Emotionally Repressed Shite
In Regulus’s opinion, the bathroom of a jet was as good a place as any to hide out for the duration of a flight. Now, obviously hiding in an airplane bathroom for 2 hours and 15 minutes was probably not the smartest decision but Regulus had been really good at making stupid decisions the last couple of days.
Besides, it’s not like he was in a normal airplane. The bathroom was nice and it was quieter than the rest of the plane which was preferable for writing. He had 16 shows left to play and he was stressed as fuck but in all honesty that was the last thing on his mind.
He had told James Potter all of his secrets. He told James Potter things that not even Barty knew. He hadn’t told Pandora, Evan, Dorcas or even Sirius any of that shit. Sure, some of them were probably able to figure it out but they didn’t know the extent. They didn’t know anything really except to not bring it up to Regulus.
And yet, he had told James.
Then he kissed James.
And he wanted to kiss James again.
Fuck.
So far, he had written many lyrics. So far, he had written no lyrics he could actually use. He had somehow become a soppy idiot for James Potter who he had only kissed one time and only known for less than a week.
Okay fine, the songs weren’t all about James and they certainly weren’t love songs but seeing as Potter would be in the audience, he would definitely get the message behind the songs.
Some lyrics were a bit more subtle and a few were him just lying to himself.
For hell's sake, it shouldn’t be this hard for him.
He was pulled from his head when there was a bang at the door.
“Regulus, open the door you arsehole. You can’t claim the bathroom for an entire flight because you're in a strop.”
Regulus sighed and stood up. The bathroom was actually very nice and he had gotten quite comfortable on the floor.
He opened the door and was greeted by a grinning Barty who barged inside and closed the door.
“Never did I think that would actually work.”
“What do you want, Barty? I’m a bit busy.” Regulus sighed.
“Well, I was wondering if you happen to know where I put my earbuds, why you kissed James Potter and if you have any good movies downloaded on your tablet.” Barty said quickly
It took a minute for Regulus to realize that Barty had actually said that and when he did, his eyes widened a comical amount.
“How the fuck do you know?”
Barty’s smile grew. “I didn’t for sure but you’ve confirmed it. Pandora was alluding to something but was talking in weird riddles but I heard Potter and took a chance.”
Regulus leaned against the door and groaned.
“Regulus, what on earth were you thinking? I thought you hated him.”
“I did, I do.” Regulus corrected himself. “I just, I told him something and he was so nice and understanding and thoughtful and he smelled really good and looked bloody fit and he was just being an exceptional person and I just had to. I had to know what it felt like.”
Barty snorted. “I’m sorry, really but he smelled good? God Regulus, you are down bad. Jeez, you’ve never fallen for anyone but falling this fast is impressive.”
“I have not fallen for anyone you arsehole.”
Barty raised an eyebrow and snatched the journal that was sitting on the floor. He opened to the last written on page and laughed at Regulus’s feeble attempt to stop him.
“Gleaming, twinkling, eyes like sinking ships on waters. So inviting, I almost jump in. But I don’t like a gold rush, gold rush.” Barty read. “I don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush. I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch.”
“Barty give it back.” Regulus said, exasperated.
Barty started at Regulus for a moment. “Holy shit. You have literally known him for like a week and yet you are describing his eyes as gold. They are brown Regulus. Like mine but duller.”
“Fuck you Barty.” Regulus said, feeling a strange urge to defend James’s eyes but pushing it down.
“The lyrics are good though. Like really good. I know it’s only a few lines but you should see where it goes.”
Regulus sighed. “I can’t do that. I could never perform that. Not with him standing right in front of me, taking pictures.”
Barty laughed. “Regulus, it's a good song. Only you and I know what it’s about. Just relax okay?”
“I don’t know what to do Barty. I feel like I should hate him but somehow he makes me feel comfortable. I haven’t felt that with someone in so long.”
“Hey, listen, you don’t have to hate him. I know that whatever is going on is deep rooted into your brain but you need to kick the obnoxious little Walburga that is telling you to hate him out of your head and figure out how you feel. Then you need to finish that song.”
