Lady Stardust
Regulus and James were both asleep. Regulus was lying on James's chest contentedly.
When James woke up first and noticed Regulus's head on him so he didn't move.
After a while Regulus started twitching a bit. James didn't think much of it. People do that sometimes in their sleep, like when you feel like you're falling down from somewhere and you kick the bed so hard you wake up from the dream.
But that wasn't the case obviously, Regulus started shaking and murmuring some stuff so James tried to wake him up by shaking with his shoulder.
"Reggie ? Reg wake up " He kept shaking his arm gently but he wasn't waking up.
He opened his eyes just few second later.
He noticed James's hand on his shoulder, it took him out of guard because he is not used to that. He's not used to waking up next to someone, he is fully annoyed with the fact that Evan and Barty saw him like that a lot of times.
" Reg hey ? It's fine, you're fine it was just a nightmare" Regulus looked at him, he was embarrassed that James saw him like that.
Regulus knew he was talking from the nightmares sometimes, now he just feared he said something and James heard it.
Because even though Regulus told James about all the things Walburga did to him and Sirius, he never told him about what Lucius did to him when Sirius left or any of the Deadeaters business.
He didn't want James to look at him differently. He know that if he told James these things, he would never looked at him the same. He would look at him with a pity in his eyes and he would overthink everything, every sentence and every word he would want to say.
"Hey you're okay ?" James asked when Regulus stayed frozen for a little too long.
"I'm fine" Regulus whispered and he felt like a fool because James obviously knew that he wasn't fine.
James looked at him and gently stroke Regulus's shoulder and Regulus flinched and started shaking again.
"shit" he murmured trying not to look at James.
"Hey What is it ? Are you - of course you not. How- how can I help ?" James freaks out and Regulus's body has still control over his mind.
"I'm fine" Regulus repeated, basically for nothing because now I was very obvious lie.
"You're shaking " James said.
"I'm not " Regulus denies it and he's trying to stop but he just can't, James's hand is still on his shoulder and it feels so wrong. Regulus could just say that to James, he would stop holding him right way but that is not really his strongest skill, rejecting people, saying no especially in situations like these. He told no to Lucius but he never listened. James would, he think James would.
He is the most precious soul in this world, of course he would. It was pathetic really because James didn't do anything all he did was rest his hand on Regulus's shoulder nothing less nothing more .
"You literally are Reg" he said gently and Regulus found it more and more uncomfortable and overwhelming when James started stroking his arm again as it wasn't driving him fucking insane.
"Yeah well just stop James- please " Regulus said a little louder than he wanted to and looked at James's hand.
James understood and removed his hand immediately "oh shit, I'm sorry, Is that ?- Was it me ?" Regulus did not want this to happened, James did nothing wrong and now he feels bad about it. But he was extremely glad that James's hand isn't touching him, he could breathe now and the shaking was gone too after a while.
"It's fine James- you're fine " Regulus assured him
"I'm sorry " James gasped looking like a little puppy who bit someone and now he feels bad about it. Regulus couldn't look into these eyes.
"It's fine " Regulus said and it had no meaning in James's mind after the third It's fine or I'm fine or whatever, when nothing about this is fine.
"It is not " James whispered
"Can you just shut up for a second " Regulus said sharply, he was so annoyed when someone was pointing out the fact that he wasn't okay, he fucking knew that he was not okay but what is the meaning of reminding him that ??
"okay sorry" James said and Regulus sighed quietly.
"Not like that okay , you don't have to do everything I tell you just talk or don't talk if you don't want to or whatever just can we not talk about what just happened , like ever please "
"Reggie-"
"No please, promise me that you won't ever bring it up and that we will never talk about these shit" Regulus looked at James, he looked so lost and worried.
" I promise- I promise that I won't talk about it unless you want to talk about it. And I want you to know that it's okay if you want to talk about it, you can talk with me - I won't judge you or anything okay ? whatever it is it's noting you should be ashamed of Reg" James said softly and it honestly made Regulus feel so mad - at himself actually and maybe at James too.
He was so mad at himself for falling asleep next to James. What the fuck did he think when he let himself just turn off the mind and common sense.
"Okay I- I'm gonna- I'm gonna go now " Regulus stood up and left the room before James could say something.
He saw Barty and Evan kissing at the couch in the common room.
"Oh my god, what are you two- why didn't I know that ?" Regulus said ironically and pretended to look shocked but he actually knew it all this time.
"Fuck off, Reginald " Barty whispered but continued in kissing Evan.
"Oh yeah keep going I'll just go -go somewhere else " Regulus smiled slightly, he felt instantly better when everything was normal again, they had no idea what happened between him and James and they looked at him normally not with the pity in their eyes like James did.
"Where's James ? I thought you two were there together, we would went there but we didn't want to interrupt anything." Barty teased which was not really accurate the situation but they didn't know about this and not even about Lucius. Regulus was really glad that James did not follow him out of the room. He needed space.
"Oh yeah he's inside, he's asleep probably, you can go there he won't mind" Regulus said and then he left.
He went to the Astronomy tower and he watched the stars like they were the only thing that existed.
He was alone again.
He never complained about being alone. It fits him. He doesn't feel lonely when he's alone. Sometimes his thoughts are too loud that he can't bear it, that's when he looks at the stars and suddenly it is gone, all of it.
All of the drama and all his thoughts are gone.
When Lucius slept with him again, no matter how many times Regulus tried to stop him, he did it again and then he left and Regulus just lay there, he didn't even cry he couldn't. Then he came back to school and sat here looking up to the sky.
When Walburga told him that he'll be deatheater in less than two years he came here and he felt nothing. He didn't know if it was good or bad. Nut better nothing then feel the pain and the sorrow.
When Sirius ran away this place was the first place he went to. He looked at the stars. He watched Sirius's star shine on the sky. It was the time when it was almost the brightest.
The same evening Regulus spend the whole night in there listening to David Bowie. Sirius mentioned he liked him few times or actually thousand times.
Lady Stardust was his favourite, it was literally Sirius's song.
It felt like every sentence of the song was about him. Regulus spend the whole night crying over that song.
People stared at the makeup on his face.
Sirius always loved makeup, and he was brilliant at it. He used to do his makeup and he looked so badass, it made Regulus so happy seeing Sirius being - well himself.
Laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace
Walburga always wanted them to cut their hair once in a while. It was unacceptable for them to have long hair. Mostly because Sirius used to do all these hairstyles with it. He used to have different kind of braids and Walburga said it was too feminine for a boy. Lucius made fun of him too, which was kinda meaningless since his hair were just a little shorter than Sirius's .Regulus liked it. He adored everything Sirius ever done including running away from the house.
The boy in the bright blue jeans
Not like Sirius ever wanted to wear all the wizards clothes..
Jumped up on the stage
that Sirius suddenly got up on the stage with a lot of energy or enthusiasm when he run away, Regulus was always glad that Sirius got better and left him but he will also never forgive him for leaving him there alone.
And Lady Stardust sang his songs of darkness and disgrace.
If Sirius was a song he would be full of darkness and disgrace indeed. All the darkness he went throw in that house with Regulus , all the disgrace he must have felt when he left Regulus in that house.
Regulus kinda hoped that the thought of leaving him there was eating Sirius alive sometimes..
And he was alright , the band was all together
Sirius left Regulus but he found his band at the end, and they are good. Peter is really good friend to Sirius . Remus is the love of his life and James, James is his best mate. They are the kind of band that never falls apart. It's sad because Regulus used to think that about him and Sirius.