Chapter 1
Sirius Orion Black. He hated his last name because it gave him an awful reputation and vowed to be the opposite of it. Until he made an unforgivable mistake sending Snivellus to the Shrieking Shack on the night of a full moon. Now, don’t get Sirius wrong, he knew it was a mistake and had immediately told James and Peter but the damage was done. James narrowly made it to the Shack to save Snape but couldn’t stop the Slytherin boy from seeing Moony turn. Peter stayed behind, knowing he couldn’t do anything to help Prongs. Instead he watched as Sirius broke down on the floor of their dorm room. He watched as the once smiling Sirius Black cried and gripped his hair for comfort. He saw that Sirius may have made a bad choice but that he was regretting it so much. Peter put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and hushed him.
“Shhh, you’re okay, Sirius! It’ll be okay! Prongs will make it to the Shack before too much damage is done and we’ll obliviate Snape and figure out a way to tell Remus tomorrow.”
“Pete, it’s over. All because of me, I lost my boyfriend. He’s never going to forgive me and then he’ll spread rumours about me and no one will want to hear me and you and James will leave me as well.”
“Padfoot, no.”
“Peter, you know I’m right.”
“He’ll forgive you one day. It may not be tomorrow or the next day but he will forgive you. We just need to know why. Why did you tell Snape?”
It was at that point that Sirius broke down even more and Peter sighed, running his hand through his friend’s hair. It was saying a lot that Sirius didn’t complain that his hair was getting messed up. James came into the room, Regulus holding him up, and face planted onto his bed.
“We’re not talking about this right now. Wormtail, put Sirius in his own bed and go to sleep. Regulus is sleeping with me tonight.” James muttered, putting his head up enough for everyone to understand him. Regulus shot his brother a concerned look but didn’t ask before crawling under James’ sheets. Peter sighed again and manhandled the dog Animagus into his bed.
“Goodbye, Peter, Siri,” Regulus had no idea that that one nickname hurt Sirius so much.
The next morning, Sirius woke before the other three and left the room before they woke and went to see Remus.
“Nope! What happened? I vaguely remember smelling someone other than you four….where’s Sirius?” Remus didn't even let any of them ask anything before he cracked down on them. He was disappointed to see that his boyfriend wasn’t there.
“Severus saw. Severus was there last night. He saw Moony. Sirius told him how to get in and I had to go rescue the arse before anything bad happened. Dumbledore is dealing with him right now and we have no idea where Sirius is.” James was pissed off at his best mate and Remus could feel it.
“Why would he tell Severus?” Sweet Regulus asked, looking confused and worried.
“I tried asking him that last night but he broke down in tears instead of answering,” Peter explained.
“It’s Sirius. There has to be a logical explanation but whatever, he’s on thin ice and I don’t want to talk to him right now.”
“Agreed,” James snarled. Regulus grasped his boyfriend’s hand and squeezed, reassuringly.
“We can ask him in a few days but yeah, for now, let’s avoid this topic. How are you feeling otherwise, Remus?”
“Good all things considered.”
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A few days later, Regulus was trying not to cry at the sight of his older brother. The older had tried to apologize to the Marauders but Remus had growled at him and James had straight up left the room. Effie and Monty had been informed of what happened and they sent a letter to Sirius, which the younger Black had noticed broke the older even more. Regulus had noticed that Sirius was sitting far from his Gryffindor friends during meals and in the common room. In fact, Sirius had stopped being in the Gryffindor tower all together. The cat animagus stole the map from Peter’s bed every night and looked over it to see where his brother was for the night. Sometimes, he's in the Astronomy tower, in the kitchens, in a broom closet in a classroom, or in the come and go room.
“Maybe it’s time to hear what he has to say,” Regulus heard himself asking one morning, noticing that Sirius had come into the Hall, noticed them, and left back out of the Hall.
“We’ll ask him later. I just want to enjoy my breakfast before that.”
But they didn’t get to ask him later. During Potions class, Sirius and James were working on Amortenia when Sirius spilt one of the ingredients ok himself and had to go to the Infirmary. Regulus and the 3 Marauders watched on, helplessly. They wanted to help Sirius but didn’t know if they were welcome to do so. Sirius had avoided James when he went to help.
“We fucked up,” Remus whispered. As soon as class was finished, he and the others ran to see Sirius but were shocked to hear from Madam Pomfrey that the former Quidditch player didn’t want to see them. Regulus caught James and Peter held Remus when the two stepped back in shock.
“What did we do? What makes him think he can lock us away like this? It’s his fault that Snape found out! What gives him the right?” James paced the Marauders dorm room later after they waited for 2 hours for Sirius, who didn’t come out.
“He’s in the Owlery,” Regulus announced. The other 3 rushed to the youngest and crowded around the map.
“Why is he in there? Who’s he sending an Owl to?”
