwarts, and to no one’s surprise, Hermione sat tucked away at her usual table in the back of the library.
Though present in body, one particular person has noticed she had been drifting around the castle a husk of the person she was before the war.
Now, staring out the window and across the grounds to the hills beyond, she was so lost in her thoughts she missed when the chair beside her was pulled out, turned towards her and a body filled its seat.
‘When I was six, my father beat me so badly, I could not sit down without pain for 8 days and I had to sleep on my stomach for a week. We were in Portugal on holiday and it ended up being one I will never forget.’
Hermione’s head snapped around as she blinked, realising she was no longer alone.
‘Mother and I had been waiting on some sun lounges while father wrapped up a business deal at a nearby restaurant. I was a disappointment to Lucius even back then, and to make it even worse, I was about to commit the worst sin imaginable.’
Confused why he was here, what he was talking about, or why he was talking to her for that matter, she made eye contact but kept silent while Draco continued on.
‘I was first drawn to her when I heard her earlier shriek of laughter drift on the wind as she played in the shallows with her father. I could never imagine a moment like that for myself, but I kept watching, unable to look away.’
‘I can remember her like it was yesterday. Though she was hard to miss. She was wearing a hot pink bathing suit with white polka dots and white ruffles on the straps.’
‘I remember this wild and curly hair whipping around her face in the sea breeze.’
‘She was bending down to fill a small beach bucket with water with one hand, while she tried to keep hold of this giant, inflatable yellow beach ball - half her size, mind you - with the other. All the while shouting directions to her mother about where best to build a sand castle.’
‘I’d seen nothing like it before. She was dressed so brightly; she laughed so loudly, and she directed her mother with the authority of an adult. Such behaviour was uncouth and unbecoming in my family’s circles, but there was something about the entire scene that I couldn’t help but watch. The girl and her family seemed so happy and so alive, almost sparkling under the afternoon sun.’
‘Mother didn’t notice me leave, too engrossed in the gossip of the latest Witch Weekly. But when the bright yellow ball slipped from the girl’s grip and whipped up the beach on the wind towards me, I found myself on my feet and running to rescue it for her. Not that I was dressed appropriately to be pelting across the sand in my formal lunch attire… but I somehow kicked off my shoes and ran down to the water to collect the ball in my socks, long slacks, tie and sunhat.’
Hermione’s eyes blew wide and her mouth parted as the edges of a blurry memory came into focus in her mind.
‘By this stage, the girl had dropped her pale and spade and was running towards me to retrieve her ball. She giggled as she came to a stop in front of me. I can remember she looked me up and down with her eyebrows and nose all scrunched up and said “You look a bit funny in a suit at the beach but thank you for stopping my ball”.’
‘I don’t remember answering; I think I just stood there like an idiot for half a minute while she stared at me… but the next thing I knew she grabbed me by the hand and marched me back up the beach telling me I was to help her find the proper shells to make the moat wall for her castle. We didn’t share names, but she decided I would be known for the next little while as “socks”.’
‘The extent of my beach activities had only been a dignified stroll along the promenade with my parents on 2 occasions so I did not know what this shell hunt would require but I spent 15 glorious minutes with socks off, pants rolled to my knees, wading in the water collecting abalone shells under strict instructions on what made best moat walls.’
‘It was the first time in memory I got to play unrestrained like the child I was and could laugh freely as we splashed around the shoreline, digging out a moat with the bucket and spade. I built my first and only castle that day.‘
Draco sighed wistfully at the memory and Hermione tried unsuccessfully to blink back the mist in her eyes before he continued his revelations.
‘Though fleeting, this was a precious and unrestrained moment of pure freedom until it all crashed back to reality when I heard my father’s furious voice yelling at my mother in the distance. I dropped what I was doing, squeaked a sorry and fled, scrambling the sand back towards my mother.’
‘I won’t go into details about the punishment both my mother and I endured at the hands of my father once we returned home, I’m sure you could imagine easily how he reacted to his wife allowing his heir to sully himself with… well you know.’
‘Despite the physical pain that day brought me, I’ve thought of that little girl more times than I can count over the last 12 years. Wondering what life would have been like if I had grown up in her world and not mine. If they had let me be so joyous and laugh so freely, unrestricted and unhindered from hundreds of years of prejudice, tradition and expectations. If I’d been granted, even an inch of space, to become my own person. An inch of freedom to form and live by my own beliefs.’
Hermione was silently crying now, tears tracking down her cheeks and shoulders shaking as her wide eyes took him in. She could not believe what she was hearing. It couldn’t be true, it just was not possible. She remembered that strange boy she played with for a short while before he disappeared as quickly as he arrived.
‘From the first day that I laid eyes on you, when you were dancing in the shallows, they made it clear to me I could never have you in my life in any capacity. But merlin, you have mesmerised me and taken my breath away almost every day since.’
‘It took me all of a minute to realise the girl who burst into my carriage in search of a toad was the same girl who shared her happiness with me on that beach.’
A strangled sob left her before she tried to reply, ‘Draco… how d-’
‘No!’ he cut her off, ‘No, look… I expect nothing from you Hermione, and I know telling you this now changes nothing. The things I’ve said and done over the years should not be forgotten, or forgiven. The 18-year-old man in front of you now is even a stranger to that little 6-year-old boy on the beach… It’s just, now I’m not hostage to the beliefs of a monster, or fearing for my life…’
He took a steadying breath before continuing
‘I know intimately how it feels to live with the crushing weight of judgement and expectations beyond your control and outside of what you wish for yourself…
And while I bent to the pressure of those around me and became the monster myself, you stayed strong, head held high, and took the weight on your shoulders despite the toll.
I’m not naïve enough to think that every horrible word and scathing tone and that every scoff and eye roll and snicker didn’t add to the load you were carrying. All I can do now is tell you I’m so very truly and utterly sorry. The worst part of it all is that I never believed a word of it. Not one word, not once.
‘You probably know, but the Ministry searched the manor for dark artifacts while we awaited trial. I know it was deliberate, but also confiscated almost everything, no matter how random, that held any sentimental value too… I managed to hide this.’ He said as he reached into his robes.
‘At six, I couldn’t articulate the reason I kept this reminder hidden away. I’ve now come to understand I held onto it for all these years, to remember the light of that moment. Of freedom and joy shared with you building castles in the sand.’
Draco reached across the library desk towards Hermione. She startled at his touch but did not pull away as he gently took her hand in his, turning her palm to the sky.
‘That moment didn’t happen on its own, Hermione. It happened because of you.’
‘I want you to have this now; he said as he placed something on her palm and closed her fingers around it and his fingers around hers, to remind yourself of how bright you have always shone and the joy you have always given unto others. To remind yourself that nothing could dim your light and, albeit unknown to you, it’s been what held off the overwhelming darkness for me, someone you believed to have never truly seen you.’
Draco let go of her hand and before she had the chance to catch her breath and respond, he got up to leave.
He paused and turned to look at her again
‘But you should know... I have always seen you, and the light that surrounds you and shines onto others.’
‘You are amazing, Hermione. You are smart, beautiful and so brave and so worthy of this world…. and I hope of all the things I have ever said to you, this is what you remember.’
As his footsteps receded, Hermione looked down at the beautiful shell in her hand that he had attached to a chain and she could now recall seeing around his neck for many years.
She was unsure how to identify what she was feeling, as her entire world had suddenly tipped off its axis. Once she gathered her thoughts, she would find him. This wouldn’t be the end of the discussion - because he was wrong. This changed everything.