Prologue & Chapter 1
Prologue
Sometimes there is no rational explanation for things in the wizarding world. Things, magical things, happen for one reason or another, and their meaning or purpose is not always obvious. Where does magic even come from? Why is magic inherited for some and not for others? How come some animals, objects or things have magic and others don't?
Why is some magic considered as dark magic and some not, even though they can cause just as bad destruction? The study of magic is ever changing, unstable and far from scientific, and it does not always provide reasonable answers to questions; at least not what you would have hoped to get.
To me, who books, straightforwardness, and logic were life-defining values, could not easily accept that the wizarding world was anything but logical, scientific or straightforward.
However, I loved the wizarding world with all my heart, even if I couldn't fully understand all its peculiar mysteries.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't been a witch or gone to Hogwarts when the letter came. Would I have been happy? I believe I would have been if I wouldn't have known that magic did exist. At least my life would have been much easier and safer. No one would have hated me because of impure blood, I wouldn't have lost so many people I loved and cared about, and the world would be logical and understandable. No secrets and mysteries that cannot be answered by books. And my heart would have been safer with ordinary muggle men, in an ordinary world; at least I think so. Now I'll never know.
I don't regret the wizarding world, quite the opposite. It was the greatest love of my life. And I wouldn't give it up or change it, even though I now know the price of that love and what that love would eventually mean to me. The wizarding world with its unexpected mysteries would change the foundations of my world, my understanding, my magic, my love and my soul forever.
And it all started that night when the last of the Death Eaters still on the loose attacked the Ministry of Magic.
1.
Silently wiping away a few tears, I dropped the kitchen knife from my hand and then turned back to face Ron.
“I'm not in the mood to argue about this again, Ron. We're just going around in circles."
We were cooking when an argument started about the same thing that all of our recent arguments had started. We had only seen each other a few times in the last couple of months, even though we lived together. We had both agreed to spend the evening together and talk about us. However, the conversation ended in the same way as always lately when we talked, i.e. an argument.
Our jobs took up both of our time and Ron wanted us both to work less and spend more time at home together. The problem was that I didn't want to cut back on work. I loved my job and I knew I had way too much work load for one person, but I couldn't figure out how to reduce them any more without my work suffering significantly.
I was working at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and it had been so backlogged for years before me that even with my current working hours I couldn’t help everyone.
Ron stared angrily at the wall behind me, refusing to meet my gaze. We are both so frustrated with the situation, but in such different ways. I was tired and sad and Ron was angry and bitter.
Ron let out a strained sigh and finally turned his gaze to me.
"So you choose your job. As always."
Now it was my turn to sigh and rubbed my tired face. I looked around the kitchen, wishing I could go to sleep already. Or read a book. Or really anything other than this.
I remembered when we moved into our apartment that I was so excited about our new shared apartment, but now it seemed to be a symbol of the state of our relationship. Our flat was small and we hadn't decorated it much. The green plant that Harry gifted us as a housewarming gift had already died more than half a year ago, but it was still on the kitchen table, as if waiting to be revived. The walls were empty dull beige and the couch we bought had barely been sat on even once. We even slept in different rooms since last month, when after a fight Ron had angrily moved his things there and now slept there on an air mattress, to which he complained about the squeaking noise every time, but still refused to change rooms.
"Maybe… I don't know, but I just can't take this anymore," I admitted after a long silence.
The silence between us was excruciatingly painful. I still felt a strange sense of completion and relief when I had finally said out loud what I really wanted. I could see it in Ron's eyes that he saw it too.
“Are you happy Ron? I can’t remember the last time I was happy and I know you feel the same way. We just can’t make this work, can we?"
Ron fiddled with his shirt sleeve for a long time before looking up at me. His face was resigned and sad and a single tear glistened on his cheek.
"I know I love you," Ron said quietly.
"I love you too. So much, but—”
"Maybe I haven't been very happy lately either," Ronin interrupted and stared apathetically at the wall behind me. I looked at Ron and bit my lip uncertainly. My heart was pounding and I felt tears streaming down my cheeks.
“What do you want, Ron? I can't go on like this anymore."
Ron and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes.
"Maybe it's time we split up," Ron murmured.
I sniffed loudly and nodded. "Perhaps."
We were both silent for a long time, unable to say anything.
Ron had been grumpy and serious at home lately, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him laugh. I don't know if it was me or his work, but either way the change in him broke my heart. He used to be so smiley and easygoing, but now his freckled face had a perpetual grim look whenever he was around me. I remember how during an argument months ago he had yelled at me that he couldn't remember the last time he had any fun spending time with me. I was deeply hurt by his words at the time and we didn't speak to each other for a week, but now I understood how he felt because I felt the same way. And I didn't want to be in a relationship where neither of us felt joy in the other's company anymore.
