just simply completely dead
Regulus woke up curled up with Barty in his arms. He didn't mind, normally he probably would but now nothing seemed to be worth it. And yes, maybe he imagined himself in James's arms once again. Incredible feeling, until Barty moves few inches away still asleep and Regulus is on his own again. With his head full of thoughts. He needs to save James and Lily. But there is no way he's letting Barty die because of him.
He has no idea how to deal with all of that stuff. He thought about killing himself.
Just something harmful as overdose. That doesn't even hurt that much. Does it ?
No that's a terrible plan, he thinks. It would be the same except Barty would probably kill James and Lily and it would be all messed up. Yes he wouldn't had to deal with all that shit but he has things to do here now.
Regulus desperately needed solution that saves James and Lily and won't get Barty killed. He was afraid that there wasn't one.
"Barty ?"
"Fuck Barty wake up " Regulus gasped and Barty opened his eyes.
"What ?"
"Get up we are heading to James's house" Regulus said. He couldn't say that he entirely knew what was he doing but he had to do something. Anything that could be more helpful than doing nothing.
"No way Regulus don't be stupid" Barty stared at him to make sure he was not serious. He was.
"Please- I- they will help us find solution okay ? Because one thing is that we are not killing them - that is not an option and we can't think of anything on our own so we are gonna say that we are going shopping for school or something and we will go to Potters and we will tell them what is happening and they could hide or something and we will tell the dark lord that they didn't come to school so we can't kill them, it is not the best idea but it's something."
"Reggie I know that you care about him but are you really willing to risk my fucking life for his ?- I mean we have been friends since - I don't even know and his life is dearer to you than mine ?"
"No- that's not that - I just - I made a plan and you won't die okay? We'll be fine and they will be fine, everything is gonna be fine" Regulus didn't know if he believed it but he hoped at least.
"You're gonna get yourself killed Black"
"I don't care really "
"But I do Regulus !" Barty was angry like really angry Reg could tell from the way he looked at him.
"What do you want me to do then ? I am not killing them"
"I'll do it Reg, you don't have to watch or anything and I'll do it gently like a poison or something they won't even feel , I can give them something while they are asleep." A poison Regulus thinks, he was thinking about poisoning when he woke up. Not poisoning James and Lily though. Regulus was genuinely disgusted when he listened to Barty's voice saying those shitty things.
"I can't believe my ears Crouch. You're disgusting" Was all Regulus said and he disappeared in the bathroom.
---
"She locked all the ways out of here ! Why would she do that ??" regulus was desperately trying to get out of this house and warn James but it was not possible.
"Maybe she cracked your plan on killing yourself like that " Barty said ironically and Regulus looked at him with a dead stare.
"You told her ?" Regulus asked and Barty was not answering for a few seconds. Regulus could see the unsure look on Barty's face.
"You fucking told her !! What the fuck Crouch ??!" Regulus yelled at him and Barty just looked away embarrassed of his behaviour toward his best friend but he was determined that it was right thing to do.
"It is for your benefit Regulus ! In few months maybe years you won't care about fucking James Potter so stop wasting our time on him! I care about you a lot ! And there is no way I'm letting you do this stupid shit you were about to do !"
"What did you told her ?! Did you told her I was fucking him ? Because I was not - or did you just mention my pure love for him and the intention of saving him? Huh ?!"
"I told her that you had the intentions of warning him - because of Sirius - I didn't tell her anything about your relationship okay ?"
"Well that is very nice of you !" Regulus yelled ironically and he broke down to his knees.
"Do not yell at me okay !? I did it for you. There's no place for such a rage like yours"
Regulus just stood there staring at him silently. His eyes full of anger and disappointment.
"I'm not gonna let you kill them Barty" Regulus whispered as he opened the door and ran straight to his mother.
"Mother may I speak with you ?" Regulus asked and Barty was running right behind him. "In private" He added and his gaze fell on Barty.
She insisted that they'll go to her room. Regulus was probably never in there. At least what he remembers.
