Chapter 3
Scorpius want to talk to Eudora—Scorpius needs to talk to Eudora.
For him, it feels like, there is no one who he could talk to—he spent the night thinking if Albus is getting over their argue. But even if he is—he can’t talk to him about what’s bothering the most.
Scorpius needs Eudora back. Eudora who always backed cookies for him on Christmas. And Eudora who‘s a good listener. Eudora his best friend. He needs her, and Scorpius is confident about that she misses him too.
For hours, the Malfoy sat in front of the Hufflepuff common room waiting for her to come out. It was a Sunday—but still, she had to come out at some point of the day.
„what are you doing?“ Scorpius looked up and saw brown bushy hair with a head looking down at him.
„Hey Rose“ he said and starred back at the common room.
He used to have a crush on Rose—they even went on a date. It didn’t work out tho and they decided they work better as friends.
„I‘m waiting for someone. Need to talk to her“
Rose slid down the wall where Scorpius sat against—she put her hand on his knee for comfort. „We haven’t talk in a very long time“ she said. „I just—I’m sorry“ her voice broke down and she broke the eye contact. „I‘m sorry about what happened to your friend“
It’s true. They haven’t talked in a very long time—but hearing Rose‘s voice—it feels like they were talking for hours already.
„It’s alright“ Scorpius said. „what are you don’t here anyway?“ Change the subject before you start crying again
„Waiting for a friend too“ Hufflepuffs come and go through the common room, but Eudora was not one of them. „I need to study with Jake. Don’t know if you know him“
Scorpius knows mostly everyone in Hogwarts—not in person, but he heard of Jake. „I wait for Eudora“
Rose raised on eyebrow. „You wait for Eudora?“ she asked confused. „Eudora LoRanto?“
„Yeah“
„Don’t you guys hate each other?“
„Well…she hates me. But I want to talk to her about it“ Scorpius explained. „Trying to—remake our friendship“ The door of the common room opened once again and a boy in their year came out of it.
„Well, good luck then“ Rose stood up and was about to leave Scorpius alone again. „Just so you know, if it doesn’t work out with your „remade friendship“ than she’s an idiot“
and with these words—she left And Scorpius never felt more alone than in this exact moment.
<3
Eudora never came out of the common room. After three more hours, Scorpius had lost all hope and went back to his dorm.
Dear dad,
Everything is kinda messy lately. I‘m trying to make up with a friend (it’s not working) and we have lots of homework. I don’t know what else I should write. Therapy is ok, she gave us an note book where we should write our thoughts. Albus thinks it’s (I quote him) bullshit.
I hope you‘re alright. Write me back when you get this
Miss you
-Your favourite child :)
Scorpius was about to choose an owl who brings his letter to his dad. The owl house was nasty and he never liked it here—he doesn’t have an owl by himself, neither does Albus, so he doesn’t have another choice.
„You got to be kidding me“ the voice was echoing through the owl house—when Scorpius turned around, he saw an Angry Eudora standing behind him.
„it’s the middle of the night, the fuck are you doing here?“
„I could ask you the same question“ She didn’t even looked at him again—she just chooses and owl and was bout to take off again.
„Do you wanna smoke on the Astronomy tower?“ Scorpius asked She turned around to look at him
<3
„I know what I said was…pretty messed up“ Scorpius said as he gave her the joint It was a cold September night. They put their legs through the grid and let their legs flooding down the tower. „I should have been more careful with your feelings. I was just—I don’t know, I think confused is the perfect word for it“
„I messed up too“ Eudora said, having the joint back to him. „I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was dumb. I know it’s my fault that our friendship was over…and that the whole thing with Sam. I just freaked out…and I thought you hate me“
„I could never hate you“
The wind blowed her black curls out of her face and her brown skin was shining in the light form the castle. „I had a crush on you for—god knows how long. I felt so miserabel after you rejected me“ she said quietly. „I‘m sorry“
„I’m sorry too“
They sat like that for a long time—staring in the sky, looking at the stars—the smell of weed was in the air and Scorpius thinks about how lovely it actually is—just sitting around like nothing ever changed—like the time just stoppt for them and it’s only the two of them in the world.
