it was around 4am in the Slytherin dorms where all were asleep but one, barty. He couldn’t sleep, but when had he ever been able to? yeh he slept but that was only when he collapsed out of pure exhaustion or Evan or regulus managed to force sleep pills down his throat.
It wasn’t that he wanted to sleep anyways, filled with adrenaline and boredom he lay on his back staring at the roof. In first year they had surprised regulus on his 12th birthday by painting stars on the roof to remind him of his room back at home since he always seemed to be terribly homesick especially since his relationship with his brother was rocky.
Barty was never homesick, and the one singular time that he was it was only because he finally got a letter from his mother. He still cherished it with all his heart since it was the only one he had and probably the only one he’d ever receive.
Bartys father was a bad man. Not that anyone else noticed, just him. He worked in the ministry so he was well respected by others and seemed to work had enough to be considered their ‘future minister’ which would happen over barty hot dead body.
His father wrote to him once a month. Not that barty cared, it was never anything meaningful either. normally it was just a reminder to study hard or else he would be kicked out and his monthly reminder of what a disappointment he was.
He wasn’t any nicer when barty was home for the summer either. If barty learned how to shut the fuck up when necessary then maybe he’d return to hogwarts with a lot less bruises and scar, but he’d never go down without a good fight and his father knew that.
The summer before second year barty had spent the full two months under the imperious curse, it kept barty from speaking out and it meant his father could bring him out in public like his personal little puppet and make the world think they were a perfect, happy family of three.
That’s when the episodes had started.
September first of 1973, barty had walked into the same carriage as the year before where his friends had happily greeted him excitedly. Barty sat down before passing out of total exhaustion, sleeping for nearly the full 3 hour train ride.
When he awoke he was met with the trillion questions of, “what’s wrong?” “What happened over your summer?” “You like like your half dead” and “why are you covered in bruises” which they had only noticed when Pandora took off his jacket since he started sweating profusely at having a nightmare during his exhaustion fuelled pass out.
Filled with sudden anger barty had stormed out of the carriage, he didn’t talk to anyone at all until 2am that night in the boys dorms where he clung to regulus and whispered, ”nothings real anymore”.
It took a week for barty to snap out of the derealisation spiral the imperious curse had trapped him in. But after that the episodes never stopped. They normally followed after what he called his ‘crash outs’, which were really just anger fuelled meltdowns that normally ended in him harming himself or someone else.
Now at coming up to 5am barty sighed looking away from the painted stars, he might as well get up now.
Rolling out of bed he changed from his plaid pyjama trousers into an all grey tracksuit and pulling on his trainers that he stole over the summer, yeh his family was rich as fuck but that didn’t mean that his father would allow for very much of that money to be spent on barty.
Walking into the bathroom he locked the door and started at himself in the mirror for what could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours, time moved weirdly for him.
Fixing his hair that he had cut into a shaggy mullet, brushing his teeth and putting on a bit on deodorant, he left the bathroom and walked out not bothering to lift his wand or leave a note for regulus and Evan.
What did they care anyways?
He ran round the quidditch pitch 4 times in half an hour, barty was fast and he liked it. Being fast meant he could outrun anyone, he could run away from his problems too, what was to hate?
Returning to the dorm, Evan and regulus still out cold. He jumped into the shower turning it to the warmest setting, it made him feel more human, more emotional, more alive.
When he got out of the shower, walking out with his towel round his waist his hair sticking up, Evan and regulus had finally woken up who he greeted with a grin. He felt good today.
Regulus yawning hummed then asked,
”how the actual fuck do you wake up so early every morning? That can’t be sustainable”.
While Evan stretched, his eyes following him.
Barty shrugged sitting down on his bed,”just do I guess..?”
Drying himself off with the towel. Regulus started at him for a moment before shrugging and heading into the bathroom to shower as well.
The morning passed rather silently only being broken when barty the only one in the dorm who actually had energy or was half awake started rambling on about something, but they all managed to make it down to breakfast on time.
Grinning to himself barty kept jumping on regulus’ back as they walked down the corridor before they entered the great hall and they went and sat with Pandora and Dorcas, barty sitting in between Evan and Dorcas.
Barty loved talking, he was good at it too, so that’s why when the owls arrived with the post and dropped a letter on the empty plate in front of barty and he didn’t speak evan noticed.
Bartys letters ranged from deafening howlers of hatred to a few simple words like, ‘Do better’ or ‘I’m disappointed’. But honestly if you asked barty he’d tell you he preferred the howlers. It was easier to cope with the screaming of his father and the soft sobs of his mother in the background than to read those few words over and over, every thought coming to mind of what deep rooted meanings were behind them.
