Silenced Horror
The great hall was silent, the horror that they just watched pressed down on them, choking them. Sirius' grip on him had tightened so much so that his knuckles had turned white, when Regulus in the memory read the letter Sirius had scoffed, disgusted with their cousin for writing to their parents. When the first hit landed Sirius flinched and his eyes widened, his head had whipped around and he stared at Regulus, distress clear on his face.
“They hurt you because I got sorted in Gryffindor?” He whispered, an audible shaking in his voice.
Regulus had stared at him with disbelief, had he seriously thought that there would be no consciousness? That their parents would react rationally to the news that their Heir was sorted into Gryffindor?!
“Yes Sirius, of course they hurt me.” Regulus had scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning his head back towards the memory, cringing as he continued to watch his smaller self get hexed, cut and bruised.
When the memory finally ended Sirius's grip on him was really hurting, but when he tries to shake him off the grip only tightens.
“Sirius you're hurting me…” He mutters under his breath, as soon as the words left his mouth his brother's grasp loosen considerably but his hand never left his person, like he was afraid that Regulus would disappear if he wasn't touching him.
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” He said in a rush, looking horrified at the thought that he hurt his little brother. When he looked Regulus in the eyes he can see the hurt, the questions, the confusion circling. Regulus huffed out a breath and tilts his head, indicating to Sirius to just ask.
“...You never told me.” It wasn't a question but a statement, Regulus never did tell him. He hasn't talked about his year alone with their parents to anyone, choosing instead to bury it deep down so that he may forget it. And he's been partly successful because that whole year is fuzzy around the corners, logically he knows what happened but he can't remember the exact details, and for that he is thankful.
“No, I didn't."
“Why?” The sheer heartache in that one word cut Regulus deep, Sirius looked like his whole world had collapsed in on him and he didn't know which way was up or down anymore.
Regulus debated on what to say, but looking in his brother's eyes and seeing all the conflicting emotions swirling around in the gray eyes so like his own he decided to do something that he hasn't done in years. He was going to tell the truth.
“You came home with a smile that I had never seen, you were happy, truly happy. Something that you never were at home, with me. I didn't want to be the one to take that away from you, not when I couldn't give you that. That's why I never told you what happened that year.” By the end his eyes were shiny and he couldn't look at his brother any longer, the agony and despair being too much. He never wanted the pity, much less from his brother that had gone through so much more than him.
“Reg…” Sirius whispered, his hand clenching in the fabric of his shirt.
“After you left I tried to do what you asked me to, to just do what they said and keep my head down, you told me to do it and it was confusing as fuck when you came back that summer and looked disgusted because I was trying to keep myself safe, like you told me to do.”
It feels like it should be impossible but Sirius' face seems to break even more, words can't even begin to explain the emotions on his face, the tears that have been clinging to his brother's eyelashes finally fall down to his cheeks. Sirius has always expressed his emotion loudly, whether it be happiness, anger or sadness he does it loudly. So to see him crying silently with tears just falling and a distant look was a bit frightening.
“Sirius?” Regulus shakes his arm to get his brothers to react.
Sirius seems to jerk back to reality and his face closes off once more, the walls he built to keep his little brother out coming up and makes Regulus unable to read him. The fact that Regulus can´t read his brother anymore breaks something inside of him, he used to be the only one that understood Sirius and to know that he have built walls to keep him out hurts.
It hurt so goddamn much.
The brothers don't look at eachother, can't look at eachother without seeing all the hurt and pain that lies between them. So Regulus looks over to his friends and isn't prepared for the gut punch that he feels. The look on Evan and Bartys faces are so raw and honest, he knows that he they care for him, truly, but to see them look so broken over something that he went through before they even met…It says a lot more than words ever could.
He can't be certain from the angle he's at but it looks like Evan and Barty are…holding hands?
A small smile forms on Regulus lips, if something good can come from all this and get the two oblivious idiots to finally stop dancing around each other then maybe it was worth having to sit through rewatching all of his worst memories.
…Scratch that, nothing is worth this embarrassment, Regulus thinks as another memory starts to play, one where he looks fucking pathetic crying in a closet calling out for his brother.