"I think I'm going to live with my parents for a while and start looking for a new apartment," Ron grumbled.
"Okay," I said, "I'll start looking for a new apartment too."
"You can stay here if you want," Ron said quietly, avoiding my gaze.
“No, I… this is too expensive to live alone.”
We fell into silence again. Anxiety slowly crept up on me. I felt like I was going to lose Ron completely. I opened my mouth in desperation.
“We just don't seem to be happy when we are together, no matter how much we want to,” I spoke hastily, “but Ron, I still love you now and always, and that's not going to change. I still want to be your friend, because I can't bear the thought of us not being in each other's lives at all."
Towards the end of my words, my words turned into a sobbing mumble that even I couldn't make out, but Ron still seemed to understand and he pulled me into a hug.
"Now don't be silly. Of course we are still friends. Now and always, Mione,” Ron said softly into my hair as I sobbed into his shirt and hugged him back with all my might.
I don't know how long we were like that before Ron pulled away, his auror alarm buzzing softly between us. The sight was so familiar that I knew right away that he was being called to work. The only strange thing was that he was supposed to have the evening off today, which he had specifically requested so that we could talk in peace. I guessed that the situation would have to be bad if even the aurors who were free were called.
Back in the day, when Ron and Harry had just started as aurors, I had found it amusing the little metal bell that alerted the aurors when they were needed, because it reminded me of the muggle doctor's call devices. Ron glanced at the device and frowned in confusion.
"What?" I asked.
"The Department of Mysteries at the Ministry has been attacked." Ron had a startled look and fear on his face and my heart jumped with fear.
“What… who? Death Eaters?”
"Who else," Ron grunted, glancing at me with a hard-to-decipher look on his face, "I've got to go."
"Be careful," I murmured quietly as I looked after him. I had the weirdest feeling of him leaving tonight but I didn’t want to burden him with my worries.
Ron hurried towards the door, summoning the traveling cloak from the chair with accio as he did so, and then he stopped.
“Do you want to come too? If there's a big attack there, we might need all the help we can get."
Ron didn't even get to finish his sentence when I already called for a coat and quickly pulled it on. I didn't usually dress up in muggle clothes when I went to the ministry, but now was an exception. I knew right away from the look on Ron's face that the attack on the ministry was bad.
We stepped outside our apartment in the muggle suburbs of London and as soon as we were outside, I grabbed Ron's hand and we apparated at the entrance to the Ministry of Magic.
Not many of the Death Eaters hadn’t been caught by the Aurors, like Ron and Harry, who had been working hard for the last four years to catch the last ones. However it had proved to be a difficult task though, as the Death Eaters and their cause still had silent supporters, even after the war was over and Voldemort was gone. Purebloods supported each other.
As soon as we entered the ministry, we ran to the elevator leading to the Department of Mysteries. Harry and two aurors unknown to me ran from the floo fireplaces to the elevator at the same time as us.
"What has happened?" Ron snapped. Harry's expression was tense but determined. The look was so familiar to me after all these years. It was his battle expression. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins and I realized from a distance how much I had missed it. Fighting evil and showing off my skills. Although I loved my job, it wasn't really very exciting.
"A couple of dozen Death Eaters attacked the Department of Mysteries but the reason is unknown," Harry said breathlessly and then glanced at me with a frown, "why did you bring Hermione? She shouldn't be here.”
"We need all the help we can get," Ron grinned lamely. Harry opened his mouth to argue back, but I talked first.
“Don't start it, Harry! If the ministry has been attacked, you need all the extra help you can get. Haven't I proven that I'm more than capable of fighting Death Eaters, even though I'm not an auror," I growled between my teeth and scolded Harry, who was always so brave and imagined that he could do all the fighting alone, without endangering others. However, I was tired of him always patronizing.
Maybe there was also a little bitterness in me that Harry and I had drifted apart when Ron and I had our relationship crises. It had hurt almost as much as seeing Ron being so unhappy with me.
Fortunately, I had Ginny, who I could talk to about things, but I didn't even want to think about how awkward it would be for all four of us now that we were breaking up with Ron. Harry and Ron were best friends and had been even closer after working as aurors and Ginny was Ron's sister and Harry's fiancé.
Harry shot Ron an accusing glare, but Ron just shrugged dismissively. Harry had taken his work as an auror very seriously when he joined the ministry. He was working hard to clean up the corruption and the misdemeanours, but he sometimes seemed to forget who he had once fought with to destroy Voldemort.
"How come there are suddenly dozens of Death Eaters?" I pressed.
"They've recruited more people," Ron informed grimly, despite Harry giving him a warning glare. I was about to open my mouth again to ask more when the elevator door opened to complete chaos in the Department of Mysteries.
