Family matters
Albus Dumbldore had been Headmaster of Hogwarts for many years and even though the baton had now been passed to Minerva the office still looked mostly as it had in Dumbledore’s day. The desk, chair and visitors’ chairs were the same. The many instruments which had whirred and ticked since Harry’s very first visit to this office were still mostly in place, aside from the ones Harry had smashed at the end of his fifth year. The only change to the office during Severus’ year as Headmaster had been the addition of Albus’ portrait. Minerva had only changed the furniture around the fireplace the headmistress had created a cosy sitting area with a comfortable sofa and two wing-back chairs and a tartan rug thrown on the back of the sofa.
“How is he really, Harry?” Minerva enquired as she put the final changes on Harry’s leave request.
“He is not too bad considering he is not able to move around so easily now. We set up a bedroom in the sitting room so he doesn’t have to climb the stairs. He wasn’t really very happy about it, he keeps insisting he is not an invalid,” Harry said with a grimace.
Minerva sighed “he is who is Harry,”
“He is,” Harry replied. “...and he is doing very well, all things considered. This pregnancy has not been easy for him but he has done so well, Minerva. He joined a support group and he found people to spend his time with, Edinburgh was good for him,” Harry told her.
Minerva gave Harry a smile “I know it was hard for you to allow it Harry, I am very proud of you for putting his needs first. Before he found you no one had ever done that for him,”
“I know, I miss him terribly but he is happy there, the support group has been very good for him. He knows he is not the only one who feels the way he does,” the alpha confided.
“I know you feel bad for asking to extend your leave Harry, and so I want you to understand that you are not causing me any difficulty by doing so. It is very important that you and Severus have this time together. Your lives are going to change forever in a few short months you need this time together,” she told the alpha.
Harry nodded he knew it was important and he had told Severus nothing was more important than being with him. It was true, nothing was more important to him than time with his omega husband. Harry just hated to let anyone down.
“There you are,” the headmistress said pushing the parchment across the desk towards Harry. Sign on the dotted line and you are done. Lucinda will be here tomorrow and you will have the next two days to bring her up to speed. You can be home with Severus on Friday night if you wish,” the older woman said warmly.
Harry signed the document and smiled at Minerva. “Thank you,” he said and he stood up reaching out his hand across the desk.
“My pleasure Harry,” Minerva said taking his hand.
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Harry hurried down to the greenhouses his travelling cloak billowing behind him in a manner reminiscent of his husband. He had finished all the handover notes he needed to leave for Lucinda, Draco was taking on the responsibility for the English tutors who had arrived and seemed to be working well and Neville would be Gryffindors Head of House, as well as the assistant Herbology Professor until the end of the year. He had one more thing to do before he left the Castle for the next nine months.
Pomona was repotting shrivelfigs but she looked up when she heard the greenhouse door creak open. “Harry,” she exclaimed, “what brings you here on a Friday night? I would have thought you would be keen to get home,” she said with a smile.
“I will be leaving very soon, Severus is expecting me but I have been meaning to talk to you about one of your students and I can’t leave for so many months and not bring this up,” he told her.
The Herbology Professor tapped the pot to settle the soil and took off her gloves. “Is there a problem?” she asked.
“I don't know,” Harry told her, “...and it’s possible the English tutors will be enough but…Charles Fernby,” Harry said with a frown.
Pomona sighed “I see, what was your concern, Harry?”
“Well, he is muggle born I believe and I always…well muggles are usually pretty good at reading to their children and I just…He reminds me…of me, Pomona,” Harry finally admitted.
The Hufflepuff Head of House looked grim “You think he is being abused?” she asked.
“I don't know, maybe,” Harry replied.
The older woman looked grim. “I was aware of his struggles with literacy, he was the first on my list for the tutor. I will ask Alice to keep a close eye on him while she is working with him and I will make time to have a chat as well,” she said. “If there is an issue I will address it Harry, thank you for bringing it to my attention.”
Harry gave the woman a tight smile “Thank you Pomona, if you should discover that he needs help…”
“...Then I will arrange it, Harry. Now off you go home to your husband,” she ordered.
Harry nodded and left the greenhouse hoping that Pomona would simply find that Charles simply needed some help with his English skills and nothing more sinister.
