The Runaway

After washing up, trying to block out the fact that he was using Lupin’s hair products and body wash, Severus brushed his teeth using a guest toothbrush, electing to forget that it was Lupin’s toothpaste. He stared at his reflection for a while. The bruise wasn’t the worst he’d had, but it was indeed noticeable like Lupin had said, covering his left side with a yellow hue in the vague shape of a hand. Lupin had kept his word and changed the subject the moment his father tried to talk about Severus. He refused to thank the idiot out loud, but felt grateful all the same.

Other than the bruise, Severus looked…fine. He still looked haunted, with his black eyes and his mother’s nose. He didn’t look like he was dying, so he counted it as a win.

Lupin’s clothes were big on him, but he wasn’t drowning in them like Hope thought he would in Lyall’s clothes. It still felt ridiculously wrong to wear Remus Lupin’s sleeping clothes. He forced the fact out of his mind and made his way to his assigned room as quietly as he could. He didn’t know if they were still awake, and he didn’t want to run into any of them right now.

It would take some time to learn the floorboards, which ones were sturdy and which ones creaked under foot. He crept along slow enough to begin memorizing, but fast enough to make it to the room with out seeing anyone if there was a creak. Luckily, he only hit two loose boards before he got to his room.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he shut the door. He stood still for a moment longer, listening to the house settle and breathe around him. For a moment, he almost felt as though he were a part of it as he wore Lupin’s clothes. He violently closed the door in his mind at that thought.

A part of the house? Don’t be daft. He was, at best, a temporary nuisance and at worst, a new inconvenience in the Lupin life. Nothing about him would ever fit in anywhere.

Not even with Lily, but he really tried not to think about that cruel fact.

Shaking his head, he moved from the door and to the bed where his bags were left. Besides his ratted bag, Hope had purchased some things for him. Nothing ridiculous as they had to leave soon, he had a suspicion that Hope didn’t take him to any clothing shops in London because she was planning this all along.

She took him to a book shop. He got to pick out some books, journals, and she even threw in writing supplies. He had been worried about the cost, but she had told him ”That is an adult concern Severus. And while it is very responsible to be money aware at a young age, you should let me worry about the gross adult stuff while you have fun. Okay?” The way she spoke was always so gentle and never left room for argument. Looking at the books, they weren’t anything wild. No latest sci-fi, though she did point those out, not budding romance or even generalized fiction. No he had spotted a book on field plants and how to identify them. Granted they were Muggle herbs, but the book was useful all the same. He also got a book on astronomy and how it affected the cultures throughout history. He didn’t know why he picked it up other than the cover had called out to him.

The spine had been inlayed with a copper sheen on top of a deep navy blue. When he picked it up, the copper had been speckled across the face to mimic the stars in the sky. Inside was packed full of research text of the cultures across the world and how the night sky looked different for all of them and how some had based their whole religions on the shape of the stars and position of the moon.

He had been staring at it for such long time that at some point Hope had taken it from him and put it in her basket. He tried to say it was too expensive, too many numbers on the sticker had made him queasy, but she looked at him and placed the book more firmly in the basket.

She also let him get three journals. One for notes, one for personal use, and one she told him was for emergency thoughts. “For when you need to get something down on paper, but you aren’t sure its for note taking or for personal diaries.”

Severus removed the bookstore goods from their bag and placed them almost reverently on the nightstand. They were new, and therefore had to be treasured. Once he was done making sure they were in a neat stack, he turned to his other bag, the one he was avoiding on account that the letter was inside. He stared at it, perhaps if he wished for it hard enough, it would disappear.

He sat down on the bed and began to slowly pull out the bag of coins and the folded letter. Emptying the coins out first, he saw that, in all, he had 9 Galleons and about 7 pounds of change. IT was almost as if Eileen would sneak loose change she found into the bag whenever she found it. Grabbing the letter, Severus hesitated before opening it and reading the contents.