There was a peacock's feather on the wall and the bed was made and clean. There was a lot of pictures. They looked very- meaningless. Like they were there just from a tenet.
"I heard that you have strong bone with your brother now" She stated and Regulus realised that he was not prepared to have this conversation. And another problem was that she could tell when Regulus lies. Not always. But most of the time. He isn't very convincing liar. Everyone who knew him has known that. He hates eye contact in general but when he lies he tries to keep the eye contact so he doesn't look suspicious, it never occurred to him that that makes him very suspicious since he never really looks into anyone's eyes for longer than necessary.
And he did look straight into his mother's eyes. "No that is misunderstanding Mother, we mostly ignored each other since last summer" he said dryly.
"Well that's very wise of you, now I have some work to do if you excuse me" She turned around and was about to leave but Regulus couldn't let Barty destroy everything.
"Wait I- I need to go to school actually, I know that Barty said something to you but he's actually just overwhelmed with everything now and I need to do my studies before the big thing I have to do so - "
"I insist you stay here Regulus, it's for the best"
Why was she so calm about it ? She knew what was he about to do and wasn't mad at him ? Normally she would hex him or send another course on him. Why didn't she ?
"No I really need to study mother it's important " He raised his voice a little and that was it.
"I said no Regulus ! Go to your room now !" She said with a strict voice and there was anger in her eyes.
"You don't get to tell me what to do "he said calmly. "If you won't let me go, I'll go without your permission" Fuck - why did he say that -shit shit shit shit
And then it went just down and down and deeper.
She cursed him few times.
She threw the crucio course at him and just now he was laying on the cold floor in pain.
His eyes were full of tears, the tears from the pain in his head and his hearth and legs and chest and everywhere.
"Stop please ! I'll stay mother -please !" Regulus yelled with his last breath before his head hit the ground and the blood started falling down his forehead.
Walburga stopped.
She looked at his son dying right in front of her. And all she thought of was how bad he turned out to be. She didn't mean to kill him. She wanted to teach him a lesson as she always does but this time she knew he would keep resisting.
When he was young, she just cursed him and he was a good son for a pretty long period of time. He was scared. He was scared for himself and his brother. Because if he did something unpleasant, Sirius would get punished too.
And when Sirius left, Regulus became more - care less about the way their mother treated him. She had to cursed him more often because he wasn't as scared as he used to be, it was only him who got hurt and of course he did all he could to pretend to be the best son.
But sometimes something slipped out and he wasn't as careful as he used to be .
Today she saw that the boy standing in front of her wasn't her son, the little Regulus who did everything she wanted him to do, he was a man she couldn't handle anymore.
A useless person more of a wreck then helpful.
She didn't kill him completely accidently. She could stop earlier. Just one minute earlier and he would be alive but for what. He would have done such a humiliating thing to the family.
He was disloyal.
And a simple curse did not fix him.
She let him there on the ground.
And she left him there.
He was dead and nothing in the word seemed important to him.
He always thought to himself 'what is after life like ? Is there such a thing? Do I get another life ? Will I remember the last one ?' He was completely fascinated by the concept of death.
The thing was that he never really planned on living that long after his brother left him ,until he met James Potter. James Potter turn out to have a really good influence on him.
James made everything so easy and he made him want to live. He made him want to enjoy the living too.
And even after him and James separated, he still took this kind of perspective of life with him. He was looking forward for his future. The future where his parents died and he was independent.
Maybe living somewhere nice. Alone just with himself.
Somewhere in middle of London in his small flat enjoying his own company or maybe France or Italy, he always heard James talking about moving to Italy. He suggested that him and Regulus should go live there after school and Regulus just laughed it off. But James wasn't joking he meant it.
And at the time Regulus Black was lying dead on the cold ground locked in one of his mother's bedrooms, James Potter was playing cards with his friends not even considering the possibility of his ex-lover or best friend's brother ,old friend ? Or simply Regulus Arcturus Black- well- being dead.
Just simply completely dead.