The Mission
“Why me?” James asks, his voice trembling slightly as the words fall from his lips.
Why not Remus? Or Sirius? Sirius would be the obvious choice, he has the background for it, the family connections, and the tolerance. James does not. Sure he craves excitement, and that is what Dumbledore is offering him. But it wasn’t the kind of thrill he’d expected to get into when the headmaster invited him to Hogwarts a few days prior.
Since he graduated the year before, James has been sitting around in his cramped flat with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. He leaves once a week for the Order meetings and every few days to get whatever groceries are needed for Remus to cook dinner that night. Other than that James barely leaves his home, every so often he’ll be put on a patrol or given the opportunity to tag along on a mission or raid, but that’s quite a rare occurrence.
Now he’s sitting here, at the large oak desk in the headmaster’s office, a decrepit-looking bird perched by his shoulder as he’s given the opportunity of a lifetime. James could change the world, he could have everything he’s ever wanted, but to gain those things he’s putting his life and sanity on the line.
“Why me?” James repeats, leveling out his voice and straightening his back so that he’s able to look at the older man straight on.
“You because we have no other options, Mr. Potter,” Dumbledore explains calmly. James bites his lip to keep from making a snarky remark about always being someone’s last option. “You are of the right age range, and I have full faith in you that you will not be swayed by pretty words and speeches of greatness.”
“Why not Sirius?” James narrows his eyes slightly, believing that the next words to come from Dumbledore’s mouth may send him into a fit of blind fury.
“Mr. Black is a valuable asset,” Dumbledore starts, choosing his words carefully as he reads James’ face. “But he is more useful working on this side of the war. I am concerned that Mr. Black’s connections to this mission may be too strong for him to be successful.”
James scoffs, “so you think he’ll turn his back on us just because of his name? I’m sorry professor but if you genuinely believe that then you’ve never met Sirius.”
“I understand you may feel this way James,” Dumbledore looks down at James through his crescent glasses and gives a smile packed full of frustration. “But you must understand that I must do what is best for the future of the Order, and I do not believe this is the way to go about such a delicate situation.”
“How do you know I won’t do the same then? Why do you trust me?” James asks, not breaking eye contact with the man.
“I trust you, James,” he pauses, “I trust you because I’ve watched you since you were a young boy. I watched as you stood up for the right people and did everything in your power to do the right thing at all times.”
“You must not have been looking very hard then,” James laughs, “because personally up until maybe halfway through my sixth year I believe I was a right asshole.”
“That may have been your perspective James but I am not lying when I say I have always seen the best in you,” James sighs, because truthfully it’s quite hard to argue with such a cryptic person, and even more so when James didn’t not want to take his offer.
“Can you explain to me exactly what I would be getting myself into if I took this job?”
“Yes,” Dumbledore nods. “You’d be deep undercover obviously, working your way up the ranks of his army just as any other person would. We would check in with you once a week when you’d relay back to me what information you’ve gathered and we will take action from our end. Your living situation would have to change obviously-”
“Why?” James asks instinctively. “Surely Sirius wouldn’t mind, nor would Remus. I can stay at my flat.”
“Ah,” Dumbledore taps his fingers on the desk. “I was just getting to that part. You see James, no one would be allowed to know that you were undercover…”
“Wait so Sirius and Remus and Peter and Lily and Marlene and Mary and Dorcas and everyone would think…” James rambles, his brain processing the new information at an all-time low speed.
“Yes James,” Dumbledore confirms, “they would all believe you are a death eater. They would all need to believe that you have truly switched sides in the event that they are captured and asked where exactly your loyalties lie.”
“They’ll have targets on their backs!” James snapped, his nails digging into his fists as he pressed his body into the back of his chair.
“No, they won’t, not if you do your part well enough and convince whomever it is you’re working under that you really are on their side.”
“How am I meant to do that?” James glares, scratching the skin back on his thumb again as he’s done many times before. “They’ll torture me, I can’t hold up under goddamn torture. Or what if they just slip me Veritaserum? How the fuck am I going to lie to them when they have me under a truth serum?”
