The night he obliviated James was Regulus' hardest, most selfless decision he had ever made. He knew it was for James' good, but staring at James' pleading, crying eyes one last time, seeing how they went from accepting the truth, the betrayal, to confused, to cold and emotionless, empty, so, so empty, in just under a minute broke his heart like nothing ever did. He noticed, of course he noticed the lingering, confused gazes James threw his way in the Great Hall, as if asking him why he had holes in his memory. But it all ended too soon, James got together with Evans and they were a happy couple, and if Regulus was colder towards his friends during that last month of sixth year, when word got around that Evans and J- Potter were getting married right after the school year, they didn't say anything.
But Regulus was a selfish man. The night he died, the night he knew was his last, as he took his last breaths, crying for his big brother to protect him from all the dark, begging him Sirius, please don't leave me! Not with them! Give me a second chance Siri, just please, this time I will leave with you! Please Sirius, I'm begging you. As he yelled for Pandora and drank the last if that horrible potion, he remembered a cocky grin, stolen kisses in dark halls, brown eyes, so dark, yet so full of life, warmth, love. He yelled for James, he cried, Remember me Jamie! I was good! You knew all along, you were right, there was good in me! Jamie, I'm being brave like you told me to he, so please, remember me. He placed the last bit of magic he had in him inside those words, as he exhaled one last time before being pulled down by those cold, dead bodies.
Regulus died in a dark cave, with tears in his eyes, begging for someone, anyone to remember him for who he really was, and not for the shell of a self, the persona he had created. Reg passed away in a dark cave, without being able to see the stars, crying out for someone to forgive him. He was eighteen years old.
That night, James dreamt. Although they weren't dreams, not really, because he could feel them, he knew those feelings, that love he had given to Lily, even though he knew it did not belong there, were real. That wave of sadness and nostalgia he was hit with whenever he looked at Sirius' eyes when he was particularly angry wasn't because he was crazy. He knew those warm grey eyes that formed little crescents when they smiled, he knew that smirk, that teasing voice, he knew they were all real.
James woke up, covered in cold sweat, shivering from head to toe and ragged breaths escaping from his throat. The gaping hole in his soul was bigger than ever, because he knew, he remembered. And he was aware of what it meant. He was crying, tears running down his cheeks, muffling the sobs that were clawing out from his throat, his shaking frame curled over himself, because
Lily looked so beautifully peaceful, so content.
He was filled with adoration, a sort of peace taking over him but soon enough his conflicting feelings returned. He couldn't face them, not knowing just to what extent he loved- but now he was gone, and James had a family, and he was happy with his family. But Reg-
Sudden cries interrupted his thoughts, and James jumped out of his bed, running towards his baby, his son. His beautiful, lovely son. As he pulled Harry out of his crib, and shushed him, calming him down, he looked at those tired green eyes that were staring at him, and he knew. Regulus did it all to protect him, to let him have a family with which he didn't have to worry about being discovered, or tortured. He couldn't have known what Voldemort would do to him. Oh, Regulus, you young, desperate fool. Comforting his son, James let his memories of Regulus take over him. And if Lily woke up that morning and saw James looking at the sunrise, absentmindedly rocking Harry, she didn't ask anything, for she had also felt a shift in James, a sadness she knew was always there became bigger and heavier. She didn't get surprised when, after discussing something with Sirius, who had been heartbroken when he came to their house, James locked himself in his studio for an entire day. And when he came out, looking as if he had been crying, he threw himself into protecting his family, a newfound anger boiling inside him. Lily didn't mention it. Harry clung to his dad, hugging him all the time, making James smile genuinely, not that bitter smile that was almost always in his face since That Night. (She also tried not to thibk about that time Sirius told her James had yelled at him Just let me protect you for once, Reg!, which, funnily enough, was Sirius' estranged brother).
And then, a year later, James opened his door and was met face to face with the person who had ruined Regulus' future. And he faced him, maybe being a bit selfish, without his wand, as if hoping…
He wanted to give Lily and Harry time to escape, he wanted for Lily to move on and find someone to love who could love her wholeheartedly.
That 31st of October, 1981, James Potter crossed the bridge between worlds and was met with soft, grey eyes. And for the first time in four years, he felt whole again.