To put it lightly, today was a shit day.
James pulls off his invisibility cloak as he steps out into the cool November air, silently shutting the castle door behind him. He takes a few moments to enjoy the cool breeze on his skin and calm his breathing. And then he’s shifting into his stag form and trotting towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest.
Being a deer has its perks, mainly the ability to roam the Hogwarts grounds after curfew undetected. James often comes out here when he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed. At night, the open air and the light rustling of trees, and lack of other people, is calming and tranquil. As much of a social creature as James is, nothing quite beats the feeling of decompressing beneath the pines and willows.
He begins to pace along the lakeshore, thinking through his day. James likes to pick apart his bad days, finding the roots of any negative emotions so he can try to fix them, or talk himself through them at the very least. James Potter is nothing if not a problem-solver, or so he tells himself.
To be completely honest, not much had really happened that day, it was just a stressful time. For starters, last night was the full moon so Sirius had spent nearly the whole day in the Hospital Wing with Remus. James and Peter were left to their own devices. Then, he had to break up an attempted duel in the courtyard between two third-years, and had to stay and listen to Professor Flitwick give them a speech about the rules about duelling on Hogwarts grounds.
He’d screwed up his Transfiguration assignment which was a disappointment to both himself and Professor McGonagall. And disappointing her was James’ least favourite thing. Reg had ignored him all day, too, for seemingly no reason, which hurt more than it should have. And to top it all off, the food in the Great Hall was just… not very good today.
So was it the worst day James had ever had? By no means. But it wasn’t a good day.
Stopping his pacing, James settles down in the grass, lying his head over his front legs. He thinks, just for a second, he sees another person in the distance, but then they’re gone. Must’ve been imagining things.
Not much later, though, a black cat walks right up to him and cocks its head, in the way a human would to ask a question. James tries his best to smile, which proves difficult in his current form, but the cat seems to get it regardless. James huffs out a sigh and lays his head back on his front legs. He watches the cat’s hair blow ever so gently in the breeze, just long enough to get caught by the wind.
It truly was a beautiful cat, sleek with long legs and big, icy blue eyes, an odd eye colour for a cat, but lovely nonetheless. It reminded him of somebody, but James couldn’t quite put his finger, or hoof for that matter, on it at that moment. Eventually, the cat slinks over to James’ side and nuzzles his head. James lets out a contented sigh as the cat curls up next to him in the grass and they both lie in silence for a while.
After some time has passed, James figures he should be getting to bed. So he lightly stirs, hoping to wake the cat as he stands up. He succeeds, but the cat is not happy about being woken up. James tries to send an apologising look, which seems to appease the cat, as it slinks back off into the darkness, away from the forest. James walks back towards the castle, shifting back into human form to enjoy the cool air for a few moments before putting the cloak back on and slipping inside.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
A few nights later, James finds himself wandering back out onto the grounds of Hogwarts castle. This time, he finds a spot under a low-hanging weeping willow so he can enjoy the outdoors in human form, avoiding the gaze of anybody watching from the windows. Sometimes James enjoys being able to enjoy the natural environment around him and be part of it, but other times, like now, he prefers to watch as an outsider.
Observing the wildlife near his school from the outside provides a different kind of comfort. One that’s more subtle, and some might even consider counterproductive, as it always puts James slightly on edge, but he considers it a good unease. It’s one that helps him really think. The idea that humans – muggle and wizard alike – are so far removed from nature at this point, that sitting amongst it feels foreign is unsettling. But it’s also thought-provoking, and sometimes that’s what James needs.
He also just likes to be able to feel the chill of the night air. As nice as having a warm, fur coat for the cold weather as Prongs can be, it’s nice to just feel whatever he can.
So James settles down on the grass, back resting on the knobby trunk of the willow, setting the invisibility cloak down next to him and taking a deep breath in, relishing in the feeling of cold air in his lungs. It makes him feel so awake, and at the same time, lighter than air. James could truly spend every day outside: rain or shine, frozen or boiling, sky filled with sleet, snow, fog, or clouds; and be completely content.