“It’s unlikely that you will be forced under torture James, they may suspect you to be lying for some time before you are trusted amongst them but they will not resort to such terror unless you give them a reason to.”
“Sirius’ mum didn’t need a reason to,” James mumbles under his breath, unable to hide the fear now coursing through his veins at the thought of his friends hating him. The fear that maybe deep down in his subconscious James actually wants to go on this mission, despite the consequences.
“Walburga Black is not representative of all dark witches and wizards Mr. Potter,” Dumbledore continues. “Now I would understand if you’d like to turn my offer down but I would strongly advise considering all of the options before making a choice you may regret in the future.”
James takes a breath, then another, and finally opened his mouth.
“I’ll do it,” his hand clamped over his mouth as the words fell over his lips.
“Wonderful,” Dumbledores smiles, interrupting James before he could find the words to change his mind. There was no going back now James supposed. “You’ll have two days, pack as little as you need, and not to be stereotypical but please do try and pack what you believe a death eater would wear.”
“When do I leave?” James croaks, pursing his lips as he scratched his thumb nervously.
“Two days,” he responds with a proud smile.
“What's the full plan then?” James asks, making sure to pull his mind back to Dumbledore’s words so that he can take mental notes.
The basic plan was for him to pretend to be a deserter, to show up at the next meeting in February - which Dumbledore had found the date and time for. Once there he would declare his ‘decision to switch sides’ and go with the flow from there. He would be staying in a small flat in East London above a coffee shop, there were already wards placed around the home and James could add people he began to trust if he believed it was necessary. He would work his way up the ranks of the Dark Lord’s army until he reached the inner circle, and from there James would likely jump ship - in fear of getting the mark placed on him.
By then Dumbledore said he would likely have the plan to take out the dark lord completed by then, and James would be put in protection as soon as he was extracted. To James, it seemed like a solid enough plan - though the thought of allowing Sirius, Remus, and Peter to think he is a bad person made him a bit sick.
The mission was supposed to take nine months, starting in February and ending in October, but there was about a three-month wiggle room - which Dumbledore described to James as ‘a last resort’. It would be fine if he finished a few months late, but a few months early wasn’t good, which basically meant James needed to find the perfect timing, which was not an easy feat, simply because no one knew exactly how the system on their side worked. And James would be the first to find out.
…
“Do you think he’ll like chocolate Prongs?” Sirius asks, plopping himself down next to where James is settled down on the couch.
“Moony loves chocolate Pads,” James laughs, kicking his legs over into Sirius’ lap. “But It’s your two-year anniversary you should do something more special than just chocolate.”
“Oh trust me,” Sirius smirks, leaning his head back against the back of the couch. “I’ve got the whole day planned. I just had to decide to take him to my favorite chocolate shop, or get a nice dinner.”
“You know Remus doesn’t like it when you send loads of money on him,” James sighed, trying not to think about how this may be one of the last times he and Sirius would spend time together for possibly the next year. And he was really trying not to think about how he might never see him again after tonight, he might not live past tomorrow, no one has ever just shown up to a death eater meeting before have they? James doesn’t think so.
“I know,” Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms. “But I just want to you know? I think it’s fucking hilarious that I can use my family money to spoil my werewolf boyfriend for our anniversary.”
James snorts, “oh I think it’s the most beautiful mockery ever. Tell me about where you’re going to take him.”
“Well,” Sirius sits up straighter, freeing his hands from under his head so he can gesture. “First I’m going to take him out to his favorite patisserie shop, you know the one down by the park?” James nods along, “Right yeah then we’re going to the museum, we can look at art and shit all day if he wants to! I know how much he loves his oil paintings. Then I’ll take him to the Valentine's fair down in the park and we can get drinks and chocolate and pretend we’re not in the middle of a brutal war!”
“Sounds amazing mate,” James smiles, his heart twinging slightly as he adjusted his glasses nervously. “I wish I could be here for support.”
“I know but you’ll have so much fun on your mission prongs,” Sirius hit his arm playfully. “I can’t believe Dumbledore’s sending you on your first solo in France! I mean no offense Prongs but France is my domain, you don’t even speak the language!”
