Everyone was sat in the Great Hall for breakfast. An event that was normally loud seemed much quieter today. A certain group from the Gryffindor table chose not to talk, but instead awkwardly push food around their plate.
Through the bottom of the Coca-Cola bottle he had raised to his lips James could see Remus lean over to whisper into Sirius’ ear. James could catch a few words such as ‘private matter’ and something about a question before Remus righted himself and Sirius began to speak.
“Hey James, where were you last night? Because like we noticed you weren’t in the dorms,” he paused, visibly deflating. “I can’t do it. Remus you have to ask him.”
Remus sighed, mumbling something too quiet for James to hear, though it was obvious Sirius heard it from the yell he let out.
“That is so not true! It’s just awkward because he’s practically my brother! It’s like trying to ask Regulus about that stuff! It’s just conversations we avoid,” he finally finished.
“Don’t bring me into your incest ridden family. I am not you brother in the slightest,” Regulus called from the Slytherin table, clearly embarrassed by the scene his brother had caused.
“Oh, right I’m sorry I forgot the bloodline technically makes us cousins. Sorry all, I don’t have a brother I just have a cousin Regulus. I’m actually an only child.” Sirius replied, rolling his eyes.
Out of nowhere a fork came flying at Sirius. He caught it before lazily taking a sip of his tea. By this time all eyes were on them, the room deadly silent.
“Your aim is getting weak.”
There was some commotion as Barty, Evan, and Dorcas moved to restrain Regulus, though he made no attempt to move.
“Your arms are getting weak. You may want to start lifting,” Regulus shot back with a blank expression.
“You know who’s got weaker arms than I do?” Sirius questioned, a small smile on his face.
“Bellatrix,” both boys said in unison. There was a roar of anger as both boys ducked down laughing.
“Messrs Black, Miss Black, please calm yourselves before house points are deducted,” a voice rang out.
Soon everyone was settled and the ‘Marauders’ were left to their own conversation.
“Alright James im going to ask you a question and if you freak out I will punch you,” Remus stated, ready to get the conversation over with. “Were you or were you not out with somebody last night?” He questioned straight faced.
James choked on the egg he had been eating. He hurriedly put his hands up, mouth opening to talk.
“Sorry! Not panicking! Just caught off guard!” He hurriedly exclaimed, taking a moment to catch his breath. “To answer your question, I was seeing someone. I don’t think I’m going to introduce you guys yet,” he stated, quickly shutting Peter and Sirius down, “but if they decide that they are ready to be introduced I will. I want everyone to be comfortable with this.”
Peter flung himself onto James, pinching his cheeks and cooing similar to that of a mother. “Awww my ickle darling jamsie poo, such a respectful young man. Mummy’s so proud of her ickle Jamiekins.”
James shoved Peter off as the other two laughed, his face burning red with embarrassment.
“Shove off Pete,” he muttered, looking around to make sure nobody had seen what just happened.
The topic was left at that for everyone but James. Though he wouldn’t show it, he was a bit worried about introducing his ‘mystery lover’ as Sirius had called them to his friend group. Sighing, James took out a self-inking quill and a spelled piece of parchment that allowed him to contact said mystery lover, it’s function similar to that of a muggle cell phone.
Hello Mystery Lover
James why are you calling me that? I have a name you know.
Yes but I may have let Sirius, Pete, and Remus know of your existence after they noticed I wasn’t in the dorm last night. I wouldn’t tell them who you were so Sirius decided to name you my Mystery Lover.
Ew.
Yes whatever you say Darling I know you secretly love it.
Do not. What did you want?
Can I not write to my lovely boyfriend for no reason other than wanting to talk to him?
No. What do you want.
Fine. You caught me. If you really must know I was wondering whether or not you’d be opposed to me introducing you to my friends as my boyfriend. You don’t have to of course and I won’t bring it up again if you don’t want to but I think it would be fun
How about we tell just Sirius and then you let me handle telling the rest.
I don’t like how that sounds but go right ahead love. When do you want to tell Sirius?
Now? I don’t really want the chance to chicken out. Tell him you want to talk to him and take him to that stupid room you idiots use as a meeting room. I’ll be there but I won’t show myself until you tell him why he’s there.
Got it. See you in ten my love
James quickly chugged the remainders of his second Coke before clearing his throat calling Sirius’ attention to him.
“Let’s take a walk Pads. I’ve got something I need to talk to you about,” James mouthed, thankful that Sirius was the only one who could read lips.
“Alright mates, me and Jamison are going for a walk to talk about boring manly things like taxes. See you lot in class,” Sirius exclaimed hauling James to his feet and walking out of the Great Hall, pausing st the doors to wait for James as he hurriedly grabbed another Coke and some fruit.
The two walked out of the Great Hall, laughing at their friends confused faces.
“Sirius you do know wizards don’t pay taxes, right?” James questioned, confused as to why his friend thought that excuse would keep their friends from nosing in their business.