Today, yet again, wasn’t the worst day, per se. But it wasn’t great. James runs through the day’s stressors so he can let them out into the open air for the evening.
First, he was harassed by Moaning Myrtle in the Prefect’s bathroom which had been incredibly uncomfortable on his part and wildly inappropriate on hers, in James’ opinion. Next, he’d had to help Remus comfort Sirius who was crying over accidentally spilling pumpkin juice on Remus’ favourite jumper at breakfast. Afterwards, he’d had a surprisingly calm and pleasant Herbology lesson. That moment of tranquillity was quickly broken when Wormtail had nearly been stepped on, and then ran himself into a wall in a panic. James had to spend his free hour caring for a wounded Peter.
The rest of the day had been fine for the most part, until dinner when Mary MacDonald and Lily Evans were ignoring each other and throwing snide comments back and forth after Lily walked in, arm linked with Pandora Lovegood. James wasn’t able to work out what exactly had happened, but he was unsuccessful in getting either of them to cheer up or be nice. The inability to cheer people up was always a damper on James’ mood. After dinner, he’d spilled an ink pot on half of his Potions essay and had to start over. These were the events that found James under the sulking willow tree between the Black Lake and the Forbidden Forest.
After, perhaps, fifteen minutes of sitting alone and in silence, James is delighted to see the same cat from the other night peek under the drooping leaves of the willow to look at James.
“Why, hello there, again.” James grins, whispering and gesturing for the cat to join him by the trunk of the tree. It seems hesitant at first, and then glides along the grass as if it were flying and settles down next to James. James suddenly realises he isn’t sure if the cat recognises him and quickly specifies, “It’s me, the stag from the other night, by the way.” He gives a lopsided grin, and it almost looks like the cat responds with a slight smile of its own. He realises the cat probably can’t even understand his words, and it was foolish to identify himself, but the cat doesn’t seem to mind either way.
“You know,” He starts, turning his torso to face the cat, reaching out a hand in question as the cat reaches its head up hesitantly and then nuzzles his palm. James’ heart is warmed by this small action, and the cat’s fur is so, so soft. He nearly loses his train of thought. “You remind me of this guy I li-” he stops himself there, unsure why, it's just a cat. But you can never be too careful, can you? “This guy I know.” James decides on. The cat looks up quizzically. Its mannerisms really are startlingly human-like.
“His name is Regulus, I think you two would get along,” James says, mindlessly beginning to pet the cat as it settles back in the grass, closer to James this time. At the mention of Regulus’ name though, the cat looks up at him and James swears its eyes grow wide before James chuckles and puts a reassuring hand on its head, letting it return to a comfortable position. “He loves the stars, you know,” James comments, pointing up vaguely towards Leo in the sky. “He’s named after that star there, the heart of Leo.” James smiles to himself, unable to contain a smile when speaking of Regulus.
“You need a name.” James says, decisively. Thinking about his own recent words he says aloud, “How about Lionheart? Matches our conversation topic, don’t you think?” He chuckles, and softens as the cat nuzzles his hand again, a motion he assumes means it likes the name. He doesn’t say much else for the rest of the evening, petting Lionheart and humming various tunes to calm himself. Once he gets back to his dorm, he sleeps the best he has in weeks, a smile still ghosting his lips even through to the dream world.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
After their initial first two meetings, James and Lionheart spent a lot of time together near the forest. Sometimes James would be James and sometimes he would be Prongs but Lionheart always knew who he was. They fell into a bit of a routine, meeting two to three times a week after curfew. James would talk about everything to Lionheart and Lionheart would listen and be there for support, always relieving James’ anxieties just by its presence.
And if he was Prongs, the two would just sit or stroll together, enjoying each other’s company, or occasionally try for a nonverbal conversation. Those don’t get too far, but they still bring comfort to James’ day, especially if he’s really struggling at the time. Occasionally, Lionheart would ride on Prongs’ head and they would walk along the lake together. Lionheart is just a steady, comforting constant in James’ life now.