“I don’t have any ideas for the song. If I ever finish it it won’t be for a while.” Regulus stated.
Barty smiled. “Okay. Well, the real reason I came in here was to tell you that we are landing sort of soon so get ready for that. Also, Pandora, Dorcas, Evan and I are coming to your room later for a brainstorming session so be ready for that.”
“Fine. Please don’t tell them.”
Barty smirked. “Oh come on, you know I have to tell them.” and with that he was gone.
Regulus groaned and slumped back against the wall. He was going to get so much shit from them.
__________________
James was feeling a bit frustrated. He knew that Regulus was going to avoid him but he didn’t really know how he would manage that on a plane until now.
I mean, locking himself in a bathroom just to stay away from James felt a bit extreme. Sure, James would have tried to corner him otherwise but still.
James was sitting by Remus and across from Sirius and Marlene who had fallen asleep on each other. He had tried to talk to Barty but the entire band plus Pandora were all sitting and staring at each other while Pandora mumbled a bunch of nonsense to the others.
They were all looking at her with a confused look and James heard her say ‘Potter’ and desperately wanted to know what she was saying.
Barty suddenly stood up with a shit eating grin and said, “Thanks dora, you’re the best.”
The rest of the band murmured protests and tried asking Barty questions but he didn’t answer and instead went back to the bathroom and somehow got in.
James sighed and tried to focus on the book in his lap. Remus had given it to him at the start of the flight and although he was halfway through the book he could not tell you a single thing that had happened thus far.
He knew it was about a kid named Alex and a kid named Henry who wanted to date or maybe they hated each other, James wasn’t entirely sure.
He tried really hard to focus on the page but his mind was full of thoughts about Regulus and it was proving to be very difficult to focus on a book when he could only think about trying to find the exact shade of gray that Regulus’s eyes were and paint his entire house that color.
Remus sighed from beside him. “Prongs, if you’re not going to read the book you could give it back.”
James jumped a little, surprised at Remus’s observantness. “Sorry Moons.”
“What’s going on with you Prongs?”
Now that was a complicated question. Would it be okay to tell Remus that he thinks he has a crush on his best friend's brother who sort of hates him even though he kissed him quite passionately last night?
Probably not.
Was he going to do it anyways?’
Probably.
“It’s complicated.”
“Yes, well, the Black brothers typically are. Try telling me anyway.” Remus said
James gaped at him for a moment. “How- what?”
“Honestly James, I've known you for years and I am very observant. This is exactly what happened with Lily at the start except this time it seems to be a bit more reciprocated.”
James smiled sheepishly. “He’s just so lovely and he opened up to me a few times and then we may have snogged but now he is ignoring me and you absolutely cannot tell Sirius.”
Remus groaned. “Jeez. You kissed him? Honesty James, you’ve known the bloke for less than a week.”
“I know.” James said, covering his face with his hands. “Trust me, I know. I just, I feel like I did with Lily at the start except it's not just physical attraction. I know I don’t really know him but he is so bloody smart and brave and wonderful. I want to get to know him better.”
“You are so far gone.”
“Shut up Moony.”
“James, just please be careful. Sirius just got him back and if you went and broke his heart I don’t know if Sirius would ever recover.”
“Wow moony, I don’t even know if he likes me. I’m definitely not about to break his heart.”
“Just go slow okay.”
“Okay.”
***********************
When the group got to their hotel, James was feeling a bit more frustrated. He had planned to get Regulus next to him in the car but Regulus had somehow managed to get James in the very back row and got himself to the front.
When they actually got inside the hotel, Regulus was gone. He actually disappeared and James felt like he was going mad.
Slowly, he made his way up to his floor and found his room. As he was going in he saw the band go into a slightly open door and he heard Evan say rather loudly, “Oh well, this is pathetic. One kiss and you’re hooked.”
James tried not to let that go to his head and then he heard a voice that was presumably Regulus say, “Barty and Pandora, you two are no longer my friends.” before the door slammed.
