The secrets I hide.

Eddie was exhausted. The last week had wrecked him physically and mentally. Eddie couldn't quite put his finger on why he was getting so many headaches lately but this one was one of the worst. Eddie felt sick to his stomach from this migraine as he hopped out of the engine. This morning when he arrived he was met with an already dressed team and disgruntled Buck. Eddie had put it off at first as it was a side effect of their last shift together, soon enough Eddie has learned Bobby stuck Buck as man behind. Eddie was slightly upset at this action too, sure it was probably better for everyone and Bobby's own worries, but damn it this was their last shift together! The least Bobby could have done was ask if they were okay before making a decision like that. Eddie wasn't going to argue though, everyone else ran with it because Bobby said so, so would Eddie. 

Eddie must have been in his own thoughts for a moment there because when he turned after taking off his gear and man in a military uniform stood not even 20 feet from him. The rest of the team was still turned around getting out of their gear when Eddie had noticed the man. 

Eddie: "Sir? Can we help you?" 

Eddie couldn't stop the slight tinge of worry escaping his tone. I mean the government couldn't just deploy him if he wasn't on the reserves right? He knew his contract was over so why was there a military personnel here? Last time Eddie checked, he was the only ex-military firefighter with the 118. Eddie watched as the man turned to him with an unreadable expression. He wouldn't expect much else from military personnel honestly. Eddie had the chance as the man turned his attention to read the name tag on his uniform. 'Com. Fields.' Well that's more concerning. What was a commander doing here in the fire house? Let alone someone he didn't recognize. Eddie finally gave the man a little look up and down, noting all of the males patches and medals. Okay, so in conclusion Eddie was extremely confused now. There was a Commanding officer of some kind, from the Navy, in the fire house. Who was Navy Personnel in the 118? Eddie was an ex-army medic he had only had a few run-ins with the Navy so the man wasn't or at least, shouldn't, be there for him. 

Fields: "I was looking for Commander Buckley. Do you know if he is on shift today?"

Eddie could hear the footsteps around him stop cold in their tracks. Everyone was staring at this military commander now. Eddie's face went blank as his jaw became slack. The gap between his lips grew just enough to express his surprise. Bobby had to respond for Eddie. He just couldn't think of any words at that moment. Did the man just say 'Evan Buckley' even worse the man said Commander before saying Evan Buckley. Eddie thought he knew everything about Buck, he had suspected that maybe Buck had done military training and Buck had talked about flunking out of the BUDs before. Obviously Buck didn't flunk and infact served until he was deemed a fucking Commander?

Eddie was left standing near the engine trying to wrap his thoughts around what the hell just happened as Bobby walked the man up the loft to where Buck may or may not have been. Eddie wasn't sure, he couldn't think. His mind was silent but buzzing with so much noise it hurt, all at the same time. Eddie took in a long inhale before exhaling gently and making his way up behind the rest of the team. Bobby addressed Buck and told Buck he had a visitor. The commander Eddie had briefly spoken with walked beside Bobby up to the loft and spoke with Buck about something.  The look on Buck's face was exactly how Eddie had felt seeing the man before, that meant that Buck was afraid of what he was right? Was Buck about to be deployed before they even knew he was ex-military? Thoughts crossed and caressed Eddie's mind as he took a seat at the table alongside everyone else. The entire 118 was sitting and waiting. Waiting for Buck to finish his conversation and bring news. Waiting for Buck to explain himself even if they didn't deserve or own an explanation. Eddie waited, Buck would tell him wouldn't he? Of course Buck would. Buck tells him, everything, somethings, nothing..? Buck didn't tell him about his call with Christopher from before, didn't tell him about his time in the military. What else was Buck hiding? 

Buck walked right passed him. Eddie had tried to school his face the best he could when his confusion and slight anger had taken over his mind, and Buck walked right passed him. Through all of them like they were ghosts, or invisible. Is this how Buck felt during the Law-suit..? Well it doesn't feel good, Eddie will tell you that much. Eddie took a deep breath and just watched as Buck went back to cleaning with a stupid envelope in his back pocket. Eddie could walk over there and rip the envelope from his pocket, but that would be too much. That would be crossing lines they don't have time to deal with, to figure out. That would open the flood gates and cause so much more damage than good. Eddie hated this, he never wanted to feel this way again. To feel betrayed in such a way his entire body ached. God and his fucking migraine was back now. Like a raging beast begging to be fed with Eddie's energy and blood, his flesh and feelings all drawn out for the monster to consume. Eddie needed a nap, he needed to get away from all of this. He knew the 118 would be persistent and not leave Buck alone but Eddie couldn't take it. Eddie needed to get out of the situation for whatever dignity he had left.