Big Deal
The next few months passed by in a blur for both James and Regulus. It seemed like James was never really himself after that day Regulus showed up at his doorstep, and Regulus seemed to be more angry and unhappy than he was before. Nothing was the same.
Regulus saw less and less of Sirius as the months passed by, not wanting to risk bumping into James. He simply stopped visiting him, texting him, or reaching out. Regulus just felt wrong. There was no other way to put it. It was a sucky feeling because at the time, Regulus thought he was doing the right thing but as time went on he realized maybe he was wrong.
Regulus stopped texting his friends, because at this point he couldn’t even deal with anyone anymore. He couldn’t even deal with Remus. He was too irritable and angry. Although, Remus of course saw Sirius regularly as they were still dating. They were happy together, and so Regulus was happy for them.
Sometimes at night Regulus has these really vivid dreams of James, like James is right there in front of him. Most nights he swears on everything that he can reach out and feel him, touch his face and his hair. Although, just as he’s about to tell James he’s sorry and he loves him, he wakes up.
It’s actually a reoccurring dream, unfortunately.
It’s like, even though Regulus is trying to move on he can’t. James will always be with him. He couldn’t escape. He was drowning.
James on the other hand was trying to move on, he just couldn’t. He did some concerts, some interviews, went to some award shows, but he was just going through the motions. He wasn’t truly happy like he once was before. He thought about calling Regulus, texting him, or even showing up at his apartment. He still loved him even after all this time. I mean, you don’t stop loving somebody just because they don’t love you back. He kinda felt pathetic in a way. How could he still love someone who said that their love was a mistake?
He started going to his parent’s house much more often after the incident. He would spend most of his days there until Sirius would call him and ask him where he was and why he wasn’t around. He would go home, dreadfully to meet him. He just didn’t want to be in his house anymore where the feeling of Regulus lingered.
Sirius knew what happened, of course he did. It was his best friend and brother for goodness sake. But, he vowed to not get involved because of that very reason. He couldn’t take sides, couldn’t give advice without feeling bias to one over another, he just couldn’t be involved. Sirius only knew as much of the situation as James was willing to tell him because of course Regulus wouldn’t tell him anything. When was the last time Regulus shared his feelings? Literally never. Plus, they weren’t talking much anymore.
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“Have you talked to him?” James asked while lying on his back on the couch, like he was at a therapy appointment. His eyes were looking up towards the ceiling fan.
“Hm?” Sirius responded.
“Regulus. Have you talked to him recently?” James turned his head to look at Sirius who was scrolling through this computer.
“Umm, no. Not recently, no.” Sirius replied very slowly like he wasn’t paying attention.
“And you’re just okay with that?” James sat up with a huff. He looked angry, although he wasn’t angry at Sirius just at the situation.
Sirius shut his computer screen, folded his hands, and looked at James. “James, listen. Regulus is a very,” Sirius squinted like he was trying to find the right words to not offend anyone, “weird and complicated person. He just kinda ghosts you for periods of time. Which I thought wouldn’t happen to me since I’m his literal flesh and blood, but that was my first and last mistake when dealing with Regulus. Do not underestimate him.” He chuckled lightly.
“All I’m saying is, no I haven’t heard from him and I probably won’t for a long time.” Sirius told James.
“How can you be so sure?” James asked.
“Let me paint you a picture of teeny tiny child Regulus who was out for a vengeance. One day I pissed Regulus off so badly, to be honest I don’t even know what it was about, and he didn’t talk to me for like two months! Two whole fucking months! Can you believe that? And I think it was because I beat him at a board game or some shit, I can’t remember exactly.” Sirius looked at James who had a shocked look plastered on his face. “Oh yeah, and don’t forget about the fact that when I moved to America at 18, he didn’t talk to me for four goddamn years until he finally forgave me for leaving him. Let’s not forget we’ve only really been in contact for about two years before he moved to America last year.” James’s face right now was priceless. Sirius couldn’t do anything but laugh. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I love him to death but he’s a crazy motherfucker.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah.”
“I think it’ll be different this time.” James whispered after a moment of silence.
“I don’t think so. I’ve known my brother for all 24 years of his life so I’d say I know him best. That’s just something I don’t see happening.” He gave James a weak smile, and opened his computer back up.
For the first time ever, James was really praying Sirius was wrong.
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(The French Sluts)
Barty: is Reg dead?
Evan: nah fr tho? Is he?
Dora: no, he’s not I texted Remus yesterday he’s fine
Dora: well I wouldn’t say fine but ya know. He’s not dead at least
Barty: then why won’t he respondddddd I miss my pookie💔🥺
Dora: idk maybe we should pay him a visit 😋😋
Dora: I’m kinda in the mood for a trip to the states!!🇺🇸
Evan: YESSSSS
Reg: no.
Barty: HE SPEAKSSSS!! MY POOKIE IS ALIVEEEE
Evan: YAYYY!!!
Evan: WHERE HAVE U BEEN??!
Reg: doing stuff.
Dora: don’t play with us🖕
Dora: you haven’t spoken to us in like 2 months and when you do it’s a one word answer then you disappear again 😕
Evan: we are worried about you what happened?
Reg: nothing.
Barty: gurl. Quit lying you’re pissing me off
Reg: don’t act like Remus hasn’t said anything
Dora: I mean he hasn’t really, all he said was “ask regulus it’s not my business to tell”
Evan: u have us all concerned
Reg: it’s nothing.
Evan: is it James?