„I never told you the reason“ Scorpius started after a while. „Why I rejected you“
„Do I even wanna know that?“ she asked and laughed a little—maybe at herself of maybe it’s the weed
„I think you do“ Eudora realised how serious this condensation got and gave all her attention to him. „Lately I…I figured some stuff out—about myself“ his hands where shaking—it’s the first time he’s saying it out loud. „I‘m into guys“
„W—you‘re gay?“
„No…I mean—I don’t know. Maybe“
„Maybe?“
„I like girls too. I was obsessed with Rose since first year. And now—there’s this boy. This idiot who I always thought my feelings for him are platonic“ his voice got louder for some reason. He kept that secret to himself for a very long time and it’s all coming out now. „But after you kissed me—I realised that I want to kiss him“
Eudora nodded—listened to him like no one else ever did. She knows his biggest secret now and the Malfoy sees how much she cares about him—there where tears in her eyes
„You good?“ Scorpius asked after he noticed
„Yes. It’s just…I’m so glad you trust me with that…after I treated you like shit“ her voice broke down and she had to wipe her tears away. „It’s Albus, innit?“
Scorpius nodded.
<3
Returning to the dorm—Albus was not asleep yet. Scorpius can’t remember if he was asleep when he left either.
„There you are“ Albus said. He was sitting on his desk and did his essay that has to be done tomorrow. „Where have you been? I thought you were only bringing a letter away“
„I was. Then I talked to Eudora“
Albus seemed surprised by that. „Eudora? What happened?“
„Nothing. We talked“
„You smoked, I can smell the weed till here“ Albus laughed. He never saw his best friend high—it was the first time Scorpius was high.
It felt amazing. Like he’s walking on clouds without thinking about what would happened if he’s falling down.
„I‘m glad you guys made up“ Albus said and returned to his essay. In that moment—Scorpius realised that, everything he said to Eudora—never felt more true that in this exact moment.
Seeing Albus so focused on his homework—his black hair falling down in his face—his fingers going through the Pergament and how he’s holding his feather— Scorpius fell hard for his best friend
he never had platonic feelings for Albus Potter
The June sun was burning on his skin—the sea was shining in the sun and besides him was laying a pretty Eudora with a short skirt and sunglasses.
„can we have summer forever?“ she asked
„I don’t think I can errangen that“ Eudora laughed—she had a beautiful laugh. Full with happiness it’s catching.
Scorpius was laying down beside her on the grass. They spend most of the summer together—sometimes with the others, sometimes alone together.
„Scor?“ Eudora‘s voice was quiet—hoping no one could hear what she’s about to say
„yeah?“ She took of her sunglasses so her blue eyes would shine into his. She bent over and kissed him.
Her lips where soft an tastet like the coke she just drank. Scorpius pulled back tho
„Oh“ he said. „Why-„
„I‘m sorry“ she catches he breath. „I‘m sorry, I don’t know why I did that-„
The Malfoy sat up again. „Eudora. I don’t—like you that way“ You could see on her face that she was hurt.
„oh“
„I‘m sorry, it’s just—I only see you as a friend. I could never—you know“
„Oh“ her voice went from hurt to heartless. „Well fuck you then“ she stood up and was about to leave. „Then why did we spent almost every day together? Why are you always so close to me and why did you gave me all these sights?“
„What sights? I never gave you any sights. I though we were friends?“
She took those last words by heart. „Well, we‘re not, apparently“
Albus fell asleep in his bed. Sometimes Scorpius likes watching him. He looks so peaceful and lovely when he’s asleep. Scorpius keeps thinking about what would happen if Albus found out—would they stop being friends? Would Albus be disgusted by him and leave?
A thousand thoughts at once…
What if?…
…what if?
The Malfoy went over to his night drawer and pulled out the red note book with a feather.
It’s strange how you can know someone most of your life and suddenly feel different about them.
I wish I knew back then what I know now. Feelings are strange. I told myself it’s „platonic“ what I feel for Albus Potter, but it’s definitely not.
I kissed a girl and thought about a guy, that’s not normal, isn’t it? And I know, if he finds out, he’s gonna leave me. I will have no one left. I need Albus to survive here in Hogwarts.
memento vivere
That’s what my mother always told me. „Remember to live“. But what if I can’t live without Albus?
What if my whole life will fall apart because I can’t control my feelings?