goodbye yellow brick road?
James needs a break. A very well deserving break.
One with many days by the beach with nothing but his lover, lemonade and the sun burning his skin to the point he didn’t quite knew the difference between the sun and Regulus’ kisses on his skin. Because both made him burn from under his skin in a whole new place, that biology had yet to discover. The place that Regulus lived inside James.
Anyway. James needed a break.
The thing is that Sirius, his beloved darling stunning best friend, was getting on his nerves ever since him and Regulus became public at the dinning hall when James dragged himself to the slytherin table to eat dinner with his lover. They had an argument previously about it, the thing was that Regulus kept saying James would never sit on the slytherin table and eat with them because he was born with his ass glued to Sirius, Remus and Peter and, therefore, could never sit far from them.
Oh, well. Challenge accepted then. James made a show out of it like he usually did, he had a Regulus shirt in the back of his trunk, one that he knew Regulus loved. The small David Bowie shirt that made James be wide awake at night because that shirt glued to all the parts in Regulus upper body that James loved (however, that’s not a lot of parameters, James loves even the ugly toes in Regulus’ feet). That’s beside the point, the main thing here is that James wore the goddamn shirt to dinner with his proud gryffindor robes over it and basically made a parade out of it. Because when James Potter enters the room wearing a crop t-shirt and walks straight to slytherin without bothering looking to someone that isn’t Regulus Black everyone stops to look. After dinner Regulus threatened to kill James, but ended up just kissing him in the astronomy tower and saying a small “thanks” for the dinner thing even if it was a bit to much.
So, for the first time in years, he was happy in the love department and enjoying the beginning of his so waited relationship with Regulus. The problem was that Sirius couldn’t get off of his back and for the first time James wanted to punch him in the face for not letting him have some alone deserved time with his boyfriend. After a long day of classes and quidditch practice sometimes James just wanted to listen to Regulus criticize all his choices during the day and then shove some food down his throat saying (lovingly) he needed to take care of himself more or, and I quote Regulus’ words he said “I will kill you and I will bring you back to life so you learn to take care of yourself more and stop being a prick who thinks that can go an entire day with only the lunch food and water”. Oh, how James loved that part of his day. But for the past two weeks he hadn’t had the time to be alone with Regulus because of his lovely friend Sirius. And he was about to go insane. He couldn’t kiss Regulus because a) Sirius started to yell like a fucking siren like he was about to drown in the ocean b) Regulus would punch James if he tried to kiss him with his brother right behind them. He was so Regulus touch starved he could cook a whole banquet for the entire school to represent his starvation and he still would not show how starved he was for him.
Some people go to therapy and James lives and thrives out of Regulus’ touches.
Back again (to the main problem, the mind of James Potter jumps to one subject to another too quickly), Sirius needed something to distract himself, so James could date in peace, he was so tired of cockblocking he was about to build a fortress to lock Sirius in and wait for him to get out on his own. Don’t take him wrong, he loves Sirius more than he loves himself, there’s a piece of Sirius that is sewed to James. Before they were born, the great divination attached their hips together, so they couldn’t be apart for too long and could be close at all times.
The problem wasn’t exactly Sirius constant presence when he was trying to be alone with Regulus. The problem was that Sirius kept making comments about James snogging his little brother, or how forward he was for not kicking the shit out of James’ ass for it. On day six of interruptions, James came to the conclusion that if Sirius had a lover, he would leave them be. He even tried to tell Regulus about it on a night escape in their beloved astronomy tower, but Regulus was adamant about it. The other problem that James identified was that Sirius has been a different kind of sad lately, he wasn’t ready to talk about it, but James always made sure to comfort him for when he was ready. So, he knew it sounded selfish and wrong to want Regulus all to himself and to put Sirius in a relationship, but he thought it would be good for him to go on dates and have fun too, ever since he broke up with Renoir from hufflepuff he hasn’t talked about dates or anyone in particular. But those past few weeks in question, he had been feeling sadder and lonelier than usual. And James should help, shouldn’t he? His best mate was suffering in silence, and he needed to take the sadness out of his body.
