Anything but Discreet

Pansy and Draco were always inseparable, ever since they met at one of their pure-blood balls hosted by one Narcissa Malfoy, Pansy and Draco had been joined at the hip since they were 7. 

It's why she knew why Draco would endlessly complain about ‘the chosen one’ declining his handshake during first year.

It's why she knew about the surge of jealousy coursing through Draco’s veins as the ‘savior of the wizarding world’ was rumored to have opened the chamber of secrets.

It's why she knew the reason behind Draco provoking a hippogriff in front of the ‘boy who lived.’ 

It's why she knew that Draco had felt nauseous every time they would watch the ‘boy in the prophecy’ compete in a task during the tri-wizard competition.

It's why she knew that the sudden red appearing on his face was not because of his pale skin underneath the sun, but because of the Potter boy.

It's why she knew how hard Draco had tried to make that stupid cabinet work, because of him.

It's why she knew about Draco saving Harry Potter’s life on multiple occasions.

It was all to get his attention. All Draco ever wanted was attention from the green-eyed Gryffindor and the only way he knew to get it was to provoke Harry bloody Potter. 

Really, Pansy knew this whole time. Well, not the whole time, but she was positively certain by 4th year. How could she not?

During the first task, Draco had run out of the stands grasping his chest, looking like he wastrying to calm his breathing. He had made it all the way down to a grass field by the great lake. Pansy had run after him of course; all she could see were teary silver eyes. She had clutched him tightly in her arms rocking him back and forth whispering in mumbles that everything would be okay.

In truth, she knew it will not. Ever since that day, she had made a vow never to allow Draco to be in this state ever again. A vow she had sworn never to break.

Their 8th year was looking up however, they had strayed away from trouble, minding their own business. Almost replicating ghosts. Pansy had done everything in her power not to keep Draco out of her sight. 

So when he disappears with not a single trace of him, Pansy worries, she's in a panic she had made a vow she wasn't about to break now. So she looked and looked, and looked even more. She had opted to check back in the great hall, and that's when she sees his platinum blonde hair sticking out at the end of the Slytherin table. 

She vehemently marched down the aisle towards the end of the table, slamming her palm in front of his pumpkin juice. 

“Where the bloody fuck have you been? Do you know how worried I was? Go on Blaise tell him” she rambles quickly, barely enunciating a single word properly. “Actually-“ he’s rapidly cut off by Pansy’s rambles once again “Draco you can’t run off like that. Merlin, I thought you had died. You know better than to run off. Where have you disappeared to as well?” 

“Are you done now? Can I finally speak?” he says.

Pansy offers a stern nod in return. “I was out by field, the one overlooking the lake. I was making it look decent at best so I could treat you to some cauldron cakes.” Pansy lifts her eyebrow in return then turns to look at Blaise. He offers a shrug.

“And why would you do all that Draco?”

“Can I not treat my friend to some cauldron cakes now?”

“No of course you can, it's just — I’ve known you for almost 10 years and you’ve never done something of the sort” she turns to look back at Blaise once again, “And you know nothing about this?” she asks skeptically. “Not a clue Pans.”

She sends a wary eye to both directions; she knows them well enough to realize something is being kept away from her. “Well then, we should get going, shouldn’t we Draco?”

“Yes, yes we shall” 

They both send their goodbyes to Blaise as they leave the Great Hall, hands intertwined together. Pansy eyes Draco all the way up to the field. She appreciates the thought, don’t get her wrong, but she knows something is missing from the picture.

They’d been coming to the empty grassland ever since 4th year, it had grown to become a part of their lives, whenever either of them felt sad, angry, disappointed, or any other emotion, they’d make their way over to the field. 

If one ever had a bad day, the other knew exactly where to find them. It was their sort of tradition really. Nobody else was allowed to join, it was their thing. So, coming up this trail again, Pansy knows to expect something.

When she finally reaches their usual seating area, she spots a whole assortment of sweets and knickknacks, she sends another glance in Draco’s direction, and he just lets out a silent laugh. 

Pansy settles onto the blanket Draco had placed down soon enough. She reaches out to a sugar quill and starts gnawing at it. Draco and Pansy are in a peaceful bliss like they always are any time they come up here.

The comfortable silence envelopes the pair as they both stare into the nothingness that is the great lake. Every once in a while, the giant squid shows off its tentacles and Draco and Pansy smile a bit.

“You remember the first time we came out here?” Draco laughs in reminiscence.

Pansy releases a small sigh, “You mean that time you watched Potter get that egg and then ran out there grasping your chest and all? Yeah, I remember Draco. You scared me to death you know? What happened that day?”

She knew.

