A second chance at life

Harry stared at Sirius, confused.

Sirius took a deep breath.

"Remus and I wanted a child, and Dora agreed to be the surrogate, but we felt it was unfair to the child to have three unmarried parents. It's too complicated. And I didn't want to get married. So we gave it up." he chuckled. "I guess after I died they decided to have a child for me.  Do I have a child or not?" he asked urgently.

Harry waited a moment, enjoying driving him crazy, then nodded.

"It's a boy. His name is Teddy. He is a year old now. Living with Andromeda until I finish school and take him." he paused. "but you're alive, so I think I'll give up raising him... he's so cute," his eyes filled with tears. "You have to see him. He is so smart too. A month ago I was looking at your picture and crying. It was after I put him to sleep. He woke up, and saw the picture, and saw that I was sad, and he automatically morphed into you.  It was only for a few seconds, but…"

Sirius listened with his mouth hanging open. He hugged Harry, temporarily speechless.

James cleared his throat.

"Want to go meet him?" He suggested.

Sirius nodded, but then shook his head.

"I don't have enough energy to meet Remus right now," his voice trembled as he remembered his boyfriend, "and a boy who is supposed to be mine."

"We are exhausted," James agreed with him quietly. "I think it would be smarter if we go to sleep for a few hours, and then look for Moony. You know our nicknames. Right?" He checked with Harry.

Harry laughed.

"The Weasley twins stole the map from Filch and gave it to me in my third year.  At the end of the year, Lupin told me about you," he sighed. "I have so much to tell you about the years you were gone."

James placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Go to sleep," he ordered authoritatively. "now."

Harry stretched on the couch and fell asleep a second later.

Lily patted her husband and his friend on the shoulders.

"I'm not expecting you to sleep with me," she informed James and went up to James' room.

James and Sirius went to Sirius' room, laid down on the bed together, and fell asleep in each other's arms.

They woke up five hours later to a knock on the open door. Harry stood there, a blank look in his eyes.

James sat up in bed, smirking as Sirius took his pillow and covered his face.

"What's bothering you?" James asked.

Harry came in and sat on the foot of the bed.

"You look more like a couple than you and Lily," he muttered. "It's… strange.  You slept together, and... I don't know.  it's just weird."

Something crossed James' face when Harry said Lily's name instead of saying Mom.

"It's a different kind of relationship," he tried to explain. "I don't know how to explain it."

Harry shrugged

"It doesn't bother me," he clarified. "I just don't understand it. But it's really nice to see Sirius happy. He always had a sad look in his eyes. Now I understand it was because he missed you."

Sirius took one hand off the pillow and groped for Harry.

Harry took his hand.

"what?"

Sirius caressed his hand.

"James is an amazing person," he said in a hoarse voice from sleep. "wait until you get to know him and you'll realize you can't do without him."

Harry swallowed.

"I survived seventeen years. And I think I did well," he said quietly.

Sirius sat up at once, realizing how tactless his sentence was.

"Harry," he whispered, tears filling his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that."

Harry rested his head on Sirius' shoulder.

"I know," he whispered back.

James placed a hand on Sirius' back.

"Sirius," he said hesitantly. "Why didn't you want to marry Moony? You always dreamed of a wedding. And you wrote speeches for me to give as the best man and..." His voice choked for a moment. "You didn't want to get married because I wasn't there," he explained to himself.

Sirius nodded, crying for the god-knows-what-time.

James hugged Sirius and rubbed his back.

Lily walked into the room and laughed when she saw James hugging Sirius who was hugging Harry.

"Dinner is ready," she announced. "No one is going anywhere before you eat."

She left the room again.

James ruffled Sirius' hair.

"We can't go before dinner," he said and they laughed together. "But right after we'll find Rem," he promised.

Harry got out of Sirius' hands and went into the bathroom.

"Go downstairs, I'll be down in a moment," he told them.

The two debated for a moment, but didn't argue.

As soon as Harry heard the room door close he left the bathroom, locked the room, and rushed to the fireplace. He took floo powder from the pouch above the fireplace and stepped into the flames.  He came out in Tonks' living room.

"Andromeda?" he cried. "Teddy? Kid?"

A figure stood up from the couch and Harry stared at it in shock.

"Dora," he whispered.

She jumped at him with a hug.

"Harry," she called happily.

Harry patted her on the back and stepped away from her.

"Where's Remus?" He asked urgently. "I couldn't find him before. Please tell me he's back too."

Tonks nodded.

"We came here to find Teddy. Remus is not here now. He's looking for his friends," she told him.

Harry let out a sigh of relief.

"When he comes back, if he still hasn't found them, tell him we're at my father's parent's house," he asked.

Tonks' eyes lit up.

"Your parents," she exclaimed. "I hadn't thought of that. I was only thinking about Remus' friends. Get back to them. I'll tell him."

Harry kissed the boy sleeping in the cot to the side, hugged Tonks once more, and returned to the fireplace.

Only when he came out the other side did he realize his mistake. He said Potter's manor instead of specifically saying Sirius' room.

He coughed awkwardly and dusted off his clothes.

"Harry James Potter," Lily called in an angry voice.

James and Sirius burst into silent laughter and Harry cringed in his place.

Lily pointed to a chair.

"I said no going anywhere before dinner," she scolded him as he sat down, placing a plate of food in front of him.