James smiled as he opened his room, room 505 and set his stuff down on his bed. So, Regulus didn’t hate him after all. In fact, Regulus liked him. Pathetically according to Evan but James thought it was rather charming.
Unrequited love- her not love, unrequited attraction is one thing but if it's requited then James can actually do something about it.
In all honesty, the kiss had just confused him for a while but now he just wants it to happen again and knowing that Regulus wasn’t absolutely disgusted by him makes him feel a lot better about that fact. Maybe Regulus wanted it to happen again too.
But in all honesty, James was getting ahead of himself. He needed to talk to Regulus which meant that he needed to get Regulus alone. There were a few ways he could do that but the best one was definitely just catching him on one of their days off. They were here for an entire week and the serpents only had 2 shows so it would be easy enough to get him alone on one of the other days. The show was tonight and at the end of the week and there was plenty of time in between those. James knew for a fact that on one of the days they would get to see Andromeda so maybe that would be the best time to go.
James smiled and decided to take a nap.
_________________
Regulus was not dealing with this as well as James had been. All he had wanted was some time to relax before their concert but unfortunately, his bandmates had other plans.
All of his so-called friends were in his room trying to get him to talk and he was not in the mood for it.
“Pandora, I hope you know that all I want at this moment is for you to suddenly disappear from the Earth.” Regulus said
Pandora laughed “Sure you do Reggie, I know damn well that deep inside you are quite happy that you have 4 amazing friends to talk about this whole James thing with.”
“First of all, it’s Regulus. Secondly, please just stop talking. There is no ‘this James thing’.”
“Yeah, other than the fact that you kissed him and you are so clearly into him.” Barty whispered. “Oh and the small fact that you wrote a song about him.”
“You what?”
“No fucking way”
“Regulus you slag!”
If looks could kill, Bartiums Crouch Jr. would be a dead man.
“Barty, as per usual, has no clue what he is talking about.” Regulus seethed
“I actually know exactly what I’m talking about. I saw it myself in that little green sad boy poetry book he always carries around.” Barty said with a smirk. “He compared the guys eyes to gold. It was a cute little pining song.”
“Aww!” Dorcas gushed. “Show me right now.”
“There is nothing to show.” Regulus said, trying to locate the journal.
Unfortunately, Pandora had been 2 steps ahead and grabbed it from his nightstand.
“Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
Walk past, quick brush
I don’t like slow motion double vision in a rose blush
I don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘til the bone crush
Everybody wants you
But I don’t like a gold rush
What must it be like to grow up that beautiful
With your hair falling into place like dominos
I see me padding-” Regulus managed to grab the notebook back from Pandora before she got any further
“Holy shit Reg” Dorcas said. “That was good. Not really like anything you’ve written before. It’s like a real love song.”
“It’s not a song at all.” Regulus said, slowly getting angrier. “It’s not finished and even if it ever is, I’m never performing it. No one was supposed to fucking see it!”
“I’m sorry for reading it Regulus but come on, it's incredible.” Pandora said calmly. “I mean, the songwriting you’ve been doing recently is truly beautiful but this feels more hopeful. Clearly you’re struggling with your feelings for James and maybe feeling like it’s unrequited but come on it-”
“Pandora, can you just stop? Not everything I write is meant to be seen. This was just my little way of expressing my feelings in a slightly healthy way. If I knew the lot of you was going to invade my privacy and try to psychoanalyze me I never would’ve written it in the first place.” Regulus yelled. “For fucks sake, I already have to go and dig through old, painful memories and just give it to the fans because apparently that’s all I’m here for and now I can’t even have new things kept to myself.”
Dorcas, looking quite remorseful, came and engulfed Regulus in a hug. “Hey, we’re sorry. We shouldn’t have done that. We just think you might be carrying too much and it would mean a lot to us if you tried even just a little bit to open up.”
Regulus backed away and glared at them. “I appreciate the sentiment but I really am fine. Just because I don’t feel the need to bare my soul to you guys after every single tiny interaction I may have doesn’t make me emotionally repressed.”