Once or twice, another black cat came across his path but James always knows when he’s with Lionheart, specifically, or not. Something feels warmer, calmer, comforting, in Lionheart’s presence. James can never quite put his finger on why, but with Lionheart, he feels safe.
Funnily enough, Lionheart’s favourite conversation topic seemed to be Regulus. Every time James brought him up, the cat had some reaction. Seeing the animated responses from his new friend always made him smile and when he did, Lionheart either stared into his eyes or quickly looked away. It was odd, but endearing.
One time, the two of them fell asleep, and James woke up to Lionheart head-butting his face to wake up so he could scramble back to Gryffindor Tower before it got too late. Every time Lionheart head-butted or nuzzled James, something warm bloomed in his chest. Lionheart was becoming one of his closest friends, and the cat couldn’t even actually talk back.
Coincidentally, since his evening visits became more frequent, James has found Regulus opening up to him more as well. He thinks it has something to do with him being more at ease from his evenings by the forest. No matter the reason, it’s nice. Regulus isn’t always the most open person and just having the chance to talk to him is a gift in James’ eyes.
He doesn’t understand why more people don’t appreciate Regulus. He absolutely lights up when he speaks about his favourite subjects and James feels like he’s in the presence of an angel. His eyes sparkle and he moves his hands animatedly when he speaks to get his point across, and sometimes furrows his eyebrows when he’s really trying to concentrate. James wants to lean out and smooth the crease between his eyebrows, but resists.
Once, Regulus even got close enough for James to notice his orange-scented shampoo and it’s been plaguing his thoughts since. Lionheart also smells like oranges, which brings an extra comfort to their meetings. He really can’t put his finger on why, but Lionheart reminds him a significant amount of Regulus. Maybe that’s why he likes the cat so much.
James had started showing Lionheart the constellations at night, surprised that it actually seemed to be following along with what James was saying. Astronomy is Regulus’ favourite subject and okay, maybe James has been putting in extra effort in Astronomy lessons since he found this out, but that’s nobody’s business besides his and Lionheart’s. He may have let that fact slip to Lionheart and yet again, the cat’s eyes went wide and James swears he saw something like adoration and also guilt flash through its eyes.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
Tonight is a Friday night, not one of James’ forest nights, and Sirius is currently dragging him down to the dungeons towards Slytherin House. And when James says dragging, he means dragging. Sirius has his wrist grasped tightly, running through the corridors while James trips over his own feet trying to follow.
“Why are we here again?” James asks, out of breath.
“I need to speak to my brother.” Sirius puts simply.
“Okay, and why am I here?” James asks, exasperated. Sirius has a tendency to always pull James along when speaking with Regulus. Of course, James never protests a chance to see Regulus, but it does get annoying, having to be present for every one of their arguments.
“To mediate.” Sirius grumbles, slowing down for only a moment before speeding off again. James would ask why he’s needed for mediation but at this particular moment, he thinks that will only end with him getting screamed at, so he keeps his mouth shut as they approach the door to the Slytherin common room.
“Okay, and how are you planning on getting inside?” James asks as they stand, awkwardly, outside the large silver door adorned with snakes.
“I-” Sirius starts, putting up a finger matter-of-factly before deflating as he realises he doesn’t know. However, at that exact moment, two first years are leaving the common room, and Sirius’ fuming scares them enough to let them inside. Finally letting go of James’ now throbbing wrist, Sirius marches straight through the common room, towards the dorms. Drama queen, James thinks to himself. Sirius honestly looks like a toddler having a tantrum. To be honest, he will go full tantrum mode the second he finds Regulus.
Sighing, James follows him. When they reach the sixth-year dorm, Sirius raps loudly on the door until somebody opens it. Standing on the other side is Evan Rosier who looks, to put it bluntly, like shit. His eyes are sunken in with dark circles and his hair is rustled in disarray.