Harry stared at his knees, not knowing how to answer.

Lily sighed.

"Luckily for you I'm not in a place to punish you right now," she murmured. "So eat like a good boy and don't think for a moment that it will be forgotten."

And she marched briskly to the kitchen to prepare dessert. Harry began to eat hesitantly, not sure what had happened. James and Sirius exchanged high-fives.

"He has a future as a Marauder," James diagnosed with satisfaction.

Harry raised an eyebrow. He realized that nothing was going to happen and allowed himself to speak.

"I'm not a child," he mentioned. "I could have been a Marauder, but a future? I don't have it anymore."

Sirius wiped a tear from his cheek, recovering from the laughter.

"A marauder doesn't mean a child.  You can see the potential in the kids, but we never stopped being Marauders."

Harry looked at him meaningfully and he sighed.

"Okay. We stopped temporarily after James died, but we're back baby. big time."

James casually took a piece of chicken from Harry's plate.

"So where did you go?" He was very interested.

Harry sighed.

"To bring Lupin. But he wasn't home. Tonks said he went looking for you guys," he explained. "You know, it was really nice to see Teddy without the stress of having to raise him," he added with relief.

Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"Thanks for reminding me that I wanted to ask you. Why would you need to raise him? Andromeda isn't that old."

Harry suddenly realized he hadn't told them.

"I'm his godfather," he said proudly.

The two friends looked at him with tears.

Sirius buried his face in his hands, and James just blinked rapidly.

"James, what's the matter?" Harry tensed.

James smiled at him.

"It's just sweet that our next generation is already so connected to each other," he said hoarsely.

Sirius cleared his throat.

"Why do you think Remus didn't send us a Patronus?" He wondered. "Wait a minute, why didn't we send him one? He must be walking around all the places he thinks we'd go to to meet people."

Harry thought for a moment.

"But if he's in public it would be embarrassing for him to receive a patronus," he pointed out logically. "Maybe that was his point. If we are outside we won't want to get a patronus from him, and he might not have an owl. I'm writing him a letter." he summoned a parchment and a quill.

Lily came back with a treacle tart and the four of them sat and argued about what to write in the letter.

In the end they decided on: Moony come to James' parents' house.

As soon as they sent the owl they started laughing uncontrollably that for one small sentence they argued for fifteen minutes. Harry found out that his parents were really, but actually really fun and funny friends. A bang was heard from the entrance and they all hurried towards the door. Remus opened the door and froze.

Lily started crying, James and Sirius stood rooted to the spot, and Harry automatically called: 'Professor'.

Remus closed the door behind him with a trembling hand.

"Lily," he whispered.

Lily rushed to him and hugged him softly.

"It's okay," she whispered in his ear. "I'll be in the room. We can talk later." she turned to the men. "Now is the men's time," she laughed and disappeared.

Remus' gaze flicked between Sirius, James, and Harry, not knowing who to hug first.

Logic took over and he turned to Harry.

"Harry, are you okay? I'm so sorry I left you alone after the war," a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Harry swallowed.

"It doesn't matter," he whispered tearfully. "I just want you to be alive with the people you missed. Go to them."

Remus sat down on the floor, bursting into loud sobs.

James and Sirius joined him on the floor, hugging him tightly.

"Sixteen years," choked Remus. "Sixteen years since we were last together." he stopped trying to speak, and focused on breathing between his sobs.

Sirius hugged him with all his might.

"Sorry I left you," he sobbed. "I'm sorry I left you alone."

Harry slid into a sitting position against the wall, crying his heart out. He suddenly realized that Remus was the last Marauder left alive. That they are trying to compensate him for having to live with the knowledge that they are dead. It wasn't until he saw the Marauders together that he finally understood why they had ignored each other at first. When he came with Sirius, and Sirius first talked to Lily, and now, Remus hugged Lily, and then him, even though both times it was clear that they only wanted each other. Once they say hi, and start thinking about each other, they can't stop. So they first make sure they don't hurt anyone, then give each other their full attention.

Remus lifted his head from James' chest and pressed his lips to Sirius'. James remained in the same position, clearly unbothered by the fact his two friends are making out while hugging him. The three slowly calmed down and got up from the floor. Lupin motioned for Harry to come closer and hugged him.

"You've grown so much in these six months," he said quietly in his ear. "I'm so proud of you."

Harry looked into Remus' eyes.

"I had someone to live for," he answered with a sad smile.

Remus wiped Harry's wet cheeks.

"Thank you for looking after him."

The four sat on the couch and were silent for a little while.

James broke the silence.

"I can't believe I'm more than ten years younger than you," he complained.

Sirius whipped his head toward his friend.

"Don't complain that you were peacefully dead when we grew old without... without you," he tried to scold, but the tears ruined it.

James rested his head on his friend's chest.

"Sorry Pads," he whispered.

Sirius suddenly burst into miserable sobs.

"Prongs, I'm so sorry you died because of me," he cried. "It's my fault you lost seventeen years of Harry's life."

James hugged him lightly, confused.

"Siri, it wasn't your fault," he reminded him.

Sirius shook his head.

"It was. I told you to switch me and Peter," he choked.

James hugged Sirius tighter.

"It was all Peter's fault," he said calmly. "If we had left you the secret keeper he would have found another way to bring Voldemort to us."

Sirius wiped his nose miserably, disbelieving, but not wanting to argue too much.

