Chapter 5
In the morning, after eating breakfast, I nervously climbed the stairs up to Raina’s bedroom. After all, Raina, Dexter and Sabia weren't that scary, and I didn't think they were a danger to me. What puzzled me was that I hadn’t seen Raina do any magic yesterday, or even dig out her wand once. Dexter on the other hand I had seen do magic several times, wandless of course. Maybe noble and pureblood witches were above doing magic? It didn't seem right, though, because I'd never met a pureblood who thought magic was vulgar or tought themselves too important for magic. Perhaps she was a squib, which was surely as humiliating for a pureblood in the Middle Ages as it was in the 21st century.
I knocked lightly on Raina’s door. Sabia opened the door with a wobbly smile and let me in.
"Good morning, ma'am."
"Good morning," I said back with a small smile and then turned to look around the room. I paused in the doorway, confused, and stared around in bewilderment at the change in the room from last night. The colors of the walls, the beams and furniture had changed and everything was covered in different colored clothes. I hadn't realized the night before how heavily enchanted Raina's room was. Maybe she wasn't a squib after all.
"Oh," I said unintelligently.
"Lady Raina is upset by the lack of choices in her wardrobe," Sabia whispered in amusement, but put on a sympathetic expression as she turned to Raina.
"Did the mudblood come yet, Sabia?"
"She is here, my lady."
A blond head emerged from the middle of the pile of clothes on the bed. Raina seemed to be buried in her dresses. I looked around the room and was sure that I had never seen so much clothing in my entire life.
"Well, I see that you have not yet been informed about today's crisis," Raina said and sat up, pushing the dresses off her.
"A crisis?" I asked nervously.
"We have been invited to the court of the Duchess of Normandy today for a feast to support our husbands in the Battle of Hasting," Raina said in a sour tone, snapping her fingers at Sabia. Sabia hurried briskly over to Raina's bedside table and picked up a letter, then handed it to Raina. The whole thing seemed absurd, as Raina would have been able to reach over to take the letter from the table much quicker if she had only had reached out a little. Or used the accio spell. I wasn't sure how I should react, so I just shifted my weight from one foot to the other nervously and glanced between Raina and Sabia. But they seemed to be waiting for a response.
"Even me? Why?", I finally asked.
"The Duchess wants to meet Lord Malfoy's new mudblood wife. Today."
I felt like I was missing some essential information, but it was clear to me that I didn't want to go.
"Can I not come? You said yesterday that I was free to leave if I wanted to, so can't I just leave here and not go to see any duchess?" I asked hopefully.
Raina sighed and Sabia looked a little worried as she looked at me.
"That was yesterday. If you don't show up at her court today, I'm pretty sure she'll take it as a sign of treachery and send looking for you and force you in front of her anyway. I don't think you want to provoke her," Raina said softly.
"She hates mudbloods, so you shouldn't give her a reason to attack you more than you are already giving by, well, existing," Raina added cheerfully and stood up.
I swallowed hard and felt my face paling of all colors. I couldn't escape without a wand and so far I hadn't seen any sign of a wand since I'd seen one in Malfoy's hand.
"We can't avoid going there, because I'm sure Matilda would love the idea of coming here to pester us without the watchful eyes of her court, so we'd better not give her any reason to," Raina said still cheerfully, but her smile was stiff, "I had hoped she wouldn't dare play tricks now that our men are at war, but of course the horrible harpy is behaving as she always does— against any reason."
"So if I come to her court, she's not a danger to me?"
Raina grimaced. "Well, I wouldn't go that far. But if we can convince her that you're under Armand's protection for more than just propaganda, then maybe she won't dare touch you."
"How do we do it?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"Ah, by looking and acting confident, we can create the illusion of something that may not be entirely true," Raina said with a sly smile on her face and then mumbled, "of course, the easiest thing would have been for Armand to make it clear to the wizarding nobility that you are fully under his protection, but it's too late to ask for that now, when he's at war and certainly won't have time to think about our troubles."
"Why didn't he do that before?" I gasped, distressed and worried.
Raina looked at me appraisingly and then grinned. "Well, from what I gathered from what he said about you, he probably assumed that you were going to escape the minute he left the house and therefore didn't want to give protection to a traitor."
I grimaced and touched my tunic nervously. I should have run away, or at least tried something, rather than stay to be the target of a pureblood nobles again.