“Regulus, the idiot has arrived.” He states and steps away from the door, trying to smirk as Sirius clearly looks outraged. It looks more like a grimace as his face muscles seem to be capable of very little right now. “He’s been sulking,” Evan says, motioning to his face as an explanation.
James hears a choked sob and a sniffle, followed by a swooshing sound that reminded him eerily of the sound of shifting animagus form. Evan motions for James and Sirius to enter and then looks off, saying to Sirius, “It seems he doesn't wish to speak right now.” But as James looks to where Evan was looking, he stops in his tracks.
Curled up on the bed before him, is Lionheart. Without thinking he rushes forward, calling out the name of his cat and smiling when it instinctively curls into his touch.
“I didn't know you lads had a cat!” James exclaims quickly followed by, “I didn’t know Lionheart had an owner, I assumed it was a stray.” He looks up to find Evan, Barty, and Sirius staring at him looking incredibly confused. James assumes it's due to his seeming to know this cat that lives in their dorm out of nowhere. He stands up and turns to sit on the bed, petting Lionheart as it shuffles to stretch out next to his legs.
“I've been going out to the willow tree by the woods lately and that's how I met Lionheart, here.” He smiles, looking down at his newest friend. He lightly scratches behind its ears and smiles even wider when he hears a purr. At that moment, Barty, Evan, and Sirius all burst into laughter. Lionheart looked up and hisses at them which only makes them laugh harder, Barty doubling over and holding on to Evan for stability. “What's so funny?” James asks, genuinely bewildered.
“No- nothing it's just-” Barty tries to say, struggling to speak amidst the laughter, “Lionheart, here isn't the biggest people-person… I mean cat.” Barty manages. Lionheart hisses again and the three of them end up on the floor, recovering from their laughing fit.
“Oh, well we get along just fine.” James says.
“We can see that, mate,” Sirius says. “We are never letting him live this down are we?” He then whispers to Evan and Barty who nod their heads furiously, giggling again. Lionheart rolls its eyes, sending an apologetic look to James before gracefully leaping off the bed to go scratch at the boy’s faces.
“Ow, Jesus Re-” Barty clears his throat, cutting Sirius off. “Lionheart.” Sirius says, swatting at the black cat’s claws before his face gets covered in cuts. “Maybe we should come back another time, James, I don't think Regulus is going to come out any time soon.” James, relieved to avoid the fight, but mildly disappointed to miss Regulus, agrees.
He walks over to scratch Lionheart’s ears again, earning another purr in return which is immediately followed by another hiss and bared claws towards the others, daring them to laugh. They hold their hands up in surrender, motioning towards the door.
James kisses Lionheart on the head and hops up, happily running after Sirius out into the corridor. Sirius gives him a very strange look but neither of them acknowledge the events of the Slytherin dorm on their walk back to Gryffindor Tower.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
The next day before breakfast, James is on a morning flight around the Quidditch pitch when he spots a boy with black curls, swallowed by a jumper approximately four sizes too large for him stepping onto the pitch. Regulus.
James grins widely, flying down towards him and dropping down in a way that some might say was showing off.
“Hey, Reg, what’s up?” James asks, leaning on his broom and watching as Regulus burrows further into his sweater, shivering, while James resists the urge to try to warm him up himself.
“Are you um- are you busy tonight?” Regulus asks, finally looking up at James. He may get a bit lost looking in Regulus’ eyes and tracing his freckles with his own eyes, forgetting to reply. “James?” He asks, face twisting into a questioning gaze. Shit, that's adorable. He shakes himself out of his staring.
“Er- sorry, yeah I’m free tonight, why?”
“Just-” he starts, taking a deep breath, “meet me by that weeping willow near the forest after curfew, yeah?” He asks, sounding a bit nervous, but James just feels warm. He smiles brighter.
“Sure! Maybe my cat friend will show up and you two can finally meet each other,” he laughs. “I swear, sometimes it's like you're the same creature.” Regulus chuckles a bit but it sounds slightly forced.