“Well duh Jamiekins but most wizards don’t have an addiction to muggle drinks and strawberries, do they? Plus if you confuse them enough they don’t question anything. Don’t ask why. Now, what do you want to talk about?” Sirius rambled, obviously nervous as to what James had to say.
“We’re going to the meeting room first. I don’t want to risk anyone overhearing,” James mumbled, keeping his eyes glued to the ground.
“Fuck, because that doesn’t make me nervous,” Sirius chuckled as the two walked into the so called ‘meeting room’.
“What I am about to tell you you can not tell literally anyone or anything else,” James said after closing and locking the door and placed a silencing charm.
“You didn’t murder anybody did you?” Sirius asked, a panicked look crossing his face.
A near silent laugh could be heard in the room and James hurriedly spoke.
“I want to introduce you to Mystery Lover. Swear that you won’t tell anyone?” he asked, practically breathless. Sirius nodded. “He swore. You can come out now love.”
A shuffling noise could be heard as the a figure appeared next to James after having taken the invisibility cloak off.
“Hello brother,” Regulus spoke ominously, though James thought his acting skills were a bit weak as he was obviously holding back laughter.
None of that seemed to matter as Sirius jumped up and pulled both boys into a hug, tears clouding his eyes.
“Oh, this is amazing. I’m so happy for you both. You need to be careful though. If Mother finds out,” Sirius spoke, his voice trailing off before he cleared his throat to speak again. “Just, don’t leave me for each other, yeah? I know you guys are the couple and it should be the other way around and this is in no way me attempting to keep you from each other but you’re both very dear to me. Like James is my best mate and Reggie is obviously my brother and honestly, I still want you two to be my best mate and brother and not just a couple. Like, Reggie, don’t let James in on our Friday afternoon events please? He’s not good at gossip anyways,” Sirius finished, practically gasping for breath at the end of his ramble.
“Sirius, mate, breathe. I’ll still be your best friend and Regulus will still be your brother. We’ll just be dating eachother. If anything he’ll just hang out in the common room a bit more often than normal,” James spoke as he wiped the tears from Sirius’ eyes.
“Which brings me to my next point,” Regulus spoke, slightly startling Sirius. “James, you may leave. This is strictly Black brother business.”
Now confident that the two were alone, Regulus turned to his brother speaking only four words.
“We need a party.”
———————————————
Throughout the planning phase, it became blatantly obvious that both boys had wildly different ideas of parties. They eventually settled on a ‘small’ gathering consisting of the Marauders, the ‘Spawns of Lilith’ as Sirius so affectionately dubbed the girls, and the Slytherin Skittles (yet another nickname created by Sirius).
Once everyone arrived and had properly warmed up to one another Sirius called for a game of Truth or Dare (Spin the Bottle edition).
Now gathered in the center of the room conjured for them by the Room of Requirements it was decided that Marlene would spin first. The bottle spun for over thirty seconds before finally landing on Regulus.
“Dare”
“I dare you to balance as many books on your head as you can before you either can’t carry any more or they fall,” Marlene spoke, a smirk evident on her face.
With an identical smirk Regulus stood up and, beckoning for Sirius to stand as well, walked over to one of the bookshelves lining the wall and stood as Sirius began stacking books on his head. After twenty seven books Regulus could no longer bear the weight and gestured for Sirius to stop.
“Can you walk with all of those books on your head?” Lily asked, the sight in front of her reminding her of a princess training her posture.
Gasps of amazement floated around the room as Regulus took a lap around the room, not a single book falling off of his head.
Once the room had settled once again Regulus spun the bottle, grinning as it landed on Barty. Seeing the look on Regulus’ face he chose truth, thinking it to be safer.
“Who in this room would you shag right now?”
Barty groaned in annoyance, flipping Regulus a certain finger as he waited for the laughter to die down.
“So Barty, who’s it going to be?” Regulus asked, clearly enjoying teasing his embarrassed friend.
“James,” Barty muttered, contemplating jumping off of the astronomy tower.
“No, same!” both Rosier twins shouted, their words synchronized. They looked at each other for a moment before deciding that a high five and a comment about superior taste would be appropriate.
“Right? Like everyone’s always like ‘Oh, no! Remus Lupin is the Casanova of Gryffindor Tower!’ and like sure he’s hot but have you seen James Potter?” Dorcas added, the Slytherins seemingly forgetting that said Gryffindor was sitting not even five feet from them.
“To right you are Dorcas,” Evelyn added at which James felt a sense of pride fill his chest for receiving such a complement from the Evelyn Zabini.
“Wow. I am flattered, but unfortunately for you lot, I am vowed to another,” James spoke, at which majority of the room gasped. After listening to their questions James simply smiled as he spoke, “I guess you’ll have to get the bottle to land on me.”
Barty spun the bottle, groaning as it landed on Sirius who was only inches away from James.
“Truth or Dare dog boy?” Barty asked, laughing as Sirius’ eyes widened at the nickname.
“Truth,” Sirius replied, excited that he was next to spin.
