“I can’t,” Sirius said throwing himself onto Lily’s bed.
“Why not, you’ll fit in it, and it’s not like the girls are coming in soon they’re out at Hogsmeade. So is the rest of the school.” Lily said lying next to Sirius.
“No.” They huffed at Lily, their tone meaning that it was the end of the discussion, but Lily wasn’t giving up that easily.
“There’s nothing wrong with you wearing a skirt Sirius, just test it out.” Lily’s voice was soft now, concealing her underlying anger for society. Sirius just looked away from her not wanting to fall for her puppy eyes.
“Pleaseee.” Lily was determined. “Pleaseeeeeeee.”
Lily got up trying to force Sirius to look her way, jumping on them and grabbing their head to look at her but it was no use.
“If I do it will you leave me alone?”
“Yes!Yes!Yes!” The redhead jumped off the bed and towards her cabinets shoving open a drawer. In any other situation, she'd never be caught dead like an overexcited puppy whose owner just got home.
—
“Holy shit we have to tell Lily.” Remus laughed in a haze a bottle of half-drunken fire whiskey in his hands as he tumbled into the common room, Peter and James close behind.
The three of them made their way up the steps, grabbing cushions to step on so they could get up the stairs without it turning into their own personal slide. Finally, the stairs flattened to a small pathway, and then a couple of feet ahead was another flight of stairs.
Disregarding the cushions Remus jabbed the spare key Lily gave him and opened the door. There he was met with Sirius who was looking in the mirror wearing a skirt, behind him was Lily with the biggest smile Remus had ever seen.
Panic flooded Sirius’s face and he scrambled to the small bathroom that only some dorms provided, the luck of the draw really.
“What the hell!” Her voice nearly sent Remus scattering behind James but he was rooted to his spot halfway through the dorms door. “Get out of here now!” She hit him each time she spoke a word.
“Wait Lils I didn’t mean to-“ his words were caught off as he was shoved out of the dorm before the door slammed shut. “Go to the dorm I’ll meet you guys there, I have to talk to Sirius first.”
James nodded in understanding, worry tugged on his eyebrows and his lips turned down to a frown. Five minutes after James and Peter left Lily creaked open the door.
“They won’t get out of the bathroom and you’re probably the only person that can get them out. And I swear to Merlin Remus John Lupin if you fuck this up I will murder you myself.” Her words were harsh and as sharp as a dagger.
“I’ll give you guys some privacy.” Lily smiled her demeanor changing to one that was sickly sweet.
She left the room closing the door behind her once Remus made his way inside.
“Sirius love, it’s me.” Remus said now that the only thing separating him from his boyfriend was one piece of weak wood and a doorknob. He could hear Sirius's heavy breathing or the lack thereof.
“Sirius everything is going to be okay, I just need you to breathe.” Remus leaned against the door.
“Do you think you can open the door?” Patiently the werewolf waited for a reply.
Half a minute later he received one, “N-no.” Sirius stuttered out between quiet sobs.
“Okay, just take your time sweetheart, all the time you need.” Remus's voice was soft and calming a stark contrast to his usual personality of sarcastic and asshole.
What felt like years due to Remus consistently worrying but in actuality was 20 minutes before the door opened.
Taking his chance Remus got up and went inside the bathroom before Sirius could change their mind and keep the door locked.
Anxiety overtook Remus when he saw Sirius's state. They were on the floor, skirt discarded on the floor, in their white button-up shirt and underwear.
Trying his best to conceal his anxiety wanting to be at his best when comforting his boyfriend.
“Come here darling,” Remus grumbled sitting down, moving Sirius so that they would lean on him rather than the rough tile wall.
Sirius let out a loud sob ducking his head into Remus's knitted sweater.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m being dramatic. It’s just a lot.” Sirius said in one breath his words were self-degrading and Remus wasn’t going to allow that.
“Hey, hey, hey you aren’t being dramatic you’re just overwhelmed and that’s perfectly fine love. Just take some deep breaths.” Remus said trying to have Sirius mirror his breathing.
Once Sirius had stopped crying his stomach dropped, the reality of the situation finally hitting them and all they wanted to do was run. Run away from the whole situation and run away from Remus and his questions. The one solution to this situation besides running was avoiding and deflecting. That was what Sirius does best.
“It was nothing really, just some dare by Lily, I just panicked 'cause I didn’t want you to think of me weird.”