Severus,

I know that at some point, you stopped seeing me as a competent mother. I don’t know when exactly it began, but I could see that you were drifting away from us. Just as well, with how things have been as of late. I failed to stop Tobias the first time he struck you and I failed to stop every other time after. I did nothing as his biting words became screams of anger. I could do nothing as your childhood was devoid of anything that could help you forget the cruelties of your father.

He wasn’t always like that. He was charming and kind. I wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t. Not that it matters now.

I knew you would leave the moment you could. Tried to push you in the direction, even. If you could escape Spinner’s End then you could truly do something great. Something I know that you are capable of. Tobias may not know what Hogwarts grades are like, but I do. You are an intelligent and exceedingly talented wizard, Severus. Don’t EVER let anyone tell you otherwise.

I’m sorry for not being able to do more. I know you probably won’t accept my apologies, but they are genuine all the same.

Please be safe. Eat well, better than you ever could here. Be sure to study hard. And know that no matter what happened, I never stopped loving you.

Mother

He didn’t know he was crying until his tears hit the paper. He crumpled the edges in his tight grip as he read the words over and over again.

The money isn’t a lot, I didn’t want Tobias to think I was smuggling money and then go looking for it. Some money was better than no money. That was my thinking at least. The galleons I had in my savings for a while. Where we are going, I won’t need them, so please, use them how you see fit. Either for meals for a few days or for books. They’re yours now.

Eileen knew. His mother knew that he was going to run far before he knew it himself. She had tried to prepare for it, to encourage it so that he could leave.

He balled the letter up and threw it at the wall, hoping the rising feeling of guilt would go with it. How dare she? How dare she? How could she? How could she pour what ever was left of her affection into a letter after her only child ran off from his abusive ass of a father and be okay with it? How could she have so much faith that he would be alright on his own?

He was scared! He was in a home that was filled with a type of feeling he had never known, his room next to a werewolf that wore knit sweaters and corduroy, and the two adults here were more accepting and kindhearted than any he had ever come across.

He didn’t know this world! He was expecting Lyall to just snap at something and send everyone in a spiral of misery. That he could handle. He knew what to do then. But it never happened.

This place was warm and welcoming and held love and acceptance and was quiet. Hope was so kind and gentle and just knows what he needs to hear. Lyall was quiet and observant and easy to talk to and spoke gently to his family. Remus was-

Remus was also kind. He was also quiet and mindful of the space he took up. He held himself to make himself seem smaller.

Sobs wracked his body now, but they were still silent. Severus held himself to try and ground himself, but he couldn’t stop. Once they started, the tears wouldn’t stop. Almost as if everything that had built over the years were finally releasing.

He cried for what felt like hours. Cried until he just laid there on his side, staring blankly at the wall where he had thrown the letter.

At some point, he sat himself up and walked over to pick up the balled up paper. Carefully smoothing it out, he took it to one of the journals and placed it in between the pages at he very back. As he stared at the book after he closed it, he had a thought that maybe he should try. Try to do better for himself. Maybe he could accomplish something if given the chance.

He looked out his window to the sky, and noted that the moon was going to be full in a few days before burying himself into the softest bed he’d been in and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Despite having a mental breakdown into the early morning, Severus was awake a dressed in Remus’s spare clothes by dawn. He had taken the habit of waking up early to always be aware of Tobias’s whereabouts. He waited in his room, reading the book on plants and writing down notes in between the margins with one of the fountain pens Hope purchased for him. He was waiting for the other occupants to wake and begin moving around. If he could learnt heir schedules, then he could figure out his own.

No noise came from Remus’s room next door. The wall separating them gave nothing but silence, no matter how hard Severus tried to listen. Nothing came from Hope and Lyall’s door yet either. Glancing out the window, he saw the pink hues of the sun across the sky. The clouds were scattered, but held the promise of some rain. Maybe he should get a new raincoat if it was allowed.

He had written a list in his emergency journal of the things he knew he wanted to get while he and Hope shopped today. He tried to keep it small, only asking for one pair of trousers, a couple of shirts, and one pair of shoes that actually fit. He didn’t want to ask for too much, but added what he thought would make Hope satisfied. Some extra knickknacks were added like a brush or a cheap watch. Things he knew were marginally inexpensive, but help craft the image of a normal person.