“Dunno. Should we go find out?” Peter looked up at Remus and James, who nodded and they took the claim to cut off Sirius, who was still in the room with the owls.
When they got there, the four were shocked to see Sirius, tears rolling down his cheeks, talking to Remus’ owl and giving it treats. They shuffled closer to hear what he was saying.
“- and make sure he cares for you right. That busy git doesn’t give you nearly enough snacks. You’re so handsome and deserve attention. Yes, you are. Don’t argue with me. I should probably leave soon, huh? But I don’t want to be stuck in a room with them. Who knows how mad they are at me still. Your boy definitely doesn’t want me around and Jamie is on his side, not that there are sides because if there were, I’d be on Remus’ side as well.” Sirius’ words had them shell shocked. “You’re right though. I can’t stay up any longer. Let me put you back with Prongs’ owl and then I’ll leave okay? Okay, thank you.” At that, the four shuffled back out of the room and tore the cloak off of themselves. They ran back to the dorm and all sat on the four beds and cried. They cried for their friend who was not doing well. They cried because they heard that Sirius knew they didn’t forgive him and was therefore avoiding them. They cried knowing that he was avoiding them so much that he didn’t come back to the dorm. They promised that the next day, they’d talk to him.
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But, yet again, they couldn’t catch him. Sirius seemed to never be around. He wasn’t even in their classes anymore. Their fellow students had started whispering about Sirius finally being booted out of the Marauders and replaced with Regulus, who glared at anyone he heard saying that. James was trying very hard not to curse a few Slytherin boys (Snape, Mulciber, Avery, Rosier) whenever he heard them say shit about Sirius. Remus was planning a few pranks for anyone, no matter the house, who talked badly of his boyfriend. Peter was turning into Wormtail and trying to listen for anyone who had any idea where Padfoot could be.
Then, 3 months after the whole thing went wrong, Pandora, Regulus’ best friend, came barging into the Gryffindor common room just before curfew, gasping. Immediately, Remus, James, Peter, and Regulus perked up and Pandora looked frightened for a split second before controlling her face.
“One of my roommates informed me a few minutes ago that Avery and Snape had Sirius cornered in the Astronomy tower. She said that she had gone up to meet her boyfriend and found the two snakes pointing wands at a defenceless Sirius. It looked like he was nervous so hurry and go get your dog,” Pandora said. She waved her hand towards the door. Lily, Marlene, Barty, and Mary all rushed out after the Marauders and Pandora. They got to the tower just in time to see Sirius dodge the Cruciatus curse from Avery. Regulus disarmed both Slytherins and Barty and James stood in front of Sirius to stop any wandless magic from Severus.
“W-what? W-why are you guys here?” Sirius’ voice spoke up and James felt his heart drop with sadness. He did that. Not him alone but he helped destroy his best friend. The Heir of Potter lowered his wand and looked behind himself, straight at Sirius.
“Pandora warned us about Avery and Snivellus. We ran here as fast as we could,” James tried to tell his friend but the latter shook his head wildly.
“No! No, I don’t deserve it! I betrayed Remus, I nearly got Severus killed, you had to save both of them. I nearly made Regulus lose his boyfriend and friend and Peter had to stay with me to make sure I didn’t harm anyone else. I don’t deserve you lot saving me from this. Go away!”
“Big brother!” Regulus teared up at the sight of brother slowly losing his mind. He hadn’t felt that useless since the night that Sirius left the Black house. He left his fellow house members to Lily and Marlene, who started tying the villains together with rope.
“GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!” Sirius yelled, getting closer to the open window. Remus gasped and walked to his boyfriend, trying to reach for him but getting hit by Sirius’ waving arms.
“Sirius, get away from the window! Come here! Please Sirius! Move away from the window!” Remus cried out, tears rolling down his face. At this point, James had put away his wand and was also trying to reach out to Sirius. Peter and Mary had run out and gone to get McGonagall on the orders of Pandora, who looked stricken.
“Siri, please, brother, come back! I need you! I need your protection! Who else is going to help me dramatically leave Mother and Father? Who else is going to bully James when we are with Effie and Monty? Who else is going to be my best man if James and I marry but you? Who is going to marry Remus but the love of his life?” Regulus full on crying at this point. Peter had wrapped the younger Black into a hug, stopping him from getting near his brother
“I hurt him. I hurt the love of my life. I’m not going to marry him! He’ll find someone else. I-I-I don’t deserve it!”
“Black! You do! I take back what I said that night! You and Remus are good together! Merlin, Sirius get away from the window,” Severus had also taken to yelling at Sirius, shocking quite literally everyone. Sirius sniffled and brought everyone back to reality, a reality that wouldn’t have Sirius if they couldn’t save him right now.
