Burning Out
Harry was laying under the covers, trying to find sleep in the silence of the big house, but the sound of the little girl telling him her name was turning non-stop in his head, her high-pitched voice loud in his mind.
He was trying to think of anything else but the name kept covering up any other thought he managed to produce, as though it was amplified by the use of an undesired Sonorus.
This name, the little girl's name, it was his mother's name.
And Harry hated himself for it but he felt this weird envious feeling towards the parents, because they still had their Lily but he had lost his a long time ago, before he was even able to pronounce her name.
The face of the young child was constantly morphing in his mind, most likely trying to take the shape of its mother but what little memory he had of her, most of not even being his own, was proving the task to be difficult.
It’s been the same thing for the last three days, Harry gets tired, his mind starts racing in the quiet of the night and when sleep finally takes him it’s to push him in this horrendous nightmare of the death of his parents, he hadn’t had this one in a decade. Harry fully thought he had gotten rid of it, but he obviously hasn’t.
He had managed to not wake up the rest of the house from his scream the three prior nights, using a silencing charm like he did during his years at Hogwarts, but it wouldn’t be an option tonight. Fred and George were staying with him tonight, in a few minutes they would step out the bathroom and join him in bed. And they would probably fall asleep thinking about having a normal, peaceful night with their boyfriend, only to get woken up in the middle of the night by said boyfriend’s screams, and then Harry would pull himself from sleep, drenching the beddings in sweat, only to be met with twins stares of utter terror.
“Golden Boy, you with us?” George was crawling onto the bed, the mattress dipping under the added weight. Fred was at the doorway of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand and toothpaste slowly running from his bottom lip.
“Hum ? Yeah, of course I am.”
George heaves a sigh, throws a pillow on the floor and pulls Harry in his arms, it’s Fred's voice that comes up next, a bit muffled from the paste in his mouth.
“No you’re not, Harry. You haven't been focused the entire evening.”
“I…I know, I’m sorry, it's just not important, I’ll get out of my ass, promise.”
“Harry, that is not what we meant. You are allowed to be distracted, but if you need help, or simply want to share whatever it is that is bothering you, we are here for it.”
“I don’t want to bother you with any of it, it’s really not that deep…”
“So ? Ron is always going on about minor inconveniences and you never asked him to man up and shut up did you ? Godric, even us, we bring up shitty customers or difficulties on the elaboration of new products and you’re here to listen and help us through it. You deserve the same treatment from us-”
“No matter how small or ridiculous said issue might be or seem.”
The twins' tone was grave, their speech so perfectly elaborate that Harry questioned if they hadn’t prepared it in advance. He obviously knew Fred and George were capable of seriousness, but it was still strange to him to see them switch out their silly demeanour in order to offer the best support they could to their loved-ones.
Fred had joined them on the bed, sitting crossed-legged by their feet.
“Let us help you.”
“Please.”
Curling up into George embrace, Harry heaved a sigh and pulled on Fred arm to get his hand in his, “I know you guys are here, and I do trust you, please believe me when I say that.”
“We know, pretty boy.”
“Ok, so uhm, I got into an argument with Draco during our last session, I guess ? Or rather, his friend interrupted it and Draco kind of acted like back at Hogwarts so I got defensive and left.” Taking a break, Harry noticed their eyes on him, attentive to him and what he was saying. “And I guess I realised that I was overreacting a bit afterwards and felt bad about it, so I went on a little walk to think about things and all that I was told adults do to resolve issues, and uhm…”
“Take your time…”
“You don’t have to say more than you want to.”
“No it’s fine, it’s just a bit embarrassing. Because I think I just built up so much importance to something that truly isn’t and now it’s been driving me nuts for four days straight.”
“The fight with Malfoy was that bad ?” Fred eyebrows were squished together in confusion. “It can’t have been just banter between two old nemesis if it got you losing sleep.”
“No, it’s what happened afterwards that bothers me. I swear the thing with Malfoy really isn’t bad, it’s more Blaise than him, I’ll apologise for my reaction at our next lesson.”
“If you say so.”
“We believe you, don’t work yourself up.”
“Yeah, thanks. So I somehow ended up at the square in front of King Cross, you know ?” two synchronised nods answered him. “And this little girl came up to me, she had run away from her mother to come play, and I got her back to her parents, but that’s not the point.”
A breath, “Her name’s Lily.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Harry’s voice sounded choked up.
Silence claimed the room, as the twins were waiting for Harry to collect himself. Harry felt tears come up behind his closed eyelashes, but for the first time since that day, sadness wasn’t the reason as to why. Being able to admit what was bothering him, without feeling any judgement for, what seemed to him, a ridiculous build up of lies and fantasies. Tears were slipping away without permission as the tension from his little secret lifted off.
“Harry, it’s okay baby, you are alright,”
“We’re here golden boy, let go, you’ll feel better.”
“It’s stupid really, but it’s the first time I’ve heard her name from someone that doesn't compare me to her, or even know her for that matter. And it just, I don't know, made it real ? Made me realise that I'll never get to know my Lily, my mom.”
– –
When Harry woke up that night, it wasn't with the sound of his screams, or the pulling of his muscles from the sudden spurt, in fact the only thing that resembled his mid-night wake ups of the last few days was the sweat running down his torso. It took him a minute to understand the reason why and once it clicked he couldn’t help the chuckle from leaving the barrier of his lips.