Evan snorted. “Maybe that doesn’t but you being you does make you a bit emotionally repressed.”
Pandora promptly whacked Evan upside the head.
“Ow what the hell! I was simply voicing what everyone was thinking.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “You guys have known me for years. You know what I’m like and I don’t know why you suddenly think that's going to change.”
“It’s because something is different this time.” Dorcas said simply. “You never fall for anyone, much less kiss them. You’ve told us for years that you hate James Potter and yet here you are kissing him and writing songs about him. We aren’t trying to shame you or even really make fun of you.”
“I mean I was trying to make fun of you.” Barty whispered.
“We are just trying to make sure you know that you have people who care about you so much that you can talk to.”
“You’re trying to make sure that this isn’t like it was last time.” Regulus corrected.
“No actually,” Evan cut in “We know already that it isn’t like last time. James is clearly a good person, much better than Lestrange ever was. We just want you to be able to talk to us. You really are an emotionally repressed little shite but you should know that we are here.”
Regulus could feel himself getting uncomfortable. All this talk was making him a bit sick. Maybe he was an emotionally repressed shite.
“Clearly you don’t want to talk about James.” Pandora stated. “But you need to start talking to us about all the stuff going on with the label. We are a band. You shouldn’t have to be the only one stressed about new music. I know none of us write but that doesn’t mean we can’t help you at all.”
Regulus felt himself relax a little bit. This he could talk about at least a little bit. “I have songs that could work but Riddle called last night and made it clear that my songs cannot allude to any abuse from my childhood.”
“Why the fuck would he care about that?” Barty asked
“We got this connection from Alphard but apparently they have ties to my parents and they were not pleased at even the idea that enough for you could possibly be about them.” Regulus answered. “It doesn’t matter right now though. I have a few that could be changed into love songs and maybe you could help with that?”
“Yeah of course Regulus.” Dorcas said.
“You all have 2 hours before we have to go for soundcheck and I’m sure we could get quite a bit done in that time. At least one probably?” Pandora said
Regulus took a deep breath. Maybe he did have people to lean on.
***************
Regulus did not have a single person to lean on.
It was time to head to the venue for soundcheck and he had to get ready so his ‘friends’ left his room and yet when he made it to the lobby he was told that they had all left and that he’d be riding over separately with James Potter.
Sure, he didn’t have to talk to them about him but they were going to take every opportunity they could to force Regulus to talk to James.
“So, is the car here yet?” James asked, clearly desperate to make conversation.
Regulus turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “Do you see one?”
“Right, sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” Regulus said, aware of how annoyed he sounded. “You didn’t actually do anything that warranted an apology.”
“Right but you’re clearly annoyed with me for whatever reason so I thought it best to just say sorry.”
“I’m not annoyed with you Potter. I’m annoyed with my friends and their inability to stay out of things.”
James nodded. “Fair enough. Personally, I’m quite grateful to your friends for making it so you can’t avoid me for at least the next half hour.”
“I haven’t been avoiding you.”
“Oh come on Regulus, don’t lie.” James sighed. “You left immediately after the concert, camped out in the bathroom for the entire flight, somehow managed to sit as far as humanly possible from me in the car and then locked yourself in your room. Even now you are standing a good meter away from me.”
“Okay, maybe I am avoiding you but so what?”
“I just wanted to talk to you. Call me obsessive or weird or whatever but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss, or you for that matter.”
Regulus’ mask broke for just a moment. “It was just a kiss.”
Before James could respond, the car pulled up and Regulus hurried to get in.
“You can’t get out of this conversation that easily you know?”
“I’m not trying to get out of anything.” Regulus lied. “I just didn’t want to make the driver wait.”
“For hell's sake Regulus, if you regret it could you just come out and say it?”
“I don't regret it!” Regulus blurted out, immediately regretting it. “I don’t. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while but no I don’t regret it no matter how much I wish I could say I did. I don’t regret it and I would very much like it to happen again.”
