Angels of the get through
By time for nightly patrols Madam Pomfrey had left to rest for the evening. Lirum knew they probably weren’t meant to get up and leave but they’d been in bed bored for hours. Besides it was their first actual nightly patrol as prefect. Wondering the halls after dark with permission sounded fun. So they slipped out of their hospital bed and out of the door.
According to their patrol schedule they were meant to be watching the central hall, meaning they’d be right outside of the library. Was sneaking into the library, or reading on patrol were strictly banned. It could be a good opportunity to catch up on some light reading. Though if Cedric were stationed with them near the library it wouldn’t matter they wouldn’t be allowed to focus on reading anyway.
When they arrived they didn’t not find Cedric but instead a Slytherin prefect; Adrian Pucey. As their footsteps approached his head whipped in their direction.
“Who’s there?” He shouted, marching down the corridor toward them. “It’s after lights out you know you’d better have a good explanation!”
“It’s me Adrian!” Lirum answered, putting their hands up playfully. “Don’t be too disappointed, not to catch someone sneaking out on your first patrol.”
“Lirum? What are you doing out? I thought you where in the hospital wing?” He asked confused.
“I was, but I’ll be fine.” Lirum waved him off hoping he wouldn’t press further. They’d had enough of people pushing them too far recently.
“This is the second time this month you’ve ended up in hospital! At this rate you’re almost as bad as the bloody Gryffindors!” Adrian was somewhat worried yet judgmental.
“Come on, I’m not that bad.” Lirum joked trying to lighten the mood.
“Why were you in the hospital wing this time? How did you get hurt in Defence Against the Dark Arts? It’s far too early in the year for any dueling.” They weren’t sure how to respond really. Going into detail was the farthest thing from what they wanted, but Adrian’s determination was something fierce.
“I passed out again.” They mumbled under their breath.
“I don’t think I heard you right. You what?” He asked aggressively.
“I passed out again.” Lirum answered timidly. “Can we please just continue our patrol?”
“Are you not eating? I know you skipped the welcome feast and breakfast the next morning I-” He started.
“Of course I’m eating!” Lirum cut him off so he wouldn’t ramble on forever.
“Not sleeping then? I know O.W.L.s are at the end of the year, but there’s plenty of time for revision!” Adrian insisted.
“No! I just…look, you don’t need to worry about that. I love sleep and food both. I’ve not been skipping out on either.” They attempted in vain to reassure him. “I’ve just been a little stressed.”
“A little stressed? A little stress doesn’t result in passing out several times a month! Professor Lupin’s a saint and the first class was on boggarts! Everyone knew whatever it turned into wasn’t real and it couldn’t hurt you! How could that have stressed you out enough to-“
“Not everyone has lived the same experiences, remember,” Lirum snapped.
“Exactly! None of them passed out from seeing a boggart!” He insisted as if they were supposed to see how insignificant their fear should have been.
“Sometimes people’s fears aren’t spiders, or dinosaurs, or bloody pygmy puffs! My biggest fear isn’t growing up, changing, and giving up on what I use to love, or having to watch the person I love, love someone else! I fear something real.” They argued back, bitterly.
“Those are valid, and-“ He’d done it. Everyone else’s fears are valid but theirs aren’t. The boggart can’t hurt you, it’s not real, but everyone gets to be scared but you.
“What happened to the boggart can’t hurt you! Those are all valid fears? But we all experienced different lives, right? So how are you going to say my reaction isn’t valid? You didn’t see it. You don’t know what it was or why. So why don’t you stop playing white knight and we get back to our jobs.” Lirum was fridge in their delivery. They didn’t need to make friends with him if all he’d ever do was tell them how their wrong or bad.
“That was harsh and not fair at all. You’re the top of our year, you know well enough the boggart couldn’t hurt you, and the charm to defend against it.” His excuses continued. “Their fears are valid because they might not have, you don’t have that deniability. You’re using stress to make an excuse for-.”
“Are you serious?! My fear! My stress! Is valid! My life has been far from fair! I already lost the things that I loved doing! I actually lost the people I loved! All of it has been ruined! My childhood has been stolen from me, bathed in blood, and pain, and I will never get it back! I will never get to see my home again! Not without seeing him, and what I’ve lost!” Lirum’s voice was still hoarse from screaming at Lupin earlier, raspy and raw as they were forced into yet another situation they’d tried to avoid. It’d had more use over the past week then it had in their first years there. They use to be so patient. “I tried to take the bad grade, and move on, but they forced me back into it! So, time stopped and I was trapped, and small! Do you know how it feels when the pain becomes so much bigger than you are! Your past becomes so present you feel your baby teeth, and your feet don’t touch the floor! I do! I have had to relive the same bullshit every time someone won’t accept that maybe our circumstances are a bit different! That maybe they don’t know me at all, that maybe their assumptions about me weren’t right, that maybe I’m not perfect, and I didn’t lead a perfect life!”