Sabia started to braid my hair into a tight bun so that the "crazy curls" as Raina said, would not spoil the impression she was trying to create. Which was apparently to make me look as little peasant muggle as possible. While the hair was being done, Raina went through every single dress she had and clicked her mouth in displeasure at everyone of them. When Sabia was done with me, she moved on to Raina's hair. Raina's long golden hair bent into a much more stunning hairstyle than the one I had, I noted as I looked at myself in the mirror. I still looked the same as before in my own time. Renea was a little thinner than I had been and her hair was a little longer, but otherwise she looked exactly the same as me. Except for the weird tattoo on my wrist. I moved to a sitting position, unable to focus my attention on Raina's endless stream of conversation. Raina didn't seem to notice if she was being listened to or not, or she was simply content with Sabia's occasional words and gentle giggles.
Finally, Raina chose a silky red off-the-shoulder dress with open sleeves for me to wear. She grimaced a little at the result once I was dressed, which was not particularly encouraging. The dress was too big for me, since I was shorter and smaller than Raina, so Sabia had Dexter shrink my dress. Shrinking spell was not very successful and the end result was a dress that was partly too small and partly too big.
"We'll just have to settle for that and hope that Matilda gets the message that you're pretty enough and important enough for Armand that she won’t dare touch you," Raina said calmly, assessing herself in the mirror. She looked great. She was wearing a green silk dress, but unlike mine, her dress fit perfectly and made her even more beautiful. Raina also seemed to have more confidence than anyone I had ever met, so I didn't think the evening would go wrong because of her. And she seemed to want me to get through the evening too, even though she was much more relaxed about it than I was.
Raina spent another hour choosing the jewellery before announcing it was time to go to Normandy with a portkey. The portkey was a small wooden spoon, which Dexter carefully took out of a bag. I stared at the spoon nervously, wondering if I should just try to run away, even though I didn't have a wand. I had more knowledge and intelligence than many others in this era, so perhaps I could outsmart them. The logical side of me, however, declared that escape without a wand or a plan was suicide and I preferred to take my chances with the Duchess of Normandy. I knew she was the wife of king William so maybe she would share her husband's thoughts regarding muggleborns.
"Have you ever traveled with a portkey before?" Dexter asked me. I nodded before I could think about it. Dexter and Raina exchanged suspicious glances, but said nothing.
"Are you ready?" Raina asked, looking at me with wide eyes, but not looking as nervous as me at all. I swallowed and nodded stiffly. At the same time we grabbed the portkey and I felt a familiar pull in the navel area and after a moment we hit the damp ground hard. Raina cursed in irritation and tidied her clothes, which had become disheveled from the force of the travel.
"Did my hair get messed up?" Raina asked and continued talking without waiting for my answer, "I hate traveling with a portkey."
I also stood up and felt my mouth drop open as I looked at the castle in front of us. Even though it was a dark night, the castle glowed with light, almost eerily, and seemed to change shape before our eyes. The heavy stones moved, forming a bridge and a doorway in front of us that had not been there before we came. There were no other people in sight except us. Raina didn't look at all as impressed as I was by the castle, but looked at it with a cold calm and then started marching towards the bridge.
"Come on, we don't want to be late," Raina hissed when she saw me standing still with my mouth open. I flinched and started hurrying quickly after her.
The inside of the castle was as impressive as the outside. The corridors of the castle were lit by small floating fires and the air inside felt warm, even though it was made of stone. There were a few enchanted paintings in the corridors that gravely followed our walk, without making a whisper. It was disconcerting, as I was used to the whispering and sometimes even loud chatting paintings of Hogwarts.
Raina walked ahead of me briskly and did not look at me to see if I was following her. As we came down the long corridor in front of the large double doors, the doors opened automatically as we approached them and I could hear the chatter of people celebrating and the clatter of dishes. We entered the hall and the man standing by the door looked at us expectantly. Indifferently, Raina handed the letter to the man, who studied it for a few seconds and then shouted loudly.
"Lady Raina Malfoy and Madam Renea Malfoy!"
