Breathe
“Percy, you should take Lirum first.” Dumbledore spoke. “Some time with friends should calm you down before we speak again later.”
“Yes sir, Professor.” Percy nodded before going to reach for Lirum who’d already begun to storm out of the office. “Lirum-wait for me!”
He shuffled quickly behind them trying to keep up with Lirum’s angry stride.
“Lirum! Wait a moment we need to talk about what happened in there! How could you say that? Think about your future!” Percy ranted, and Lirum stopped dead in the hallway to face him.
“Did you hear any of the things they said to me?” Lirum asked, shocked.
“You were being rather abrasive.” Percy said, stressed.
“Do I not have a right to it? Did we sit through the same conversation?” Lirum’s heart faltered hearing one of the people they cared about most acting as of they were the problem. “I was harassed and then told that I was in the wrong for existing!”
“No-yes, you have every right to be upset about what happened on the train but-“ he started.
“But nothing Percy, it wasn’t just the train it was everything he said after! I was chosen by mistake clearly.” Lirum shouted, hurt.
“I-I don’t know what I missed, but no, you weren’t you have all the makings of a good prefect, a much better one then him clearly.” Percy tried to comfort them moving closer.
“Clearly they don’t think that!” Lirum snapped pushing him back away.
“What did he say to you?” Percy asked, seriously. “Was what Cedric said true? I heard what Spinnet and Towler told Professor McGonagall. So I know at least part of it was, but…”
“It wasn’t just Davies, the whole time I sat and waited I was told about my ‘Condition’!” The word tasted rotten in their mouth when they spoke it.
“You’re what? Condition? What con…” The realisation dawned on his face before he spoke again. “No, no one would-they don’t”
“Oh but they do think that! Dumbledore himself called it that several times actually. Oh and before that when Professor McGonagall sent me my letter, the reason I didn’t show it off? Oh, due to my ‘Condition’ I would be the fifth year boys prefect. As I might not be able to fulfill the responsibilities of the girls prefect.” They ranted fighting off tears.
“No, they…they couldn’t have…” he started again looking at them, eyes full of pity.
“You don’t believe me?” Lirum asked soberly. “You swore! You swore that no matter what if I told you the truth you’d believe me!” Lirum shrieked, staring at the person who was always meant to be there for them.
“No! No, no, I believe you. Of course I believe you! Every word of it I-I just…it’s-“ he rushed out, reaching for them again only to be swatted away.
“All I have been told today over and over again is that everyone thinks that there’s something wrong with me for existing!” Percy still seemed lost for words as Lirum continued. “That they’d rather just ignore me until I go away! That the only reason people started considering me a person was because suddenly I’d made friends who cared how others treated me.”
“Lirum…no. That’s not-people don’t…” He said, reaching for them to gently cup their face and meet his eyes.
“People don’t what, Percy? Believe that? They very much do! The thing McGonagall mentioned, the incident in second year, I was a stupid thirteenth year old trying to figure out what felt most comfortable, and I experienced the horrors of menstruation! Which then meant I had to sit through the talk about female hygiene from Professor McGonagall. Who from that day forward began referring to me as Ms. Ollivander!” Lirum explained through tear filled eyes.
“I-I“ Percy stuttered.
“Or what about Flitwick, my head of house who originally had me put into the girls' dorms. until about a week into being at this school I came sliding back down the stairs! At that time I didn’t even know what was going on! Then being shuffled into the boys dorms only until second year when the incident occurred and they tried to put me back in with the girls before panicking a few days after when the stairs went from beneath me again and just putting me in my own room in the boys dorms!” Lirum was shaking, so angry and upset and frustrated they felt like they were on fire. Burning alive with every word or thought that came about. “Out of sight out of mind right?”
“Lirum, I-” They could feel the tears streaming down their face. He pulled them into a tight embrace, soft strokes down their back. They could feel how desperately he wanted to calm them but it wasn’t working.
“The only two teachers in this school who actually took the time to think about what I would prefer where Professors Snape, and Trelawney. Both of whom I previously disliked but now I’m thankful might not be so bad.” They cried, grabbing desperate handfuls of his robes for comfort. “So no, I don’t want to be prefect. I don’t want to be around any of those people. And I don’t believe I will be able to do my job.”
“But you have so much potential. Think about your future.” He stressed, rubbing comforting circles on Lirum’s back that quickly soured. Something that was once filled with understanding tainted with the pressure of what he wanted them to be. They were disgusted.
“Nothing I do at this school is going to change my future. I will leave here, and go take over the shop I never want to return to, and live the rest of my days in a village full of memories I don’t want to remember, until Godric forbid something happens to the only family I have left and I go back to London to be lonely in my shop in Diagon alley.” He was speechless when
They pushed him away. They were ready to leave. They felt betrayed. “I never wanted to be prefect anyway. I hated the way they all acted stuck up and self important. Then I met you, I thought maybe you weren’t bad at all and I thought maybe I could be a good prefect. I’d have you, and Cedric with me after you graduated. Maybe even make some new friends, but if this is how it’s gonna be, they can take it. Give it to someone who actually needs it were they’re going.”
“No you’re not giving up! You never give up! You’re stubborn and spiteful and snarky and you don’t give up!” Percy argued, following behind them pulling them back.