“Right, well, it’s freezing out here so I’m heading back in, see you later?”
“Yeah, Reg, see you later.” James’ smile softens and Regulus’ face turns pink, from the cold of course.
“By the way, you- you're flying was really good just then.” He adds in a whisper before turning around and hurrying back towards the castle. James feels on top of the world. Any interaction with Regulus brings his spirits up, but today, with the oversized jumper, and the slight blush he caught on Regulus’ cheeks, and the invitation to hang out later, his heart feels lighter than ever before.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
Just before curfew, James finds himself finishing up his Prefect’s rounds and panicking, just slightly, about his upcoming meeting. He and Regulus have hung out before, but never alone, and Regulus almost never asks James to spend time together, which worries him a bit. Regulus had looked concerned, scared even, on the pitch earlier and James hopes there isn't anything wrong.
He tries to calm his nerves as he gets back to the dorm, attempting to tame his hair and failing, as always. He grabs the invisibility cloak and his wand and heads out. His dormmates have adjusted to James’ frequent visits to the willow, so they don’t question his sudden departure at this hour.
When he reaches the tree, he finds Lionheart already waiting for him. “Lionheart! I’m so glad you're here,” he exclaims, dropping to the grass to pet the cat. “I’m waiting for somebody else tonight, that guy I’m always telling you about, Regulus? I can't wait for you to meet him.”
Lionheart nods, James didn't know cats nodded. After a minute, Lionheart steps away from James giving him an unreadable look before taking a deep breath. James didn't know cats did that either. Then, that familiar swooshing sound fills the air as he watches the black cat before him shift into the boy in the oversized jumper from this morning. James feels his jaw drop as Regulus fiddles with the sleeves of his jumper.
“Reg-?” James asks in a whisper.
“I-I’m so sorry, Jamie, I didn't want to lie to you but that first night I saw you from the Astronomy Tower and you looked upset so I thought I would come down and keep you company and it was so nice and I didn't want to stop but I felt really bad that you were spilling all your secrets to me and didn’t even know so I tried to open up to you a little bit but I knew I would have to tell you eventually and after last night I figured you should probably know as soon as possible.” Regulus rambled, and then sighed and took a deep breath when he was done, nervously looking up at James and continuing to fiddle with his sleeves. James closed his mouth and Regulus spoke again “Sorry for rambling.” He apologised.
“Don’t apologise, it’s alright,” James smiled.
“You’re- you aren't mad, are you?” Regulus asks breathlessly, looking up hopefully. James stands and walks over to Regulus putting a hand on either of Regulus’ arms, capturing his attention.
“No, of course not.” He assures. “I was just… surprised, is all. I wasn't exactly expecting that.” He chuckles lightly, watching Regulus’ cheeks turn pink.
“Yeah, well, now you know, I guess.” He sighs, and then chuckles himself. “You know, it was quite a surprise for me too, finding out you're also a deer.” He adds with a raised eyebrow, continuing to laugh softly. James let go of Regulus and took a step back.
“What, am I not majestic like this?” He asks, making a dramatic flourish before becoming Prongs. Regulus starts fully laughing at him, walking over to pat his head, James nuzzling his hand in the way Regulus always does to James as Lionheart. He would do anything to keep Regulus laughing always.
“You're ridiculous, James.” Regulus laughs. James shifts back to human form and grins.
“Not Jamie anymore?” He asks, teasingly. Regulus’ whole face goes red.
“That was- um- that was an accident.” He says, clearly mortified.
“Hey, don't be embarrassed,” James says, stepping back towards Regulus. “I liked it.” Regulus looks up at James with wide eyes. “And no, I'm not mad you didn't tell me.” Regulus smiles. “If anything, I’m thrilled that my favourite cat and my favourite person are one in the same.” Regulus’ eyes go even wider, looking up at James, his breath hitching.
“Favourite person?” He asks, barely a whisper. James brings his hands up to frame Regulus’ face, looking down at him with nothing but awe and fondness in his eyes.
