Wake Up
Being stuck within your thoughts isn’t enjoyable, being pulled from memory to memory, constantly reminded of your failures and disappointments. There were periods of nothing as well when you’re stuck floating aimlessly through the neverending darkness, illuminated by a lone star that you can never quite reach.
The worst part though is being able to hear. Listening to the ones you love beg for you to wake up in broken-down voices that seem too tired. Not being able to move, or speak as the world around you passes, not having a clue how much you’ve missed.
This is what Regulus would have said to James when he’d asked what it was like to be in a coma.
He wanted to scream right then, James was right there, no doubt in some kind of chair at the edge of his bed. He could hear the cracks in his voice, the pauses taken to wipe tears off his cheeks, or moments when his shaking breath was steady next to Regulus’ ear. And yet. Regulus was stuck, stuck standing at the edge of an abyss in his head, one more step and he’d be spiraling into the pit he’d only just dug himself out of. He’d only been grounded by voices, by James and Evan and Barty telling him simple things about their days, what they ate for breakfast, or what music was on in the other room. Eventually, that was enough for Regulus to grip onto and control the landscape of his brain…
James spoke to him every day - as if he knew how much it was doing for the boy - or possibly because it gave him the hope that one day Regulus could peel his eyes open again.
Today he was quieter than usual, and Regulus desperately wanted to ask him what was wrong.
“It must be lonely…” he said in a broken voice.
It is Regulus reached out toward the star hovering an arm's length too far over the cliff for him to touch. You make it bearable.
“I have to go to work today, they barely believe me anymore I suppose but it helps that I come and sit with you I think. They know I’ve got something to lose if I ran…”
James, where am I? Regulus asked quietly, then repeated it in a yell when there was no reply. He’d decided that once he woke he’d never tell James to shut up again, his voice was a lone piece of driftwood amongst a shipwreck, something to clutch onto and float with your head bobbing just above the water. Just barely surviving.
“Barty and Evan are in hiding while they try and find the rest of the Horcruxs,” James went on. “I think they need to take a break but Barty won’t listen, it’s like he’s in some kind of trance. He keeps waking up and thinking you’re awake and insisting to Evan that they need to come and see you.”
I wish they could, Regulus sighed and sat down in the darkness.
James had told him what happened. How Evan’s engagement party had gone awfully wrong and now they were fugitives not only from the ministry but the death eaters too. Regulus could’ve guessed something like that would’ve happened eventually, though he didn’t expect it to be such a success.
His two best friends had pulled off a nearly impossible heist, now they had two Horcruxes in their hands. The next step was trickier really, figuring out how to destroy them was quite a task truly…
“Merlin I miss you Reg,” James sighed and kissed his left temple. “Nothing is right without you. I’m all alone, and Evan and Barty are broken… Truth be told we’re losing Regulus, the Order is failing again and again, I don’t know how much longer they can keep up…”
‘They have to keep fighting Jamie’ We just need more time, we’re so close…
“Okay, I’ve got to get downstairs… I’ll come see you when I get back alright?” Regulus’ heart almost broke when he couldn’t reply to James, to give him just that little bit of comfort in knowing Regulus wasn’t going anywhere.
✮✮✮
The next time that Regulus heard from James was not soon, for what seemed like days regulus worried and screamed for James. Sitting in the silence hadn’t done him much good, in fact, he’d begun to feel quite different, almost desperate…
“Hey.”
James.
“Sorry I didn’t come back…”
You did come back though.
“I really wish you were here Reggie.”
I am, Regulus wished he could engulf the other boy in a tight hug. I’m always here.
The silence that followed was crippling, Regulus could faintly make out broken sobs.
“Sirius will never forgive me now… I’ve lost him, and Remus? Merlin, he wouldn’t even be able to look at me, Pete won’t even believe me I bet… I broke us, I broke the marauders, and I broke us, Reggie… I should be in your position.”
No.
No no no no no.
N O.
Regulus was screaming.
No
No
No
No
No
No
No
No
No
“James no…”
Neither of the boys was quite sure what just happened, Regulus in particular was shocked when his eyes opened not to the darkness of his head but his dimly lit childhood bedroom.
“Regulus?” James’ voice cracked.
“Hi,” Regulus’ voice didn’t get much louder than a whisper, but his eyes teared up slightly and a smile made its way onto his chapped lips. “Hi Jamie…”
“Hey,” his voice faltered and suddenly the smaller boy was enveloped in James’ arms. “I knew you’d come back to me.”
“I never left you,” he whispered, “not once.”
Regulus pressed his lips gently onto the other boy’s and held onto him as if he’d just realized this wasn’t a cruel joke put on by his subconscious.
“James…” They pulled apart gently.
“Yes, star?”
“You didn’t break them,” Regulus whispered into James’ ear, resting his head on James’ shoulder. “You’ll get them back when this is all over.”
“I’m not so sure I will,” James' voice broke, and his arms held regulus tighter and closer as if he was attempting to absorb the younger boy.