I grimaced at the name while I looked at the people sitting in the hall. Most, if not all, were wizards and witches. Magic practically hummed in the air of the hall. Food was floating in the air, the hall was lit with fires hovering in the air and I saw a few wands in people's hands. Some fell silent, so they could watch us, some paid no attention and some had expressions of anger and disgust as they watched us. I remembered Raina's words about self-confidence and tried to put on as self-assured and unconcerned an expression on my face as possible. I quietly followed Raina, who walked into the middle of the hall in front of a long table where I guessed the main guests of the hall would be. We stopped in front of the table and Raina inclined her head to the woman sitting in the middle of the table. Unsure of what to do, as Raina's head tilt seemed a little too disrespectful for a lowborn who was muggleborn to do, so I made a makeshift decision and curtsied deeply, hoping for the best. Standing up, I raised my eyes to the woman sitting in front of us.
The woman was middle-aged and small, but clearly one of the richest in the room, if her clothes were anything to go by. She was dressed in a stunning burgundy velvet dress that shone magically and her thick dark hair was gathered in an intricate bun on top of her head. On her head she wore a crown-like headdress. I deduced that the woman was Matilda, wife of King William, Duchess of Normandy. I remembered from history books that when her husband was at war in England, Matilda ruled in his place in Normandy and was one of the most powerful rulers in Europe at the time.
Matilda looked at us with cold amusement, which gave me chills. I knew immediately that the evening would not be as easy as Raina had promised. Matilda took the wine cup in her hand and swirled it a few times before saying anything.
"I'm glad you finally decided to join us, Lady Malfoy," Matilda laughed, "here I thought you had left court life behind."
Raina smiled wryly at Matilda's words. "Oh, no, but I've wanted to be there for my dear husband when he went to war, so I haven't had time to attend the court entertainments."
"Did you?" Matilda smiled wickedly and leaned forward, looking at Raina with both disgust and amusement, "As far as I know, you haven't been there for your husband in one way or the other or even haven't even seen him for a couple of months while he's been at war."
Silence fell in the hall as everyone listened to Matilda and Raina's conversation.
"Your information is wrong. The last time I saw my husband was last week."
Matilda raised her eyebrows in disbelief and glanced behind us. I followed her gaze and behind us stood in the shadows a tall skinny man in black robes, looking like nothing but bones. Beside him, a large snake slithered slowly on the ground. The man looked at us and nodded his head. I frowned in confusion before I realized who he was. Salazar Slytherin. I had seen his portrait at Hogwarts.
"Hmm, I see. Yet despite your great love between the two of you, your husband has taken another wife. A mudblood."
I turned my gaze back to Matilda, who was now looking at me with open disgust.
"Renea was a gift for my husband from your husband, Duchess," Raina said, smiling softly as if she were talking about something pleasant.
"Really? Then your husband must not have very strong feelings for the traitorous mudblood," Matilda said, looking at me contemptuously from head to toe, "so vulgar looking, I don't think Lord Malfoy will mind getting rid of the girl."
Raina and I both stiffened.
"What do you mean, Duchess?" Raina asked.
"I'll take the mudblood for myself from now on, so she's no more nuisance for Lord Malfoy. Perhaps we can squeeze some more information out of the girl that your husband hasn't had time to interrogate yet. I heard a rumor that this particular mudblood was close to Valdis."
Fear took over my body. I didn't think Matilda's methods of interrogation would be pleasant to me, especially when I had no information of what she thought I had.
"You have misunderstood, Duchess. My husband and Renea are married, so it is my husband's decision what happens to the mudblood and how she is questioned," Raina announced, but she looked a touch uncertain.
Matilda smiled coldly and turned to look at me. "Has Lord Malfoy fulfilled his marriage obligations and laid with you, mudblood?"
I glanced fearfully at Raina, who stared blankly ahead. I swallowed hard and considered my options. If I didn't lie, Matilda would interpret it as meaning that we weren't married and therefore my fate was not in Malfoy's hands. On the other hand, Matilda seemed to know a frightening amount and suspected that we had not slept together, and if the man standing behind me was really Salazar Slytherin, he seemed to be Matilda's ally and was well known skilled legimilens, who was said to know when someone was lying. I decided that by lying I would have at least a small chance of getting away with it, whereas by telling the truth I would have no chance at all.
"Yes, he has laid with me," I lied, my voice shaking. Matilda's expression soured and she turned her gaze to Salazar standing behind me.
"A lie," I heard Salazar’s quiet voice and my heart dropped. I looked pleadingly at Raina, hoping she would help me, but she didn't look at me, and continued to stare impassively at Matilda.
"Mmm, just as I suspected," Matilda said triumphantly and then snapped her fingers in my direction," take the girl, Salazar and I will interrogate her personally."