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his place.

"James, do you want to hear where and when I met Lupin?" He asked.

James nodded enthusiastically, rubbing Sirius' back.

Remus glanced at Harry, debating whether to ask why he was calling his father by his first name, but relented.

"Harry, do you mind if I tell my POV?" he asked instead quietly.

Harry nodded and he started.

"Do you remember how hard it was for me to find a good job with my problem?" He made sure James nodded before he continued. "So at that time I was unemployed, and I couldn't borrow anymore money from Gringotts, so I went to ask Minnie for a loan." shame was clearly visible on his face. "It was my last resort. After three days of not eating anything because I didn't even have a knut. When I got to Hogsmeade I met Dumbledore on the street, and we talked a bit. I didn't even tell him why I was there, but he offered me a position at the school and I said yes on the spot. Anything is better than going to McGonagall and telling her I'm homeless. I only realized later that Dumbledore wasn't looking for a nice way to give me money. He just wanted me to be in the area if Sirius came. It was two days after it was announced in the papers that he escaped from Azkaban." James' mouth fell open but he didn't say a word. "Normally teachers get paid for the summer vacation only after they actually taught, but Dumbledore paid me for those two months, and I went back to... the abandoned building where I lived, because he didn't understand how bad my situation was and he didn't offer me to move to the school already.
On September first I went to the train. I could've flooed but I was asked to go on the train for extra protection because of Sirius. It was a few days before a full moon, so I settled into the compartment and went to sleep. When I woke up in the middle of the ride I heard some kids talking next to me. I figured there were no free compartments so they joined me. And then I heard you." Remus pointed at James. "and you sounded like you did when you were thirteen. So I waited a few seconds, until another boy spoke, and called him Harry. Then I realized that I'm in the compartment with your kid. And he's discussing my name with his friends." Harry blushed. "And he doesn't recognize my name. I didn't know what to do, because I couldn't stop myself from listening to the voice of the boy I loved the most in the world, but I also couldn't bring myself to introduce myself to him. So I just listened to his voice. And I heard him telling his friends..." Remus' voice choked and Harry completed the sentence, "telling his friends that the Minister of Magic told him that Sirius wanted to kill him. And that Sirius was Voldemort's servant."

James let out a whimper and Sirius hugged him. Remus sniffled and continued.

"He talked about Sirius like he was talking about a random criminal. He didn't even know you were friends. He thought it was just a random death eater. So I just cried quietly under my cloak. At some point I wasn't listening to Harry's words anymore, only to his voice, which comforted me a bit. Then it got cold, and I realized there were dementors on the train. The compartment door opened, and I felt a dementor, but I didn't move until I heard a girl calling Harry urgently, as if trying to wake him up, and I realized that the dementor was trying to kiss him. So I conjured a Patronus. But Harry was already unconscious." He ran a hand over his face. "Kay, Harry, do you want to continue?"

Harry nodded.

"So like he said, I got on the train with my friends Ron and Hermione, and there was no room so we went into his compartment, and we were discussing his name and what subject he was going to teach us. We thought he was asleep," he added with a reproachful smile. "So we felt free to talk about whatever we wanted, including him. Then I told them that the man from the news, the murderer that everyone is terrified of, is after me, to avenge his master's death. And we talked about other boring things, like Ron's trip to Egypt, and other things that don't matter to you, then the dementors came, and I passed out. I have no idea what happened around me. I was cold, and... to be honest, I heard Lily scream." he lowered his voice to a whisper. "she begged him to kill her instead of me. Then I woke up, and a stranger was sitting next to me, trying to wake me up. And then... I don't remember. He gave me chocolate, and..." his voice was cut off as Sirius and James burst into laughter.

"Chocolate, Rem? That's how you introduced yourself to him?" James couldn't breathe. "Chocolate is the key to Remus' heart," he explained to Harry.

Harry laughed.

"And that's how we met. The next time I saw him was in the defense against the dark arts class. It was less nice. He brought a boggart and explained to us how to deal with it, but when it was my turn he suddenly said that was it and put the boggart back in the closet, so I thought he felt I wasn't strong enough to handle anything after he saw me pass out on the train." The hurt was still evident in his voice despite the fact It's been five years. "but in the following classes he was always nice to me. It seemed that he was trying to have a good relationship with me, but was scared to, and I didn't understand what he wanted from me. He's everyone's favorite teacher, so why is he nice to his weakest student if it is so difficult for him?"

Remus raised his hand, signaling him to stop.

"Did you really think you were the weakest student?" he asked in disbelief, and Harry smiled.

"Wait, that was before Halloween. Halloween was the first trip to Hogsmeade, but Vernon didn't sign my permission slip, so I was left alone at school," Harry ignored the angry looks on the three adults' faces. "I was bored and annoyed and I was just walking around the castle. When I passed by Professor Lupin's office he saw me and called me." Remus and Sirius suddenly realized that Harry was talking mainly to his father. "So I went in and..." he suddenly turned to Remus. "You were crying, weren't you?" He accused his former teacher.

Remus gave him a small smile.

"Every year on Halloween I drank and cried. That year I thought I might be able to use the day to tell you that I knew your parents and to get closer to you, so I didn't drink. From the moment I realized I was teaching you all I wanted was to go back to being Uncle Moony. But then I realized that you don't even remember what happened on that day, so I have no right to just make it a sad day for you, and till now you still call me Professor Lupin," he finished sadly.