“Why not?”
James didn’t say anything, and Regulus’ head didn’t catch on right away, it was a long moment before Regulus felt how stiff James’ left arm was and how it was squeezing him much less than his right. As if it were hurting him to hold on so tightly.
Regulus’ heart almost broke in half when he realized why.
“Oh…” He said dumbly.
“Yeah… After Evan and Barty they gave me an option… swear my allegiance to the dark lord or be tortured until I agreed… I just said yes, I couldn’t risk them being any more suspicious than they already were.”
“Oh Jamie,” Regulus pulled back and cupped James’ cheek with his hand. “I’m sorry… this is my fault, I should have never gotten you involved in this, it’s too dangerous, and now…”
“Everything will work out Reg, I promise,” James stuck out his pinky to Regulus, who snorted in response.
“What are we five?” He raised a brow.
“I see the sarcasm wasn’t lost,” James laughed softly, “now take my pinky and promise me we’ll make it through this.”
Regulus rolled his eyes and sighed, the things he did for James… He locked their pinkies together, there was a moment of pure happiness before Regulus realized exactly where they were.
“James why are we here…?”
James grimaced, “After the cave… Regulus you were so hurt, Kreacher helped but said he’d only heal you if you went back to Grimmauld place… We didn’t have another option. Your parents and everyone think we were ambushed by the Order and you got cursed. We fixed Walburga and Orion’s memories so they don’t remember much of what happened, it was a lot trying to convince Bellatrix and Lucius that you and I weren’t connected to Evan and Barty. Mild torture but I also sorta swore on my life…”
“Fuck James,” Regulus tried to push himself up onto his elbows but quickly realized he wasn’t strong enough.
“Regulus it’s fine… We’ll just have to kill them before they kill us.”
“That’s not so simple James,” Regulus sighed.
“I know but it's the best shot we’ve got for now…”
“Have you made any more progress?”
“Yes? Well, we have an idea where to find one, I was sent on a mission a few weeks back… It was Rodolphus, Dolohov, Lucius, and I. They used it as an excuse to play with me mostly, but I did get something out of it. We got sent to some abandoned house just outside of Hangleton, no one around really, but for some reason, Tom was obsessed with sending us there. We stayed for five or so days and the only person I even caught a glimpse of was some little girl with long blonde hair walking through the woods in the morning. She stayed out of our way for the most part though.”
“Wait wait wait, what did the blonde girl look like?” Regulus tried and failed once again to push himself onto his elbows. “Short, wavy long blonde hair, two different colored eyes? Probably in some kind of bright-colored outfit?”
“Uh,” James scratched his head, “Y-yeah I think so. I didn’t get that great of a look at her but she was wearing a pretty colorful jumper and jeans.”
“She got my letter,” Regulus laughed to himself. “Pandora you wonderful weirdo.”
“Pandora? Lestrange? Your friend from Hogwarts?”
Regulus nodded, “I sent her a letter a few months ago… She’s got into almost everything in the war considering the dark lord wants her on his side and the Order is also trying to keep her safe. Anyway, I asked her to look into something Evan found in his dad’s study. An address that seemingly didn’t exist… It must’ve been the house that you were sent to guard. Which almost proves my theory.”
“What theory?”
“That there’s something hidden in that house, something that Tom doesn’t want us to find. When did you go out and stake that place out?”
“A few days after Evan’s party…” James’ eyes lit up and he seemed to realize what Regulus was getting at. “It was a setup.”
Regulus grinned and nodded, he knew it was probably too soon to get back to work but he didn’t exactly care, he’d have all the time in the world to rest after he killed the most powerful wizard in the world. “They wanted to see if you’d try anything while you were there.”
“It was a test, that’s why they didn’t keep berating me after that day…”
“Yes,” Regulus nodded, “But you didn’t pass it, James. They’re just watching what you do now, they want to know how much we figured out. I suspect they’re waiting for me to wake then they’re going to set us up to get caught so we can’t lie. They need to catch us in the act or else we’ll just keep lying to them.”
“But how did I not pass the test?” James cocked his head.
“Because you didn’t say anything about Pandora in the woods,” Regulus explained “There’s no way none of the others didn’t see her too. Especially Rodolphus, they’re cousins after all.”
“So why keep me alive?”
“Because they need to know what we know, and where Evan and Barty are so that they can kill them before they figure out how to kill Tom.”
“So what are we supposed to do now that you’re awake?”
“James you trust me, yes?”
James nodded instantly, and Regulus felt his cheeks grow warm slightly at how immediate his reaction was.
“Then trust me when I say we keep this a secret,” he gestured between their bodies. “To everyone except you, I’m still in a coma. You keep working for them without causing more suspicion and I’ll get in touch with Pandora to get a handle on what we know now.”
“What about Barty and Evan?”
Regulus felt his heart sink, even though he knew exactly what he had to do. “We can’t tell them. Not yet.”