“James don’t”
“Love, I didn’t even say, but I-”
“No”
“Don’t you think it would work, though?”
“I know for sure it wouldn’t” Regulus said and pinched the bridge of James’ nose like he enjoyed doing when he was trying to prove a point “Sirius is just… He is dealing with something and he wants our company”
“Yeah I know, but I also want your company”
“My poor Potter is attention deprived?”
“Deeply!” he whined, resting his head in Regulus’ neck, his favorite place to rest, “You know I’m a whore for attention, lover, and I require yours more than anyone else’s”.
After that night, James let the idea rest in the back of his head and didn’t mention it to Regulus any more. But he knew Sirius and he wasn’t just feeling in need of company, if that was the case he would be sleeping in his or Remus’ bed (never Peter’s because he didn’t enjoy sharing a bed with touch as love language people and Sirius was an avid cuddler). He thought about bringing the subject up to Remus, so he could speak his mind on it. Remus, on the other hand, didn’t even want James to start.
“Moony hear me it would be fantastic, wouldn’t it? And if it works we can get someone to you too and-”
“No James”
“I know you’re in a happy and single proud kind of thing but wouldn’t it-”
“I’m not in a happy and single pride” he said finally closing his book and turning to James “But you shouldn’t scheme something like that, I mean do you even know what Sirius wants? One can’t possibly know what he wants you know? He gives so many signals and signs but then nothing, so how can you know?”
“You wound me, Moony” James smiles wryly “I know he wants someone, I mean, he is showing the signs-”
“What signs?” Remus said a bit too eager, it made James tilt his head a bit analysing the situation, but said nothing to him.
“I mean he was crying to yellow brick road when he thought I wasn’t watching” James tried to remember the other signs Sirius shows when he thinks James isn’t paying attention “He got the O’Hara book too from my bookshelf before we got back!”
“Dear lord” Remus face was pale at the realisations. They all knew the dangers of Sirius Orion Black reading queer poetry and listening to Elton John in the late hours of night. There were more signs, but James knew better to keep those for himself, even if he highly doubted that Remus didn’t notice them. Remus paid a great amount of his time paying attention to Sirius, it was the most natural and normal thing in the world. James once got surprised because Sirius is a ballet enthusiast and learns choreographies on his own, and one time he showed to Remus the routine he had just learned. A few days later, he could describe every movement that Sirius did in the routine, like a physician studying the movement that a trajectory makes, Remus studied every move that Sirius did.
That’s when James mind finally clicked.
He admits that it took him longer than necessary to come to this conclusion.
So he started one of his flawless plans. I mean, it was with one of those that he convinced Regulus to go out with him (but said Mr Black would deny it to the day he died). But he needed the whole plan sorted out first, and he needed someone with him to help. He couldn’t tell Regulus, he would never agree to such thing, not after he told James to not do anything about it. But James needed to, now that he saw and knew what he knew, he couldn’t just ignore. So he did the very best thing and told Peter.
“Well”
“Well?”
“That’s a pretty selfish reason, isn’t it, prongs?”
“I mean-” James started, he had both good and bad intentions with it, even if he was prioritizing the good ones, he couldn’t deny the tinge of bad intentions he had under it. “Yeah, but also I’m worried about Sirius ever since we came back from winter break, he was fine back home, you know? But all of a sudden he is so gloomy and shutting down”
“He is too much of a star to do that” Peter agreed, finalizing James train of thought and proceeded saying “It’s true, though, Sirius is more… odd this year” he sat on the edge of the chair. James had summoned him to a meeting, so he could tell everything to Peter and to organize the plan. “Last week he cried to let him sleep with me”
“You’re joking, wormtail? He really did it?”
“I’m fucking serious, I got very worried about it but said nothing, was waiting for you to notice it as well, you’re hipsmates or whatever”
“Don’t be jealous, Pete! Sirius is my hip, Remus is my torso and you’re my thigh”
“How come I’m your thigh?”
