muggle bars
9pm, 2nd of November
The pub was full today. Since 8 o'clock people have been coming in non stop. Everyone seemed to be chattering and laughing. Almost all of the dark wooden tables were occupied with groups of people. The alcohol was flowing and the smell of cigarette layed in the air. Officially it wasn't allowed to smoke inside but people didn't care and especially after all the families with children left, everyone was pulling out their pack of fags or cigars.
Even Regulus who sat behind the bar, taking a short break pulled out his own. When no one was looking he lit his cigarette with his finger and took a drag. He breathed in deep and let the smoke escape his mouth slowely.
It was a Wednesday night and Regulus was exhausted. He lacked sleep. A lot.
The past months Sirius didn't get out of his head but especially today he was thinking of his brother. Tomorrow was his birthday. He wished he could get him a present, celebrate with him. Get drunk with him for the first time. But he couldn't.
And his muggle job kept him in track every night. He was constantly hurrying around, mixing drinks, taking orders and serving them if Marla called in sick again as she did so often. And when he wasn't doing that, he did research. Reading old records, diaries and journals, hunting wirzards down to get every bit of information he could find.
Today his mind was far away from anything related to his research. Today, his mind was spinning around Sirius and Sirius alone. Regulus took another drag of his fag. He wondered if Sirius stayed up counting down the minutes to midnight, as he did when they were kids. He wondered if he stuffed his face with chocolate frogs as he did in the middle of the night with Regulus as they were kids.
They had collected all their sweets and hid them under the loose bottom of their drawer to avoid their parents finding it when they searched their rooms. And then on special nights, like Sirius' or Regulus' birthday and sometimes even Christmas if they weren't too full after the boring Christmas dinners their parents made them attend, they made a whole feast at 1 am in the morning and giggled hidden under Sirius' blanket.
Sometimes on warm rainless nights they would even sneak out on the roof and look for their stars. They would admire them and talk about nothing and everything until their eyelids got heavy. Then they would sneak back into their own rooms trying to fall asleep. Sometimes when Regulus couldn't sleep he would make his way back to Sirius' room on tiptoes and cuddle himself under his brothers big heavy blankets.
But those special nights stopped when Sirius got sorted in Gryffindor. Their relationship grew distant, almost cold. Like the bond they had, had never existed. Like they were just two boys who happened to live in the same house. But that didn't mean, that Regulus didn't miss his big brother. He did, but that didn't matter. After he got into Slytherin, Sirius avoided him like a disease. Like even looking at him caused him to throw up. It had pained him back then and it still pained him to this day. It was like he carried a little dagger stabbed in his side every day, everywhere he went.
Regulus breathed in deeply again to slow his fastening heartbeat and threw his cigarette butt in the skull ashtray on the counter beside him. His hands found its way in his hair pulling on it. He had to erase these thoughts if he ever wanted to go through with his plan. He had to forget Sirius, or best, pretend he didn't have a brother. Leave everything about him behind him. He pulled on his hair again, harder this time, but it didn't help.
His hand wandered to his wrist. Grabbed the rubberband he had placed there months ago. Like an addict searching for the long wanted relieve he flicked it against his wrist. A sharp pain shot through his arm. Again. And again.
His eyes started to flicker around the room, desperately trying to find something to focus on. He flicked the rubberband. The pain was nothing against the pain he knew. But it was a reminder. What he was here for. Again he flicked it. And again. Until his eyes focused again and he landed in reality, his goals clear set. He was on a mission. He couldn't give up now. He couldn't down in memories.
"Break's over Archy." A voice called out to him. Immediately he let the rubberband disappear under his sleeve and stood up at once. Fuck, he needed to keep his shit together. He was here for a reason.
"Fuck off, Lynx.", Regulus said, walking over to the sink, to wash his hand before getting back to work.
"As lovely as ever, i see, Mr Gray." The blond headed girl shirped in his direction. He rolled his eyes and shot her a look. Lynx Bacman was his only other support in the pub besides Marla. She was really good at waitressing but she started flirting with him since the moment he walked in the heavy wooden doors to the pub. Which he didn't like at all. She was pretty, he had to admit. Her blond hair ran over her shoulders in waves and her green eyes sparkled in excitement every time he looked at her. She had a soft tummy and nice round curves. Her rosy lips and cute freckles made her look like a fairy. If he was into girls he would've definitely hit it off with her. Not date wise. He wasn't the type of guy that went on dates, but he wasn't sure that was what she was interested in either.
But since he was as straight as a curve, he was just immensely annoyed by her flirting. She just didn't seem to get the hint. Regulus treated her like crap and in another life he might've felt bad about it but he didn't really care about the muggles working here and definitely wasn't looking to make any friends. He kept all of his co workers at a distance, for good reasons. If they started to like him, they would just start intruding his privacy and could potentially discover his well told lies and secrets. Which would be the most counterproductive thing that could happen.
Also he just wasn't interested in new friends. He had Dorcas and Pandora and that was enough for him. Well, there were Barty and Evan too, but they believed that he was dead, so he wasn't sure if he could still count them as current friends. But they had been his friends a while ago.
"Don't call me that", Regulus groaned.
