Chapter 8
A big pile of snow was laying outside the castle—December has come. Last Christmas, Albus and Scorpius has spend together, but this year unfortunately not. Albus is spending with his family and Scorpius is gonna be alone with his dad.
Albus was just packing his stuff when a red note book fall down form the table besides him. It looked like the one Albus has—maybe because they all got it from Eda. He opened it just to look if it’s his or Scorpius.
The first pages were full, so it must be Scorpius. He even wanted to put it back until he read his own name in it.
I told myself its „platonic“ what I feel for Albus Potter, but it’s definitely not.
I kissed a girl and thought about a guy…
Albus sat there for a while, reading the same words over and over again—like they would change if he keep staring at them. But they won’t change, he read them again and again—his best friend has non-platonic feelings for him—what the hell that even means
Non-Platonic feelings can mean a lot, right?
Pull yourself together, Potter!
Albus got himself up and placed the diary back where it belongs. Albus tried to keep his mind somewhere else, but he couldn’t. He kept thinking about that Scorpius can walk through that door any second and wouldn’t know that Albus just discovered his biggest secret
While standing awkwardly in the dormitory—Albus is thinking about how he never noticed? He knows Scorpius since they‘re Eleven and never, in his entire life, he would have noticed that Scorpius has a crush on him
Because that what he has—a crush. That’s what he means with non-platonic feelings. Scorpius fancies Albus
„Hey You“ the door opened and Scorpius walked towards his bed.
„Hi“ Scorpius looked confused by the reaction of his best friend.
„What’s the matter?“
„Nothin‘“
„You‘re acting weird“
„No you are“
The room went silence. „o—kay“ Scorpius said slowly. „I just talked to Mcgonagall and she said we should be in Eda‘s office right after breakfast“
„You mean. You and me? Us? Alone?“
„No? Timothy and Eudora are gonna be there too“
„Yes, of course“ The words got stuck in his throat. He doesn’t know what to say or even think.
How didn’t he ever noticed?
Friends don’t look at each other like that…
<3
The moment Albus arrived in Eda‘s office, everyone was already sitting in the chair it on the couch.
„Good, now that you‘re all here, let’s talk“ she said Albus sat down beside Timothy on the bright red couch and regrets that he came.
„How Long will this take?“ Albus asked
„Just want to check on you guys…and girl“ she said and smiled at Eudora. „At the beginning of the year, I gave you a diary. Has any of you tried to write in it?“ The four looked around and no one raised their hand. Not even Scorpius—but Albus knows he’s lying.
He start thinking about all the other things Scorpius might have lied to him about—it’s breaking his head and his heart. That boy—his best friend who isn’t even sitting ten feet away—has feelings for him? Thinking about it just makes Albus heart race.
„No one? Alright“ she said—you could hear in her voice that she’s so done with them. She’s doing everything she can and nothing is working—Albus tried to hold his laugh. „Did this help in any way?“ No one said a word again. Eda exhaled loudly. „You can go“
Albus brust out laughing the second he left the office. „I‘m sorry“ he said. Timothy hold his hand over his mouth and tried to keep his laugh by himself
It’s funny, because Eda has no idea how much she actually helped them. They never talked about Sam—but they knew they can talk to her about everything they want. And that is exactly all they need—Eda helped them making the last few months a little less horrible. Scorpius laughed too—but it was more a shy laugh. He rather liked to watch Albus how his beautiful voice echoed through the corridors.
<3
„How Long Till we have to go to the train?“ Eudora asked
„Two hours“
„Shit, I still need to pack“ Albus said. „I‘ll better go“ Eudora and Timothy went to a diffident direction then the two boys.
„Albus, wait“ Scorpius said, but Albus didn’t slow down. „We still have time, you don’t need to rush“ But Albus walks faster—he‘s not capable of looking his best friend in the eyes. His heart skipped a beat every time he hears his voice.
„Are you avoiding me?“ Scorpius asked the second they returned to the dormitory. „Did I do something?“
„No“ he says. „No it’s just—I—why?“ Scorpius didn’t know what to answer.
„Why what?“
„Why do you like me?“ he blurs out.