“Oh, and you do?” James teases, because he knows damn well that Siirus is fluent, he just doesn’t like speaking it. But every so often when they were still in school he and Regulus would get into a bit of a screaming match in French, and Remus would have to drag him away as Regulus’ blonde friend pulled him back. Those were some of the only times James ever interacted with Regulus, sending him a sorry glance or a sharp glare depending on the argument.
“Oh tais toi bite,” Sirius flicked up his middle fingers with a laugh. James shoved his hand down and laughed along with him.
The silence that follows is comforting, James lays his head on the arm of the sofa, and Sirius closes his eyes and traces letters and shapes onto James’ exposed ankle. James would miss this so much, but if everything went to plan he would be right back here in less than a year. Laying across Sirius’ lap, Remus on his way home from work to cook the three of them dinner, Peter calling through the floo to ask what they’d like him to pick up for a snack.
James didn’t want to think about what would happen if he didn’t make it back, or worse if something happened to one of his friends while he was gone.
No. He wouldn’t allow himself to think like that. He wasn’t gone yet, and neither were they, he was right there with them and he was going to soak up every moment of their company.
“Pads?” James asks quietly, trying to keep his voice from cracking.
“Mhm?” Sirius hums, not opening his eyes.
“Tell me about France,” James spits out because he can’t say what he’d like to.
“Doing our homework are we?” Sirius laughs, lifting his head. James nods, following the lie he’s been telling everyone so that the break would hurt less for them. Sirius believed that James was going to France to try and persuade the French Government to stop ignoring the issue of Voldemort. This is actually something that someone would do in James’ opinion, France was burying their head so far into the sand they would be wiped out with a single blow if The Dark Lord made a move on them.
“I think I would’ve liked it more if it wasn’t always a family affair,” Sirius shrugs, “but I mean you know my family. Mother always did like to make things complicated, Reggie was the only one I think I could ever tolerate.”
“You and Regulus getting along?” James raises a brow, “now that’s something I’d like to see for myself.”
“Oh piss off Potter,” Sirius scowls and cross his arms like a child. “He and I got along just fine as children, things just got complicated.”
“Complicated as in he joined the bloody death eaters at sixteen?” James winced in his own words, he really needed to work on his double standards.
“I almost did at fifteen James,” Sirius sighs, “I doubt he actually wanted to.”
“Your family is so bloody complicated,” James mutters, trying to shake the shaky feeling that had gripped his stomach.
“Oh we’re not that complicated,” Sirius teased with a grin. “Mer personally I think it’s all the marrying your cousins and shit. That tends to fuck with the head I think.”
“Yes I do believe that may have something to do with it,” James chuckles.
“Anyways it doesn’t matter,” Sirius continues, “because I’ve got this family now, and obviously I don’t have to worry about you doing anything malicious. I mean for Merlin’s sake you’re James Fucking Potter, you don’t have a mean bone in your body.”
“Yeah…” James forced a laugh. If only he knew what was to come.
✮✮✮
Regulus hates the Spring Holidays. He feels like the walls are closing in on him whenever he’s home. As of right now, he’s sitting on the sofa in the library trying to focus on his school work - he’s got a transfiguration essay due when he gets back to school in a couple of weeks and Evan and Barty need something to base theirs off of. Not that they couldn’t wight their own, because honestly Barty is probably the brightest person that Regulus has ever met, and Evan is brilliant when it comes to academics.
No, they are all entirely capable of doing their work on their own, but unfortunately, all of their home lives are a bit prickly at the moment, so they divide the work due at the end of the holidays and end up copying each other. Some professors noticed, but not many cared all that much, especially those who were apologetic towards Regulus.
Regulus’ teachers love him, or that’s what he’s gathered. Specifically, McGonagall would constantly allow him to turn in late work or would turn a blind eye when he had an exact copy of Evan’s essays or notes.
“Regulus,” his mother’s voice cut through the silence.
“Yes, maman?” Regulus closed the book and set it next to him on the coffee table.