The guards at the end of the tables started to approach me. I froze in terror and felt tears start to stream down my cheeks.
"Raina, please help," I begged desperately. Raina gave me a sour look.
"You can't do this, Matilda. The mudblood is Malfoy's property, and I won't let you take her."
Matilda raised an eyebrow, slightly amused. "How were you going to stop it, Raina? Everyone here hates you and you have as little magic in you as muggles have, so I suggest you go back to England and stay out of my eyes, unless you want more humiliation tonight."
As she spoke, a wand appeared in Matilda's hand, which she lazily held between her hands. Raina looked around uncertain, but everyone at the table was staring at her with more or less hostility. Raina lifted her chin and turned around, her skirts flapping, and left the hall without a glance in my direction. I stared in horror at her back without even being able to shout after her. I knew from our brief acquaintance that she was selfish, but I had not expected such a cold abandoning to the wolves. I cowered in fear and started to back up, but didn't get far when my body stiffened and I fell painfully on my back, unable to move. Petrification spell. I heard a malicious laugh from all around me and saw Salazar Slytherin's pale face above me, from which he looked at me coldly.
"Bring the girl in front of me," I heard Matilda command. The guards lifted my stiff body and brought it around the table in front of Matilda. I caught the disgusted and indifferent looks of the wizarding nobles seated at the table and tears of fear flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks.
"Listen my friends, we have new entertainment for tonight. This particular mudblood is one of those who try to slither into our world and pollute our pure blood with filth and impure magic. Let her be an example to all others who try to do the same."
As Matilda spoke, Salazar knelt in front of me and I would have shied away from him if I could have. He coldly took one of my fingers and twisted it on the back of my hand until it snapped disgustingly out of place. I screamed in my head in pain, but not a sound escaped my stiffened lips.
"Release her from the petrification spell. I want everyone to hear the screams, because that's the only way the example I want to set will be clear," Matilda commanded Salazar. Salazar did as ordered and released me from the petrification spell, but I had no time to do more than writhe in pain when he had already made a spell that conjured ropes around me to hold me down. Salazar grabbed my middle finger and repeated the treatment, but now my screams of pain echoed in the hall. He ignored my pleas, just glared at me in disgust as I dared to even address him while begging him to stop.
"Do you see now? The mudbloods couldn't be any more different from us. Even its cries are reminiscent of a pig that was killed for last week's feast," Matilda laughed. Laughter crackled through the room, as I screamed in agony while Salazar held my little finger. No questions or others were made, they just tortured me and made their point. I was painfully sure that the interrogations would come eventually.
"Break her fingers!" someone suggested, and Salazar moved on to my left hand, taking his wand in his hand. He muttered a spell I had never heard before and my fingers began to twist simultaneously in unnatural directions, slowly but forcefully, before finally giving in and breaking with disgusting sounds of snaps. I cried, screamed and begged as my fingers broke. I turned my head to the side and vomited. The party guests laughed and mocked my patheticness. My pain finally ended when Salazar took hold of my broken fingers and pulled so hard that I lost consciousness from the pain.
****
"I don't like what you are implying, Duchess. The girl has been questioned on several occasions. And yes, the marriage was a stunt to calm the rebellion and the idea was that if the mudblood was indeed what the other traitors say she is, she would try to escape as soon as she could to Valdis and I would have followed her to Valdis' hideout. But she didn't do that. She did not run away or in any other way showed any signs of loyalty to Valdis, so I have come to the conclusion as interrogations have indicated. She's a foolish peasant mudblood who doesn't know anything important about Valdis or her rebellion." Malfoy spoke with an irritated tone.
Matilda eyed Malfoy suspiciously. "Then there's no use for the girl and I can execute her like any other traitorous mudbloods."
Malfoy smiled apologetically. "Ah, I'm afraid I can't let you do that either."
"You have no power to stop me, Malfoy! You are not legally married to the girl, so she is not yours to decide!"
"Perhaps so, but you forget that William gave her to me as a gift and I will consummate our marriage when I please. Also Williams’ idea of this marriage was to appease others on Valdis' side by showing that Valdis' words about our cruelty to the caught traitors are not true. I don't think you want to go against your husband's wishes in this matter." Malfoy smiled mockingly and Matilda blushed harshly, "Besides, I still want to keep the mudblood alive as bait in case the other rebels try to rescue her again and thus catch the other traitors."
