Chapter 2
Milk was cold in my arms, she had never been like that, the person who always talked and laughed, who knew how to create all kinds of games just to make me laugh, now only had a cold body left.
I knew I had no right to be heartbroken, because I had killed her with my own hands, but I couldn't help the cracks that were spreading like avalanches in my heart, and now I realized how much I loved Milk.
I knew clearly that these feelings were completely wrong, especially towards my parents who were buried deep underground, the people who loved me unconditionally and didn't expect anything in return. But the way Milk said her last words before leaving echoed in my head like a strong slap, she loved me just like my parents did, that was no different from a deadly thorn to my conscience.
I wished she would be surprised, desperate and angry, but she didn't, she used all the gentleness in her last breath to pave the way for me, arranging everything as if she had predicted it all along. I would be a mindless log if I didn't realize what Milk did meant, but another stream of hateful emotions intertwined and they tore at my rotten soul, how damned.
I quickly wiped away my tears as the memories kept flooding back, my trembling hands turned the steering wheel into the shady but deserted road. Milk sat in the passenger seat, her face calm as if she was just sleeping, but her paleness showed that she was completely lifeless, I couldn't bear to leave Milk alone and cold there, so I changed her into another set of clothes and took her out of the car, regardless of the fact that it might leave my DNA somewhere.
I'm not afraid of being caught, a person like me who no one loves anymore, even if he lives, will die of old age in loneliness, so living or not living is the same. Only, the gentle but still inexplicable look in Milk's eyes before her last breath also attracted me, my intuition told me that everything before my eyes seemed to be only half of the truth, something mysterious that had yet to be brought to light.
I had been to the western villa once, it was hidden deep in the woods on the outskirts, if I didn't know the way, I would definitely never be able to find it.
The plan that Milk outlined was truly perfect, it could even give me a new life, but unfortunately I didn't need it anymore, because how could a life without Milk by my side be a life to live?
I helped Milk lie down on the sofa in the villa, caressed her cold cheek once before starting to search for the "truth".
Everything seemed to be arranged for me to find it, the dressing table drawers of all the rooms were empty, only our room had a notebook that I had never seen before, suspicion arose in me forcing me to pick up the notebook, and my intuition told me to open it.
The notebook was a diary, the handwriting was neat but strong and decisive, making it impossible for me not to know that it was Milk's. Inside were memories from the first days I met her, the time when I approached her with suspicion and hostility but had to pretend to suppress it.
The more I read, the more guilt surrounded me like a giant net, the way Milk looked at me from the first time was extremely special, she saw that I approached her with a purpose but did not expose it, still giving me all the tenderness she had. My eye sockets were dry from crying too much, and now when tears wanted to flow again, my eyes ached, but it could not hurt as much as my broken heart.
Even though Milk was a murderer, her love was more sacred and warm than anyone else's. I was the only one in the world who inherited that love, but I destroyed it all with my own hands.
When I turned to the last page, a letter fell out and caught my attention. Inside, the familiar handwriting caught my eyes, making me open my eyes wide to read.
Dear the only love of my life,
The moment you read this letter, I will probably no longer be in this world and you will know the truth about your parents' death, you will probably hate me, but it's okay, that's what you should do, that's the right feeling of a child who has lost their parents towards the person who committed such an evil act.
I have no excuse for my actions, I killed your parents, I am a sinner, a person who deserves to die. I dragged you into a mess even though you are innocent, I will never deserve your forgiveness, I sold my soul for dirty money, even if you don't trample on me, my conscience will still do it, until the end of my life, it will never be able to forgive me.
I don't know if you believe it or not, but I want to let you know, because you have the right to know. Uncle and Aunt Pat are assassins of an organization that specializes in assassinations, mercenaries, and attacks, and I myself am also a person from this organization. When the two of you fell in love and I appeared in this world, I asked to withdraw from the organization. Your birth was carefully hidden by Uncle and Aunt Pat, no one knew, but that was also the corner that led us to a dead end.
At that time, I did not know about your existence, and was assigned the task of eliminating Uncle and Aunt Pat because they held many secrets of the organization. With my ability, I really killed them when you were not there. I am sincerely sorry. Perhaps you will feel that this is a fake apology, but I still want to say sorry. I owe you a lot, a happy family, a complete life, and a decent wife. I owe you my whole life. I have ruined your life and it cannot be repaired.
Whether I know the truth or not, I am the one who caused everything, dying in your hands is the greatest punishment but at the same time it is also my greatest wish, I have no right to complain or cry about fate, my mission to this world is just that fragile and short.
Can I selfishly take this line, to say that I love you, from the bottom of my heart I want to say that I love you very much, the owner of my heart is only one person and that is you, I use all my last remaining existence - this letter, to beg you to allow me to love you from the other world, even if that place is full of darkness I will still exist for you, as long as I can still love you. If you do not agree, it is okay, I will accept to disappear into nothingness and disappear forever, not bothering you, I will still feel satisfied because I have loved you until the last moments of my life.
Love is very important to me, so please don't torture yourself because of a devil like me, you deserve a happier life, I hope that peace will surround you for the rest of your life, instead of me. I want you to know that my life belongs to you alone, the girl I have devoted my whole heart to love, I have only loved you in this life, thank you for appearing and brightening my dark life, even though that time was short but I am extremely grateful, thank you for everything.
The world will not stop for anyone, my world will continue to spin, I hope you have a peaceful rest of your life, I love you.
Milk, someone who loves you.
It seems like I cried a lot, the faint traces of tears still linger on the paper. I was stunned, but the tears that fell could not be held back, the brokenness instantly spread in my heart like an epidemic, the suffocating pain in me was now clearer than ever.
My throat felt like someone was choking it, no words could describe the storm of emotions that was growing stronger inside me.
I rushed to Milk, buried my face in her neck and cried like a child, I wished that warm hand could hug me again and dispel the poisonous winds that were surrounding me.
In the end, neither of us were complete, Milk lived a painful and tormented life, I lived in guilt and hatred. She loved me even though no one loved her, she was still gentle even though I was not sincere to her, if I tried to understand more deeply, was a little more sober, would things be different?
Milk said that the world will not stop for anyone, but she did not know that my world would stop without her by my side, a life without her is hell, how can I live in hell?
From the beginning, everything was a mess, we were just pawns in the game of fate, the tricky moves pushed us into the abyss.
A mess cannot be resolved, so let it return to the beginning, return to a pit of sand and dust, the sea of fire will burn all worldly emotions and erase the source of everything, the sea of fire is the end, is liberation, is the only way.
Let love rekindle everything.