The Runaway

When Olly was finished, Severus had 5 new outfits all in rich browns and lush greens. Some trousers were plaid and some a solid color. All of his vests and sweaters were a very soft wool that left his heart feeling light. He even had a new coat and shoes.

He tried to protest when Hope started to pay, but was silenced by both her and Olly’s looks. Holding his bags with his news clothes, they bid Olly goodbye and walked outside were Severus finally saw Remus. He was sitting on the curb, head tucked into his arms. He seemed so small like that, but at the sound of he and Hope coming closer, he unfolded himself to look up at them.

His eyes were red.

“Ready to go?” He asked, his voice thick and losing some of its crackle. Hope led them both down more stores. Some of them were for tourists, others simple home good stores. She purchased other things and Severus and Remus both held the bags of every purchase.

When it became noon, they stopped at the café they had passed by that morning and got lunch. Hope just getting tea while Remus received a sandwich and coffee. Severus had ordered the same, at a loss and feeling the need to just hurry at the register. The coffee was rich with chocolate, something Severus didn't find too unpleasant.

As they sat there, Hope seeming to find comfort in sitting, they watched the people walk by and silence washed over them.

At some point Severus stopped watching the people outside and watched Remus and Hope.

Hope was sitting with her eyes closed, some dark circles had begun to creep beneath them. While her breathing was even, they were deep almost as of she was centering herself.

Remus was staring blankly at the glass instead of the people. He was also shaking lightly, using the cup to hold himself together.

Severus imagined he didn't look much better. What a sight they all made. An exhausted adult with two mental wrecks for teenagers. As if puberty wasn't bad enough. Severus breathed a depreciating chuckle causing Remus to glance his way. He shook his head, not finding the need to explain himself.

“Is there anywhere else we want to visit before heading back? I’ll have Lyall look for furniture tomorrow if he doesn't work.” Hope opened her eyes slowly, and Severus was loathe to ask. But he had given himself a task that morning, and he wanted to complete it.

“Would it be alright if we visited the bookstore next door?” Severus had two books he wanted to look for and if they didn't have them, then he would just have to wait until they went out next to look for them again.

“Of course, hun. I'll be waiting right here, so you and Remus go ahead. Here's this.” She handed Remus her purse “You can get two books each, I might have gotten excited at the last store with those wind chimes.” She smile almost bashfully.

The two of them nodded and stood to leave. Remus had to to use his cane to get up, and Severus could hear his joints crack. They walked over next door and the smell of books welcomed them both. Remus seemed to be at a loss of where to go, so Severus led the way to the counter, forcing himself to go slow for him.

He was still angry at Remus for so many things, but he tried not to be a monster to him.

“Excuse me,” he asked the clerk, a middle aged woman with frizzy hair, “where are your kitchen books and holistic herbal recipes?”

She looked at the two of them before pointing them in the right direction. Severus thanked her and resisted the urge to drag Remus away. Upon reaching the first section, Severus skimmed the titles of cook book recipes and looked over prices. He flipped through the ones the met his criteria of simple and cheap, narrowing them down until he found one at he liked the most.

“What are you looking for?” Remus’s voice was quiet in the shelves, the crackle had returned.

“I refuse to stay in your house and force your mother to cook for me while she is ill. I'm looking for recipes I can do so that I can take over cooking at least one meal while I'm leeching off of your family.” He cut off any remark Remus might have made by snapping the chosen book closed.

He led them to the next section. Here was the real challenge. He did the same process, narrowing down his options by price and then seeing if the contents met his expectations.

“And these?” Remus leaned against the shelf next to Severus, keeping his distance but staying close enough to whisper.

“Personal study.” He murmured, looking through one in particular. It looked promising, and all of the recipes were doable. He was falling into the recipes and measurements when he heard a deep sigh.

“Severus, I-,” another sigh, “I need to apolo-”

“No.” He shut his book harshly, not looking at Remus.

“Severus please, just hear me out.” The time was pleading, but Olly’s words echoed in his mind as fresh as they were. Almost as if the man were there with them.

“I said no.” Severus strived to keep his voice quiet even as it shook. He risked a look at Remus who seemed to be ripping himself apart internally, eyes getting red. He swallowed the anxiety in his throat and repeated what Olly had told him. “I’m not ready to listen to you right now. I was hurt, and a lot of people did it. Not just you. So I'm not ready to listen to anyone's apologies or even their excuses.” He clutched his books tight, hoping the words would be enough. Olly was right about it being hard. He was shaking with the anxiety that Remus would just accept what he said.

They stood there in silence again, not looking at each other, with all of the muggle herbal books keeping their argument a secret. Remus took one more breath before speaking again.

“Alright, I…I understand.” He swallowed, “Will you please tell me when you are? Ready to hear me, that is.”

Severus thought over it. Would he ever be ready to hear Remus? You can acknowledge an apology, you don't have to accept one. It was horrible to think about even receiving one right now, but he nodded. He didn't tell Remus it might be until the two of them are nearly dead with age or never in that fact, but the gesture made Remus’s shoulders relax. Which in turn, made Severus’s relax.

“Do you want any books, or are we done here?” He wanted to leave, but Hope said they could both get something.

“Ah, no. I'll be alright for now. We can go.”

After checking out, they started to head back to the café when Remus had asked him a question. “Do you like them? Your new clothes?” It sounded genuine enough, so Severus gave it genuine thought, pausing in front of the café window.

“I’ve never had clothes like these before. But,” he thought about Olly. How the man was just like him, and how he took so much care when picking everything out just for him. “But I feel like I will like them a great deal.” He looked Remus in the eyes for the first time since Olly’s and saw a smile that burned at his ribs.

“Good. I'm glad. Olly always picks out the best clothes, he has a gift for it.” He went and opened the door for Severus, who walked past without flinching. A victory.

“Yes,” he couldn't help but whisper, “yes he does.”

They went to their table, where Hope still sat. She looked better, dark circles lessened and her eyes were more awake. When she saw the two of them, a smile was already on her face. Severus would have said it was conspiratorial, but just smiled back hesitantly.

“Ready to go boys?” They nodded. Remus tried to pick up some bags, but Severus grabbed them all first. The glare he sent his way silenced any protests. They were mostly his purchases anyway, it was only right he carry them.

Once they arrived back at the cottage, Hope went around and put the wind chimes she bought outside in the back, humming all the while. Remus said he had to lay down for a moment and had vanished in his room. Leaving Severus to his own devices. Which was odd, but was slowly becoming a rather normal experience. He took all of his clothes upstairs and laid them out on his bed looking at all of his options.

Olly had given him cream colored button downs, two of them long sleeved and two short sleeved. No matter what he paired them with, they looked perfect. Two vests, one the lush green and the other a deep brown, paired wonderfully with all three of his trousers. Two a solid color of brown and grey, and one that had a plaid pattern of varying shades of brown.

Severus had wondered if Olly knew he didn't pair well with bright colors like blue or red. Like Remus had said, he had a gift. He changed into one of his new outfits, skin tingling at the feel of brand new fabric. It made his neck shiver, but he forced himself to keep it on and just appreciate that these were for him. He looked at his sneakers and then over at his new shoes. Hope had insisted on Oxfords and Olly had agreed enthusiastically. The sneakers were off without a second thought and the new shoes replaced them.

Turning to look himself in the mirror, Severus felt lightheaded and was shaking a bit, but he looked….new. As if maybe, just maybe, his life wasn’t a mess right now.

He liked it. Despite the rolling in his stomach.