I shuddered at their indifference towards me. As if I wasn't human at all. Just a pawn in their cruel game. My heart was crushed by the fact that for thousands of years, muggleborns had been the lowest group of people in the wizarding world. When would that change? I noticed that even though Malfoy spoke with calm indifference, he was holding his wand in his hand.
Matilda glared at Malfoy and then waved her hand in irritation. "Take the mudblood and get out of my sight."
Malfoy nodded and grabbed my hand painfully, pulling me to my feet.
"Mudblood, if you ever betray your new king in any way or if Malfoy dies and thus this ridiculous performance is not needed anymore, I will ensure that your death with the other traitorous mudbloods will be an example to others," Matilda spoke slowly and seriously.
I felt the fear spike inside me and I couldn't help but feel relieved when Malfoy snapped his fingers at me, telling me to follow like a dog. He started to walk out of the hall with such speed that I had to run after him. Every step and jolt I felt in my broken fingers painfully and I held my broken hand with my other hand which had dislocated fingers, whimpering silently with each step.
As soon as we stepped out of the hall, Malfoy took out his wand and pointed it at me. I cowered in horror against the wall. Malfoy scowled and rolled his eyes, but muttered a spell I recognised. The pain in my body faded to a duller level, though it didn't completely go away. Then he cast another spell that made my dislocated fingers pop back into place. I gasped in pain and relief at the same time and raised my surprised eyes to Malfoy who looked at my fingers appraising. He raised his hand to reach towards my broken fingers, but stopped when I cowered away again. His mouth contracted into a disapproving tight line.
"I'm not trying to hurt you," Malfoy snapped, but didn't try to reach for me anymore.
"Are your fingers broken?" he nodded towards my left hand, which I held protectively with my other hand.
I nodded and he rubbed his face in frustration.
"Well, there's nothing we can do about them here. They'll have to be cured later. I don't know what will happen to them when we go in with a portkey." Malfoy spoke in a declarative tone, as if talking to himself. But I knew what he meant. One of the main rules of the portkeys was that you were not allowed to travel with them while having broken limbs. I grew even more pale, but said nothing. He looked at me for a moment, his eyes narrowed, before he nodded and continued at a brisk pace. I followed, for I certainly didn't want to stay a second longer near Duchess Matilda and her horrifying court. My arm still hurt, but the urge to get out of the castle was so strong that I didn’t care. As soon as we stepped off the bridge, Malfoy turned and held the same wooden spoon that Raina and I had been traveling with. He had removed the glove from his other hand and was looking at me expectantly.
"Don't faint," he warned. I raised my shaking, healthy hand and simultaneously grabbed a spoon with Malfoy and felt the portkey swoop me away from one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The force of the portkey hit my broken fingers so hard that I had to fight with all my strength not to faint. I screamed at the top of my lungs and felt my fingers slipping in the spoon but then I felt Malfoy grabbing my hand and holding me so I couldn't let go too soon. We hit the ground and I threw up again immediately. Malfoy cringed out from under the stream in disgust.
The place around us was silent except for the low sound of crickets and the moon lit up the field enough for me to recognise it. The field was familiar and I felt tears of relief as I looked at the house, dimly visible in the moonlight. I never thought I'd be so relieved to see it again, but here I was. Malfoy said nothing to me, but started walking towards the house. I followed him, silent tears streaming from my eyes. I had never hated anything as much as I hated this world and these people. I clenched my healthy hand into a fist and barely restrained a sob. I quietly wiped the tears away just as we reached the door, and I couldn't help but notice Malfoy's contemptuous expression as he watched my hand move on my face.
Raina was standing waiting with Dexter and Sabia in the hall and turned in our direction and stopped their silent conversation when they saw us. Sabia put a hand over her mouth in horror as she looked at me and her eyes filled with tears. Raina grimaced disapprovingly as she looked at my appearance and my vomit-covered dress and looked as if she wanted to scold me for messing up her dress.
"Dexter, go get the medical supplies for broken bones. Sabia, go get wine and food," Malfoy said in a bored tone while examining his nails. Sabia and Dexter both left quickly.
"Oh Herrenea, the dress is ruined. It was the finest silk the muggles had to offer. Have you any idea how expensive this dress was?" Raina scolded in annoyance, looking at me as if expecting an apology. I couldn't answer without having a nervous breakdown, so I said nothing.
