Parallels

“I apologize for causing such a stir these past two days,” Regulus said. Immediately, he winced and wished he could take the words back. They’d come out stilted and void of any emotion that might have made him sound genuine.

Sirius stood and frowned at him. “I don’t want some half arsed apology if you don’t actually mean it, Reggie- Regulus,” he corrected bitterly. He softened with a small sigh, “But Peter’s right. I mean, you’re still my brother, and I haven’t been very understanding of how you might feel.”

Regulus shook his head. “I can’t just forget everything from my past. I understand that things are different in this universe, that we’re still brothers here, but there’s still a world- my world- where we aren’t, and I can’t forgive that.”

Sirius pressed his lips together. “I can’t believe that I would ever-“

“But you did,” Regulus said coldly. “I don’t want to try to make amends or anything, I just want to get home. And I do appreciate you trying to help despite everything.”

“You’re still my brother,” Sirius said. “There was never a possibility of me not helping.”

Regulus ignored the way his ribs seemed to tightened over his heart. “You’ll get your real brother back soon enough and I’ll go back to my- my world.”

Sirius still looked unhappy with the way the conversation had gone, but he offered a small nod in acknowledgement. An understanding settled between them, heavy and hardly comforting, but at least they were on common ground now.

Regulus shifted his gaze to James, who was still sitting behind Sirius on his bed. His eyes were already on him.

“I…” James glanced at Sirius hesitantly.

“Right, I’ll just… go find Moony,” Sirius said and practically bolted out the door.

Regulus shuffled from one foot to the other. James was still staring at him, expression heavy and intense. It was the first time they had been alone since that morning when they’d woken up-

Regulus bit his tongue, stopping the direction his thoughts were going. Thankfully, James finally spoke up.

“Is it really true we didn’t get along?”

Regulus was caught off guard by the question. “That’s one way to say it,” he muttered.

A small crease formed between James’ brows. “I can’t imagine. I’ve always-“

He inhaled sharply, shutting his mouth.

Regulus suddenly felt too hot. The thrumming in his head was brought to the forefront of his mind. There was something about the way James was looking at him that felt wrong. There was a gentleness there that he’d never seen directed at him. Regulus couldn’t fathom how different he would have been if he had grown up in this life rather than the one he was given, but he was well aware that the person that he was now, the one that was slow to trust, was not deserving of the kind of love people like James Potter had.

“Are you okay?” James asked. He got up and walked over to where Regulus was standing. “You don’t look so good.”

He reached a hand out and Regulus jerked back when it touched his arm, feeling his imprint like a scalding fire.

“I’m not him,” Regulus said. “Sirius’ brother, your-your…”

“Boyfriend?” James’ mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “I’m well aware, lo- Regulus.”

“Then stop looking at me like I am,” Regulus snapped.

James looked startled for a moment. He dragged a hand over his face with a huff. “I didn’t mean to. I just miss him, you know? I mean, if you’re really here from another universe, that mean my Regulus is out there somewhere, and I hate not knowing if he’s okay or not. I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

Regulus sighed. “I don’t like you very much.”

James blinked. “Er- okay?”

“We’ve never been kind to each other,” Regulus said with his lips upturned in a deprecating smile. “But I always knew you only hated me because Sirius did. I can’t fault you for being a loyal friend, I suppose, even if it’s Sirius you chose.”

James pressed his lips together. “I truly find it hard to believe that there is a world out there where I do not fall in love with you.”

“That’s not the point I’m trying to make,” Regulus snapped. “I’m say that you don’t need to apologize. The person you are now is clearly-“ Regulus couldn’t help but let out a shudder here “-not the same person I’ve always thought you were. I dislike the version of you I grew up with, but… I never was upset with you here.”

James tilted his head to the side and gave Regulus an appraising look. “You could say the same thing about Sirius.”

“That’s different.”

James raised his eyebrows but didn’t press the subject. “If you say so. And thank you for your honesty. I can’t imagine it’s been easy living in this world, but you’ve adapted well, considering the circumstances.”

Regulus shifted, not sure what to say to that. He was saved from having to respond by the door opening again and Sirius bounding in with Remus on his heels. He fell into his own bed with an extravagant and unnecessary flourish, and Remus sat by his side, much gentler. Sirius tucked himself under Remus’ arm and the two of them shared a quick kiss, all with Regulus and James still watching them from the middle of the room.