Mr Gray was the worst possible variant of his muggle name. To be honest he wasn't the most creative person and when he had to choose a cover name he just went with his middle name. Arcterus. And well, he definitely couldn't go with Black as a last name so he chose the next thing that came to his mind. Gray. Just another colour. Simple. Arcterus Gray was an odd name for a muggle though. He hadn't thought of people asking about its roots and he definitely hadn't thought of the fact that he was gonna be teased for it by his co workers. But now he couldn't do anything about it anymore. At least he didn't have to live with that name forever. Once he had completed his mission he could leave his muggle identity behind him and return to his Wizard one. Regulus Arcterus Black. Which sounded a lot more elegant in his opinion.
He wasn't ashamed to be a black. Not like Sirius was. He never denied his family name, even though he was not proud of the things they had done. He was furious when people put his parents actions on him and expected him to be as cruel as they were. But he wasn't ashamed to be a Black. He wasn't ashamed to be from a noble and rich household and was glad about the power he hold over people. It made his mission a lot easier.
Regulus sighed and returned to mixing drinks, filling pints of beer and watching his costumers get drunker and drunker by every passing hour. He only prayed that there would be no fights or other trouble tonight. He really wanted to have a peaceful evening. Well, as peaceful as it could get in a bar full of drunk old men, who tended to scream at everyone who looked at them in the wrong way and laughed so loudly Regulus was scared the building could collapse every moment. He hoped that he could get out of there before 3 am and get some fucking sleep. Maybe he would even drink one of his precious sleeping draughts, he brought from Hogwarts.
He really, really needed a good nights sleep.
*******
1am, 3rd of November
4 hours later Regulus dropped into his bed with aching muscles. His shift hadn't been as horrible as it could've been but it was exhausting nonetheless. His body was tired he could feel it. Every muscle and limb was screaming for sleep and rest. He felt like he was too tired to even take off his clothes, eat dinner or even brush his teeth. He just wanted to knock out on his bed and not wake up for the next century.
The only problem was that 1. he wouldn't sleep well if he didn't take off his jeans 2. he was absolutely starving and lastly, his mind wouldn't shut up. His thoughts had been rushing, thinking about Sirius but also not wanting to think about him but then worrying about him. It was like they went in so many directions at one time that his head was about to burst.
Sighing Regulus tried to heave himself out of bed, propping up on his fists. His body screamed and protested and he groaned of pain but managed to stand up. He almost stumbled back to the ground when his vision went black for seconds but he caught himself in time and slurped out in his balcony, plopping down on his armchair. He took a cigarette out of the pack on the little table and lit it with his finger. The table was one of his most precious possessions. It was black and round and its legs were adorned with gracious metal swirls. A smile tucked at his lips as he caressed the metal with his fingers. It felt cool and hard beneath his rough hands.
Regulus Arcterus Black did not use to have rough hands. His fingers were slim and pale. Long and elegant. No sign of work marked the hands of a son of the noble house of black. Even after months of muggle work, months of doing things without his wand, his fingers were still as pale and elegant as they were before. But even though they looked no different, if one were to hold his hands they would feel his dry skin, the slight muscles that built up in his fingers and his cracked skin on his knuckles.
He took a drag of his cigarette and lulled his head back. It was already way past midnight. He wondered if Sirius was fast asleep by now or if he was out creating mischief. He wondered if Sirius still remembered him. If he remembered all the things he did with Regulus all those years ago. Because Regulus couldn't let them go. He couldn't stop wondering, and worrying. What if his friends forgot his birthday? What if he hid in the astronomy tower crying? What if he drank his feelings away? Or worse, what if he was completely okay, what if he didn't think of Regulus anymore? What if he still hated him, the way he did when Regulus got sorted into Slytherin?
Regulus felt a headache crawling up his neck. The desire to see Sirius felt overwhelming. To check up on him, make sure he was feeling okay, make sure he had a good birthday. He knew that he shouldn't. He couldn't sneak into Hogsmead for sure. At least not as human. But if he were to look different, let's say, a cat? That wouldn't attract any unwanted attention, right?
In 4th year Regulus had decided to become and animagus. It had takes months and months of research. Long evenings in the library and he even sneaked in the restricted section a couple of times. One time, he remembered instinctively. He had taken another trip to the resticted section, being careful as always when he suddenly stumbled over Mrs Norris. The cat had cried out and looked at him with her red deadly eyes. Minutes later Filch came running down the corridor. Regulus had barely enough time to hide in the secret passageway behind a painting when Filch ran past him cursing "pathetic little students" and took Mrs Norris in his arms. Sometimes Regulus wondered how he could hate every human being alive but love his cat so dearly. That night Regulus went back to his dorm without researching in the library. He didn't want to risk getting caught.
By the end of his 5th year in Hogwarts he finally managed to complete his transition and by the time he left home and the world of wizards and went undercover in the muggle world he could transform from his human form to his animagus smoothly. Since then he practiced transforming without his wand. It was a difficult procedure but since he studied wandless magic from the age of 14 he made progress relatively fast. It wasn't perfect still, but he practiced every day.
Regulus propped his arms up on the little table and covered his face with his hands. He shouldn't. He really shouldn't risk it but the desire to see his brother felt unbearable. Just one time. He would just take the risk this time to make sure he was okay. That Sirius was living a good life and didn't need him. Not that he had ever needed him. Not since the day he walked into Hogwarts and found friends. But he never stopped worrying.
Regulus made his way back into his apartment and got ready to apparate. He took his keys, his wallet, his coat and his wand from the bedside table and left his flat.