The door to the adult’s room creaked open, and someone with a light foot walked down the hall. IT was Hope Lupin. Lyall had a heavier step due to his height and Remus was almost as quiet as Severus was.

He put his book away and was thinking of a good way to make his awake state known without seeming like a bother when a knock came at his door. Moving carefully and quietly, he opened the door to see Hope, already dressed for the day looking up at him.

“Oh, good you’re awake, I was a bit worried I was going to bother you.” She was whispering, as to not wake the others. “I’m going to make some coffee and breakfast, then you and I will head to town for the stores, alright?”

Severus nodded his agreeance before looking back to his bed where he had left the journal. “I wrote down some things I could probably get.” He spoke quietly and tried to calm his nerves, “If that’s alright?” He looked back to her to see a bright smile.

“Of course, honey. Come down to the kitchen with me and we can go over it to get a good plan of action. You could even help me make breakfast.”

Thrown off by the immediate approval, Severus grabbed the journal numbly and followed her downstairs, cataloguing the loose floor boards as they walked. Once they were in the kitchen, went through the process of making coffee. He never saw a coffeemaker like the faded white one Tobias had, so watched her intently as she started pulling what she needed out.

First she out a copper kettle on the stove to boil, moving efficiently as well as telling Severus where everything was and why she was doing it. “I put the water on so that when I get everything ready, the water’s done.” She pulled out coffee grounds and measured them carefully into a small filter before placing the filter in the top of a a glass teapot.

“The glass is tempered, so it will handle the heat. Two scoops is plenty for this size, only half a scoop if its just for a single cup.” By the time she put the coffee and scoops away, the kettle began to sing. Severus almost went to grab it, but Hope had already taken a thick towel and was lifting it away from the burner. “Always use a towel for the kettle, the wood on the handle is useless in protecting your finger and that heat is no laugh, I’ll tell you.”

She carefully poured the water over the grounds in circular motions, making sure the ground rose up before pouring more.

“Why do you do that?” He asked, enraptured with the process.

“Hm? Do what, hun?”

“Pour clockwise. Does it help the brewing?” He watched as the dark liquid rose in the teapot at a steady pace.

“Oh, well, I’m not sure about it being clockwise that matters, but when you pour in a circular motion, it ensures that all of the grounds are getting wet and the brew comes out even.” Severus nodded, committing the knowledge to his memory. “You have to left the grounds bloom first though.”

“Bloom? Oh, when they rose up and you waited until they settled.” He thought it was strange that she had paused in her ritual when it happened, but now was understanding that it was the ritual.

She smiled proudly and nodded, “Yes, when the coffee blooms first, the carbon inside the bean is released and it makes for a bolder taste. The coffee comes out beautifully afterwards.”

He nodded, wishing for a moment that he had a pen to write this down in the notebook, but resigned to just remembering it for later. Once the coffee was done, she poured herself and him a cup and pulled out fixings.

“I like mine with some sugar and milk. Lyall drinks it black, if you’d believe it.” She laughed.

He tried it black to see the initial flavor. It was bitter, but almost properly so. The coffee was strong and smooth, but the earthy bitter that rested on his tongue afterwards was unpleasant. He added some milk and tried it again. Perfect.

“What about Remus? Does he drink coffee?” He was still getting used to saying Remus’s name both in his head and out loud. It wasn’t unpleasant, but still felt unnerving enough to trip his tongue every time.

“With enough honey to make a bee jealous, that boy.” Her smile was so fond that Severus had to look away or he might just cry again. They drank their coffee in the quiet as the sun began to filter through the windows above the sink. It was pretty, Severus had to admit. He felt a sense of absolute wonder as the saw the morning haze illuminate the world around the cottage, making an otherwise boring view into a scene of wonder.

“You know, don’t you?” The words cut like a knife through the serenity despite being free of convection or malice. He looked back at Hope to see her looking into her coffee cup, a sad smile on her face.

