She is livid. after giving him everything, all she had to offer, she finds out he is dating Potter. Potter for heaven's sake! Not a fellow Slytherin, not even some girl from another house but Potter! Nothing is supposed to rattle her, hell nothing like this was supposed to ever happen yet here she is shaking and about to throw up. Draco and she have been sleeping together for a year and a half now and suddenly he decides she isn’t good enough.
She excuses herself from the table trying not to show how shaken she is. She slowly walks down to the dungeons in a haze. He and Potter weren’t only fucking but also dating according to Astoria. He hadn’t even told her. He had just slowly put distance between them. She didn’t worry about it at first because that was just his nature. Clearly, she should have worried.
As she climbs the stairs to her dorm, she tries to get it together. As she opens her door, seeing that there is no one in the room, everything falls apart. Her magic is everywhere and she is on the floor sobbing. The room is spinning and she can’t get enough air. He was all she wanted. He was her plan.
The pain is unbearable.
She sleeps for 16 hours. When her dorm mates come back from dinner, they see her curled up on the floor, face crumpled in pain. They move her to her bed and leave her to rest.
She doesn’t wake up for breakfast or classes or lunch. She finally wakes early afternoon to an empty dorm. For a minute, she is confused and then the memories come rushing back, Astoria telling her about Draco and Potter's relationship, looking over and seeing them sitting together and watching them kiss. Her heart burns as she sits up. She needs to get through this, her mother would be appalled if she found out how unkempt she is right now.
She needs something or someone to help her get through this.
People have been a bad choice in the past so she goes with something.
After dinner, She sees the pair of redheads that will have exactly what she needs.
She approaches Fred and George quietly and pulls them to the side.
“Woah there mate whatcha doing,” Fred says.
“shhhhhh be quiet!” she whispers. “I need some of your product and quickly, you know I can pay”
“What do you want?” George says cautiously
“Anything and everything. enough to last me a while”
“We can get you some stuff, are you doing ok Pansy?” the twins asked. They can see the pain behind the crazy in her eyes.
“I’m fine!” she snaps. “I just need some”
The twins hold up their hands in defense “Ok ok. we will grab some from our stash and get you it by breakfast tomorrow”
She nods and saunters off.
Finally, a solution to her heart aching. And no one has to know.
Pansy takes a puff of her joint, finally relaxing after a long day of classes which all involve seeing Draco. He hasn’t talked to her in a week and a half. Too busy dating Potter, not worrying about his old hookup and longest friend.
She knows her dorm mates are concerned but not enough to confront her about it. She has been going to meals and classes and then heading back to her dorm where she can be alone and cope in the worst ways. Tonight, it’s a blunt that allows her to relax into her pillows and forget the world. Tomorrow is Friday so there might be a party where she can get drunk and forget her issues. She should probably ask Astoria about it but she is too far into her blunt to be speaking to her roommates. She is thoughtless as she finishes her blunt. This feeling is what she has been craving. Feeling nothing but good. Mostly feeling nothing. She should probably not fall asleep in her clothes but getting up would make her high go away and she is content to be mindless for a little longer.
She falls into a dreamless sleep.
The music is loud, the lights are bright and she is too drunk to think. Dancing in the middle of the party that was luckily in the dungeons this weekend. She had already planned on getting drunk before she got there but one look at Potter and Draco confirmed those plans and had her headed straight to the bottle. 6 drinks later she was up and dancing. 3 more drinks and she was thoughtless. 2 more and her roommates noticed her recklessness. She wasn’t trying to get with anyone when she would normally be getting with Draco during these parties. They had thought she would go for Blaise or Theo now that Draco is off the menu but she is just dancing and getting more drunk.
Minutes later, they saw her on the side, snorting something. a few more minutes and she was back on the dance floor without a thought in her head. Her roommates decided that she was getting into a dangerous place, Astoria dragged her ass up to the dorm where she forced a sober-up potion down her throat before she passed out.
Astoria started to put the pieces together when she saw Potter and Draco together the next morning. She knew that Pansy and him had been hooking up for a while. she is her roommate after all, and that Pansy had excused herself as soon as the news about the couple came out. She thought about the ends of blunts and bottles she had found. That combined with the actions of her roommate and it all clicked together. Draco had gotten with someone else and left Pansy behind. And Pansy clearly wasn't taking it well.