Reg: 🫤
Evan:*Incoming FaceTime call (The French Sluts)*
——————————————
Sirius has never seen Regulus this distraught before in his life. Growing up, Regulus was always the more calm and collected sibling. Whenever their parents would hurt them, he’d just take it, he wouldn’t fight back, or lose it, or cry. On the other hand, Sirius had a big mouth which got him in trouble far more than Regulus.
Sirius remembers when they were younger, about age eight and ten, some kid was bothering Regulus outside on the playground. He was saying such awful things about Regulus that Sirius expected Regulus to start crying. He never did. Regulus just stared at the bully. He remembers distinctively when Regulus said, “Clearly you don’t get enough attention at home. Maybe if you weren’t so annoying and rude, your parents would actually love you.”
That’s all he needed to say. He didn’t need to yell at him or hit him, or cry. Instead, he just kept calm and used that good old fashioned wit Regulus was known for. The bully then walked away, and never bothered him again.
Now in front of him, he was looking at a panicked, tearful Regulus. He hates to see his little brother cry, he swears it’s the worst thing in the world.
“Reggie, what is the matter?” Sirius whispers.
“It’s so stupid. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m so stupid.”
“No. No. Don’t you dare say that! Don’t you ever say that.” Sirius scanned Regulus, and watched the way he started picking at his nails. He hasn’t seen him in months, but all he wanted to do was hug him. Not ask him where he’s been or yell at him for ghosting him. He just wanted to hug him.
“If I tell you something, promise you won’t be mad at me?” Regulus asked so quietly.
Sirius wanted to die. He’s never seen Regulus this sad before.
“I could never get mad at you, Reg.”
Regulus took a deep breath out, preparing himself for the worst. He doesn’t want to lose his brother. “I think I like James. Actually more than like, I think I love him.” He whispered so quietly that Sirius barely even heard it. Regulus paused for a moment then continued, “And...we kissed a little while back.”
Sirius stood at Regulus blankly and silently. This is when he started to panic. “I’m so sorry! I just feel bad! He’s your best friend and like your favorite person ever basically and I don’t want to ruin your friendship with him. I don’t know, I’m just always ruining things for you! I’m just the annoying little brother who you hate and who ruins things and-“ Regulus was just blurting things out at this point due to pure panic and embarrassment. But he stopped in his tracks when Sirius broke out in a fit of laughter.
Regulus frowned his brows at him in anger and confusion. Why was he laughing at me after I just told him all of this? This was obviously really hard for me to say?
Sirius continued laughing saying in between breaths, “Are you kidding me? I’ve known that you’ve loved him for like a million years now! I know you, you’re my little brother!” He smiled at him, but then started to laugh again. “Why would I be mad? This is great news! Now James can be my future brother in law! Imagine all the shenanigans we could pull!”
Regulus felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders that has been weighting him down for what felt like a lifetime. He knew he was probably overreacting, he knew deep down his brother wouldn’t be mad. It just felt good to hear it out loud. Sometimes it is nice to hear that you're not as awful as you think you are.
Now, he just has one more stop to make.
—————————————
It was a little after twelve o’clock when he heard a knock on the door. He thought it was kind of odd because he wasn’t expecting anyone and he usually didn’t get solicitors. Although odd, it definitely wasn’t strange, his friends show up all the time unannounced. Maybe Sirius decided to come over for lunch. He thought.
James got up and opened the door not expecting who was on the other side of it. His breath got caught in his throat and he felt his knees buckle. “What are you-“
Regulus cut him off and spoke quickly. “Before you say anything, I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for saying what I said before and I’m sorry for always being so mean to you. I’m sorry for showing up like this too. I don’t know, I guess I just, I don’t know I guess I realized I was wrong. I was so wrong and-“
This time James was the one to cut him off. Without thinking he blurted out, “Reg, I love you.” He sucked in a breath and stared at him. All Regulus could do was stare back, frozen in time.
“You don’t mean that. You can’t love me, James.” Regulus whispered taking a step back.
“Yes, I can and I do. Regulus, I love you. I have loved you since the day I met you.”
“James, just please.” Regulus again stepped back, but James stepped forward this time. “I broke your heart, and I broke mine too. I didn’t talk to you for months, you can’t just take me back this easy! Don’t make this easy for me! Yell at me, be angry, just-“
“Regulus, I’ve loved you since the day I met you. That day I bumped into you in that hallway, I decided that you were the only one for me. You’re beautiful, smart, and kind, in your own weird, special, non-traditional way.” James laughed and started again, “You make me so happy. And, I know you don’t believe that you should be loved by anybody, and I know you think you are unworthy of happiness. But, I will make it my life’s mission to fix that mentality. Let yourself be loved, Regulus. I will love you, even if you don’t love me because I am so in love with you I can barely breathe.” James finished, looking at Regulus’ face to see any sign that he was in-fact agreeing with him, or at least listening.
Regulus took James’ face into his hands, and kissed him softly. He pulled away and spoke, “James, I-“
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back if you don’t want to. But, I had to say it once even if you don’t feel the same.”
“No, no. I want to.” Regulus paused and looked down at their feet. He looked back up at James, hands still on his cheeks, taking in a breath. “I love you too.”
And with that, James was picking Regulus up in seconds, twirling him around the room. “Regulus Black loves me!” James yelled.
“Shut up!” Regulus laughed.
“I want to tell the whole world though!”
“Put me down!”
“Regulus Black loves me! Oh, what a day to be alive!” James yelled again, this time a little louder. He lowered Regulus to the ground and kissed him hard.
“You’re an absolute moron.” Regulus spoke.
James smiled and leaned in closer so that he was centimeters away from Regulus’ ear. “Oh, yeah. I love it when you talk dirty to me, baby.”
Regulus shuttered in response and pushed James’ against the wall to kiss him. God, it was long overdue.