“Padfoot, come off there, please. I need my best friend. I’m sorry I ignored you for months. I'm sorry I didn’t hear your reasoning for telling Severus. I'm sorry for being a horrible, terrible friend these last few months. Please come down so I can hug you. Please, Padfoot!” James started crying as well and reached out along with Remus and Peter for Sirius, who contemplated it before smiling at his two best best friends and his handsome boyfriend.
“I’m sorry too,” and out the window Sirius fell. Screams filled the astronomy tower and unknownst to Sirius, Remus had called for a broom and flew to catch his boyfriend. Regulus and James followed after the werewolf and flew behind him to see if they could catch the dog animagus. But they were too late. They were too late to help their friend.
Sirius Black was mourned by all and by his grave, a black cat, a stag, and a rat could be found resting year round while a werewolf could be found sleeping around the tombstone during the full moon. A spirit dog ran with the werewolf, stag, rat, and cat during full moons but no one ever saw him. Remus, James, Peter, and Regulus celebrated Sirius’ birthday every year by telling stories over and over of the man who died too young.
It was 2 days after Sirius’ untimely death that the Marauders found out what the boy was doing in the owlery. They each got letters from Sirius in the morning while they were silently staring at his empty seat.
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My dearest Remus, as I write this, I realized I have no right to even write this. I betrayed your trust and your love. You trusted me to keep it a secret and I didn’t. But I cannot say sorry not because I don’t mean it but because you wouldn’t believe me. Severus threatened to tell my birth parents that I was gay and going out with a half-blood which I wouldn’t have minded if not for the threat of harm towards you. I couldn’t risk it and told Severus that you could handle yourself. I then told him where to find you. It won’t mean much but I'm sorry. Please believe me when I say I love you so much and I don’t want you harmed in any way. But I guess I already did. Take care of Regulus even if you hate me for the rest of our lives. At least I know you love my brother as much as I love him. Help him get away from his family. Love forever, Sirius
Brother, I know you have taken Remus’ side and I do not blame you. He always was your favourite of my friends. Do not blame Severus for the wedge that has been put between me and the rest of you. It is my fault. I did not have to tell him but I did. I take full blame for it. You and James better get married and name one of your children after me even if we still don’t talk in the future. I may not be your best man or even walk you down the aisle but I will always support your relationship with Jamie. I’m glad it’s you that he will be marrying and not anyone else. I know you’ll look out for each other. Take care of Remus during the full moon for me. I won’t be able to run with him as Padfoot but you can run with him as Bandit., the cheeky black and white cat. You know why your animagus isn’t fully black like Padfoot? It’s because you have goodness in your heart. You can run away from Walburga and Orion, I believe in you. I’ve asked Remus, James, and Peter to help you get out. James knows to keep you with him. If he doesn’t, I’ll beat him. Don’t worry, Reggie. Love, Sirius
My best friend, James. I don’t know what to say to you. Thank you. For literally everything. You housed me after I ran away. You became my best friend on our first train ride to Hogwarts. You brought Remus and I together. You convinced me to try out for Quidditch with you. You made me feel comfortable being in Gryffindor after I had that giant breakdown. You’re taking care of my brother. You fell in love with my brother so I know even when I’m gone, you’ll have his back. Jamie, you were my first friend and I’m grateful that you call me out on my bullshit. Do me a favour mate. Get Regulus out of that place. He’s too pure to deal with their bullshit and abuse. Take care of him and for Merlin’s sake, propose to him. I know we’re young now but before he graduates, I expect to see a ring on my brother’s finger. Keep Remus happy as well, please. I know my betrayal really hurt him. I’m sorry for messing it all up. I’m sorry I hurt you as well. Don’t deny it because I know it’s true. This was a secret that should’ve stayed between us 5 and it didn’t. I don’t care about being able to play Quidditch with you but make a career out of it. For our childhood selves. I’ll be at your matches don’t you worry. You’re bestest friend, Sirius
Wormtail, Peter, my friend. Thank you for trying to comfort me that night. It helped somewhat knowing that even when you didn’t agree with what I did, that you still tried to make sure I was okay. I’ll tell you what Severus told me that caused this as you asked. He told me that Remus would leave me as I was still a Black and could never be good enough for him. He said that Remus is nothing but a no good half blood. I know it wasn’t true. I know Remus could deal with anyone himself but my stupid mouth opened and told him that Remus could handle himself and then I told Snape where to find Remus so he could find out himself. I know, it was bad and wrong of me. But you and I both know Remus is strong. It’s one of many reasons I love him. Pete, do me a favour, mate. Look after the three of them. Help get Reggie out of that place. Take Kreacher with you as he is the only person in that house that cared for Regulus as much as I. Make sure James is treating Reggie proper. Keep Remus happy the week before and after the full moon. Keep them smiling and take care of yourself. Find yourself a pretty girl to settle down with. I refuse to believe that all girls turn away from you. Mary looks like she likes you and I have a feeling you like her back. Go for it, my boy. Your friend always, Sirius