James looked at them in confusion.

"What's so special about Halloween? The creepy atmosphere of death?"

Remus, Sirius and Harry started to cry.

"Do you really not remember?" Sirius asked, and James remembered.

"The day I died," he cried. "Kay. Should we continue?"

Harry bit his lip and continued.

"So I went into his office, and I tried to understand why he wanted to talk to me when he had clearly just finished crying. But he was just being nice. He asked me why I was alone, and told me about the creature that was in the cage on the side," Harry and Remus looked at each other and said together, with a smile, "Grindylow. And he laughed with me because he heard that Professor Trelawney - the divination teacher - sees the Grim in my cup every day," they laughed. "and then I asked him why he didn't let me face the Boggart, and he told me that he obviously didn't want my whole class to have to see Voldemort, and I told To him that I'm more afraid of the dementors, and we talked about it a bit, and then Snape brought him a potion, and I tried to warn him that Snape might be poisoning him," a roar of laughter. "and then I left, but I already saw that he really likes me. Do you have any questions up to this point?"

James thought for a long moment.

"What was Snape doing there?" he finally asked, annoyed.

Harry laughed.

"Potions master. He hates me and I hate him. In the sixth year he gave me a detention to copy all of Filch's old punishment records onto new cards. The boxes he gave me were from your years. Almost everything was about the three of you," he purposely didn't mention Peter. "He claimed it would be nice for me to get to know you better." his voice trembled. "I was still grieving for Sirius, and he knew it," he finished in tears.

Remus pulled him into a hug.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've told McGonagall."

James buried his face in Sirius' shirt.

"I want to go back in time and raise my kid myself," he whispered.

Sirius stroked his hair, listening to Harry's reply to Remus.

"You were depressed. I couldn't just make you take care of me too," he explained. "Tonks was hard enough, and after all, you're the one who lost your boyfriend. Honestly, how did you manage not to run after him yourself?"

Remus looked him in the eyes.

"I couldn't stop and think about him or me. I had to be there for you. To make sure you don't kill yourself."

Harry cried profusely, and Remus rubbed his back.

Sirius rubbed James' arm encouragingly.

Harry got out of Remus' arms and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder, who was sitting on his other side.

"Anyway, on Halloween night Sirius managed to sneak into the castle and he tried to get into Gryffindor tower and he cut the picture of the fat lady and then the pictures started screaming so he ran away. That night all the students slept in the Great hall and the teachers watched us. When we were supposed to be asleep I heard Dumbledore talking to Snape who implied that Lupin was helping Sirius get in, but Dumbledore was angry that he was even suggesting that. I just thought it meant Snape hated Lupin. I didn't realize they had a history. Then it was normal school for a few days, and no one knew where Sirius had gone. Then... one day Lupin didn't show up for class. Snape taught us instead. He said that Lupin was sick, and I was sure that he really poisoned the potion he gave him. Snape decided to teach us about werewolves. Probably wanted us to understand by ourselves that Lupin was a werewo-" Remus interrupted him again, "He taught all the grades about werewolves. He wanted them to understand what I was because Dumbledore wouldn't let him tell anyone, but more than that, he used these lessons to emphasize to them that werewolves were horrible monsters. So when I got their homework to grade, I read hundreds of essays about all the things I hate about myself." Lupin didn't want to take his pain out on Harry, so he covered his face with his hands and tried to control himself.

Harry leaned back against the couch, giving Sirius access to his boyfriend.

Sirius' hand rubbed Remus' back and ruffled his hair.

"I will kill him," he decided in uncontrollable rage.

Lupin lifted his head back up and looked at his boyfriend gratefully, calmer.

"Please don't," he forced a laugh. "I'm sorry Harry. I just... Now that I'm finally with them, I want to share with them what happened to me. I'm sorry."

Harry frowned.

"We are here to make up for James' gaps. If you have things to add, that's even better. Anyway, we had Snape for a few terrible days before Lupin finally came back and told us we didn't have to write the essay. Did you manage to cancel the assignment in other classes too?" He wondered and Lupin shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered. "I don't know if it will make it better, but all the students loved you. If the decision was up to the students, they would've kept you for more years. Forever, if they could. Anyway, the next dramatic thing that happened was in the opening match of the Quidditch season. It was rainy and freezing and I was flying around the field when suddenly I saw the Grim from Trelawney's Prophecies. It looked like he was looking directly at me, and I was sure that's it. This is real. I'm going to die. Then I saw the snitch and I forgot about the dog. I was a second away from catching the snitch when it suddenly got colder, and I was surrounded by dozens of dementors. This time I heard Lily begging for my life, then Voldemort yelling at her, and then... and then killing her. Later I was told that the teachers stopped me in the air when I was falling. My broom fell on the whomping willow and was completely destroyed, and I became insanely depressed. After I left the hospital wing I found out that Lupin was finally back and that helped me get out of the bad mood a bit. He told us we didn't have to do the assignment Snape gave us and Pro... Remus, did you know Hermione finished it already? She was really disappointed."

Remus swallowed his excitement at Harry saying his name.

"She told me at the end of the year," he recalled and Harry continued.

"After that lesson he asked me to stay back for a few minutes. To be honest, I just wanted to go back to the dormitories and sleep forever, but I stayed. He told me he was sorry about what happened at the Quidditch match and asked me if I had recovered from the dementors. I told him yes but he still gave me a chocolate bar, just in case."