He could lie and pretend that he had no idea what she was talking about. To feign absolute cluelessness. He could, but looking at this woman he didn’t find the strength to lie.

“How old was he?” A question vague and simple enough to be nothing to an outsider, but it told her everything she needed to know. She took in a shaky breath, her smile never leaving. Severus was beginning to see that it was her way of trying to remain strong. He did the same, though his shield of choice was always quick words and the face of indifference.

“Six.”

All thoughts stopped in Severus’s mind.

Six? Remus was six years old when he became a werewolf? For 10 years he had to go through that horrible shift? The memory of bones snapping and a boy sobbing on the floor came to him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but found that no words came forth.

They sat there for a moment. Hope refilled her coffee and did the same for Severus.

“I won’t ask how you know. I can tell when Remus gets twisted with worry and guilt. He’s been a mess since school let out. He tries to hide it, but I can hear crying better than my husband can.” That information made his throat close up, but thankfully she said nothing about hearing his breaking point last night.

“I-we don’t talk about it. The situation was wrong.” He thought for a moment. “All parties were at fault. I think Remus was the only one who was truly in the dark of what happened.”

“I see.” She stood up then, slowly, and stretched. “Well, come on then. Let’s get those slackers out of bed with a delicious aroma.”

They didn’t speak anymore on the topic. Severus didn’t know if they would ever again. He hadn’t forgiven anyone on what happened, perhaps he never would. But seeing, even in a short amount of time, the kind of family the Lupins were told him enough to make the decision that Remus wasn’t inherently a bastard like Black was or even an entitled ass like Potter. He just didn’t know where that put Remus in his categories. He was beginning to become an anomaly.

He stood by what he said in the hallway though, he decided as he helped Hope cut slices of bacon. He and Remus were not going to be friends by the end of summer. They were never going to be friends.

But maybe, just maybe, he could be a little less antagonistic towards Remus. If Remus wasn’t antagonistic towards him first, that is.

He and Hope went through breakfast prep rather smoothly, each of them forming their rhythm around one another. Severus had claimed the task of portioning everything and measuring out ingredients for her to cook. In the quiet of the morning, he found that he actually might like cooking. It was like potions, for obvious reasons, but he liked the thought of combining whatever he wanted without the concern for nasty accidents looming over his shoulder.

They were just about done, Hope set the table with plates and mugs while Severus sliced some bread, when Severus became aware the weight of someone watching him. He once relaxed shoulders tensed once more and he looked behind him towards the stairs. There, looking for all the world like an idiot, was Remus. Those eyes seemed to shine like stained glass as the sunlight hit them and made Severus’s throat tighten.

He reminded himself that Remus wasn't an entirely hateful ass and forced himself to try and smile, at least in acknowledgment that the boy exists.

The response was not what Severus expected, nor was it one he was looking for.

Remus's face went from a muted tan to a bright red in the time it took to blink. The two of them looked at each other, both expressions showing confusion. When Remus said nothing, just blushed and looked almost panicked, Severus settled for rolling his eyes in exasperation and turned back to the bread.

If he was going to act like a dimwitted twit, then Severus wasn't going to bother next time.

“Remus, honey, don't just stand there. Come sit down and get a plate.” Hope bustled behind Severus, seemingly oblivious to her son’s expression. Either that or unbothered. The later seemed more likely judging by their earlier conversation.

Remus followed her instruction, this time avoiding eye contact with Severus the entire time. As the three of them sat, Hope beside beside Severus with Remus across from him, Lyall came down the stairs already dressed and looking rather defeated.

“I'm so sorry, everyone. I've been called in, there's seems to be a boggart loose in one of the villages up north. That's what the department thinks anyhow.” He grabbed the mug of coffee his wife offered as well as some toast. “Delicious, darling, as always.”

“Severus helped this morning.”

“Did he? Well, Severus this was excellent toast and coffee. Thank you kindly. Well now, gwaith da, you three.” And with that, he swept out of the house. His steps strong and purposeful, like a soldier going off to the field.