He frowned at the letter before stuffing it in his pocket, Evan watching him, the other three still chatting amongst themselves.
“bee..you good?” Evan asked softly and cautiously.
Barty hated it, he hated Evan, that’s a lie he loved him but right now he hated him, he hated being belittled and being treated like he was a bomb about to blow them all up if he was handled wrong.
But instead of saying any of this barty just nodded. He stood up his hands shoved in his robe pockets, “I’ll meet you in astrology panda yeh?”. Not even waiting on a response he turned on his heel leaving the great hall, his bubbly energetic mood simmered down to the raw anger that never really left his body.
Barty didn’t infact meet pandora at astrology, instead making his way up the the astronomy tower where he paced around his heart racing and his breathing rapid. Staring at the stone wall he punched.
He punched and punched and punched and punched.
He beat the fuck out of the wall but instead of the wall crumbling and curling up, begging for his mercy it was him.
Wiping away the angry tears from his eyes with his bloody fists he slid down the wall shaking and staring at the floor.
He felt a bit better but not enough.
He wanted more. He needed to be more.
It wasn’t until an hour later when regulus who had finished his first class and was now on a free came up the steps barty looked up. They locked eyes but neither of them said anything, they had met like this one too many times and it annoyed barty.
Regulus always looked and spoke like he hated him but was the first to find him at his lowest and hold him until he was ok. He guessed that’s just how regulus was since he didn’t really grow up in the best family either.
It was the disappointment in regulus’ eyes that hurt him the most, looking away from regulus’ burning gaze which he could feel analysing every inch of his body with what felt like fire before regulus finally speaking softly with a sigh.
“Cmon..I need to see your hands, you might have to go to poppy if they’re bad.”
Which barty reacted to subconsciously his face scrunching into a frown while looking down flexing his fists slowly, studying his knuckles that which were drowning in pools of blood the bone visible in two or three.
“Barty”.
Regulus spoke a little sterner this time which made barty jump before looking up and meeting his gaze once again. He sighed getting up and walking over to the slightly older boy who grabbed his hands analysing them while barty let out the occasional hiss.
Regulus sighed shaking his head noticing the bone peaking through the blood like a white mountain surrounded by a crimson lake.
“we’re going to the hospital wing barty”.
he spoke looking into his eyes, while barty avoided making eye contact.
“I know..”
He mumbled back letting his hands drop to his sides glaring at the wall still riled up, he hadn’t even opened the letter yet why was he so angry?
Regulus just shook his head leading him to the hospital wing which pissed barty off even more. He didn’t care? Barty was a burden that regulus just felt obliged to deal with.
Looking back he thinks it was that final shake of the head from regulus that sent him over the edge again, he remembered shouting, a lot of his memory from the incident is blurred with angry tears, an annoying habit barty never managed to kick. Crying when he was angry.
Sitting up in the hospital wing he looks to his left noticing Evan in the chair beside the bed he was in, looking down he sees a drip in his inner elbow pumping water and some purple liquid he assumed was pain killers but couldn’t be sure.
Looking in front of him he could see another bed, beside the bed sat pandora. Why was panda over there? Who was in the bed? Trying to push up on his fists to see he winced catching Evans attention.
“your up”
Evan mumbled looking at barty his expression tired. Barty thinks that hurt him more than regulus’ annoyance earlier.
Regulus.
nodding barty looked back over to the bed in front of him still unable to see.
“what happened?”
Barty mumbled looking back to Evan who smirked a little.
“you gave THE regulus black a bloody lip”
To which the both of them started chuckling softly, it was a running joke between them all to refer the reg as ‘THE regulus black’ because of how infamous his family was.
Barty grinned looking up trying to carry on with the casual joking.
“your kidding? so what did he blast me to smitheries and this is my ghost talking to you?”
He laughed the both of them grinning before Evan shook his head still smiling.
“Regulus said you ‘crashed out’ in the astronomy tower then proceeded to scream at him, then you bust his lip and he jinxed you and..here we are”
Barty hummed nodding.
“Adds up I guess”
Evan taking his turn to nod In silence before they both sighed.
“bee..you can’t keep-“
“I know.”
They sat in silence for what could have been a few seconds or hours, nobody will ever know, before barty tried swinging himself out of bed where Evan shook his head.
“Poppy wants to talk to you..you’re also attached to a drip..she also needs to bandage your knuckles”
Evan mumbled out one by one, causing barty to groan and flop back onto the bed.
Madame pomfery did eventually come over handing barty a small cup with two tablets giving him a soft smile.
“You’ll want to sleep through this one..trust me”
Barty groaned but did as asked, knocking back the cup swallowing them in one.
He was out cold from there.