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Severus was sitting in the sunroom, it was mid-January in Edinburgh so there was no sun to speak of, it was overcast and cold but there did not seem to be any rain on the radar. He adjusted a cushion behind his back and wished he could tuck his legs up under him and have a nice glass of wine while he read his book. Morgan had recently introduced him to the Bronte sisters and he had found Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights matched his current mood perfectly.
He had not read a lot of muggle literature, his life had not really been conducive to reading for pleasure. His mother had read him when he was a child, she had collected a few battered books from charity shops. Tom’s Midnight Garden had been his favourite and The Lion the Witch and Wardrobe had been his mother’s favourite. She had also read Charlotte's Web to him and as a very young child, she had read him poems from a Child's Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson. Severus had treasured the times she curled up in his bed with him and read him stories. It was something he knew Harry wanted to do for their children. He didn’t want his kids to struggle the way he did at school, to that end there was already a whole shelf in the library dedicated to young children’s literature.
Severus shivered and pulled his new blanket up over his legs. Harry would be home soon and though Severus felt slightly guilty for pulling Harry away from his work sooner than planned, he was very much looking forward to having him home to stay.
The wind picked up disguising the faint pop of apparition so Severus did not notice Harry’s arrival until the door opened and Harry blew in with a chilly gust of wind.
“Alpha,” Severus breathed and struggled to get up but before he could stand Harry had dumped his bag and was beside him on the sofa.
“Hello my love,” Harry said warmly sitting close to his husband so he could kiss him thoroughly.
“Welcome home Alpha,” Severus purred, lifting his head so Harry could access his neck. “Dinner will be ready soon, Colly is making goulash and I have made you a treacle tart for after,” the omega told him breathlessly.
“Sounds wonderful, Severus,” Harry replied moving so he could pull his husband close to him. Severus settled in against his alphas side and his book slid to the floor.
“Wuthering Heights?” Harry asked, picking up the book from the floor.
“Hmmm, it suited my mood today,” Severus told him. “The day is very grey and I was not feeling up to the group meeting yesterday so I was a bit melancholy, being on my own,”
“You were unwell yesterday?” Harry asked with concern.
“I was tired and uncomfortable. Mostly I was just feeling sorry for myself. Morgan came in the afternoon to check on me. She left me with this book. She previously loaned me ‘Jane Eyre’ but she said this one would likely match my mood better, she was right,” Severus told him.
Harry put his arms around his husband “I am so glad you have her to check on you. I am even happier that I will be here for you now,” he whispered.
“Me too Alpha,” Severus replied.
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January gave way to February and if possible the weather became even more miserable. Severus still enjoyed his sunroom though the wild rain storms which lashed the glass were in perfect harmony with his mood most of the time.
Harry being home did help quite a lot and Severus was quietly very thankful he was there; he did not like to think about how bad things would be now if his Alpha was still at Hogwarts.
They spent most of their days in different parts of the house as they used to when they spent time in Italy or even their quarters at Hogwarts. They both found comfort in their solitary activities knowing the other was close by if they were needed.
Harry made sure to give Severus his space but he was still figuring out what constituted enough space, where the line was between not enough and too much. Morgan came around most days, which Harry was both grateful for and irritated by, he wanted to be the one who could make his omega smile but more often than not it was Morgan who could cheer Severus up.
Severus was in a constant bad mood now, he was uncomfortable, he struggled to get out of bed or any chair he sat in and even had trouble in the bathroom. He did not feel like going anywhere any more, leaving the house, being on his feet and having to deal with people was too much.
Harry, however, was always there when he needed him. Holding his hand or holding him, helping him in and out of bed and even in the shower. Harry helped him focus on the endpoint, no matter how difficult things were there was an endpoint - the 9th of April was the magic day. Abigail had told them that multiples were often born earlier and given Severus’ thin frame she was suggesting the date might be more likely in the last two weeks of March. Severus did not care if the end came sooner he hoped it would but he kept his mind focused on the 9th of April it would be over then one way or the other.
It was not just the physical limitations and discomfort that Severus was up against, every day he got closer to the due date he got closer to the birth. The birth would bring an end to the pregnancy but Severus had not told anyone how much he was dreading actually giving birth. He knew it would hurt, obviously, but he was no stranger to pain, that was not his fear. His fear was of being helpless and unable to control the process. Pain he could handle but birth was more than just pain, birth would involve him being naked from the waist down, with his bits on display and people looking at him, touching him in private places. It would be messy, there would be blood and other bodily fluids and possibly excrement. He would lose his dignity completely.
