Do you have a girl?
Did James feel embarrassed that he was back in a depressive state 6 months after the breakup that he knew was going to happen?
Yes, yes he was.
Was he planning on doing anything about it?
No.
James had been properly in love with Lily Evans since he first laid eyes on her in his musical theory class. It took until third year at university to convince her to date him and he thought he was done.
The issue was that because he was so blinded by love, he didn’t see the issues that were screaming in his face. His friends all told him that it probably wouldn’t work out but he wouldn’t listen. Slowly, he felt the drift.
Lily started to pull away slowly and if he was being honest, he didn’t blame her. They had been so good in the beginning. Their relationship was perfect. Others envied it and they weren’t afraid to show it.
Lily introduced James to her parents 4 months into the relationship and they moved in together for their last year at uni. That is really where the issues started.
The close proximity was fine at first. They would wake up together, tangled up and happy and then James would make breakfast while Lily got ready. They had a perfect routine until they didn’t.
After a while it felt forced. It no longer felt like something they wanted to do but rather something that had become a habit that was getting increasingly harder to break. James would spend weekends on the couch at Remus and Sirius flat and Lily would be at her friends house more than she was at the flat they shared.
A little over a year into their relationship, they stopped seeing each other. They were still dating but they almost never saw each other and honestly, James can’t say that he was entirely devastated by this. Of course he missed her but he no longer felt like he needed her.
They spent the holidays apart and then two weeks after they got back, Lily called James. The breakup was amicable. No feelings were really hurt and they were still good friends.
The problem that James was having was simply that he didn’t feel anything. He had had a few hookups but he hadn’t felt the kind of passion he had at one point felt for Lily in a long time. It was like he had become numb and honestly, he hated it.
He wasn’t used to the feeling and he didn’t want to be used to it. He wanted fiery passion. He wanted a relationship where you could argue and fight and still yearn and want each other. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure that he and Lily ever had that. Whenever they would argue they would just not talk for a few days then return and act like nothing had ever happened.
In all honesty, James blamed Remus and Sirius. Not for his lack of a relationship but more so his relationship standards. The kind of love that the two of them shared was so pure and James couldn’t help but envy the two of them.
That is why when Sirius bursted into his flat demanding he come out, his initial response was absolutely not.
“Listen Prongs, I say this with so much love but, you have become a total loser.” Sirius announced when James denied his invitation. “I mean, I haven’t even told you what we will be doing and you have already declined. I know that you are in a little mopey state but if you hear me out you might actually want to come.”
James rolled his eyes. “Pads I really just don’t feel like going out.”
“Yea but you never feel like going out. I know that your breakup was rough but you aren’t going to heal until you get back out there.”
“I have gotten back out there. I just haven’t found the spark. I haven’t found a real connection.”
Sirius scoffed. “All due respect James, I don’t think a bar is where you go looking for a real connection. Besides, one of those hookups could’ve been your true love. You leave before they even wake up so how would you know?”
“If I let you tell me what your plans for tonight are, will you stop being a prat and get out of my flat?”
“Hey, you rhymed.” Sirius laughed, dodging the shoe that James threw at his head. “Okay yea, sure. So you’ve heard me talking about Reggie - er Regulus right?”
James nodded reluctantly. “Your brother right? The one you used to bitch and moan about up until last year?”
“Yes, that's the one. I keep forgetting that he has only ever had dinner with Remus. Hmm, I really think the two of you should meet.”
James rolled his eyes, not in the mood for Sirius to get off topic “Yea Sirius, I remember you talking about him. What about him?”
“Well, a few years ago, him and a few of his friends started this band and they released this shitty EP using awful equipment they found at a thrift store. I mean, the quality was awful but their songs were great. Anyways, two years ago when our uncle alphard passed away he left us a bunch of money and looking over his will, Regulus realized that he had a ton of connections in the music industry. Really, he had connections everywhere seeing as he was the only sane Black over the age of 35 but Regulus called one of the contacts and sent in a few demos and landed him and his friends some studio time. I think they just re-recorded the EP and added like 3 or four new songs but it was really good. They ended up signing a deal and getting an album produced.” Sirius finished
James stared at him for a second. “Okay so you just said a lot but I have no clue what that has to do with tonight.”
