The call
The lead singer of the enormously popular rock band the Marauders is dead.
James scrunches the paper and throws it in the hearth, letting out a sob.
“James! Are you okay?” Sirius came rushing in.
“What do you think?” he sneered back
“Sorry, that was stupid of me.” He came over and placed himself next to James stroking his hair.
“I'm sorry, it's just frustrating that I can't do anything, and I mean anything, without me getting reminded of his death. And now you are comforting me, whilst it's literally your brother we're talking about.”
“I know, James, but his death affects you too. It affects all of us, and we all react differently. So yes, right now I'm the one stroking your hair, but you were stroking mine yesterday. It's okay for you to accept what you feel, give yourself the space you need.
“How's Remus doing?”
“James, did you even listen to what I said? Stop searching for other people to care for and acknowledge your own feelings. it's been only a week; you're not supposed to support others when you're one of the people needing support the most.”
“I'm fine. I just want to help others. It makes me feel useful.”
“You are useful James. How often do I- do we have to tell you that? You are useful, even if you're bawling your eyes out and smashing vases to the ground. you're James freaking Potter, your useful by just existing.”
“doesn't feel that way.”
“Then make it feel that way, because I'm not letting you help anyone but yourself right now.”
“But-”
“James.” Sirius said with a stern voice.
James knew he needed to shut up when Sirius asked him to, he knew Sirius didn't like acting like that, so he wouldn't make it harder than necessary.
Remus and Peter walked in, their eyes red from crying. Not an uncommon occurrence these days, it had become a normal thing. Crying that is. Then sitting in silence, sometimes for hours. Staring at a wall, or just closing your eyes and not opening them until someone snapped you out of your zone.
No one said anything as Remus and Peter joined them in their hug. That happened more often as well, just holding on to each other. It felt like if they didn't, they'd fall apart. So, they sticked together, even though it was hard. They stopped talking as much, but the silence said more anyways. It said: “I'm here for you,” or “I'm here with you.”
James knew he'd have fallen apart without his friends. If there hadn't been anyone else, he wouldn't have had anyone to convince his brain they needed him more than he needed himself.
He would have drowned in grief.
Not being able to block out the moment he heard.
He still remembers the phone ringing.
a week earlier
“Sirius, your phone's ringing!”
“Sorry, I've got my hands full, can you take it?” Sirius shouted from the other side of the apartment.
James groaned. “Isn't that just convenient,” He muttered under his breath. He hoped it would be Regulus. That voice, James would never get enough of it. So angelic, yet his words were borderline mean. James shouldn't get his hopes up. Even if he was calling, it would be for Sirius, so he could only listen for a few seconds. Regulus and James had tried to keep their relationship as secret as possible, knowing how Sirius would react, but at some point, the media caught a few moments between them. Some of their fans shipped them, and there were a few times that they kind of rolled along with it. When Sirius mentioned it, they would say something about the fans, and not wanting to disappoint them. Regulus was on a trip, with his other friend group, since the band didn't have anything on the planning at the moment.
He picked up the phone “Hello?”
He heard the person on the other side taking a deep breath, “Hello, is this Sirius Black speaking?”
“No, this is James Potter. Sirius is available if it's urgent though, should I go get him?”
“No, that's not necessary. I think it might be better if you deliver the news.”
“Who am I speaking to again?”
“Oh, sorry! It's Dorcas Meadowes.”
He recognized her name; Reg must've mentioned her. “Right, what's going on?”
“Uhm, I don't really know how to say this. Something terrible has happened, and they think you should hear it from someone you know, but Dora is-” he heard a rustling sound on the other side of the line “She is not in a right state to tell you right now.”
What did Pandora have to do with this? Was it about Reg? “Please just tell me, I'm starting to get really nervous.”
“Sorry,” Dorcas took a deep breath, “It's about Reg.”
James's mind went a hundred miles an hour. what happened? The worst of things went through his mind, had he had some kind of accident? Was he in the hospital?
“Regulus is- he is dead” came from the other line. Dorcas' voice was thick, she clearly had been crying.
“What?” he asked in disbelieve. He heard that wrong right?
“He was murdered.”
“No.” He heard a ring in his ears as his knees hit the floor. Everything faded away as if he was not really there anymore.
“James?” he heard from the phone
“Shit sorry, uhm, thank you for calling. I'll tell Sirius, is it okay if I call you back later? I- I just-”
“You don't have to explain. James. it's fine, really. Just call when you're ready. I'll tell everything you want to know.”
“Thank you”
He was sobbing, his breath hitching. As Sirius came rushing in, “Sirius.”
“What happened? James, are you okay?”
“No, Sirius, It's Reg." there is no nice way to tell someone their brother died, so James just said it. "He's dead” he saw the expression in Sirius's eyes go blank.
“Sirius?” he got no reaction. “Sirius, I need you to talk to me right now,” he said calmly.
“No.”
"No?”
“No.” Sirius snapped his gaze up to James; He took a breath “what happened?”
“i don't know the entire story, but uhm- he- he was murdered.”
James hadn't seen anyone have so much hatred in their eyes as Sirius did in that moment.
“Murdered,” He repeated in disbelieve with a threatening undertone in his voice.
“Sirius please think twice about doing anything you'll regret later.” He knew Sirius, and he knew he didn't handle these types of situations well.
“Yea, ok.”
“That's a start, now mean it.”
“I don't think I can mate.”
“Oh, Sirius,” James muttered as he tried to keep Sirius from falling to the ground as he broke down. He cried and screamed and tried to break free from James' grip. Until he gave up and continued sobbing on James's shoulder for another hour. Sirius went through basically every emotion James could name in one day.
After that, he started doing everything he did on a normal day, pretending as though nothing happened, with breakdowns when he failed to keep his mask on, but he knew how to hide those from everyone else. James knew though. Because he knew Sirius. He could barely help him during those times.
He tried, but he kept failing, not being able to help Sirius. It felt awful. It felt like he was failing him. Sirius. But Regulus as well and that felt arguably worse.
present
He didn't know where to get the energy from anymore.
Usually they would have something to do with the band, that was where James put all his energy in.
Their band. It would never be the same again, not without Reg. And hat was apart from looking at it like they were missing a lead singer, technically Sirius could fill in that gap. Normally Sirius would play the bass, Remus could too, but he said he'd rather stick to the keyboard. Making funky sounds. James would play on his guitar. And Peter was the drummer. This wasn't about the technical side though. This was about them losing someone in their family, one of their friends. Someone James loved.
Loves.
He will love that stupid git forever, He'd be wrong if he thought getting murdered would mean that James wouldn't love him anymore.
How dare he.
How dare he leave him behind.
His Reg, dead. No, murdered even.
James felt the anger rising.
It was the moment he decided he would find the person who did it, and he would make them regret it.