"I wanted to give you presents, but I couldn't because I was just a teacher," explained Remus weakly.

"Then he told me that the year he arrived they planted the tree..."

"I wanted to tell you about your father and Peter and Sirius. At the last moment, I stopped myself from sharing too much," interrupted Remus again.

"Then I asked him why the dementors keep on attacking only me, and he told me it was because I had worse memories than the other students. I decided I could tell him that when the dementors are close to me I hear Lily being murdered. It looked like he was going to hug me." he tried to hide the accusation from his voice without success. "but he didn't."

"If I hugged you I would've started crying and I didn't want to scare you. You were so sad and scared without me traumatizing you further," apologized.

Harry looked at Remus for a long moment.

"I was thirteen years old. And you were the first person I felt safe enough to share that with. The fact you stopped yourself broke me," he whispered.

Remus hugged Harry tightly, both of them bursting into tears.

Remus pressed Harry's face to his shoulder and stroked his back.

"Maybe you're right, and it would've been better if I hugged you, but you reminded me so much of James, and he was always the one who comforted me. So if I hugged you I wouldn't cry and calm you down, I would cry and wait for you to comfort me, instead of James. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you," Remus felt overwhelmed with guilt.

Harry wiped his face on Remus' shirt.

"It's fine," he whispered and hesitated before adding, "Moony."

Remus smiled a wide and tearful smile.

"Anyway. So he explained to me a little more about the dementors and Azkaban and then..." Harry squeezed his hand. "Then I mentioned Sirius. And Remus dropped whatever he was holding. He answered me in a few short sentences and moved on. we made up that he would teach me to protect myself from dementors, and I left."

Remus found his lost voice.

"And I was left with a five-minute hyperventilation fit because I didn't want to cry over Lily, and then an hour-long crying fit because I couldn't help but cry over Sirius."

Sirius reached over and placed his hand on Remus' knee, and James said:

"It's okay Moons, take your time."

Harry stood up.

"Remus, sit next to Sirius," he ordered.

Lupin shook his head.

"I told you back in Grimmauld place, I'm not sitting between you and Sirius when you need him. Remember?"

Harry sighed.

"I remember. And even then I had an idea. But I was younger and stupid and I didn't know what it was like to lose you both. So I avoided being in the area when you needed each other instead of asking if it was okay for me to just sit on your lap. Then we're both next to Sirius, and I get even more support."

A surprised smile spread across Lupin's face as he moved next to Sirius, and Harry sat on his lap.

Sirius laughed suddenly.

"Did you actually drop what you were holding when he mentioned me?"

Remus blushed.

"For twelve years I managed to avoid talking about you. And suddenly this boy, our boy, who I'm trying desperately to connect with, and since he doesn't remember us I hope I can avoid telling him that we were together, and he just randomly says that you must be really good at the dark arts." Harry buried his face in Remus' neck, embarrassed.

Sirius stopped smiling.

"Hey, Harry," he whispered. "That's what they made you think. Hell, that's what even Remus thought. I know that once you knew the truth you didn't think that anymore."

Harry shrugged.

"It's still embarrassing to remember I thought that," he mumbled.

James grabbed Sirius' shoulder suddenly.

"You escaped from Azkaban?" he asked in such shock that the others laughed.

Sirius nodded weakly.

"All the years in Azkaban made my wandless magic stronger and stronger. I know that dementors normally weaken the prisoners' powers, but because they had no effect on me I had time to practice." he smiled bitterly. "and then one day the goddamned Minister of Magic came to visit," Sirius, Remus and Harry held up the third finger and Harry gave Remus a shocked look. "And I asked him to give me the Daily Prophet because I'm bored," Sirius was suddenly interrupted by Harry, "I heard him talking about it. He was seriously traumatized by how sane you were," he said with a proud smile.

Sirius kissed his cheek and continued.

"On the front page was a picture of the Weasley family, who had won some kind of lottery. And on one of the children's shoulders there was a pet rat that I wouldn't have been interested in if I wasn't a hundred percent sure it was Peter. So I tried to take a deep breath and tell myself there was nothing I could do, but the boy looked about thirteen years old, and I remembered that Molly had a baby a few months before Harry was born, and the prophet said specifically that the children would be returning to Hogwarts, which meant that Peter was close to Harry. very close. And there is no one there who knows he's an Animagus and will protect Harry. So I changed my form to padfoot. The dementors don't sense animals, and I was thin enough to sneak through the bars. I swam to land and started looking for Harry, desperate to see him before I killed Peter. As soon as Dumbledore sent me to Azkaban without a trial I lost my trust in him, so I tried to think of the worst place he could put Harry, and I went to Petunia's address which God knows why I remembered. I got there exhausted and starving after days. or weeks. I have no idea. And I think it was a bad night. I heard screams from inside the house, and a screaming balloon flew out the window, and a few minutes later Harry walked out the door, wand drawn and with his trunk and owl. He sat down on the edge of the sidewalk and cried and I was debating whether to go to him or not. Then he suddenly looked at me with a terrified expression, and pointed the wand at me, and the knight bus came. So I ran away." a tear fell on his cheek. "I realized that he had no reason to know me. that he probably thinks I'm a murderer."

They were quiet for a few seconds.