“Dinner,” she stated and Regulus got up and followed her into the dining room, he stares at his feet the entire way. Over the last year, Regulus has found that counting his steps helped him focus his mind, it took him twenty-seven steps to get from the library to the dining room if he walked at his usual pace. But trying to keep up with his mother’s pace it took him only twenty-four.
“Ah, there he is,” Regulus bites the inside of his lip as Bellatrix grins at him from across the table. “Oh, what’s wrong little cousin?”
Regulus kept his mouth sealed tightly, and took his seat near the end of the table, across from Narcissa and beside his father.
“Oh don’t tell me you’re still angry about what happened over the summer?”
Regulus took a breath before opening his mouth, “no Bella, It’s childish to hold grudges.”
“It’s a good act kid but we’ve all been there,” Lucius teased with a smirk. “Of course, he’s mad about what happened over the summer Bella, you put his big brother into a coma for a week.”
“Pity it wasn’t permanent,” she snickered.
Regulus had to count back from twenty before he allowed himself to answer, if he didn’t then he was afraid he would snap. And though the adults were on the other side of the room he knew it wouldn’t go unnoticed.
“I don’t have a brother Lucius,” he replied quietly, hating how the words that fell off his tongue. “Not since I was fifteen and he was burnt from the tapestry.”
“Finally learning are we?” Rodolphus snorted from beside Bella. “You know we saw his little friend on a raid the other day-”
“Rodolphus,” Orion piped in, coming to take his seat at the head of the table. “Now is not the time for such talk. Let us eat before we discuss such matters.”
The table went quiet as everyone filled their plates and began eating, Regulus wasn’t hungry, but he stabbed his green beans enough times that they were broken up on his plate. He couldn’t even look at the piece of steak in front of him without being sick. The topic of Sirius’ near death tended to have that effect on him, it had been almost a year but Regulus was still pissed off about it. Bella had come back from one of her ‘outings’ and was giddy, Regulusmhad later learned this was because Sirius had nearly been killed on his first-ever mission for the Order and it had been her who’d dropped the rubble on him.
Regulus assumed about an hour had passed before he tuned back into the conversation now filling the dining room, the adults had all had enough wine to be considered tipsy and their lips were loosening up just enough to give Regulus a sense of what was going on outside of school.
“Oh Reggie you’ll find this one hilarious,” Bella snickered, taking another sip of her wine.
“You’re going to tell him?” Lucius raised a brow.
“It’s not like it’s a secret Lucius,” Cissa scoffed, she tended to get snippy with her husband when there was alcohol involved.
“I suppose not,” he gazed down his nose at Regulus, who was now sitting at attention.
“Well anyways,” Bella flicked her wrist as if to shoo Lucius away. “A couple of months ago guess who walked into a meeting?”
“He had some guts really,” Rodolphus smiled as he recalled the memory.
Regulus held his tongue, not giving away what he secretly wished was the answer. Though if it was Sirius who’d walked in he would have been told about it right? If he’d decided to come home he would have come home right? He would have come back for Regulus… Right?
“Who?” Regulus questioned quietly.
“James Potter,” a smile spread across Bella’s face. “Fucking James Potter showed up!”
“Watch your language Bellatrix,” her father warned from across the room, sending a sharp glare in her direction.
She simply rolled her eyes and scoffed, “he’s one to talk.”
Regulus’ ears were ringing, he felt his mouth go dry. James Potter. James Fucking Potter. JAMES FUCKING POTTER. Had just attended a death eater meeting. Did Sirius know? Was he in on some kind of plot? Did he actually abandon his friends?
“What did he want?” Regulus croaks, his eyes fixed on the plate in front of him. The food left on his plate looked even more unappealing now, the meat seemed gray and the green beans seemed to be melding together with the number of times Regulus had stabbed and cut them.
“Believe it or not he actually wanted in,” Lucius grumbled. “He’s actually been working out quite well. We haven’t been giving him an easy go of it either.”
“So Ja- Potter actually works for the dark lord now?” Regulus stammered. There was no way that James would betray his friends like this, especially Sirius.
“Yes, he’s well on his way to being on your level once you make it out of Hogwarts.”