Worst of all, birth meant the end of the pregnancy and Severus would have two small people that he would be responsible for raising, for feeding and cleaning and generally keeping them alive and that was the most terrifying part of all. That was his greatest fear and he could not let Harry find out how unprepared he really was to have children.
Abigail had got them started on making a birth plan at her last visit. She had shown them some sample plans and talked about things other omegas found soothing during birthing. The place for starters, she had said, should be somewhere Severus felt safe and comfortable. They had toured a few places before deciding on the birthing suite at the private hospital where Abigail worked. It was a muggle facility which discreetly catered for magical people and it had the option for a water birth which Severus was considering.
Next, there were things such as having familiar scents on the bedding and clothing around him, favourite music and having small snacks or drinks available. Severus did not really see how any of that would help. He could admit that familiar scents had helped during heats spent alone but soothing music and snacks had been the last things he had wanted when the Dark Lord tortured him until he lost control of his bodily functions. However, he said nothing and wrote down the suggested items on his plan.
Abigail told them having people he was comfortable with in the room was also essential. Harry would be there as well Abigail herself and Penny but Abigail had suggested asking someone else as well. Harry had not seen the need but Severus had immediately said Morgan. She was an omega and she had done this herself, he wanted her with him. Harry had not been happy and he had objected at first but Abigail had convinced him that having someone who truly understood what he was going through would help Severus manage the process better.
Severus could only hope.
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Penny came to the house now for Severus’ weekly one-on-one counselling session. Severus was only attending one group session a week because Abigail would only allow one elf apparition trip per week and he refused to catch a muggle taxi now his stomach was so huge. He had hidden his pregnancy under a glamour and a large coat for as long as he could, now it was impossible to hide it because of the way he moved. He hated anyone but most especially for men to see him pregnant.
Harry worried that Severus was not coping again but Penny assured him that Severus’ fears were exactly the same as every other person who was facing their first time giving birth and their first time being a parent. Harry was somewhat reassured by this but he wished he knew what those fears were. He realised that he could not really alleviate the fears because this was his first time too but he wanted to be able to comfort Severus, to help him even in small ways.
Abigail came once a week now to check the twin’s growth and Severus’ blood pressure. She also talked to them about labour and delivery she encouraged them to consider birthing classes which Severus reluctantly agreed to attend. A rather large part of him did not want to know what would happen during the birth, denial was a comfortable place to be, but he knew that was not what Abigail wanted him to say. So they signed up for the next male omega birthing class available at her hospital.
The classes were precisely as awful as Severus had expected. The first things they were taught were birthing positions, relaxation and breathing techniques. Severus found the whole thing ridiculous, it was highly unlikely he would forget to breathe and as for relaxation, surely they were joking.
They spent one session discussing the early signs of labour and how to know if it was time to head to the hospital. They talked about preparation for going to the hospital and what to have packed in their hospital go bag. Harry had studiously taken notes and Severus found that highly entertaining.
Then came the birth video. Severus had seen many horrendous things in his life but watching some poor man's hole stretch to allow for the birth of a child was it for him. He cringed and closed his eyes as Harry stroked his back and allowed the omega to bury his head in his shoulder. Harry had not been able to take his eyes off the screen, his mouth open in horror.
The last two sessions did not go well at all. They focused on taking care of a newborn and breastfeeding and Severus was fairly certain he wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding. His body had been used and abused enough and he did not want to do that, he had argued with the midwife and they left early. Harry was worried but he did not press; he knew that breastfeeding was best for the babies but the birthing classes had shocked him. He now fully realised what Severus would have to go through to bring his children into the world and he was determined not to ask him for more. He also finally understood why Morgan had been of more comfort to his omega than he could be, and he felt completely useless.
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The day after the final birthing class Abigail arrived at Trinity Cottage to find a terribly despondent alpha. Harry had answered the door and he had valiantly attempted to smile but failed miserably. He asked her if he could talk to her before she saw Severus and she agreed with a warm smile. Harry lead the midwife into the study and closed the door.
“I don't know what to do Abigail, he didn’t watch the whole birth video and I don't blame him it was awful. I watched it but I really wish I hadn’t,” he told her.
“It is quite confronting and really you won’t need to watch that when your own children are born. You will be sitting beside Severus comforting and encouraging him like we talked about,” Harry gave her an annoyed look.