"If you had turned into a human I would have passed out on the spot," laughed Harry, trying to lighten the mood. "You were on the muggle news too. I think Petunia actually recognized you. And the balloon that flew - it was Vernon's sister. She said my parents were drunk and that's why they died in a car crash, and I was so angry that my accidental magic did it. And then I left. I just couldn't be there anymore. They made me tell her I was in a secure center for incurably criminal boys. Sirius really scared me, but I was more scared by the bus that suddenly appeared. Fudge picked me up from the bus and explained that he would protect me."

"When did Sirius get his trial?" James wondered.

Harry sighed.

"After the war I spoke to the different magazines and newspapers, and I told everyone everything. That Dumbledore is bad, and Remus good, and what Horcruxes are, and other things, so then I cleared Sirius' name," he explained.

James ran a hand over his face.

"Are you ready to go back?" He asked hesitantly. "To the years you grew up with the Dursleys? Please? I'm having a really hard time understanding."

Harry nodded, resting his head on Remus' chest and closing his eyes.

"But I don't want to tell you and Lily together, so can you record and then she will listen to it later?" he suggested.

James looked at him in confusion.

"I don't know a spell that records," he admitted.

Harry laughed and took out his phone.

"Lots of wizards are using technology now. It makes a lot of things easier, and we found a way to make it work in magical environments as well."

He started a recording, laughing at James' shocked face when he realized it was a phone.

"So I basically grew up with Petunia, not knowing I was a wizard. Every time my accidental magic acted out I got punished because I'm a freak. They... they used me as a servant. Or more like how death-eaters treat their house-elves. When I was four years old I was already responsible for preparing most of the food. I did housework even before that. I got food once every other day. Sometimes when I was a really bad boy I didn't get food for three or four days. When I burned food, that was my meal. My room was the cupboard under the stairs," he spoke indifferently, unable to be emotional. "My clothes were clothes that were small on Dudley, so they looked like a tent on me, and I only got them after Petunia bleached them. In the holidays before I turned eleven I started getting letters in the mail, but Vernon burned them. They came in a million different ways. At some point Vernon took us to a deserted island when there was a storm, announcing that the letters would not arrive there. And he was right. But instead of the letter, Hagrid came." a smile hovered on his lips. "he scared the Dursleys to death, gave Dudley a pig's tail." they died laughing. "and told me I was a wizard and that my parents were heroes and they didn't die in a car crash. He took me shopping in Diagon Alley. I bought some normal robes and met the first boy my age. It was Draco Malfoy, Lucius and Narcissa's son. He pissed me off with how he talked about class differences in wizards so I later refused his friendship. The rest of the summer I was given a bedroom, since they were so scared of Hagrid, but I still had to do my chores and I barely got food. On September first they dropped me off at King's Cross and I met the Weasleys, who helped me figure out how to get to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, and that's how I became friends with Ron - my best friend. Malfoy found me on the train and told me that I was better off being his friend and than Ron's but I didn't care and that's how my biggest rivalry started. At the sorting, when my name was read, everyone stared at me and I... I didn't want the attention. It scared me. The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin at first, it said I had the qualities for all four houses, and in Slytherin I could achieve great things." his voice trembled. "but I wanted to be in Gryffindor. Hagrid told me it was my parents' house. So in the end it put me in Gryffindor. The first year was fun. I learned what quidditch was, what magic was, what eating every day is like, what Christmas presents are and what friends are. During the whole year me, Ron and Hermione tried to find out what Dumbledore's secret was - he forbade everyone to enter a certain corridor. In the end we found out that it is the Philosopher's Stone, and that Voldemort is trying to get it through Snape. So we managed to get past all the teachers' defenses. Ron was injured on the way, and only one could pass the last stage, so I continued alone, and found out it wasn't Snape, it was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. There was a complicated fight there, and I got out of it alive. At the end of the year I returned to the Dursleys, to a summer break of murderous hard work, and I did not even receive any letters from friends. A few weeks before the end of the summer a house-elf came to warn me not to return to Hogwarts. He said it was dangerous for me. He said he took all my letters so I wouldn't want to go back to school. He destroyed a cake that Petunia made to get me grounded and disappeared, and a few days later Ron came with his brothers in a flying car to save me because I didn't answer his letters. The Weasleys took me shopping for the school year, and in Diagon Alley we met Lucius Malfoy. It was...interesting. He fought with Mr. Weasley. And we met Gilderoy Lockhart who was excited to meet me and told me he would be my Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Dobby, the house elf, wouldn't let me get on the platform at the train station so Ron and I stole his dad's car and flew it to school." James, Sirius and Remus laughed. "It was a terrible year. There were attacks on muggle born students that were being petrified, there was a whole thing about the Chamber of Secrets being opened, and the Heir of Slytherin, and I found out I was a parselmouth, so everyone thought I was doing it. In the end we found out that it was a Basilisk that Ron's little sister accidentally woke up because Lucius gave her a cursed diary and everything was fine once again. You already know how my third year started. How far did we get there?"

The four tried to remember.

"Pup, are you sure you want to do this?" Asked Sirius. "You sound very on edge."

Harry shook his head.

"I'm just having a hard time remembering everything. It was so long ago. But I want you guys to know."

"I think after the game you were attacked in," James answered the original question quietly.

Harry nodded gratefully and continued.