“It’s a very important part of the body you know” James said, face completely stern “You need the thigh to sustain yourself you trust the thigh. And I trust you”
“Well, in that case I appreciate it” he hugged James for a fraction of a second. Peter wasn’t big on touch, he only did it on random episodes and only to people he knew for a while, he absolutely hated strangers touching him or trying to grab him. “Remus is pathetically in love you know”
“You knew that too???”
“James, mate, I love you but sometimes your head is so deep in your ass that you can’t see your surroundings”
“Maybe you’re not my thigh, but my eyes”
“Love you mate, here for it” he smiled, “So, what are we going to do to get them together?”
“Here’s the deal…”
–
The first part of the plan was pretty easy. All they needed to do was to set up a date between the two of them without them realising it was made by James and Peter.
“You do Remus and I do Sirius” James said “Remus writes too politely and kinda sweet? I can’t write like that”
“That’s because you’re dumb and knows nothing about poetic writing”
“Hey! I do my fair share of reading of poetry works, ok?”
“The things you do for love…”
“Not true, I already liked it!” James looked at the paper and thought about the date he would plan for Sirius and Remus “What about a picnic by the enchanted lake”
“Pretty lovely actually” Peter thought about it “How do we lure them in? I mean it can’t be just a chat, or otherwise they will just look for each other in the corridors or classes”
“We must glue ourselves to their sides so they don’t say anything to each other”
“Will it work? I mean, they will eventually notice we’re making them avoid each other”
“But it’s like only for the first part of the day!” James says “Imagine that: you escort Sirius and I do Remus, we make sure they won’t talk to each other just until the classes end and then we ship both to the picnic”
“Don’t know mate, I think this isn’t going to work”
“They’re always together, I know! But we have to try”
“Sirius will find out and kill us”
“Well there’s always a chance, but if he finds out I’ll talk to him and explain”
“Still going to end up dead” Peter said and pretended to faint, “Then I’m next because I indulge you…..”
“Don’t worry! I will be double killed because Regulus will kill me first and Sirius will bring me back to life just to end me in a more painful way”
“Our funeral, mate” Peter mused, “closer than we expected”
Regulus knew James was up to something. It wasn’t exactly rocket science.
Whenever James did something, he got jumpy about it, and he tried at all costs to talk about anything related to it. He had been dating James for a very short time, but he knew him perfectly like he studied the James Potter subject his entire life. And, to him, James was an open book and he learned to read all his languages, specially because James doesn’t tell what he is feeling or thinking ever, so Regulus has to observe him and ask questions, otherwise he remains in silence. If not supported he tends to shut down, he never wants that with James.
So when he sees said James Potter avoiding talking about Sirius or Remus or anything regarding them, Regulus knew what he was doing. “I thought you wouldn’t do anything about it, Jams”
“I love it when you call me Jams”
“What are you up to?” he arched an eyebrow when James rested his forehead on Regulus’ “Besides trying to snog me”
“Trying to see that shiny star in your eyes, so when you close them I can kiss exactly where it was”
“Stop it!” Regulus blushed all the way to his neck, which was feeling the tingling from James’ nose wondering there making him blush ever harder “I’m dead serious”
“You’re not” James said and kissed the mole on his neck before turning back into staring Regulus right in those beautiful stormy eyes of his “I’m not doing anything, love, you can trust me”
“I don’t because your nose twitched, you do it when you're hiding something”
“Hmmmm you know all my peeves now” he smiled, the smile that makes Regulus quiver “Trust me love, it is completely safe and no one will get hurt”
“Is it something about the Sirius situation? If it is James, please don’t be stupid”
“Don’t worry, Reg! I will be very careful”
“So it’s about Sirius I told y-”
“Peter and I have everything under control, okay?” he said calmly to not alarm Regulus and tell him the details so he would understand “I’m not setting Sirius up with someone random, I’m going to set him up with Remus!”
“You WHAT?” James freezes when he listens to Sirius voice alongside with Regulus’. He had a paper on his hands, the same paper that Peter wrote pretending to be Remus asking Sirius out and Peter was nowhere to be found.
Oh no
It kinda went wrong pretty fast wouldn’t you say?