“Yes I do! Things get hard and I run away! I run away from all my problems!” Lirum shouted back angrily, that he wouldn’t drop the subject or let them leave.
“Lirum, please let’s calm down. We can go to the hospital wing and-“
“There’s nothing wrong with me!” Cries turned to squalls, they couldn’t breath. They felt like the world was spinning and they couldn’t keep themself up.
“No! I didn’t mean-“ Percy panicked trying to get hold of them so they couldn’t run away. “Please, I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know what to do. You’re not acting like yourself, I’m worried.”
“Me?! I’m not acting like myself? Percy you went from being my closest friend to stonewalling me on the train! Refusing to acknowledge my feelings about what I want or what’s happened! How is it me? How am I what’s broken?!” They struggled attempting to get away from him until their back hit the cold stone wall like ice against their burning skin.they felt like they were choking with every word and sob they could feel more air left them leaving them gasping for more. Their hands shook violently they could barley feel them as they fought to stay out of Percys.
“I never said that! I would never say that! Please! Listen to me! You need to breathe!” He was frantic, when he grabbed their shoulders ignoring them as they beat on his chest trying to get him away. He kept them up against the cold wall as their knees began to fail them. “I know you’re upset! You can scream at me all you need, but I’m begging you to breathe!”
“Let me go!” They shrieked, between wails. Their chest burned, they couldn’t tell anymore if it was their heart or lungs but everything inside them was on fire, the fire in their skin had turned to ice as their head pounded and all they could do was scream. “Let! Me! Go!”
“I can’t, not until you breath! You’re going to-“
His words had ended abruptly, so did the way everything felt. The next thing they knew they were surrounded by scratchy sheets feeling completely numb. It was dark when they opened their eyes but the light coming in from the window showed what was quite obviously the hospital wing. He’d taken them there anyway, of course he had, they thought before they were snapped back to reality by a shuffling noise in the room.
“I know you're there, don't bother hiding it.” They heard Percy’s voice ring out in the quiet room.
“You’ve been here all night so before you try to yell at us-“ Fred’s voice sounded muffled, he was probably hiding from Percy.
“I won’t yell at you, or report you snuck out or even go looking when you aren’t in your room at lights out for the first half of the year if you’ll agree to one thing for me.” He said, halfheartedly.
“We’re not gonna stop talking to them!” George snapped.
“No, they need friends right now even if that means you.” Percy hesitated.
“What’s your problem-“ Fred started, only to get cut off by Percy.
“Roger Davies, I don’t care if it’s your meanest prank of the year, or even your life- just make sure he feels it.” He sighed.
“Why?” Fred asked sceptically, knowing his brother would never encourage their behaviour.
“Have you talked to your friend spinnet yet tonight?” Percy asked. “If not, you should ask her or Cedric what happened. You’ll understand.”
“You’ve never encouraged any of-“ George started only to be stopped by Percy again.
“Because I can’t hit him! If I get into a fight I ruin years of hard work! I lose head boy! I lose my chances at Minister of Magic!” Percy growled angrily. “But you can, you’ll never be prefect, you're not scared of breaking the rules you never have been! Please! Just break the rules this one time for a good reason!”
“What did he do?” Fred asked seriously.
“I don’t know entirely, I know whenever we made it to where they were it had already come to blows!”
“Did he hit them?!” Fred asked, be the scuffling noises they heard they assumed George was holding him back. “Is that why they’re in here?!”
“No, it’s a bit more complicated than that,” Percy started. “Cedric was the one on the floor with Davies, Lirum looked like they were about to cry. Things got messy after we made it to Dumbledore’s office. They were freaking out crying and stopped breathing, and I-“
“Why were they crying? What happened?” Fred snapped.
“A lot-I” Percy started again.
“A lot isn’t helpful Percy! What happened?!” Fred spat. There was shuffling on the other side of the curtains.
“Shut up, before you wake them up!” George snapped in a hushed yell.
“It’s too late for that George,” Lirum groaned, shifting to sit up, in the bed.
“I’m so sorry Love!” George spoke as the curtains were ripped back. Percy and the twins came racing to their side.
“Hey, hey don’t get up yet.” Percy said, with urgency in his voice. “How are you feeling, are you alright?”
“I’ll be fine.” Lirum shrugged, inching away from him.
“Don’t give me that. I asked how you were feeling right now. It’s important, you fainted.” He fretted.
“Get out of the way Percy! You stressing them out, it's going to make them worse!” Fred said, pushing Percy off the edge of the bed. “What happened today Darling? You’ll tell me what happened to you won’t you?”
“You think forcing them to talk about it would be better?!” Percy snapped at Fred who’d sat on the edge of Lirum’s bed to talk to them.
“One more condition Percy,” Fred said glaring back at him. “We’ll decide what we’re going to do after. Make sure it fits.” Fred was keeping himself intently vague. He probably thought they hadn’t heard the start of the conversation. He knew they’d usually stop him from doing anything to stupid, or anything in their name, but that night they couldn’t bring themself to care.
Percy huffed and stormed out, but Fred And George stayed by their side listening to Lirum tell their story at their own pace. Comforting them when they cried and trying their best to hold back their anger. They’d had a terrible first day but Roger Davies would be having an even worse year.