It was a dark night. Dark castle. Dark people. Dark city.
Darkness everywhere but in her heart. In her soul. Darkness was in her life. He loved the darkness. She thrived in it. But there were nights, when he couldn't sleep. Like tonight. Tonight, for some reason, her mind kept wandering to him. To his "best friend", Remus Lupin.
Remus. The name made her smile, or at least she thought that. It didn't even make sense. His name was just another word for "wolf". Yet here she sat, thinking of his name and smiling as though he'd said it aloud.
"You should probably go to bed," James mused from beside her.
"Why?" Sirius asked.
They had been out drinking late after the Quidditch match. Their team had won and both felt victorious. James had been bragging about his broom and how it had done amazing things during the game. She had listened with half an ear because she knew he would be talking like that all night.
He wasn't interested in what James had to say. She wanted to think about Remus. About him and his voice. That was why she hadn't gone back to their dorm yet,. She wanted more time to think about him. More time for herself.
She hadn't planned on telling them.
Not until tonight, at least. But they were happy now, so Remus deserved to know her feelings eventually. Even if they were drunk and annoying. And maybe she liked being around them when they weren't being loud and annoying. At least this way she had a chance of not spilling everything to them while tipsy.
"Well, it's almost midnight," said James softly. "We have classes tomorrow, i don't think you want skip Minnie's class again. She would be so mad."
Sirius scoffed. "Oh please, we can always skip another lesson."
James rolled his eyes but said nothing. He glanced around the empty Gryffindor common room. "Where are our roommates? Are they asleep already? That's not fun!"
"Yeah, no kidding," Sirius muttered under his breath.
The friends shared a laugh. James went back to his drink. After a while, Sirius started tapping on the table, then stopped. Then tapped again, faster. James raised his eyebrows.
"What's wrong, padfoot?" he asked.
"Nothing's wrong."
Something is wrong. James knew this. And he was right.
But what would she say to him!!? "Prongs, I'm sadly in love with moony, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me back, that is the wrong thing"?? No, thank you.
"Hey, padfoot... You can talk to me, you know this right? I'm your best friend, remember?"
He didn't said anything, he was just thinking.
Should i tell him that I'm in love with Moony..?
Would that make him hate me? Or would he understand?
She shook her head. What am I doing?! I'm ruining everything with my stupid ideas. They're going to find out about Remus and they're gonna hate me.
No, no. I can't deal with that right now. But maybe...
"Padfoot, are you okay? Is this about Moony?"
She nodded, "I'm fine Prongs," she lied.
James frowned. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," she said, a little too forcefully.
James gave her one last look before standing up. "Okay," he said, "but let me know if you need any help, alright?"
With that, he walked away and closed the door behind him. Sirius sighed before leaning back against the sofa. How could she tell anyone about this!? She wouldn't be able to live with herself if they found out and hated her. Not just because she would lose their friendship, but also because she would lose Remus' friendship!
She might be in love with Remus, but he didn't want to lose their friendship.
If only she could get him alone and confess her feelings.
And maybe kiss him.
Yes, yes, that was a good idea. A very good idea.
Her heart raced slightly. She got up and started walking towards Remus' dormitory. She needed to tell him something.
Now.
She needed to speak to him immediately.
When she reached the corridor leading to Remus' dorms, she hesitated. Her hand hovered over the handle.
Should she knock?
What if he wasn't awake?
What if he thought she was weird and freaked out? Oh, no, he was definitely not going to like that idea.
But... He should do this, he can't live like this anymore.
Yes, Sirius made his decision.
She knocked.
After a few moments of silence, she heard shuffling noises from inside. Soon enough, he opened the door.
His hair stuck up wildly, but not in the usual way. The wildness was a side effect of exhaustion and lack of sleep. His eyes were red and puffy.
"He looks cute." she thought.
oh no, I thought out loud...
Why did she just think that, how lame! But she couldn't take back her words, it just came out of her mouth
Remus blinked slowly. "Uh, hi Padfoot," he replied.
She grinned.
Maybe now was a good time to confess.
"Umm, i have to tell you something, can we talk?"
Remus was surprised. Because he never saw him like that... like... she was so serious...
so nervous and... so... so adorable...
"Sure." He stepped aside. "Come in."
She stepped into his dorm and sat down on his chair. She tried desperately to look anywhere other than at his face.
Remus took the seat across from hers, trying to look as cool as possible.
This was it.
Sirius took a piece of parchment from his pocket.
"Well, I'm not good at talking so I'm gonna read this. Please listen to me carefully."
"Sure but what is this about-"
"Dear Remus,
I have been struggling to find the right words to say to you, but I know I can no longer keep this to myself. Over the years, I have come to realize that my feelings for you have grown beyond friendship. You have always been there for me, through the good times and the bad, and I cannot imagine my life without you.
I have always admired your kindness, intelligence, and sense of humor. But it wasn't until recently that I realized that I am in love with you. I know that this may come as a surprise to you, but I had to tell you how I feel.
I understand that this may change our friendship, but I am willing to take that risk because I cannot keep pretending that I don't feel this way about you. You mean the world to me, and I hope that you can see me as more than just a friend.
Please take some time to think about this, and I hope that we can talk more about it soon..."
Remus was silent. When Sirius finished reading the letter, she looked at him and smiled. It seemed like he couldn't look away.
"That is beautiful," he said quietly.
"Is it?"
He nodded. "It really is, I love it."
Sirius felt like her heart was beating out of her chest, her whole body flushed pink.
"Do you?"
Remus nodded again. "Of course."
A small smile grew on her face.
"You're beautiful."
Those simple words... Those simple words were enough to make her heart swell...
"Thank you."
A silence fell between them.
"Did you mean it?" Remus asked finally.
"Of course I meant it. Of course I did. But now it's your turn. Do you feel the same way?"
He nodded, but didn't meet her eye. Sirius bit her lip.
This could go really bad if he told her the truth. He could get angry with her. He could yell and throw things.
She waited patiently.
"I do. I have loved you since second year," he confessed...
His heart skipped a beat.
Remus looked up at her and she saw how tired he was.
And Sirius thought of something at that moment, he would always love Remus.
No matter how tired or exhausted he is...
As they stood there, looking into each other's eyes, the tension between them was palpable. They had been dancing around their feelings for weeks, but now it was time to finally give in.
Slowly, he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. The kiss was tentative at first, as if they were both afraid to take the next step. But as the seconds ticked by, the kiss deepened, and they lost themselves in each other.
She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, as he ran his hands through her hair. The world around them faded away, and they were lost in their own little bubble of love.
Finally, they pulled away, both breathless and smiling. They knew that this was just the beginning of a beautiful journey together.