Both Fred and George were laying half on top of him, their head hidden in the junction between his neck and shoulder. Hair running wild from sleep and the slight bear scruff on their cheeks brushing against his skin with every breath they took.
It felt nice, peaceful even. And Harry allowed himself to sink into this peace for a few moments before finding a way to push them off without waking them.
A task that was proving to be harder than he had originally thought. Their relaxed bodies were heavier than they looked and they still managed to hold on tighter than you would imagine of a sleeping person. Wiggling in order to create enough space for him to slip away, he managed to get out of the bed with minimum groans from the brothers.
Harry stood there, at the foot of the bed, watchin the two grown men take all the place that could have been his, should have in fact, considering it was his bed. He doesn’t know for how long he’s been standing there, not doing anything but watching, when the thought that it must be really creepy crosses his mind and a small chill travels up his spine and finally gets him to turn his attention to his room.
Like each night since the house has become a home for more than just his own person, Harry makes it a habit to step out of his room and reach an ear out to the silence of the room.
On more occasions than not, the entire house is peaceful except for the light snoring of Teddy. But he still tip toes to the nursery door, and carefully steps inside.
Just to check, just to make sure.
He does it every night he wakes up, like a ritual, so that's what he does this time too.
And when he comes back to his bedroom, his bed is still full and once again he has to push around to get himself a place on the mattress.
“Harry ?”
“Shit sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“‘’s alright. Nightmare ?”
“No no, just went to check on Teddy.”
“Lil man good ?”
“Yeah, don’t worry. Go back to sleep George.”
“Why are you guys being loud ?”
“Nothing Fred, go back to sleep.” A different answer came at the same time. “Harry woke up.”
“You okay baby ?”
“I am. No worries. Go back to sleep, both of you, you’re tired.” The soft Lumos coming out of Fred wand must mean that they did not plan to listen to him.
“Why is George the only one to have you ?”
A blink.
“Are you jealous ? right now ?”
“Yes.” And he sounded serious.
“Nah that’s fair, gotta pay up some cuddles, Golden Boy.” And he was pushed to the middle, rolling on top of George to fall in Fred's open arms.
“Exasperating.”
“Nuh uh”
Once again, Harry was stuck. But he wasn't going to complain, that was a rather neat situation to be stuck in… he was in bed, with his lovers cuddling him. Honestly he just had to relax, close his eyes and go back to sleep.
– –
Or perhaps they had planned otherwise.
The twins did not seem to be ready to go back to sleep, and Harry tiredness was slowly slipping away at the same time as the soft ministrations of his lovers kept easing him to reciprocate.
With his conscience truly realising it, his hips had started to rock back and forth, following the rhythm imposed by the older men. His front and back both getting simultaneous stimulation.
George's hand was running down his chest, slipping under the hem of his pants to grip his hip and Harry arched back, pressing himself more firmly against him. He pulled Fred along, his own hands gripping his shoulders under his t-shirt, nails digging lighty each time the redhead would bite and suck on his neck.
They stayed like that, huddled together, rocking him back and forth into the other's body, kissing and panting softly against what little skin they had access to, for a little while.
Harry was getting lost in the feeling, their body heat, the feel of their skin, of their touch, the smoothness of their lips and the light gruff of a light bear running up his neck to his own lips.
It all became too much when the familiar pressure of George’s mouth suckling the back of his neck and Fred tongue slipped past his lips, taking his on a slow dance.
He rocked back harder pulling Fred with him and effectively pressing George cock between his buttcheeks.
“Fuuck…Harry-” At the sound of his brother, Fred pulled back, lifting his torso away from the mattress, as if to look over the scene. He looked slightly concerned.
“Shit hold up. Harry, baby, are you sure ?” The younger man frowned, why wouldn’t he be ?
“What’s going on ? Of course I’m sure Fred.”
“Nothing, it just well you weren't feeling good a few hours ago so-”
“Stop right there. I wasn’t but you both helped me feel loads better. You are not forcing me in any way, shape or form, I want this just as much, if not more than you do.” Harry let a beat pass, giving him the opportunity to argue. “Now, if you’re done being considerate, do go back to work yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah, so fucking clear Baby.”
And lips were back on his, stealing his breath away, forcing him to breathe into Fred’s mouth when George let the hand on his hip slip past his pants to stroke his cock.
His still rocking hips were joined by Fred’s. The taller rocking himself into his lower stomach, trailing his smooth bear lower onto Harry bust, down to his nipples.
A moan from George was all the indication Harry needed to know that Fred had slipped one of his hands behind his back to grip his brother.
And the more insistent drag of the cock pressed to his backside, enough to understand that the latter was frotting his brother up onto their shared lover.
He relaxed, letting his lovers take control of the situation, gratefully giving away access to his body to concentrate on the pleasure they were giving him and using him to feel. Harry loved that, he liked knowing he was the reason behind the breathy moans and grunts escaping them.
He liked knowing he could give them as much as they were giving him, without having to do much himself.
Because if Harry enjoyed giving away control, Fred and George liked having it. The thought of being the ones in control, the ones choosing and doing procured them all the pleasure they needed.
It almost felt too easy, when Harry came down from his high, his orgasm still rolling in waves through his body, his brain gaining back full consciousness just in time to feel his boyfriends let go.
He felt the light post-orgasm shakes bumping their sensibles part together, the heavy breathing echoing from his ears to deep down in his memory.
The smell of sweat and sex brushing his nose and strangely not being foul, but just them.
Because that was all it was, just them, just three boys loving and cherishing each other.
- - - -