She knew what happened, but maybe this is when Draco can finally come to terms with the events of that day. Draco releases a small sigh in return, “I don’t know Pans, it’s like one minute I was fine — but when the task actually started, it was like I was the one meant to grab the egg. I think I went into a small panic attack, didn’t I? 

“You did” is all Pansy can return as a response.

“Merlin, I- and the problem is Pansy, I didn’t realize anything until 6th year. It’s like I didn’t want the fact to be true almost. I think some part of me always knew, but I had shunned it away. Placed it in a cellar and never looked back.”

“Oh Draco…” in a mournful voice “Have you at least come to terms with it now?”

“Yeah, yeah I think so. Pansy, I’m sorry for not spending as much time with you this year, and always running off into nowhere and giving you the fright of the decade. I just — I wanted to find me again.”

Oh 

“Draco darling… you’ll always be you, nobody’s going to take that away from you, not ever.”

“Pansy, what I did in my home- no that house is inexcusable. I shouldn’t be here; I should be rotting with my father in Azkaban and everyone else knows it.”

“Draco no” in a stern voice, one almost worthy enough to compete with McGonagall. “Draco you worked hard to make up for everything that you’ve done. The people who are too naïve to realize so only have themselves to blame. If the bloody chosen one can forgive you, I think you should forgive yourself.” 

Draco releases a small and quiet laugh, “I still don’t understand why Pansy, everything I’ve done had been against him.”

Pansy pauses for a minute trying to come up with the right thing to say. She knows. She just needs to hope that Draco figures it out soon.

“I’m not sure Draco, that’s something you need to talk to him about.”

“Do you remember third year when I pranced up to that hippogriff and- well you know the rest.”

“You mean when you got slashed in the arm by it and used that to get attention from everyone?” Pansy finally lets out a small smile.

“Maybe not everyone” Draco mumbles, almost quiet enough not to be heard. Almost. 

“Draco?” He knows.

“Pansy I wasn’t doing it for everyone’s attention, — just his.” The seriousness in his voice is a voice she’s not that common with yet. Pansy leans over to his side, slowly grabbing his hand and clutching it in hers. “Do you mean Harry?”

Draco releases yet another small laugh, “God, of course, you knew, how wouldn’t you.” Pansy smiles at the retort, too occupied to think of a comeback.

“It’s not like you both weren’t obvious, I mean really Draco. We’ve been around each other for 10 years, and it’s like you don’t know me at all.”

A beat of silence.

“You know, I always thought of you as more of the moon rather than the stars, considering the fact your name is based on a whole constellation.” Pansy says, Draco hums, “You always kept a piece of you hidden away. Unlike the stars who are so full of energy ready to burn out at any given moment, you’re not like that. You keep a piece of yourself closed off. Something nobody else is allowed to know. Like the moon, always keeping to itself, remembering every crevice too. It's poetic really, that’s what it is.”

this time Pansy hums and Draco allows a smile to creep up on his face.

“You remember too much Draco — Why hold onto all that?”

Pansy States

“Where do I put it all down?” Draco says mournfully. 

“You find someone else to carry it with you then.”

“I think I may have done that already Pans.” 

“Oh? And may this person be one that goes by the name Harry Potter?” a smile embarks on her face. “Oh, shove off” He playfully pushes Pansy, and they both let out little laughs like little kids. They both lay on their backs now.

  “You know, this reminds me of a poem I read during my time in France,

These fresh beauties, we can prove,

Once were virgins, sick of love,

Turn’d to flowers: still in some,

Colours go and colours come.”

“That’s beautiful Draco,” Pansy says while Draco hums in agreement. They’re in their comfortable silence once again, something they’re both so used to now.

“You know.” She says in a teasing tone, “Now that you’re officially dating Potter, I’m meant to give him ‘the talk’” Pansy snickers. “No, Merlin no! You are not doing that Pansy!” Draco quickly gets up into a sitting position “Oh, but I think I will, I’ll do it when he’s least expecting it so you don’t even get the chance to warn him”

Draco groans, “Is there anything I can do to stop you?”

“Nope.” she says smilingly.

“Merlin help me” 

“Oh, stop being such a baby, it's not like I’m going to hurt him. Stop fretting.” All Draco does is groan more in response.

Comfortable silence once again. All that can be heard are the rustling of the leaves, the soft crashing of the water with stones, and the birds flying above.

“I’m only looking out for you, you do know that, right?

“Yeah I know Pans, and I'm sorry I don’t tell you enough, but I really do appreciate it.”

“Awe you're getting all soft on me now! Don’t tell me this is all Potter’s doing.”

Draco releases a small ‘umph’ and retreats further away from Pansy

“What is that one thing you always tell me?”

“Nous ne pouvons pas devenir ce que nous voulons, en restant ce que nous sommes.” 

Pansy hums in pure bliss, this feels right.