Slowly, Regulus turned to look at James who was smirking.
“I’m sure a repeat could be arranged.” James said.
Regulus glared. “Shut up you utter arsehole”
“Make me.”
And Regulus did. He grabbed the collar of James’ shirt and pulled him in, their lips colliding rather aggressively.
Regulus knew he should have just lied and told James he regretted it and didn’t want it to happen again but how could he? James kisses like a dream.
Regulus feels James’ tongue running over his lower lip and he can taste a strange but intoxicating combination of toothpaste and coffee.
He feels large, soft hands slip into his hair and frame his face and in all honesty, Regulus thinks he might be going mad. All too soon, James pulls away and Regulus feels himself chase after his lips.
Before Regulus gets a chance to complain, James is grabbing him and pulling him into his lap. Regulus can’t even register what is happening before James slowly starts sucking marks on his neck.
“James” Regulus whispers. “James, we are almost there.”
“Give me one second love.” James says before connecting their lips once more.
The nickname slipped through James’ lips so easily and yet Regulus had latched onto it. ‘Love, love, love, love’
He had said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world and before Regulus had time to further analyze it the car came to a halt.
Regulus jumped off of James’ lap and for a moment the two of them stared at each other.
“I um, I have to go in.” Regulus said.
James laughed. “Yeah, I know. I’m coming in too.”
Regulus gulped. “Right, just give me a head start please?”
“Sure Reggie. Just know, you don’t get to try and avoid me after this. I will not be nearly as patient as I was last time.”
Regulus let out a breathy laugh. “You barely had to wait at all last time.”
“It felt like fucking eternity.”
“Right, well, I won’t avoid you. I promise.”
“Good, you might wanna head in now. I fear you may have missed the first part of sound check.”
Regulus nodded and hurried out of the car. What the fuck had he just done?
He hurried to the green room where his bandmates were waiting for him, talking amongst themselves.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys?” Regulus asked, trying to sound annoyed.
“Come off it Regulus, you clearly aren’t actually angry.” Dorcas said with a laugh.
“Clearly? How the hell did you come to that conclusion?”
Pandora laughed. “Oh Regulus, take a look at your neck.”
Regulus felt himself pale and his hands flew to his neck. He hurried over to a mirror and sure enough, he had a few love bites littering his neck.
“Shit.” he muttered to himself.
“Here Reg.” Barty said with a smirk. “I have a concealer that might work for you. We all agreed not to make fun of you before the show but rest assured, you will be teased about this soon.”
Regulus glared. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I think I’ll do Motion Sickness for the song tonight.”
The four others exchanged a look of amusement at Regulus’ horrible attempt at a subject change but just nodded along.
***********
The concert came and went but Regulus was really just going through the movements. Each and every one of his thoughts was of James.
He had known the man less than a week and yet he was utterly obsessed.
At the end of the show the group headed back to the hotel and Regulus retreated to his room. About 30 minutes later, there was a knock at the door.
Regulus opened the door to a smiling James.
“So,” James said, walking past Regulus into his room. “I have come here to ask you a question.”
Regulus arched an eyebrow but nodded. “Go ahead.”
“As far as I am aware you are visiting Andromeda for much of tomorrow is that correct?”
“Yes James, I’m quite sure that invitation was extended to you as well.”
“It was. I was just double checking. In any case, I was hoping that you would do me the honor of going on a fun outing with me tomorrow evening?”
Regulus stumbled a bit. “A date?”
“You see, I said outing because I was quite sure you would say no if I called it a date but essentially yes, a date.”
Regulus looked at him for a moment. “No expectations?”
“None at all.” James said with a grin. “Just a bit of time spent together at a restaurant, my treat of course, getting to know each other.”
Regulus considered for a moment. “I suppose I wouldn’t object to that.”
“Perfect! I’ll pick you up from this room tomorrow evening.” And with that, James scurried out of the room.
When he left, Regulus collapsed onto his bed. What has he gotten himself into?