The Malfoy took a step back. „What are you talking about“
„Holy fuck, I read your diary, Scorpius. I fucking read it and I don’t understand it“ his voice was louder than he wanted to be. All of his emotions came out at once—a mix of anger and fear
Albus can’t lose his best friend—he won’t let that happen. So whatever Scorpius is about to say, Albus tries to keep their friendship alive. he didn’t say anything—it was quit for a very long time were they just stared at each other. But the silence spoke thousands of words
„Look, I’m sorry. I thought it was mine, and I saw my name written in it so I read it—I didn’t wanted to“
„You read my diary?“ he said quietly. „Why the fuck would you do that? If you saw I wrote in it, why didn’t you put it back were it was?“ Albus shrunk by his words—Scorpius does not usually swear a lot.
„because, my name was written in it“
„So you think you have the right to read it?“ he was mad—really mad. „That’s so—honestly Albus, what the fuck is wrong with you?“ his voice was loud and echoed through the dormitory
„You haven’t answer my question yet“
He put a hand on his forehand and his anger was growing. „Yes, I like you! I really, really like you! I fancy you, Albus. I do since I’m fucking thirteen years old, okay!“ he exhaled. „You were never supposed to find out“
„Well, I did find out“
„Yes, but only because you have no idea what privacy is“
Albus eyes were burning—he tried to keep his tears by himself. „I‘m sorry“ his voice broke down. „Scor, I-„
„Don’t“ he said. „Just—don’t“ And so he left, and Albus let all the tears out
<3
The ride back home was quiet. Timothy gave him company in the compartment—but Albus hid himself in his hoodie and tried to let out the tears in silence. His eyes were red like he just smoked something—he blamed it on allergies.
The first thing he did when he arrived home with Lily, was throwing himself into his bed and cried out the rest of the tears that were left
<3
Albus has a small room that is messy most of the time. He had one window, but when you crawl out of it, you can sit perfectly on the roof of the Potter house.
They were living on the west side of London, the streets there were mostly quiet but you could walked to downtown in at least ten minutes.
It was past 2a.m at night and Albus sat on the roof exhaling his fag. He thought about everything Scorpius has said to him. And at that point he can’t even remember why he was so mad He was not mad at him—it was just very unexpected. Scorpius liking Albus…that did something in Albus heart. To know that someone likes you for who you really are is a beautiful feeling. And Scorpius knows Albus very well.
He never had to pretend to be someone else when he was around the Malfoy—Albus was just Albus. And he knew he messed up. He shouldn’t have read his diary, that was so wrong and Scorpius has very right to be mad at him.
But he never really hated Albus—and the way he talked to him, it really felt like Scorpius hates him right now—and he doesn’t know how to fix this
He wants to go to the Malfoy manor right now and just hug him—it’s only been a few hours but Albus never felt more alone
„Might if I join?“ a voice asked from his window Albus almost threw himself of the roof and let out a quirky scream.
„Jesus Christ, James!“
He crawled out of the window and sat besides his brother. „You okay?“ he asked quietly and took out a fag from Albus pack
„Yea“ he said with a long pause. „No. I’m not okay“. He exhaled.
His brother was always the one who would listen to him without judging. Of course Scorpius did that too—but he and his bother went thru the same shit and knows what the other one is feeling.
„Scorpius likes me“ he said James lade his head slowly to the side in confusion.
„He’s your best friend“
„Yes, but I don’t mean it like that. Scorpius has a crush on me“ he said. „I read his diary, he said the feelings he has for me were never platonic and after I asked him about it, he said it himself…Scorpius Malfoy has a crush on me“
„You read his diary? Albus that is-„
„I know, it’s shouldn’t have done that“ memory’s of the moment came back—he remembers how mad Scorpius was and it starts hurting again. „I just hate myself. Why didn’t I ever noticed it? I mean…can’t you tell stuff like that?“
„You can tell, you‘re just stupid for not seeing it“
„You‘re not a big help, you know that?“
„do you like him back?“
„He’s my best friend, but like—sometimes I am jealous of how close he’s with Eudora, and I even told him that I don’t want him to date anyone. And I hate when he’s talking to other girls and stuff like that“
„You didn’t answer my question“
„What’s there to answer? Scorpius is my best friend, if we start dating and we break up, there’s no way we can still keep going on being friends. That’s just not possible“
„Your friendship is ruined anyways. You already know he likes you, would you still be so close to someone even tho you know he has a crush on you?“ And that made Albus think. Is his friendship with Scorpius completely ruined now? Will it ever be the same between them?