"After the game there was a calm normal school, until the next trip to Hogsmeade. Ron and Hermione had already left and I stayed in the castle. The Weasley twins took me to a quiet room and gave me a piece of parchment-" a wide smile spread across his face "-and taught me to use the map. They said I deserve to go to Hogsmeade and they already know it by heart anyway. So I took the map and the cloak - that Dumbledore gave me in my first year, and went to Hogsmeade. I found Ron and Hermione and we went to the three broomsticks. They bought me a drink and I sat under the cloak. We were at a side table, and at the table next to us were teachers from Hogwarts, madam Rosmerta, and the Minister of Magic, and at the next table was Remus. Did they even offer you to join them?" He suddenly wondered.

Remus lowered his head.

"I didn't have the energy to deal with them, so I tried to avoid them seeing me. Thank God it worked. I really didn't have the strength to be asked questions and I'm really glad I wasn't part of the conversation I guess you heard," he said.

Harry curled up.

"Yes," he whispered, then raised his voice. "They talked about the dementors, and Sirius, and then Hagrid and Fudge told in detail what they thought happened that night. That Sirius was your best friend, and that he was the best man at your wedding, and that he was my godfather, and that he was the secret keeper, and he Betrayed you..." Harry couldn't talk anymore. He cried freely, allowing Remus to hug him tightly.

James and Sirius cried silently, knowing they would never betray each other. Harry lifted his head and looked at them.

"You never Betrayed each other. Right?" He begged.

Sirius pulled him to his lap.

"Never did and never will," he promised earnestly, looking into his eyes.

Another wave of tears shook Harry's shoulders. He wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, buried his face in the crook of his neck and sobbed. After twenty minutes or so he fell asleep, his head resting tiredly on Sirius' shoulder.

James looked at him tearfully.

"That's my baby," he whispered. "He's been through so much. He doesn't deserve it." he burst into tears. "and there's nothing I can do to change that. He doesn't care that I'm his father. And there is no reason for it to interest him. He doesn't know me. I'm only three years older than him."

Sirius' hands were on Harry's back, so Remus moved to sit next to James.

"He will learn to know and love you," he promised, pulling him to him and pressing his head to his chest. "It's true that he doesn't deserve it, but you did everything you could to protect him. Hell, Prongs, you fucking died for him. Didn't you?"

James nodded slowly, quieting down a bit.

"Prongs," Sirius called him and he turned to him.

"Come a little closer," whispered Sirius, and James obeyed. "look at his face. He is calm. You can't see everything he's been through. He's sharing and explaining which is good, because he's letting go, and we're learning more about him, but it's behind him. He is full of hope for the future. Do you remember how excited he was before when he realized we loved him? It might happen today, in another week or in a few years, but in the end he will see you as his father, and then your age difference won't matter. You will be his father and he will be your baby. You know the phrase parents have no age. Right? It's literally about the two of you. Just give it time."

Tears streamed down James' face as he looked at his sleeping son.

"I want to hug him," he admitted.

Sirius sighed and tightened his hold on his godson. The squeeze was too strong and Harry woke up.

He raised his head and blushed as he saw everyone looking at him, and James crying his heart out.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Remus kissed James' head and returned to his seat.

Harry dropped his head back onto Sirius' shoulder.

"Do you mind if I talk like that?" Asked.

Sirius sighed again.

"whatever works for you. Are you sure you are up to talking more?" He made sure.

Harry nodded.

"So I was under the cloak listening to the shitty adults' conversation. They talked and talked until they finally finished the story about you and then they just got up and left. So I told my friends that I would talk to them at school and they started walking, and I sat there for a few minutes, still stunned. On the way out I saw Remus, still sitting alone, with tears on his face as if he had been crying for an hour now. Same as Halloween. So I wondered if there was a tragedy in his life or if he also heard the story and it touched his heart. I debated whether to go to him and say something, but then I remembered that I wasn't allowed to be there so I left. Remus, do you want to talk?"

Remus wiped his cheeks.

"I have nothing to add. I heard them talk about it like it was a fascinating story and I cried until I was composed enough and went back to school and cried in my office all night. That's it." his voice broke.

Harry moved his head to Sirius' other shoulder, his nose now touching James' sleeve.

"Me too," he whispered. "I went back to school, talked a bit with Ron and Hermione, and went up to the room. In my first year Hagrid gave me a photo album of yours and Lily. So I looked for a picture from the wedding and saw that the best man was actually Sirius. And when I saw him all smiling, I suddenly realized that he was living his life. In Azkaban, but he's still alive. And I have to hear Lily die every time I go near a dementor. And even if he heard it he wouldn't care, because he did it." he raised his head to Sirius. "I know now that's not true," he apologized.
Sirius kissed his cheek and nodded encouragingly.

"And then with that picture in my hand I started crying until I fell asleep. After that I was back to normal. I visited Hagrid, comforted him when his pet hippogriff was sentenced to death for attacking a student, kept Ron from killing Hermione when her cat tried to eat his rat and then Christmas came. I stayed at school, As usual, and my best friends stayed with me. I got gifts from Ron and Hermione and Mrs. Weasley, and one anonymous gift." he buried his face in Sirius' neck again. "a firebolt. Hermione decided it was from Sirius so I had to give it to McGonagall to make sure it wasn't cursed, but I didn't want to. She snitched on me and that's how the period when Ron and I didn't talk to her began. After Christmas I started the Patronus lessons with Lupin...I mean, Remus." he directed a smirking look at him, "I really tried, but I couldn't handle the boggart dementor. That time I heard you too." he looked directly into James' eyes. "you yelled Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!" his voice trembled.