Regulus’ jaw dropped as he glanced between the two of them. He looked over to James, who seemed entirely unconcerned by what just happened.

“Alright, Reg?” Remus asked, almost conversationally. Like nothing unordinary was happening.

“Since when are you two-“ Regulus found himself at a loss for words. He didn’t like the feeling.

Sirius looked down at himself, then Remus, then back to Regulus again. “We’re together. Dating. Wait, are you saying I’m not with Remus in the universe you came from?”

“No. Well.” Regulus’ brow furrowed. “If you are, I don’t know about it.”

Sirius’ face twisted into an expression of confusion as if the thought itself was imperceptible to him.

It wasn’t as if Regulus didn’t know about Sirius’ preferences for men. Growing up, it had been a dreadful suspicion with the way Sirius had reaction to the prospect of getting engaged and producing heir, but it had been nothing more than an inkling he would shove away from his thought until that night. The night Sirius had been disowned.

A lot of his memories of Grimmauld Place were hazy. Days and weeks blended together in a monotonous cycle of duties, punishments, and loneliness, but that night was strikingly clear in his mind. He vividly remembered the screams, the pure horror in his chest when the truth had been let out against Sirius’ own will. He recalled his own terror as he began to realize he was much more similar to Sirius than he had realized.

And now, Regulus couldn’t help but find it strange how, after everything Sirius had gone through because of who he was, he was just allowed to be in this universe. Entirely and wholly undamaged.

Sirius’ eyes widened. “Fuck, did you not know I was gay? I didn’t mean to out myself-“

“I knew,” Regulus interrupted. He decided not to elaborate on how. “I just wasn’t aware you were dating Remus.”

“I do wonder if we are together in that universe,” Remus mused, carding a hand through Sirius’ hair. “I find it hard to believe otherwise- I would love you in every universe, Pads.”

Regulus’ eye twitched as he remembered how James had said something very similar mere moments ago.

“I do wonder what I’m doing,” James wondered, shifting the attention away from the couple, who were beginning to look disgustingly sappy. “In the other universe, I mean. If we’re not in love, was I just single all these years?”

Regulus snorted. He felt a weight lift off his shoulder as his mind drifted to the lighter topic. “Yes, actually. You have had a massive crush on Evans for as long as I can remember.”

“Lily?” James cried out, face blanching. Sirius barked out a surprised laugh and Remus snickered at him. “Merlin, I think she would hex me if I ever made a move on her.”

“She has. Many times. Although, to be fair, you’ve stopped trying to get with her in the recent months. You grew up, I suppose,” Regulus conceded.

James shook his head, muttering to himself in disbelief. Peter then reappeared from the bathroom- in all honesty, Regulus had forgotten he’d gone in there in the first place- with a towel slung over his shoulder.

“What did I miss?” He asked cautiously, taking in the state of everyone in the room.

Regulus met his eye and nodded softly. An understanding passed between them and Peter let out a small sigh of relief before plopping down on his own bed.

“Wait,” Sirius said with a dangerous edge to his voice. “What do you mean all these years? Exactly how long have you and Regulus been together?”

James’ expression abruptly shifted. He ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not as long as you’d think. I mean-“

“James,” Sirius said through gritted teeth. “How. Long.”

James looked over to Regulus with a pleading expression, but he just shrugged. In all honesty, he was curious to know the answer, too.

“Almost a year,” James muttered sheepishly. “We officially got together last Christmas holidays. When I said all these year, I just meant, well, it’s not like I ever though that there was anyone else for me.”

“WHAT?” Sirius screamed, jumping to his feet. “You’re telling me that you two were together for a year behind my back?”

“It wasn’t behind your back!” James yelped. “We were just keeping it quiet for a while before we could tell anyone.”

“A while is a few days! A few weeks, if you’re pushing it! And everyone else here knew but me, apparently,” Sirius snarked, shooting everyone in the room a dirty look.

“I don’t know how Wormy found out,” James grumbled. “We were being subtle.”

“You really weren’t,” Peter chimed in before shying away at the look Sirius gave him.

“Regulus, you-“

“Don’t bring me into this,” Regulus said, folding his arms. “It wasn’t me.”

“A year,” Sirius scoffed, shaking his head. “You’ve been sneaking around for a year.”

“It really wasn’t like that,” James argued.

