Chapter 21
The days turned into weeks, as Harry grew more and more frustrated. No matter how much he fought he couldn’t recall anything after the flugh. Harry felt that if he could just see Draco, somehow the memories could come back. But he wasn’t anywhere to be found. Whether he was staying away by choice or force Harry couldn’t be sure.
Ron and Hermione were taking turns babysitting Harry. He was starting to feel like an invalid. So what if he couldn’t remember what everyone wanted him to. At least let him out of the house. They guarded the flughs like soldiers and Harry couldn’t wait for his scabs to be healed. Then he could apparate somewhere far far away from this ministry constructed nightmare.
It had been two weeks since Harry had first woken up and he had had it. Despite their constant hovering, Harry had managed to slip a letter out and help was on the way. An expected knock on the door was his savior.
“I’ll get it!” Ron shouted and ran to the door even though Harry hadn’t even motioned to move from his chair. He heard Ron open the door.
“Dad, what are you doing here?”
“Official ministry business.” Arthur answered and walked past Ron into the sitting room with Harry. He gave Harry a wink as he sat down.
“You’re retired.”
“I’ve been given permission to help on this one assignment.” Arthur handed Ron a paper from the ministry. “Go home son.”
“You don’t need to do this.” Ron rubbed the back of his neck.
“Honestly Ron, you haven’t spent any real time with Hermione or the kids in forever. Go home and be a family for a day.” Harry smiled at Ron.
Also if you guys don’t leave me alone I’m going to scream. He added in his head.
Ron looked over the paper again and agreed to go. Arthur and Harry sat in silence. Harry stared at the fireplace and willed his mind to work. The gray tiles didn’t answer him when he asked his questions.
“Narcissa smiled at me once.” Arthur placed his hands on his stomach and interlaced his fingers as he remembered.
“What?” Harry looked towards him.
“Our time at Hogwarts overlapped a bit. I remember, I learned how to enchant leaves into little animals. You see I was smart enough but not the smartest, and I was mediocre at best on a broom so I had to learn lots of tricks to impress girls.”
He and Harry both laughed at that.
“So I practiced this spell over and over and over until I could charm a whole tree. I was in the courtyard using my charm and my.. well… charm” Arthur raised his eyebrows. “On a group of Hufflepuff girls when Narcissa walked through. One of the little animals flitted over to her, a dragon I think it was, and kissed her cheek. She looked at me, just for an instant and smiled.”
Harry imagined what that might have been like. He never thought of Narcissa as a girl. Never imagined the person she was before she married.
“She’s a nice smile.” Arthur said.
“Yes.” Harry agreed.
“Let’s get out of here.” Arthur stood and Harry jumped to his feet. He couldn’t stand this house for another minute. Out on the streets the noise of the city distracted Harry from his task. He felt as if he could breathe again.
“Arthur?” Harry wanted to ask him what the hell was happening.
“Hmmm?”
“Thank you for coming.” He said instead. Arthur nodded and they continued on. They sat in a park and watched as people passed. A mother sat a boy up on a swing and pushed him. Harry smiled. The squeaking of the chain rustled something awake in Harry’s mind. The noise grew louder and Harry looked at the swing but what he saw was the inside of Lucious’s office. A light fixture was broken on the ceiling, swinging and squeaking. Harry’s wand was before him, pressed into someone’s throat. Gray eyes blazed with rage.
Do it The voice called in his mind Do it! Do it! The voice screamed louder with sadistic laughter.
Harry began to hyperventilate. Arthur grabbed his arm and said something. Harry couldn’t hear him, he might as well have been a thousand miles away. Harry’s chest hurt, he clutched it with his hands.
“Harry, Harry?” Arthur’s voice called. Harry focused on that. “Look around. You’re alright son.”
Harry did as he was told. They were still at the park. There was no danger here. Harry forced himself to breathe slower. He pushed the soles of his feet into the sidewalk and turned his ankles in little circles.
“We should get back.” Arthur decided.
“No!” Harry said a little too loudly. “Just… I can’t sit in there… I can’t… I feel crazy…”
“Alright.” Arthur gave in. “Fifteen more minutes.”
They sat again and quietly watched as the world moved on around them. Harry wiped the sweat from his face with the inside of his collar. The gray eyes were familiar, he was goading Harry, and Harry felt from the memory that he had wanted to do it. But did he? Did he really kill Lucious Malfoy?
He couldn’t shake the question all day. When Arthur left and Hermione came for the afternoon, he knew he had to ask. Kreacher brought him tea, like he had done every night since his accident. The house elf had never seemed more attentive.
“Hermione?”
“Yeah?” She answered Harry but kept knitting.
“Is Lucius Malfoy dead?” That caught her attention. She stopped her work and looked at Harry.
“What did you remember?”
“Yes or no.” Harry was tired of being the only one giving information.
“Yes.”
“And that’s why Draco won’t come here. He’s mad at me?”
“Why would he be mad at you?” Hermione asked, digging.
“Well it was me wasn’t it? Who killed him?”
“We don’t know Harry.”
“Why not?”
“You have to remember on your own, we can’t do anything for-“ Hermione cut herself off. “Well we can’t move forward till we know.”
He was tired of that answer.
Sit and remember Harry, do it yourself Harry, we all know but we won’t help you Harry.
“Fuck this.” Harry stood.
“Harry!” Hermione was appalled at his outburst. He grabbed flugh powder and jumped into the fireplace before she could stop him.
“Malfoy Manor.”