“Which girl in this room would you marry if they proposed to you right now?”
At Sirius’ offended squawk he explained that no, he was not homophobic, but everyone knew that if it were out of everyone in the room he would surely pick Remus. After getting the rest of the room to not only understand but agree with him, Barty motioned for Sirius to speak.
“Okay so like I know that everyone is expecting me to pick Marlene because she’s my favorite Blondie like ever, but honestly it’d probably be Evelyn. Like, we’re both undeniably hot and we could get along great and marry rich old men. Free money and all that good stuff. Plus we’d look good together. I could put up with wearing a suit on the daily if it meant successfully scamming majority of the population,” Sirius explained, grinning as Evelyn joking got down on one knee.
After their ‘marriage proposal’ Sirius spun the bottle, grinning as it landed on James. The rest of the room seemed on edge as they watched the interaction between the two boys, some smirking hopefully as James picked dare.
“Alright James, I dare you,” Sirius paused dramatically, seemingly wondering what he should dare James to do, “to speak in Parseltongue until the bottle lands on you again.”
The room seemed to deflate before Mary looked up questioningly.
“You can speak Parseltongue?”
“Parseltongue is a common trait for those with Indian descent. It’s part the reason why so many ancient pureblood houses wish to surround themselves with acquaintances that have Indian descent. Most ancient purebloods own at least one snake as a symbol of nobility so having someone that can speak to the snake and make sure it is satisfied with its treatment within the house is important. An unhappy snake brings shame upon a family. The trait is most commonly found in those with Indian descent because most dragons are native to India. Because dragons and snakes are so closely related, if you can learn the Parseltongue language you can speak to dragons. So many Indians began speaking parseltongue that eventually it was just passed down from generation to generation as a second language,” Regulus explained, wondering if said explanation was not common sense for most.
“But then, why is being a Parseltongue seen as a dark trait?” Evan asked, ignoring the offended look Pandora shot his as she muttered darkly about Nargles.
James hissed darkly in reply, but realizing that nobody knew parseltongue, shot Sirius a dirty look.
“He says that it is all Dumbledore’s fault and I totally agree. I don’t understand how that man can be not only muggle racist but wizard racist as well, sexist, and homophobic all at once. He makes my mother seem like a saint,” Regulus translated, ignoring the amazed looks on most of the rooms faces.
James and Regulus began speaking as Sirius, who apparently knew parseltongue ad well made fake gagging noises in the back.
Once he had been assured that either of the Black brothers could translate for him, James spun the bottle audibly laughing as it landed on Evan.
Evan looked slightly horrified as the bottle stopped on him, apparently knowing what James would ask him to do.
“Just ask the question James. We both know you’re going to make me tell either way,” Evan spoke, admitting to defeat.
Sirius spoke after listening to what James wanted Evan to do.
“He says that you have to tell everyone about your first relationship.”
“You bitch. So basically because me, James, obviously Pandora, Marlene, and Peter grew up together we were always like super close. We were playing truth or dare one day and me and Pete wanted to prank the others so we were pretending to date. Marlene dared us to kiss and Pete cried so we just stopped pretending to date because we thought that they had already caught on to us which ruined the whole point of the prank,” Evan spoke, him and Peter equally embarrassed.
The room was silent until Marlene hesitantly spoke.
“You guys broke up? Me, Dora, and James thought you had been dating since then. We just assumed Pete didn’t like kissing so we never said anything.”
Evan looked at the other two for confirmation and as they both nodded he heard a gasp.
“We never broke up. Like we’re technically still dating. We never called the prank off. Quick Ev break up with me,” Peter shouted and Evan gasped as well.
“I’m sorry Peter but this just isn’t working out. I would say it’s not you but that’s a lie. I know you’re cheating on me with your secretary. Just so you know, I’m taking Marlene and James. You can have Pandora.”
As Pandora opened her mouth to speak Evan spun the bottle, moving on as quickly as possible. The room was silent as everyone watched the bottle which seemed to spin forever. After a deafening moment of silence the bottle finally stopped on James.
James seemed to shrink down as he heard the words truth or dare come out of Evan’s mouth, knowing he was doomed either way. He hesitantly picked dare, hoping that Evan wouldn’t make him tell his biggest fear.
He breathed a sigh of relief as Evan instead asked who his mystery lover was.
“I’ll tell you, but if there is a bet going on about this I want 25% of the winnings because I’m a little broke,” James spoke, smirking at the anticipation written on every face in the room.
“James you are quite literally the single richest man in Hogwarts I don’t think you need to worry about money,” Regulus replied, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s offended gasp.
“Wow. I can’t believe this. Betrayed by my own boyfriend. What’s next, I find out you just want my money? Or worse, you’re using me for free food,” James gasped, feigning fainting with his hands over his heart.
Majority of the room gasped, some excited, some offended. Regardless of what type of gasp it was every person in the room besides for James and Regulus handed Sirius five galleons who in turn counted out 25% of his winnings and handed them to James.
“Now, who’s next?”