“You’ve been defiling my little brother for a year. I can’t believe-“

“I love him,” James said loudly. The declaration seemed to echo in the silence that followed. “And he loves me. Pads, we were- are- in love, and I was scared you wouldn’t approve. Of course I knew you’d come around to it, but we just wanted some time to be together before getting everyone else involved. I’m sorry that we kept it a secret for so long. Time just slipped away, I suppose.”

A flicker of hurt passed over Sirius’ face. “You don’t think I would have wanted to be there for that? That I wouldn’t have approved of my best friend and brother falling in love for the first time?”

“We were planning on telling you,” James whispered. “We were supposed to do it together. I can’t-“

His eyes flicker over to Regulus, looking slightly guilty. Regulus felt the same feeling of wrongness from his talk with James wash over him again. He wasn’t supposed to be here, he was-

Before he knew it, he was rushing out the door and down the common room stairs. Luckily, it was late enough that the common room was mostly empty. There was a pair of younger students by the fireplace who didn’t bother to spare him a glance.

Regulus tucked himself into an alcove and buried his head in his hands, trying to control his breathing. Everything felt like too much at that moment. The pounding in his head, the red hue from the room around him, the snippets from his earlier conversations all swirled around in his mind.

“Regulus,” a voice said from in front of him. It took him a moment to place it as Remus’.

A hand touched his shoulder. He tensed and felt the weight disappear again.

“Regulus,” Remus called again from beside him this time. “Breathe. You’re okay.”

“I can’t,” Regulus gasped. “I can’t do this. I can’t be here.”

“I know,” Remus said gently. “But you have to, for now. I promise I’ll get you back home. You just have towait a little longer.”

Regulus finally lifted his head and turned to Remus. The other boy was seated to his right, hands hovering above Regulus awkwardly like he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. The sight was ridiculous enough that Regulus almost smiled. Almost.

Regulus turned away and sighed. He appreciated Remus’ effort, but a part of him couldn’t help but wish it were his real friend he could talk to. This was oddly reminiscent of the way Evan would talk him down whenever he got overwhelmed.

The thought was so visceral his nearly lurched out of his seat. He missed his friends, so deeply he felt as though he couldn’t breathe again. As ridiculous as it may sound, they were the only ones who had ever truly understood him.

“None of this is your fault, you know,” Remus said. “That argument was long overdue.”

“He was supposed to be here for it,” Regulus countered. “Now everything’s fucked up.”

Remus snorted. “That’s one way to say it.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes at the other boy as another thought struck him. “You’re dating Sirius.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “That’s what you choose to focus on? It’s not exactly knew news here.”

Regulus glared. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“So many things,” Remus responded with a derisive smile. “But this? What I have with him? Possibly the best decision I’ve ever made. You don’t have to worry about me not treating him right.”

“I wasn’t,” Regulus said. “I don’t care what Sirius does.”

“Sure,” Remus said. “Are you ready to go back?”

Regulus wasn’t sure the answer to that would be yes no matter how long the two of them sat there, so he just stood up and began walking back without answering.

Thankfully, everyone in the dorm seemed to have moved on. Sirius’s bed curtains were drawn shut but James’ were partly open, offering Regulus a view ofhim laying on his back and tossing a quaffle up and down repeatedly. For a second, his mind flitted to that first morning when Regulus had woken up next to him on that very bed. He dug his nails into his palm to remove the image from his mind.

Peter was still sitting in his bed but now with a book in his hands. He looked up when the two walked in and he seemed to relax when he was Regulus.

“I set out new clothes for you,” Peter said, nodding toward Regulus’ bed. “I know you hardly exerted yourself earlier, but you should probably still shower.”

Regulus nodded and ignored the lump that had formed in his through. Remus slipped inside Sirius’ bed curtains as Regulus moved to grab the clothes and went into the bathroom.

Later when Regulus was struggling to fall asleep, Peter pulled his bedcurtains back and peeked his head in.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No,” Regulus said, sitting up.

“Mind if I join you?” Peter asked with a small smile. Regulus unexpectedly found himself nodding and making room for the other boy.

Strangely, Regulus found himself growing fond of Peter. Maybe it was because he was the only one Regulus had allowed himself to fully trust in this world. He’d seen some of the darker sides of Regulus’ past, even if it was just bits and pieces, but he was still here, against all expectations.