Aurors and Death Eaters fought along the corridors as lights of magic flickered around them. Harry and I immediately casted shield charm on us and the stunning spell hit the shields in a flash. Ron and I exchanged startled looks. Harry purposefully stepped out of the elevator, casting spells at an amazing rate at the Death Eaters behind the masks while expertly dodging the ones aimed at him. The aurors already in the corridor looked relieved to see Harry, who after Voldemort's death was almost a saint in the wizarding world.
"Go help Robards in the death chamber!" someone yelled at us. Ron and I started running, taking turns blocking and throwing curses at each side. Harry stayed to fight with the other two aurors in the corridor. I threw a startled glance in Harry's direction, but Ron pulled me tightly with him.
"We were told to go ahead, more help is needed there!" Ron shouted.
The death chamber was in even worse chaos if possible. Witches and wizards fought there so bloody and ferociously that it was hard to tell who was winning, if neither. There were a few bodies lying on the ground, but it was hard to tell if they were dead or even if they were Death Eaters or Aurors. Fierce screams and howls of pain echoed throughout the chamber and in the center of the chamber stood the stone archway that shone eerily. The Veil I realized. I stared at it in disbelief and confusion. How was it so different from when I saw it before?
"You take the left side," Ron ordered, snapping me out of my daze. I nodded at him, but he was already charging towards the death eater.
****
Lestrange magic flashed green and I narrowly dodged it. I staggered back and my leg bent painfully, but I luckily didn’t fall. Lestrange hadn't even bothered to mask his face like the other Death Eaters had done. He had viciously attacked me when he saw me fighting with two other Death Eaters. I had managed to stun one of the Death Eaters, but Lestrange and the other Death Eater were not so easily defeated.
Next to Lestrange, the death eater who was also fighting against me, aimed at me with a curse I didn't know before and it slammed into my shield charm with a loud thud.
"Stupefy," I screamed and the death eater flew as the magic hit him so hard and didn't get up again. However, I didn't have time to sigh of relief when Lestrange attacked.
"Time to get rid of you, you mudblood whore," Lestrange growled in disgust and looked at me almost hungrily and partly like I was a pile of garbage.
I hurriedly hit another stunning spell, but it didn't go anywhere near the target. My heart was beating wildly, but with a quick glance I could see that the Death Eaters were losing the battle. I felt a smile creep across my face. Strangely, I concluded that the smile was due to stress more than genuine joy.
My smile didn't last long. Lestrange's curse hit me before I could dodge it. Curse felt like a thousand stabs when it hit me and knocked me on my back hard. My head thumped painfully and my vision went completely black for a moment and I heard distorted sounds in my ears. Pain spread all over my body and I felt warm blood start to flow uncontrollably all over my body.
I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening and what I should do. I searched for my wand while coughing up blood. I would die if I didn't do something soon. However, I couldn't find the wand. It had bounced out of my hand when the curse hit me. I turned off my back with difficulty and looked for Harry or Ron, but the people fighting around me moved strangely slowly like in a blur so I couldn't make out who they were.
“Help,” I croaked desperately as blood spewed from my mouth.
"I don't think anyone will help you, mudblood," said a snarky voice behind me, but I didn't turn to look. I ignored whoever was talking and started crawling forward. The rocks beneath me hurt and went into the deep gashes in my stomach, but I didn't care. The only thought in my head was that I had to escape or I would die.
Vaguely, I made out an archway rising up ahead, which glowed darkly and faintly silvery. The Veil. I wondered how different it looked from before. I was also confused at how unusually mushy my brain felt. I couldn't catch where my thoughts started and ended and what was important and what wasn't. I could almost feel logical thoughts fleeing my head and all that was left was pain and despair.
The Veil flowed silky, almost invitingly, and gave me a strange power to approach it, even though I was on the brink of death. I heard soft singing from the other side of the Veil. I hadn't heard any talk from it or seen the Veil in the empty archway, as Harry had later described it to me, when I last visited the chamber five years ago, but now it sang to me and shone more beautifully than anything I had ever seen.
“Time to die, mudblood.”
"No," I sobbed.
I don't want to die, I thought desperately. And I wouldn't die. I pulled myself with all my strength towards the Veil, which had been dangerously close to me when I had fighted. The Veil sang softly and the voice was comforting. I heard an unpleasant laugh and felt someone grab my leg, so I weakly stretched out my trembling hand to touch that ethereal Veil as my last act. I wasn't ready to die, at least not for this, at the hands of that Death Eater. The sounds around me disappeared as soon as my fingers hit the dark waves of the Veil and only the singing of the curtain could be heard. I felt the last shreds of my body give out as someone called my name in the distance.