“How on earth do I do that now that I know the pain he will be in, how do I give him comfort for something like that?” Harry questioned a touch of desperation in his tone.
“Your scent and presence will bring him comfort, I won't lie to you Harry, birth is messy and unpleasant and it hurts. The pain is overwhelming at times, but it is so much worse on your own. Omegas who have the help and support of their mate and other family or friends do so much better than those who don't have it. I know it is daunting but he needs you,” Abigail told the miserable alpha.
Harry shook his head and sighed
Abigail took his hand and said “The birth video is horrific mostly because there are no other emotions at play when you watch it. When Severus gives birth to your children you will both feel the love and excitement which goes with birth. You will get to meet your own children at the end of it. The video can’t replicate that feeling which helps to make it easier,” she said
Harry opened his mouth to ridicule that statement but Abigail raised her hand and said
“I mean it, Harry. The love and excitement that will be there will help, it won’t be easy, you will feel his pain and he will struggle, as all people who give birth do. You are strong Harry, he is strong and the two of you love each other fiercely and that will help. You really should share your fears with Severus you know, but maybe first … you should talk to Andrew. Severus spends a lot of time with Morgan, perhaps Andrew can help you with the Alpha’s side of things,” she suggested.
Harry thought about that and nodded, “Yeah, that would make sense thanks Abigail,”
The check-up went well until Abigail asked if there was anything Severus wanted to ask her after the birthing classes. Severus pressed his lips together and shook his head. Harry knew that look. “Severus, do you want to talk to Abigail alone?”
The omega looked at Harry and he was about to deny that he needed to ask anything when Harry said “I already waylaid her when she first got here to ask my questions, if you need to talk I will wait in the study,” he said. His eyes were on his omega.
Severus fixed his eyes on the ground then he lifted his head and looked at Harry “No, alpha please stay,” he whispered.
The alpha breathed a sigh of relief and went to sit next to his husband, taking the omega’s hand in his.
Abigail sat on the chair beside the bed and looked at the omega who now seemed to be struggling to voice his feelings.
“Severus? I can see this is difficult for you, perhaps I can help. You are sacred and you don't want Harry to know. You are an omega so you think you should be able to give birth without any issues and you don't want him to think you are not able to do this, even if you are terrified that you will not be able to do it,” the blonde woman said calmly.
Severus did not look up but his tears fell onto his and Harry’s joined hands and the alpha immediately wrapped his omega in his arms.
“That video was awful,” Severus said when he got his voice under control. “I am scared now that I know how much it will hurt,” he mumbled his head on Harry’s shoulder. “The loss of dignity and control…well that I will struggle with that and I hate the idea of people seeing me naked, but the pain I can deal with, I have dealt with pain plenty of times and survived. No the actual birth is not my biggest concern,” the omega confessed.
“Ok, so what is tearing you up, Severus?” Abigail asked him gently.
Severus did not answer.
“Severus?” she said gently. “Tell us what you are worried about, we can’t help unless you tell us?”
Severus lifted his head and looked at Harry who stroked the back of his hand soothingly. “It’s ok Severus, whatever it is we will deal with it together,” he promised.
The omega swallowed and looked at Abigail who smiled encouragingly.
“I don't know how to care for a baby. What do I do with them once they are here? I don’t want to breastfeed, I have no interest in it,” he confessed. “Those little dolls they gave us were so tiny and real babies are so helpless. I will have to do everything for them and I just…what if I can't?” he asked sadly.
Harry tightened his hold on Severus’ hand and he reached out to wipe the omegas tears. “Sweetheart,” he breathed. “I don’t know how to take care of babies either, but we will learn, together Sev,” he whispered. “...and if breastfeeding isn’t for you well then that’s ok, we will feed them formula. That might even be better because I will be able to help you with it,” he told him.
You aren’t disappointed with me, I…I don’t…I don’t think I could do it after…after all this,” Severus mumbled.
“No love, I won’t ask any more of you than you have given, once the babies are here I will do everything I can to help you. You won’t be alone Severus, I will give you anything you need love, anything at all,” he whispered drawing the omega back into his arms.
Abigail smiled at the two men holding each other and said softly. “Your fears are not unusual Severus. I can help you both learn the skills you will need to care for your twins. Harry is right you are not alone,”
Harry looked up at the woman watching them “Thank you, Abigail,” he said sincerely. “Thank you for everything.”