“Oh,” because what else was Regulus supposed to say?
The conversation shifted after that, and Regulus zoned out, his mind always going back to James.
✮✮✮
A few hours later found Regulus sitting on the sofa again, this time squished between Cissa and Lucius. Everyone had had a few glasses by now and Regulus had managed to secure his own without too much of a problem. If he was going to survive until Evan and Barty showed up there was absolutely no way he would do so without alcohol.
Currently, Lucius was laughing with Rodolphus about something related to their work in the ministry and had allowed his arm to rest behind Regulus’ head, where it was brushing up against the back of his hair.
Regulus doesn’t like Lucius or Rodolphus for that matter, they were both rude and obnoxious to him in school and things certainly hadn’t gotten any better since they’d both married into the family. Lucius, in particular, being invited to anything family-related always bugged Regulus though, Cissa had always been his favorite cousin and now that Lucius was in the way he never got to see the real her anymore. It drove him mad how controlling he was of her, and it reminded him of his own promise to never restrict the personality or freedom of whatever woman he would inevitably be forced to marry one day.
“Regulus,” his father’s voice gripped at his thoughts and pulls him away from them. “Evan Rosier is here to see you.”
“Ah yes,” Regulus popped up quickly, allowing Lucius’ hand to fall from where it had been previously resting on the back of his neck. “Goodnight,” he gave everyone a quick and forced smile before walking from the room and down the hall to where his father was standing at the door with a very awkward-looking Evan standing just outside.
“Thank you, papa,” Regulus smiles gently, and his father gives him a simple nod before retreating down the hall towards the parlor where the company is.
“Such a goddamn daddy’s boy Reg,” another voice teases, and Barty steps into view from behind the bushes just outside his house.
“Shut your fucking mouth before I remove your tongue,” Regulus snips, moving aside to that the two boys can come inside.
“All talk,” Barty laughs, hopping inside the threshold and planting a kiss on Regulus’ head. “Besides you like what my tongue can do.”
“Shut up before fucking Walburga hears you Bartemius,” Evan pinches his arm playfully as they both follow Regulus up the set of stairs to the left.
Regulus leads the way into his bedroom, though he knows that both boys have been there enough times to know the layout of his house like the back of their hands. They know to walk quicker past Sirius’ old room, and which floorboards creek if they’re trying to sneak in and out of the house unnoticed.
“Quietus,” Evan mutters the charms under his breath that they’ve practiced a million times before. Barty settles into the bed and drags Regulus down with him, running his hands through his hair. Regulus loved Barty, he loved Evan too, and he loved how they could do this.
“Your father seemed like he was in a better mood today,” Evan sighed, kicking off his shoes and flopping down next to Regulus, and kissing his cheek gently.
“Yes well they’ve all had some wine this evening,” Regulus smiled halfheartedly, returning the kiss on Evan’s forehead.
“Did you snag any for us?” Barty questions, not moving his hand from Regulus’ head as he began to twist Evan’s rings off his fingers.
Regulus shakes his head, “no they were watching me far too much for me to snag anything more than a glass for myself.”
“Well that’s unfortunate,” Barty sighed, slumping his posture and untangling his fingers from Regulus’ hair
“I have other news though,” Regulus offered, trying to get Barty to continue massaging his scalp. “James Potter. You two remember him right?”
“Oh, the boy you’ve been in love with since you were eleven? Yes, we might remember him,” Evan snorted.
“Oh piss off,” Regulus grumbled, nudging the blonde boy with his shoulder.
“Well go on then,” Barty placed a hand back on Regulus’ head as an incentive.
“Yes well,” Regulus paused, they would find out one way or another wouldn’t they? “He’s a death eater now.”
Both boys sit straight up after that statement, leaving Regulus lying on his hand with Barty’s hand frozen halfway between his own body and Regulus’. Regulus didn’t blame them, he’d almost had a stroke earlier when he’d heard it for the first time, and he still wasn’t convinced that James was actually on ‘their’ side.
“You’re fucking with us,” Barty said slowly.
Regulus shakes his head, “no I am not.”
