0. Prologue - The Night We Met
19:32, 5th of September, 1972.
Sirius’ friends wouldn’t go away. Of course they would stay. Of course perfect James Potter would stand right behind Sirius, hand on his shoulder, for support. Of course Peter, shorter than the other boys, would peek from behind James, looking at Regulus with fear in his eyes, but still wanting to be there for his friend. Of course Remus would stand next to Peter, taller than the others, looking a little awkward, but still determined to be there for his friend.
Regulus sighed, and regathered his confidence. He really had preferred to not have to say it in front of everyone, but oh well, Sirius would’ve probably told his friends later anyways.
“ Tu me manques , Sirius.” He said. The French way of saying it was probably more accurate either way. Regulus hadn’t just missed Sirius, he had felt like a part of him was missing. Regulus hoped none of Sirius’ friends knew French, and that Sirius hadn’t forgotten the language. Regulus doubted it, but knowing Sirius, he couldn’t be sure.
Sirius rolled his eyes. So he had understood. Shocker.
“The feeling isn’t reciprocated, Regulus.” Sirius said coldly. If Sirius’ friends thought it was harsh, they didn’t show it.
“ Tu es mon frère, Sirius. j’ai besoin de toi.” Regulus said. Wow. He was basically begging. He could hear his mother’s voice in the back of his head; ‘ Les Blacks ne mendient pas. Crucio!” But he meant it. He really did need Sirius. To protect him, like he always had. From their mother. From his own emotions. From Bella. Sirius used to always be there for him. Not anymore.
“I don’t have a brother anymore.”
-
Regulus ran. It didn’t really matter where. He just wanted to be... away. Away from Sirius and his stupid friends. Away from the Gryffindor tower. Away from anywhere where they might be able to see him. His tears were coming. And without Sirius to stop them, they would come, whether he liked it or not. The Astronomy tower. That might be a safe space for him. A part of him wanted to go to his room, or the library, and grab a dictionary, and learn the definitions of random words to soothe his feelings, but he couldn’t. If he did that, someone might see his tears. The last thing he wanted was for someone to see him like that.
The tower brought him some form of piece. Over the years, he’d found that dictionaries worked better, but revising his stars and constellations was a good enough alternative. He was just looking for Delphinus, when he heard footsteps behind him.
“Regulus?”
It was Potter. He was probably there to make Regulus feel even worse.
“Fuck off, Potter.”
“We both have equal permission to be here, Regulus. Are you okay?” Asked Potter. Regulus had to give it to him, he was a good actor. Regulus could almost believe that Potter was genuinely worried about him.
Almost .
Because nobody ever really was. Not when it came to Regulus.
Mother had only ever sounded worried to make him fess up to his weaknesses, so that she could punish them out of him. Sirius had seemed genuine for the longest. Until he found a better brother.
“I’m not asking you to leave again, Potter.” snapped Regulus.
“I’m just trying to help, geez.” said Potter, and it made Regulus scoff. “It’s clear that you don’t want to be helped right now, which is fine, really. Sometimes you just need to cry without wanting help. Either way, if you were to ever change your mind and decide that you’d like to be helped, ask for my help, and I’ll be there. That’s a promise. Have a good night, Regulus”
Before Regulus could tell him he couldn’t possibly mean that, Potter had left, and Regulus found himself surprised that Potter knew the concept of boundaries.