James nodded in shock.

"You really remember that night," he whispered.

Harry bit his trembling lip.

"That night is the only memory I have of you. When I woke up from the Boggart and remembered your voice I cried. I cried and told Remus that I heard you. And he froze and looked at me strangely and said you heard James? And I didn't answer. I sat on the floor and cried my life out, rocking myself. He sat down next to me, and hugged me..." his voice died.

Remus blinked.

"I've known you long enough to be able to differentiate you and James," he explained. "and I've imagined hugging you so many times that it just felt natural to hug you without falling apart."

Harry wiped his tears on Sirius' shirt.

"Can we stop?" asked weakly.

Sirius nodded firmly.

"Whatever you want, Prongslet," he reminded him. "Do you want to go to bed?"

Harry nodded.

"I want you to stay with me when I fall asleep, until you three go to sleep. Then go to sleep with James and Remus. Don't stay with me the whole night, and don't stay up talking."

Sirius stood up, carrying Harry in his muscular arms.

Harry's head shot up, startled.

Sirius smiled at him.

"It's okay kid. Let yourself be a little kid for a while."

Harry listened and put his head back down.

"I was never carried," he said in a small voice.

A whimper escaped James' mouth.

"In your first year you were held. A lot. We love you, all of us." he promised.

Remus turned off the recording and put the phone in his pocket. Sirius entered his room and placed Harry on the bed. He took Harry's shoes off, and helped him take off his shirt. Harry closed his eyes, waiting for Sirius to sit next to him. Remus entered the room and hugged Harry.

"Good night, Prongslet." he kissed his forehead.

James cleared his throat and Harry opened his eyes.

"Good night, Harry," James whispered, holding out his hand hesitantly.

Harry took the hand with both hands and held it for a long moment.

"Good night, James."

Sirius hugged James briefly and lay down facing Harry, taking him in his arms. Harry snuggled against Sirius' chest and fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted from the long day he had had. Sirius remained in the same position, holding the sleeping boy. Tears filled his eyes as he thought about what would happen next. What if James and Harry don't get along? Today he already saw that Lily was stressing out because of Harry's age. What if James gives up too? Harry has been through so much. He can't be rejected by his parents. And what if Harry decides it's too much for him? What will happen then? James wants his baby. Sirius caressed Harry's face, moving the hair out of his eyes, trying to stop the depressing thoughts.

♤♤♤

James left the room and slid to the floor, covering his face with his hands. Remus put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let's go to the living room," he said quietly.

James' shoulders shook.

"I don't want to," he mumbled.

Remus sighed.

"Don't make me carry you," he threatened.

James clutched his hand.

"I don't care," he cried. "I just want my baby."

Remus slipped his hand under his friend's armpits and pulled him to a standing position, supporting him on the way down the stairs. Remus sat him down on the couch.

"Shhh...breathe, Prongs," he ordered. "take a deep breath."

James breathed with him, long shaky breaths, until he calmed down.

"Thanks Moony." James rested his head on Remus' shoulder. "I love you."

Remus kissed his head.

"I love you too," he whispered. "I'm so glad you're here."

James straightened up.

"What did you do when there was a full moon?" He freaked out suddenly.

Remus closed his eyes for a second.

"Do you remember that before you started coming with me I was much more animalistic? So I went back to being it. I was a fucking monster, and I hurt myself a million times. It was only after I was back with Sirius that I was fine again."

James snuggled closer to Remus.

"How strange do you think Harry would think this is?" he asked with a chuckle. "That we cuddle like a group of teenage girls."

Remus smiled.

"To be honest, I think it will help him see you as a cute and friendly person. Don't you think so?"

James' eyes suddenly lit up, and Remus' heart skipped a beat. He forgot what James looked like when he was excited.

"Before you came, when we were eating dinner, I took chicken off his plate, I didn't realize what I was doing, and it seemed that he relaxed a little. Do you think if I stop being so careful around him it will help?"

Remus nodded.

"Do you want to hear the recording now? I can answer your questions," he suggested.

James hesitated for a moment.

"I'm going to call Lily," he decided.

He came back with Lily after a moment, and she hurried to Remus. He hugged her warmly.

"You look amazing," he complimented her.

she giggled.

"Thanks. James said we will now hear Harry talk about what happened to him?"

Remus took the phone out of his pocket.

"Kay. This is an iPhone, there's a lot of stuff in it, you'll learn." he turned on the recording.

Already in the first minute, Lily stopped the recording.

"She abused my child," she exclaimed angrily. "Why are we here? I want to go to her."

James held her hand.

"Wait," he said hoarsely. "don't you want to know what happened to our baby?"

Lily started crying.

"I don't know," she cried, resting her head on her husband's shoulder. "I don't know what I want." she came to her senses and wiped her cheeks. "I'm going to Marlene and Dorcas for a few days. It's not just because of Harry. I just want to understand what's happening and what I plan to do. I will be in touch with you when I feel I am up to it," she decided and kissed James, standing up.

"It's not that I don't love you," she murmured. "I just need to understand where I'm standing."

She hugged him and disapparated.