1
Sua learned about the existence of soulmates when she was ten.
It was at the funeral of a family friend, who died at the age of twenty-five. Sua remembered asking her sister how he died, her big eyes staring at her like she had the answer to any question Sua could come up with.
‘He couldn't find his soulmate.’ She told her as if it explained anything. That just made Sua even more confused. She thought people only died when they faced something fatal. Not being able to find someone couldn't cause someone death. It didn't make any sense. Her sister laughed at her when she expressed her confusion.
‘In this world, every person has a soulmate—someone who has the matching half of our soul. We can only live without them for twenty-five years, and our souls can’t continue clinging to life if we fail to find them. That's how he died. His poor soul couldn't take it.’
Those words have been engraved in her mind since then. At first, they made her hopeful. The thought of having someone who completes your soul was exciting. Daydreaming about her soulmate became one of her favourite activities. Would they be taller, or shorter? Would they be a girl? Would they be someone her age, older? She hoped they were not older, because what if she couldn't find them in time? That would be terrible.
As time passed, however, she started to lose her hope. Little by little. The first blow was the death of her sister. After happily celebrating her birthday with Sua, she died in her sleep. It was unexpected, given how in love with her boyfriend she was. Everyone thought they were soulmates. Sua herself believed they were soulmates. Fate didn't seem to agree.
Sua decided that she wouldn't try dating when she first entered high school. It wasn't even worth trying if you couldn't know if they were your soulmate or not. She didn't want to believe in a lie only to end up dead. She would prefer expecting death than being uncertain about her future.
Lucky for her, everyone was too caught up with their life to care. Her parents were always distant, and that distance only grew with the death of her sister. She didn't really have many friends and didn't have anyone she had a crush on, unlike the other girls in her class. No one to leave behind when she dies. Sure, she had people confessing to her here and there but she always rejected them. She knew they didn't actually like her. And fate would eventually bring them together if they really were soulmates.
At the age of twenty-four, driving to her parents’ villa by the seaside to spend her last week alive, she still didn't regret anything. She had been ready to die for a long time now. She couldn't say she wasn't scared but she knew she couldn't change anything anyways. All she could do was make peace with it.
The familiar view of her childhood house made her put her thoughts aside. She parked the car and sighed to herself, opening the door to greet her parents. Fake smiles, insincere hugs were exchanged. She knew that her parents were aware of the reason for her sudden visit. It wasn't like her to randomly take time off work just to spend time with them, also with the fact that there was only a week left until her twenty-fifth birthday. She had a chat with her mother as her father took her bags to her room. No one mentioned her birthday coming up, or the fact that she still didn't have a partner. It was like a silent promise between them.
Sua spent most of her first day in her sister's old room. It was covered in dust, and she sneezed every two minutes but it was worth the inconvenience. Her parents had never touched the room at all. Minus the dust, it was as if her sister had just left the room. It almost felt like she was gonna come back.
She spent most of her time going through her belongings, and the sun was already setting when she left the room to have dinner with her parents. It was a nearly silent affair, her parents asking about her work and her asking about their life in exchange, business as usual.
After dinner, she told them she was going out for a bit and left the house. Bundled up in her winter clothes, she followed the path leading to the city center. She could only hope things hadn’t changed too much since she had left.
Her destination was the cemetery, but somewhere during her thirty-minute journey, she spotted a flower shop. It hadn’t been there when she last visited. Her stomach churned, realizing that it had sprung up in the two years she’d been gone. The signboard of the shop was dyed bright blue, the name ‘Sweet Dream Flower Shop’ written in tacky, bold white letters. The sweet scent of flowers filled her nostrils as she stared at the shop, awestruck. Something about the shop seemed to pull her like a magnet.
After standing outside for a good while and debating it, she decided to go in and get some flowers for her sister. A worthwhile excuse. She fixed her scarf around her neck and grasped onto the door handle, pulling the door open slowly. A bell sound filled the shop and she entered, looking at the various flowers around her.
“Sorry, we’re closing!” A voice came from the back of the shop. Sua was about to leave, embarrassed, when the owner of the voice revealed herself. A pink-haired woman with a high ponytail and glasses too big for her face. She was holding a flower pot, her troubled expression turning into a friendly one as she stared at Sua, blinking slowly.
“I was just leaving, sorry.” Sua said, shifting in place awkwardly as she pivoted herself back towards the door.
“No! Don’t–” the woman’s expression faltered briefly, “I mean, how can I help you?” The shopkeeper asked with a calmer, put-together voice, placing the flowerpot on the counter and making eye contact with Sua. Her gaze was warm, though piercing as if Sua wasn’t just an intruding customer, but someone she’d been expecting, somehow.
“You don't have to, you said you were closing. Sorry again for the trouble.” Sua mumbled, just loud enough to hear. She had meant to leave, but she remained firmly planted in place.
“Please don't.” The woman said suddenly, making Sua stop in her place. “It's okay, I’m not in any hurry. And, uhm, we don’t close for another ten minutes.” Sua looked back at the door, and then back at the shopkeeper, who met yet again with determined eyes boring holes into her. Something about Sua made the shopkeeper snort, Sua’s face felt like it was on fire.
“I wanted to get flowers for my sister. Preferably a bouquet.” She said, looking around to see if there were any pre-made ones, anything to not make eye contact with the woman. Anything to get her out of here.
“Oh, I can arrange a bouquet for her!” Is it her birthday, a promotion at work, or maybe to celebrate an engagement?” She listed off excitedly.
“For her grave. Something to put on top of her grave.” Sua responded.
The woman’s mouth was agape for a moment, her eyes widening.
“I’m so sorry for assuming.” She said, reaching out instinctively to grab one of Sua’s hands over the counter. The woman made it halfway before remembering her manners and retreating her hand.
Before Sua could say anything, she had already drawn her attention elsewhere. “So, for the bouquet,” She quickly darted away, returning with pink flowers in tow.
“These are pink carnations, symbolising remembrance and inner peace.” she gently laid five of them down onto white parchment. She soon disappeared again, bringing back three purple flowers. “Purple pansies, also symbolising remembrance and spiritual connection.”
With the flowers in her hand, she turned back to Sua and took four white flowers from the vase closest to the counter. “And white lilies, the flower of mourning. The color also pairs well with pink and purple. If this looks alright to you, I’ll start cutting the stems and arranging them for you.” The woman finished, looking back expectantly at her.
Sua could only stare and shake her head, the words stuck in her throat.