“Oh ha. Right, so basically, the first album was released like a year and a half ago and it essentially blew up. Like it majorly blew up. Their label sent them on a small tour and it was great. Then, they released a new album about 6 months ago and it went insane. I know for a fact you’ve heard some of the songs on the radio but you don’t know who my brother is so I don’t think you knew it was his band.
“Anyways, they are now on a major european tour and the tickets have been selling out everywhere and my brother, being the thoughtful shit that he is, sent me 4 tickets and backstage passes. Naturally, Remus and I are going. I was going to invite Pete but he is on some weird trip for work so I invited Marlene instead cause she always goes on and on about how hot the lead female is and so there is one ticket left for none other than you my love.”
“Okay. I hope you guys have a great time.” James said.
Sirius glared at him. “Honestly, I'm not really asking. I really want you to meet my brother. I know that you are my family but he is too. We’ve had a really rocky relationship since I left and now that he’s escaped I really want to rebuild our relationship”
James wanted to scoff and argue but it was hard to argue with Sirius when he brought up his past with his family. James knew a lot about what happened in that house but there were times when he felt like he had barely scratched the surface of all the shit that went down. Sirius showed up at his house over Christmas break in year 11 bloodied and beaten and James has been helping him heal since then.
Sighing, James said, “What time do I need to be ready by?”
“Oh, we need to leave in like 15 minutes.” Sirius grinned. “Go hop in the shower and I will find you something suitable to wear.”
James stood up, grumbling about how what he was wearing was fine but keeping quiet enough to ensure Sirius wouldn’t hear.
When he got out of the shower, he draped a towel around his waist and went to his bedroom where Sirius was digging around the back of his closet looking for shoes.
“The outfit is on your bed darling.” Sirius called, having heard him come in.
James grabbed the clothes off the bed and quickly changed. Sirius had put him in a tight dark green t-shirt and looser gray denim jeans.
Stepping out of the closet, Sirius held red converse and a random assortment of accessories. “First of all, you need new shoes. I swear you only own these ratty old converse.”
“Lay off. My shoes are great.”
“Second of all,” Sirius continued, fully ignoring James’ remark. “Untuck that shirt and put these necklaces on. I’ll have Marlene and Remus grab you rings when we go pick them up. Now hurry up. It’s time to go.”
And with that, he was gone, leaving James to stumble after him with only one shoe.
******************
“Aww, wittle Reggie is nervous.” Barty cooed, strumming a few notes on Regulus’ Bass
“Shut up Barty.” Regulus snapped, snatching his bass from the boy.
Evan laughed. “Is Reggie scared about his big brother seeing him perform? Is he nervous he’s gonna embarrass himself?”
Pandora walked past Evan on her way out of the room and thunked his head. “You are such an arse Evan.”
“Languare Dora!” Evan gasped in mock amusement.
Dorcas rolled her eyes, laying back on the couch. “We still haven’t finalized our set list, you know. Maybe the two of you could stop tormenting Reg and we can get on with it?”
“Oh but Cas, whatever will he write songs about if he stops being tormented.” Barty asked
Evan laughed joining in. “Exactly, our listeners like our lyrics sad and brooding. If Regulus isn’t sad and brooding he will mess up our sound.”
“Maybe I just won’t use drums or guitar in the next few songs.” Regulus said, pretending to look deep in thought. “What do you think Cas? Do you think the pair of us could keep this thing going without them?”
Dorcas smirked. “Oh definitely. After all, they really don’t contribute anything to the creative process. I mean, to be fair I barely contribute to the creative process but with our voices and your talent on the bass and the piano we could do just fine on our own.”
“Okay, we get it.” Barty interrupted. “We can talk about the set list now.”
“Obviously we need to do Playing Dangerous. The fans love it when Reggie zones in on one of them and sings to them.” Evan declared
“I was thinking-” Barty started
“Don’t hurt yourself.” Regulus snarked, smirking.
“Har, har.” Barty glared. “Anyways, we should perform one of our new ones. We got the rights and we started recording that one so why not perform it?”
“Which one?” Regulus asked
“It’s like, I wanna feel all that love and emotion.” Barty said, closing his eyes trying to remember.
Regulus glared at him. “You mean the one I wrote about my brother and his boyfriend?”