“I-I had no idea-“ he sputtered.
“Of course you don’t! You don’t know me! You never tried to get to know me! You just came in and started making decisions about what I wanted, and how I should be living for me!” They were so tired of people coming into their life and telling them how they felt about things. As if everyone knew them better then they knew themself. That they just didn’t know what they wanted, or weren’t looking after themselves.
“I was trying to help!” He argued shocked.“If you told me what happened, I could-“
“No! You don’t get to know! You don’t get to question me now! Not about my life, or what I’ve lived through, because you don’t have a right to it! As much as you seem to believe you’re entitled to!” They were shaking again, and he was staring at them slowly moving closer. if they passed out again Madam Pomfrey might try to send them to Saint Mungos. They shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. They knew everyone was going to ask them what happened, what was wrong with them. They could run away, that usually worked but if they didn’t would he chase after them? If they passed out would anyone find them? What would happen?
“Hey. Let’s just sit down for a second.” Adrian was calm, motioning them towards the floor slowly.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” They didn’t know what to do, the world felt like it was spinning too fast and leaving them behind. All they knew was that they didn’t feel like taking orders.
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk to me.” He said softly, taking a seat on the stone floor and beckoning Lirum to join him. “You need-“
“Stop telling me what I need!” Despite the calm voice he spoke in, his face was frantic. They didn’t know him, they certainly didn’t trust him.
“If this is how you’ve been passing out, what you need-” Conciseness be damned, they ran.
They heard him scrambling to his feet after them shouting their name as they dashed down the corridor taking a hard hit to the shoulder as they slammed into the wall trying to cut the corner. They’d been out of breath before they even started running. They probably couldn’t make it far at all, even if they tried their hardest. They weren’t in the best shape, they'd never been interested in sports, the only reason they stayed thin was the obscene amount of stairs. That’s what was ahead of them, flights, and flights of stairs.
They knew they couldn’t outrun him. Adrian Pucey had been on the Quidditch team for four years. He was well built, and far more fit then Lirum. They could hear his footsteps gaining on them. Then a hand grabbed them around their waist, yanking them back. A yelp escaped before the other hand clamped over their mouth. Suddenly they were dragged backward into a classroom. The footsteps fell harder and Adrian’s yelling became louder.
Whoever’d dragged them Into the classroom was not Adrian.
A new fear ripped through them. Like being plunged into an icy lake. There was a murderer on the loose, and they’d been silenced and dragged into a classroom out of the sight of the only other prefect Lirum knew the whereabouts of. They tried to struggle but the firm chest and arms wrapped around them didn’t budge. Barley even a grunt left their captor as they struggled and cried for freedom.
“It’s me. Lirum It’s just me.” George spoke softly to them. He took his hand from their mouth to push back the ringlets that had fallen out of place. As their sobs grew louder he brought it back to cup their face. “I’m sorry, Hey, it’s alright, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Lirum struggled to breathe again. Between anger and fear they were drowning. Everything around them had been so overwhelming and the pain took the place of air in their lungs. Words seemed so far away. The only anchor holding them there was the arm that hadn’t left their waste. George pulled them lower slowly until they both lie on the floor. He held them softly, quietly. There was something deeply comforting about it. He knew what they needed, but he didn’t order them. He just held them. His deep and rhythmic breathing the only sound.
“Will you breathe with me?” He asked gentle, calm deep breaths followed, and so did Lirum.
They felt guilty again, they’d been screaming and fighting again with another person who just wanted the best for them, and now George was sitting on the floor holding them crying like a child. They were fifteen! They were meant to be mature! They're old enough to have a conversation without bursting into tears! But there they were! Crying in their friends lap like an idiot! They owed him an explanation at the least. Would wand making lessons even be enough to-
They tried to speak, but all that came were body wracking stuttered breaths and choked sobs. His hands moved from their face tucking itself into their hair, while the other rubbed gentle circles on their back.
“We don’t have to talk, not unless you want to.” He said, taking another deep breath. Gently tugging in their hair in a soothing manner. “Not until you’re ready, alright Love?”
Why was he so good to them? They’d never been especially nice to him. They treated him like a nuisance more than a friend most times, but there he was. Holding them while they cried and giving them everything they needed. He gave them safety, peace, and an unmatched understanding. The least they could do was breathe with him like he’d asked. They struggled at first, body shaking when they tried to breathe, but slowly they came to breathe in time with him. Resting their head on his shoulder and finally relaxing into his hold.
“That’s right, everything’s ok now, I’m right here,” His voice was muffled in their hair, but they understood every word. “I’ll always be here when you need me.”
“Thank you.” Lirum whispered, shifting to wrap their arms around him. “Why does it hurt so much? I feel like I’m dying!”
“it’s okay, everyone’s survival looks a little bit like death sometimes”