“Okay, now tell me the truth.” Remus said tilting Sirius's chin with his finger, Remus looked into Sirius's bloodshot eyes. Sirius bottom lip was slightly trembling as water welled in their eyes, a stray tear rolling down Sirius’s cheek.
Remus leaned down kissing his cheek and then his lips. “You can tell me anything love, you’re not going to scare me away.” Remus recited the words Sirius told him after a rough full moon.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell you.” Sirius looked down at their hands fiddling with the silver rings adorning them.
“Is it okay if I ask you questions then? Maybe we can start there.” Each word coming out of Remus's mouth was planned and thought through not wanting to push Sirius into whatever shell they were already in.
Sirius had always kept their feeling to themself only ever broadcasting their excitement, their teasing annoyance, or anger. Never one to be vulnerable, some people hate them for it. How awkward Sirius would get when people get sad or genuinely upset. They would make jokes and be almost insensitive when handling what they call “bad” emotions.
So as bad as these moments are Remus has to savor them, relish this moment of vulnerability, and find a way to help Sirius and whatever journey they’re on.
Sirius nodded in approval at Remus's question but it was obvious that they were growing anxious.
“The skirt, how long have you been thinking of wearing one?” Remus moved Sirius so that their head and mop of hair were resting on Remus’s lap.
Remus while waiting for an answer starts to play with Sirius’s hair. “When I was little and Regulus hadn’t transitioned yet he had these skirts, I remember it was a year before our 1st year and I don’t know I felt jealous. He had worn skirts every day even if he didn’t want to, and I couldn’t even wear them the times I did. Reggie, the night before I left for the express, left a skirt in my room. It was black and flowy it would’ve reached my mid-thigh if I had worn it. But my mother saw it, thought some house elf got the wrong room, she took it right out my hands.” The tears that had been collecting in their eyes finally fell.
“Have you ever worn a skirt besides today?”
“No.”
“Did you like it?”
Silence.
“Did you like it?” Sirius asked, whatever Remus said would change their answer completely.
“This is about you not me, whether I like it or not shouldn’t change what you like,” Remus stated giving Sirius a stern look waiting for their answer.
“I don’t know, kinda… I really liked it but I’m not sure cause sometimes it’s just all I want to wear and sometimes I just don’t. I know it's weird and confusing and you probably don’t care at all and think I’m some type of freak, but yeah I did like it.” Sirius spoke faster and faster after every word.
“Hey.” Remus paused stopping Sirius from going into a self-destructive rant. “I don’t think you’re weird or a freak.” He poked Sirius's stomach with each insult Sirius had called themselves. “I think you’re lovely and if you’re interested in wearing skirts then you should.”
“Really?” Sirius asked hope enlightened his words.
“Yes really,” Remus reassured, moving one of his hands from Sirius's hair and unlocking his fingers with Sirius’s.
“Is it okay if I continue to ask questions, I just want to make sure I understand everything so I don’t do something wrong or make you uncomfortable.” Sirius let out a hum in response.
“Are there any labels or just things I say that make you uncomfortable, I can always change what I call you?”
“I’m not sure it just depends, sometimes when you call me a He, it gets me upset but sometimes I don’t mind.”
“This doesn’t change anything between us, right? I don’t want it to.” Remus's voice was hoarse, his nerves getting the best of him.
“I don’t want it to either,” Sirius whispered, moving their encased hands to their lips and kissing Remus's hand.
Remus has been wanting to ask a question it was on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t know how to word it.
“I don’t know what this makes me, I’m still a boy but sometimes I want to be a girl, and I just don’t know. I want to explore this more but if it’s too weird I don’t have to.” Sirius said getting up and pecking his boyfriend's lips.
“It isn’t weird, just new and I would love to be there with you while you explore this every step of the way, if you’ll have me,” Remus said a teasing suggestive smirk on his lip.
“Haha, very funny love. Now where are you going?” Sirius asked as Remus made his way out of the bathroom in a rush.
“Do you want to wear the skirt or your pants to the Room of requirement?” Remus asks ducking down under the bed and searching for the pants just in case.
“What, why? Since when were we going to the room of requirement? And pants please I don’t think I’m ready for skirts in public yet.” Sirius said watching Remus scramble around the room.
Remus found the pants making his way toward Sirius, clasping his hand around his partners he kissed them before shoving the pants into Sirius's hands. “Get dressed, we’re going exploring.”