„I want to try“ And James is already frustrated with his little bother.
„Why don’t you want him to date anyone?“
He shrunk his shoulders. „Don’t know“ he mumbled
He starts to smile slightly—because he knows—and put a hand on Albus shoulder. „Well, for me it sounds like you‘re having a hell of a crush on Scorpius, you just haven’t realised it yet“
Albus shook his head. „No“ he said. „I do not fancy Scorpius“
„Whatever“ James thrower his fag from the roof and was about to clime back into the house. „wait a few days and it will hit you too“
<3
The next three days, Albus tried to text Scorpius several times, but he doesn’t even read his messages
Hey Scor Can we talk?
I‘m really sorry
Might if we call?
Please answer
I know I messed up
I really wanna talk to you
I miss you
Please call me if you read this
Merry Christmas, by the way
„Still no answer?“ Lily asked as she looked over his shoulder
Albus lade his head on the kitchen counter. „Nope“
„It’s been three days tho“
„I know that Lils“ Albus is frustrated. Normally it takes Scorpius not longer than five minutes to answer to a text. But it’s been three days and he haven’t even read it.
When Albus phone made a sound, he jumped up like he just woke up from a nightmare. He hoped it was from Scorpius—at least something. But no, it was someone else
„You‘re home?“ Jake texted him
He doesn’t wanna answer it, but after three days he has to take his mind somewhere else. „Lily“ he said. „Tell Mom and dad I’m over to jakes“
<3
They were kissing again after Jake pulled his shirt over his head and throws it in the corner of his room. Albus undone his belt and tried to kiss him everywhere But even when he’s doing that, he can’t stop think about Scorpius—he misses Scorpius presents and the way his soft hair is shining in the sun.
Albus always imagined how it would feel like between his fingers—how his hand would feel in his
How his warm body would be on his—his lips on Albus whole body. When Jake starts kissing his neck, Albus imagined Scorpius doing that to him—and it was nicer like that
He doesn’t want Jake—he wants Scorpius. He always wanted him, he just never realised it. Just like James said He slowly pushed the boy away from him. „Can we stop?“ Albus asked
„Is everything okay?“
„Yea, it’s just—I’m not in the mood“ Jake sat down on the edge of his bed.
„Somethings bothering you“ he said. „you wanna talk instead?“ They both sat shirtless in his bed now—after all they did together, Albus is sure they‘re in a stage were they can be honest with each other. After all—Jake was Albus first time.
„There’s a guy“ Albus said Jake nicked.
„and you like him?“
„I don’t know. I told you about Scorpius, right?“
„You‘re best friend? Oh, you fancy your best friend…that sucks“
„I don’t know if I fancy him. But he fancy’s me. like, I just found out…I don’t know what to do Jake, it just feels so-„
„Overwhelming?“
„Yea“
„Alright, mate, listen to me. If he likes you, and you might like him back, than where is the problem?“ he asked and gave Albus his shirt back
„I don’t know if I like him, thats the problem“ he said and lade down on the pillow
„Than answer me, who did you think about while we were making out?“ Albus pulls his head up to look at the boy.
„How do you know?“
„I just know“ he said. Jake lade down besides him. They both looked at the ceiling in comfortable silence. „So…do you wanna end this?“ he asked slowly He turns his head.
„Whats even is this?“
„I’m not sure. Two guys who are comfortable with each other and likes to stick their dick in each other arses“ Albus laughed.
„I couldn’t have described it better“ he laughed
„Albus Severus Potter“ Jake started and he knows the conversation is getting serious. „You were the first guy I ever had feelings for. I had my first kiss with you and my fist time. But I think it’s time for us to moving on“ Albus saw in his eyes the honesty, and even if it was just sexual between them—it felt like a breakup.
„Jake Hunter. You were the first guy who showed me what feelings are and you and you made me cum several times“
„Albus“ he laughed
„But I agree that it’s time for us to moving on“ Jake put a hand on the other boys cheek and looked in his green shimmering eyes.
„You made me cum a lot of times too“ he said
„I know“