“There’s absolutely no way that Gryffindor golden boy James Potter is a death eater. No way.”
“But there is a way because he is a death eater. Or at least he’s pretending to be.”
“No,” Evan shakes his head. “No fucking way. Pretty boy Potter? Regulus Arcturus Black’s professional crush? There is absolutely no way in hell that that fucking ray of sunshine grew up to become a dark wizard in the last year. No, he must be pretending.”
“That’s what I assume,” Regulus shrugs, lifting himself up onto his elbows as he realized that Barty was no longer going to give him attention. “Though Bellatrix and Rodolphus seem convinced, and Lucius seems a bit skeptical but he can’t do anything about it because apparently, Potter is just this perfect little minion.”
“Okay well, I won’t believe it until I see it,” Barty crossed his arms.
“Same here,” Evan nods along.
“Alright then, do just that,” Regulus sighs, wishing he could allow himself to be as ignorant as they could be. “Though if Barty’s plan works and he actually gets his mark as soon as we leave Hogwarts then I’m sure we’ll all see him at that first meeting. Bella says that he’ll be in our rank by the time we finish up with school.”
“Maybe he can be like our knight in shining armor? Like those story books Barty used to read to us,” Evan mused after a moment of silence. Regulus grins, when Evan is relaxed or content his accent always slips away and Regulus can hear the reminisce of the German accent he had growing up.
“You lost it again darling,” Barty says fondly, also smiling at the change in tone.
“Oh fuck,” Evan mutters, biting his lip for a moment before speaking again. “Better?”
“Well personally,” Regulus smirks, “I like you much better without your little act of an accent.”
“As do I,” Barty says playfully, hooking Evan’s chin with his finger and tracing his jawline.
“If you two are going to fuck I request it not be in my bed,” Regulus rolled his eyes, playfully slapping Barty’s finger away from Evan’s face.
“Oh don’t act like we haven’t Black,” Evan chuckled, and Regulus could tell he was allowing his voice to slip back to how it had been moments ago.
“Oh fuck off, it was one time,” Regulus scoffs, pushing the memory of that night away from the front of his brain.
“It was one good time,” Barty teases, “besides it’s not like you don’t let us kiss you and coddle you now.”
“I’m pretty sure we do other things as well Crouch,” Regulus raises a brow.
“Yes yes we all know the three of us have got a fucking complicated case of friends with benefits,” Evan laughs, smirking slightly at Regulus. “But let’s not forget for a moment that James Potter - the love of Regulus’ life - is now within reach.”
“He is not ‘within reach’ Evan, he’s probably trying to sabotage the dark lord’s entire operation.”
“Oh like we're not trying to d the exact same?” Barty counters and both Evan and Regulus lunge at him and clamp a hand over his mouth.
Regulus glanced over to the door expecting Lucius and Bella to come in with their wands pointed at the boys accusing them of treason. But after a minute when no one came, Regulus removed his hand from on top of Evan’s.
“Well if I’d known the two of you were into this sort of thing I would have done things much differently,” Barty says drying as he pries Evan’s hand off his lips. The boys mutter apologies and move off Barty’s legs before helping him sit back up.
“For the record, I may actually be into that kinda thing,” Evan says after a minute of uncomfortable silence. “Though I think it would be the other way around.”
“Oh it would certainly be you two on the fucking bottom,” Barty snickered, pecking both of them on the cheek gently.
“The two of us hmm?” Regulus questioned greedily, having friends with benefits may not be the best plan, but it was certainly far from the worst. Especially when the man he was desperately in love with was now far too close to his grasp but not quite close enough to touch.
“Like that idea?” Barty asked sweetly, glancing quickly at Evan who just shrugged.
“Maybe I do,” Regulus took a small scoot closer to where Evan and Barty were sitting arm to arm.
“Fuck he’s persuasive,” Evan ran a hand through his hair and surged forward to catch Regulus on the kiss, which earned them both a flick on the head from Barty.
It was safe to say that Regulus wasn’t thinking much about James for the rest of the night, and it was a damn good thing they were all so good at privacy spells.