Sirius was growing distant.
The first three months of your relationship were like living your dream everyday. Your days started with smiles and ended with giggles, each day was better than the last and you were the happiest you've ever been.
But now it feels like a tale million years old.
Now Sirius would often come home drunk, say nothing and sleep it off like he hadn't been ghosting you in your own home.
When you talk to him he would reply with the same lovely tone and with so much love in it leaving you wondering if you were making up all of this in your head, maybe everything was okay.
The nights seemed to be comforting since you slept together like the happiest couple, snuggled in his arms safe and sound.
But the feeling still lingered, Sirius was growing distant.
It was until one day you woke up to Sirius talking to James about something you couldn't quite hear but Sirius sounded hurt. You thought about asking him but then just because you're his girlfriend that doesn't mean you need to know everything he talks to his friends about, he had a life before you came in, you knew that so you kept it to yourself. You thought he would tell you if something was there to worry about but the day never came.
What happened is that now Sirius never stayed for long, he’d linger for a moment or two, as if he had something to say, right on the tip of his tongue. like he wanted to reach out, and you would let him, of course you’d let him.
But Sirius always ended up walking away. crushing your soul.
********
It's past 2 am when you hear the bedroom door creak open and then softly get closed again.
You decide today you'll put an end to whatever this is , you love him more than anything and anyone in this world and if it's something you did and it's bothering him then he should tell you and sort it out like grown ups, you aren't kids anymore.
You're not even fully awake before you are on your feets, padding downstairs you find Sirius outside on the porch, elbows resting on the railing , long hair swaying as the night breeze gently blows at his face. He looks back as if he sensed you, cigarette between his lips and a cloud of smoke surrounding him before he turns his back to you once more.
“Listen I…” You begin, but then realise you don’t know what you want to say. You pause for a moment, then re-gather your thoughts.
“You shouldn’t smoke so much.” You blurt out. It’s the only thing you can think of to say; you’ve seen him smoke almost all the time, at parties or gatherings with his friends. But never at home, in the middle of the night.
“Go back to sleep,love.” Sirius puts the cigarette out. Dropping it to the floor and stomping on it before turning away from you to exhale the final puff of smoke. You watched it swirling into the breeze, dissipating almost immediately.
Love he says and you feel like crying, it sounds lovely just like the old times, the days full of love and happiness before you turned into known unknowns.
Before you can change your mind and go back to bed, you venture forward to stand beside him , heart thudding as it always does whenever you’re near him. After days of his hot and cold behaviour and your own dilemma, you realise you didn't know how to act around him or what to say to him anymore.
When did you grow this much apart ?
A gust of cold wind blows and you shiver, but it gives you this sudden burst of courage to speak.
“Is something wrong?” you feel like laughing at your own question, of course everything is wrong.
Resting your head against his arm you wait for him to answer but when he doesn't , you steal a glance up at his tall figure, that went stiff at the question. His eyes are looking away, unfocused slightly. You sigh, but try again.
“I mean i...I never see you anymore. I know full well how busy you are with your job and all, but I also know that you can make time every now and then too. Occasional notes aren’t enough Sirius, I need to see you and talk to you! I don’t want to feel like I’m alone all over again.”
His silence kills you, you realise.
“A relationship is where you share each other's burdens, and help each other get through them. But to me It feels like I'm always with you in your good times but I'm never in your bad ones...”
sirius just nods in agreement as if ashamed of something,but says nothing, and your heart hurts, why won't he talk to you?
“Listen Siri , whatever it is that you're not telling me , maybe because you think I won't understand or something just know I'm with you. I love you and I care about you a lot, and I will always be here for you.”
you step back from him with the smile still on your lips. he doesn’t stir, but finally his mouth opens. there is a moment of silence.
“I know…” he looks back at you finally, and the utter tenderness of your face almost brings a smile to his face. he motions you near and holds you in a warm embrace. “I know.” sirius says again, a mere whisper this time, only for you to hear.
there is an apology in his tone of voice. there is a confession in his hands around your shoulders. there is love, love and only love in the way his eyes meet yours, vulnerable and soft, and you hold him even tighter.
finally you're back to where you belong. his arms.
the next morning you awaken to a cold and still room, as you wipe the sleep from your eyes you can almost feel tears well up. again.
but before you can think of anything negative, you hear the commotion in the kitchen. on approaching tentatively, you’re immediately met with the intoxicating smell of the pancakes and coffee and there stands your sirius, looking all professional in that strawberry print apron.
And the tears fall.