“Oh that is a good one!” Dorcas exclaimed. “You sing it so well Reg.”
“It’s a completely different sound from the rest of the songs and it isn’t finished. I’m planning on adding a verse.” Regulus said, rolling his eyes while he stood up and headed out the door “You guys finish the set list. I’m gonna go get ready.”
“I’ll bring it to you when we finish!” Barty called after him
Slowly, Regulus walked down to his dressing room. He didn’t really have to get ready yet but he was feeling suffocated. He would never admit it but he really was nervous. He knew that Sirius had listened to the album but hearing it live was something completely different.
Regulus pulled on the tight black jeans and the long sleeved black shirt and the black leather vest. He was going to end up roasting but it was what he wore every concert. He put on a bunch of silver rings, the family ring included and looked at himself in the mirror. All of his friends said that he looked like Sirius and he could almost never see it. The only time he ever felt like it was true was when he saw the concert photos and he saw a genuine smile on his face.
Sighing, he grabbed a pack of cigarettes and went outside to smoke until the show started.
—-------------
“Really Reg? You stink of smoke.” Dorcas complained when they all congregated backstage before they went on.
“What? It helps me de-stress. Besides, it’s not like I'm getting high. It’s just nicotine.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes. “Fine but when you ruin your lungs don’t come crying to me.”
“Even when my lungs are ruined I’ll still be able to play the bass and piano Cas.” Regulus snarked
Trying to change the subject, Pandora whispered, “You guys are going to do great. I wish all of you but Evan good luck. I’ll see you after the show.”
“Bye dora.” Regulus whispered.
He could hear very faintly, a voice on the stage calling out, “Now, please welcome to the stage the wonderful Serpents!”
The lights went out and the four clambered on stage getting in their spots. This is what Regulus loved. He loved the roar of the crowd, even before the lights turned back on. He would never get sick of it.
He loved that all of those people were actually there to see something that he made. He knew that dorcas was their face but he made the songs and he felt a sort of immense proudness in that. Besides, he sang enough of the songs that he knew it wasn’t just his writing abilities that got him where he was.
When the lights flickered on, Regulus immediately began moving his fingers swiftly on his old bass guitar. He wondered how Sirius would react when he noticed that it was the same bass that Sirius had gotten Regulus for his 15th birthday.
The first few songs flew by and before he knew it, Regulus was to one of his favorite parts of the show.
Playing Dangerous was one of the only songs on the album that Dorcas wrote and it was really fun. It was mostly just Dorcas singing but there was one part where they paused the song and Regulus just spoke to the audience or rather one person in the audience.
As Regulus strummed the intro he looked around the crowd. He could barely see anyone because of the lights but somehow, Regulus found his target.
There was a guy sort of near the front and Regulus swore his breath caught in his throat when he saw him. He was absolutely gorgeous. He was wearing a tight green shirt and had necklaces on. His hair was a mess of curls and he had glasses that were lopsided on his face. Standing next to him was a pretty blonde girl with a poster that said “Dorcas, you are coming home with me 2Night.”
Regulus couldn’t help but laugh when he turned and saw Dorcas looking at the blonde girl while singing,
Let’s get in the back of your cop car
You can ask me anything you want
Anything, Anything
Although the song was not normally Regulus's style, he messed up and sang the next part at the first concert and now people expected it.
When the song paused, Evan started strumming and Regulus grabbed a handheld mic and started talking.
“Hi everyone,” He whispered, smirking. “How are all of you tonight?”
The crowd erupted cheering and Regulus felt a surge of proudness in his chest.
“Alright! I’m glad to hear it.” Regulus said when the crowd quieted down. “Now I’ve been looking through this crowd of truly gorgeous people and I’m not going to lie, one of you has really caught my eye.”
Once again, the crowd blew up cheering.
Regulus laughed, signalnaling to the people on lights that it was time. Slowly, he pointed to the guy and said, “So, dashing man in the front, I have a question for you.”
Suddenly, the light flashed to where Regulus had pointed and it clearly startled the guy who jumped and then froze.
“Okay fine,” Regulus smirked. “Don’t say anything. Here is my question.”
The drums kicked in, still rather quiet and regulus began.
Do you have a girl?