"Try to stay out of trouble in the future, mudblood, because next time I won't come to the rescue no matter what. You were lucky, Hasting had just been won and I was free to go," Malfoy said in exasperation and glared at me, extending his hand in my direction. I flinched before I realized he was reaching for the portkey in my hand. Malfoy glared at me again, irritated. "It’s quite annoying that you are acting like a scared little mouse around me all the time."
It was the last straw for my nerves and I felt the last bits of my sanity leave me. I drew a furious breath.
"I'm so sorry, that I'm afraid of you,” I hissed through my clenched teeth,” that's so absurd, considering you've done nothing but intimidate, threaten to kill or rape me and all my kind the whole time you've been lighting up my life with your charming personality!"
Malfoy seemed startled by my unexpected outburst and even took a step back, his eyes wide. However, he recovered quickly and narrowed his eyes at me dangerously.
"Aren’t you an ungrateful wench. My wife, and mudblood at that, doesn't talk to me like that!" Malfoy snapped back while pointing at me angrily with his finger. I probably would have been scared otherwise, but I had simply had enough.
"I'll talk to you any way I like, when it doesn't matter anyway, does it!" I screamed hysterically, grabbing the plate on the table next to me and throwing it with all my might in Malfoy's face. He dodged it easily, but glared murderously at me and dug out his wand. I was so angry that I didn't care and kept shouting. "You and all other inbred assholes like you are just looking for a reason to kill me and the other muggleborns and I don't understand why you are seeing so much trouble. Just kill me already if I, a wandless muggleborn, am such an unthinkable threat to you purebloods just by existing!"
"Mudbloods like you are the reason why we are even here! If you hadn’t chosen to be a traitor, you would live your miserable life out of my sight!" Malfoy shouted back just as loudly.
I laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, sure like the whole of England isn’t suffering from this war whether they chose it or not! Haven’t it crossed your mind that maybe I didn’t choose any of this! Not this war, not rebellion, not Kings or Queens or not this shit show of a marriage! And like you aren’t here for yourself. You don’t care about any of these people if you just get land and power as a exchange for their lives!”
"You're just as naive as you look, mudblood. Do you think that the reign of your saint Valdis is any more merciful than we? I've seen the destruction she leaves behind!"
I closed my eyes, my blood boiling. "Don't. Call. Me. Mudblood."
"Why not? That's who you are," Malfoy pointed out amused.
I opened my eyes and gave him the most murderous look I could and took a deep breath to stop myself from attacking him physically. He had a wand and I didn't. Plus he was a trained soldier, so I wouldn't be able to do much damage without a wand.
"I'm pretty sure my blood is purer than yours where it counts the most. At least I wouldn't be willing to slaughter thousands of people for getting more power and some miserable piece of land. The same can't be said for your blood and your family, can it?"
Malfoy's smile drained from his face and his hand tightened around his wand. Raina had watched our outburst with her mouth open and eyes wide. Raina cleared her throat quietly and for the first time she looked a little startled. "Ermm, Herrenea, maybe you should go rest—"
"My name is not fucking Herrenea!"
Raina flinched and blinked in surprise. "But you said your name is—"
"No, I didn't say that! But you don’t listen! My name is Her— Renea. Shit !" I shouted in frustration. Raina looked at me startled and confused and Malfoy with a contemptuous raised eyebrow. I turned on my heels and ran past Dexter, who was just entering, into my own room.
"Ma'am, what about your fingers?" Dexter shouted, but I didn't stop.
I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for someone to come and punish me for my outburst. I was pretty sure that my manner of speech would not be tolerated, even if it wasn't in the wizarding world, but in the muggle world too such speech would not have been tolerated towards nobles. I put my healthy hand on my face and the broken one lightly on my stomach. I didn't know whether I was embarrassed by my own behavior or pleased. They had both looked so stunned by my outburst that I bet they had never been yelled at in such a manner by a muggleborn before.
I cried at the awfulness of the world, the treatment of muggleborns through time and the endless missing I felt for Ron, Harry, Ginny and my parents. My life had been good, peaceful, but busy. I mourned the fact that I had still been unhappy in my life, and couldn't help but wonder why I hadn't enjoyed my life more when I had been safe and sound in my own time after the defeat of Voldemort. I wept at the helpless fear that I had probably died in my own time without once living properly, as I would have liked.