Hope and Remus called out the strange words after him and went to their food, Severus the only one at a loss of the whole encounter.

“Gwaith da, means ‘good work’. I taught Lyall Welsh when we were younger. He likes to sprinkle it in every once in a while. Makes him feel ‘cultured’, the strange man.” Hope provided after finishing her coffee. “He works in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He specializes in boggarts, so the department usual calls for him when they get wind of one.”

Severus nodded, satisfied with the answers and finished his own breakfast.

“Wait, mom, if he has work, then that means-” Remus looked up worried.

“Yes, darling.” Hope stood up slowly, taking her things to the sink. “You'll have to come with us today. Make sure you bundle up and bring your cane, in case you get dizzy.”

“But mom, that's too much for you to take on. What if I took Severus and you rest here?” Severus looked between the two of them. There was something else the Lupin Family, specifically Hope, was dealing with.

“Remus, I will be fine.” Her voice brokered for no argument despite never raising in volume. “The full moon is in three days, you are already showing exhaustion. I'm not going to be running a marathon, just some shopping.”

“What's wrong?” Severus all but demanded. The back and forth was getting on his nerves, and Remus was making him anxious.

“Arglwydd achub fi rhag bechgyn.” She sighed. “I have a weak constitution, and so they like to worry.”

Severus felt a pit grow in his stomach. He saw her in a different light now. Her tired expression, her slow movements, purposeful actions. She was ill and had to be careful with everything she did. He couldn't let her keep doing things for him like this.

“I know that look, young man. Stop it, both of you. I am fine. I will be fine if we take our time. Which is why we are leaving early, now go.” She looked at the both of them daring for an argument. When neither spoke, she shooed them upstairs and started cleaning.

Once they were up the stairs, Severus turned and whispered harshly, “No one told me your mother was ill! Why is she doing all of this stuff if she isn't well?”

Remus looked exasperated, “You think we make her do this? Dad had one argument with her about it and he lost almost instantly. She refuses to let anyone coddle her.” He opened the door to his room and Severus saw parts of his bed and some wall décor. “Despite her adamant attitude on the matter, she does know her limits. So we should probably dress for a long day.”

“Do you really have a cane?” Severus was already dressed and just needed his jacket.

Remus sighed, “Only when the moon gets close and I have to be active. It's just to let me lean on something when I get tired.”

“Oh, I see.” A pause. “Do you get flares?”

“Huh? Flares?” Remus tilted his head to the side. “No, not this early. Only the night before the full moon.”

“Then what happened in the kitchen?” The blush returned, and for some reason Severus felt his own face warm in response.

“I-I don't really know?” Remus looked away first. “I'm not as, uhm, extroverted as the others?”

“What does that have to do with it?”

“I don't know? I'm getting dressed.” He closed the door with some force and left Severus alone in the hallway.

“What?” He turned away, walking back downstairs. Not bothering to even wonder what was Remus’s problem, he walked back into the kitchen. Hope was finishing up.

“Do you have your list or your jacket?” She inquired as she put her towel down and brushed a stray hair from her eyes.

“Yes, the jacket is hanging in the entryway. Lu-Remus is getting dressed now.” He grabbed his journal from his pocket, “And the list is here.”

“Good, good. We’ll get our jackets. Remus should be done by then. Once he’s awake, the boy doesn’t really dally.”

Sure enough, by the time Severus had pulled on his tattered sneakers and shrugged on his coat, Remus was walking into the entryway, completely dressed and ready to go. His button down was a cream that softened the sharp color of his eyes. Something that made Severus wonder if the clothing choice was for that reason. Tucked in his arm was his supposed cane. It was made entirely of a dark wood and had swirling carvings etched into the grain. It was very nice, Severus had to admit. Very classy in its own rustic way.

“Alright, boys. You’ve got your cane, I’ve got mine. Severus you have your list, and I have the keys. Let’s go shopping!” And with that Hope led the two of them out the house and to the bus stop for town.