I don’t see a ring on your finger
The music slowed a bit, giving a bit of a pause. Unfortunately, the man was still dumbstruck, staring at Regulus in some kind of awe which just made Regulus’s smirk grow. Clearly irritated with his silence, the blonde girl he was with yelled, “He is single! He's got no girl or boy!”
Regulus chuckled and finished
Well, that’s interesting
Have you ever thought of dating a singer?
The guy stared at Regulus and Regulus stared right back. He had to admit, this guy was bloody fit.
Snapping out of it, Regulus winked at the guy and went right back to playing bass as the crowd went wild. It was louder than it had ever been during that part. People went and congratulated the man who was still staring at Regulus.
When the set list was basically over, Barty snatched the mic and announced, “As a special treat to our hometown our amazing songwriter will be singing a new unreleased song that may or may not be on our next album.”
Regulus reeled around and glared at Barty as the crowd went wild. The conclusion that Regulus thought they had come to was that they would not be performing it but unfortunately, Barty had a mind of his own.
Rolling his eyes, Regulus spoke into the microphone. “Right, well, this song is very new and I haven’t really practiced so please be lenient with me. Um, it is a bit personal I guess but anyways, you’ll just have to see won't you? Please bear with me. It is quite a divergence from the musical stylings of our last album.”
The crowd went silent as Regulus took a deep breath and approached the piano that had been rolled onto stage. This song meant a lot to Regulus. He had written it after a particularly bad breakup after he had gone to lunch with Sirius and his Boyfriend, Remus. Not to mention, Regulus hardly ever played the piano in their songs.
With a shaky smile, he started the song.
That wasn't funny but he laughed so hard, he almost cried
They're counting months they've been together, almost 49
He's making fun of how he acted 'round the holidays
He wears a ring but they tell people that they're not engaged
Regulus breathed, daring himself to look up and sure enough, he saw his brother and his boyfriend watching intently.
Continuing through the song, Regulus had to close his eyes to keep himself from looking at his brother.
I'm only looking just to live through you vicariously
I've never really been in love, not seriously
I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence
Next one I choose to trust, I hope I use some common sense
But I cut people out like tags on my clothing
I end up all alone but I still keep hoping
As he sang he wondered if Sirius would even be able to tell that the people in the start of the song were about him and his boyfriend. It wasn’t extremely clear if you took out the part about how they met.
I wanna feel all that love and emotion
Be that attached to the person I'm holding
Someday, I'll be falling without caution
But for now, I'm only people watching
When he finished the song, the crowd erupted in applause. It was the loudest any audience had ever been for the group. Regulus choked out a laugh and yelled into the mic, “Thank you so much and goodnight!”
When the lights went down the four stumbled back to the lounge room and Regulus wasted no time punching Barty.
“You dick!” He exclaimed. “We didn’t agree on that song. I wasn’t ready. The song wasn’t ready. We haven’t even finished recording it and I needed to change one of the verses!”
Barty looked annoyed rubbing his shoulder. “Reg, you did a great job. It’s going to be just fine.”
“In other news, that was the best we have ever performed. Did you hear that crowd?” Evan asked, changing the subject.
“More importantly, did you see that crowd? I saw this one girl during Playing Dangerous. She was so hot and she had a poster asking me to go home with her and let me just say I would love nothing more.” Dorcas said. “What about you Reggie?”
“What about me Cas?”
“Oh please Reg, I was on keys and even I could see the tension between you and that bloke.” Evan laughed
“The one during Playing Dangerous?” Regulus asked
“Yes, that one. The bloody fit one that you stared at even after Playing Dangerous.” Dorcas said.
“Okay yes. He was very hot. In fact, he was extremely hot but it’s not like I’m ever going to see him again.” Regulus said
Dorcas sighed. “You know, him and that blonde were together. We could go and look for them.”
Regulus laughed. “What would we even say? Hey, hot guy in the green shirt, you're hot. Wanna come backstage for a quick shag?”
“I mean, I wouldn’t say no.” A smooth voice said from behind Regulus.
Regulus looked at Barty who was desperately holding back laughter and slowly, he turned around.
Standing right in front of him was the bloke in the crowd, standing with the blonde, his brother's boyfriend who was stifling a laugh and his brother who looked wildly uncomfortable.