“Yeah, Reg, you're my favourite person.” He says softly, relishing in the feeling of Regulus’ cheeks heating up under his hands.
“You’re so-” Regulus starts, “I’m-” he tries next, visibly flustered, furrowing his eyebrows and shaking his head in that way he does when he’s frustrated. James yet again resists the urge to reach out and smooth the crease between his eyebrows. “I- I really like you, Jamie.” James feels his own cheeks heat up, both at the confession and the nickname. He feels like he’s floating, suddenly feeling nervous.
“I really like you too, Reg.” He says. “If that wasn't obvious from all the things I’ve apparently told you about yourself.” He chuckles, shaking his head. He reaches up one hand to wrap one of Regulus’ curls around his finger. His hair is just as soft as Lionheart’s fur, but curled and bouncy. James likes it better this way. He hears Regulus’ breath catch in his throat again, and decides to keep talking. “I can't even tell you all the reasons I like you, you're just incredible. The most amazing person I’ve ever met, really,” He smiles down, meeting Regulus’ eyes again. He gets a bit lost again, watching the flecks of grey and bright blue caught amongst icy blue. He traces Regulus’ freckles across his face, this time with his finger, just barely brushing over his skin. “You’re so beautiful, Reg,” he whispers.
Before he can register what’s happening, Regulus’ lips are on his. James sighs, bringing one hand up to the back of Regulus’ head, tangling in his hair. Finally, he thinks. It’s soft and sweet, an unsaid exchange of emotions. There you are, I’ve been waiting for you. Regulus pulls back.
“Is- is this okay?” He asks softly.
“Merlin, yes, it's more than okay, Reg,” James says. He uses the hand he has tangled in Regulus’ hair to pull him back. This time the kiss is much more aggressive.
James feels cold, slender fingers adorned with silver rings grasping his jaw and pulling him closer. His entire body is on fire, his stomach is full of butterflies, and his head is spinning. He still isn't close enough. He takes his other hand and holds Regulus’ hip against him. It’s so easy to get lost in Regulus, even easier when they're closer than they've ever been.
A warm swipe on his bottom lip prompts James to part his lips, inviting the other boy's tongue into his mouth, feeling his mind go blank. All he can think is Regulus, Regulus, Regulus.
He can smell the orange shampoo in Regulus’ hair, breathing in the scent. Every one of his senses is consumed by Regulus.
He’s vaguely aware of his back hitting the trunk of the tree. Nothing could possibly matter more than this moment and this boy in front of him. Nothing could ever matter more than Regulus.
❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
They must've gotten wrapped up in their own little world, as James wakes up a few hours later to find himself laying on the grass under the willow tree with Regulus wrapped around him, arms clutching his chest, leg thrown over James’, head burrowed in James’ jumper.
“Reg?” He asks, shaking him lightly. Regulus shifts slightly but doesn't wake up. “Regulus, love, wake up.” Regulus mumbles out a no, clutching James tighter. “We should get back to the castle, it's cold out here.” Regulus reluctantly opens his eyes, shifting so he can look up at James and starts pouting.
“No, I don't wanna leave you.” He whines with sad eyes. Merlin, how is he meant to deny that? James chuckles and rubs Regulus’ back.
“What about when our friends wake up and we aren't there?” He asks lightly. Regulus smacks his lips and shakes his head.
“Mm, don't care, I'm sleepy.” He says, resting his head back on James’ chest.
“Are you sure?” He asks, sceptical. Regulus just nods in reply and James gives in very easily. He just can't say no to this angel lying on top of him. “Alright then, let me know if you get too cold, yeah?” He asks, Regulus shifts his head in a way that resembles a nod but his breath quickly evens out and James can tell he's fallen asleep again.
They both have an easy cover to get back inside – the invisibility cloak as well as Prongs and Lionheart – and they can come up with some excuse for their friends (or not) in the morning.
Right now, James is happy right where he is. He’ll stay here as long as he can.