Pansy and Draco had been basically engaged since they were born and had become especially close after starting school together, friendship led to hookups which led to Pansy developing feelings. It seemed like fate that they would end up together until Draco proved that the feelings were not mutual by pushing her away and dating Potter. Screw fate.
Everything was gone. She looked everywhere. No alcohol, no blunts, nothing. It was like it had never been there. She searched frantically through her stuff eventually coming to the conclusion that her roommates must have gotten rid of it. They looked guilty when she confronted them about it but didn’t own up.
Two days of crying and having to feel her emotions without the assistance of substances ruined her. She felt worthless. Since the option of something is gone, she might as well move on to the option of someone. If Draco could go and fuck someone else, so could she.
She started with Blaise, trying to seduce him but failing as he told her about his plans to court Astoria. It was a punch to the gut but she moves on.
She tried to hook up with Theo next but apparently, they are too close of family friends for that.
She goes through a few Slytherins that she barely knows. Each one is basically her trading sex for a bit of affection at the end. The biggest heartbreak is that people in relationships don’t have to trade sex for affection. She wishes that Draco would provide her with this comfort. It is his actions that made her do all of this.
She works her way through the houses, fucking a few here and there but no one gives her what she really needs; affection and loyalty. Each hookup hurts more than the last.
Why did he leave her?
She goes to class, eats meals, and sleeps. That is life now. She watches as everyone goes on with their lives and she goes on with hers. The hole in her heart remains. She dreads the upcoming summer when she will have to talk to people about how she is not with Draco, them telling her about how she must not have been good enough for him or how if she had tried harder, he would have stayed. She works hard in class hoping to distract herself as much as possible from the debilitating pain of loneliness.
She moves slowly and her emotions dull. Draco was supposed to be her match. She spends time in places that she knows Draco and Potter won’t be. She wants to be happy for him but it is difficult when his decision has altered her life so severely. She spends time in the greenhouse, the screams of mandrakes blocking out her thoughts and the warmth kissing her touch-starved body. Neville is often there as well. He isn’t nosy like his fellow Gryffindors though, he lets her be and tries to help her when things get out of hand.
As spring approaches, she spends more time in the greenhouse. Astoria and Blaise are starting to get together and are occupying the dorm quite often and she doesn’t want to run into Draco more than she has to. Neville and her get along. Even if they are mostly silent when together, they work around each other, occasionally getting in each other's way but are getting used to each other. She often sits in the corner of the greenhouse and just looks outside until he comes in and starts working. She joins him on whatever project he is working on.
Soon, they are talking in and out of the greenhouse. He walks her to meals and works in the greenhouse with her. He occasionally walks her down the dungeons just to continue their conversation. The hole in her heart is still there but her relationship with Neville makes the pain easier.
Maybe the plants aren’t the only thing that is growing in the greenhouse.
The term is ending and she is dreading going home for the summer. There isn’t a greenhouse or Neville to distract her. In a spur-of-the-moment decision the day before they leave for break, she carefully writes out her address on a slip of paper. She gives it to Neville with a smile and an “I hope I hear from you this summer” before turning and heading back to the dungeons to finish packing.
She saw him while boarding the train and he offered her a small smile before boarding.
She spends the train ride listening to Astoria talk about her and Blaise possibly spending a whole month together traveling and worrying about what her mother has heard about Draco and the fact that they aren’t together.
As expected, her mother immediately starts on her and blames her for the fact that she and Draco weren’t dating.
Early the first morning, she sees a lovely brown owl at her window, patiently waiting with a letter in its beak. She grabs the letter and quickly gives it a treat.
Dear Pansy,
I must confess that I am writing this on the train from Hogwarts. I am tired of hearing Ron and Hermione bicker. it is quite loud and bothersome.
I enjoyed our time together this spring and was elated when you gave me your address. We have a small greenhouse at my family home so I will begin tending to that early tomorrow morning. I am hoping to grow a variety of plants and then transport them to Hogwarts next fall for us to take care of. Do you have a greenhouse at your estate? I have heard that there are roses at the Malfoy Mansion but I confess I do not know much about the Parkinson’s Estate.
I hope we continue our correspondence this summer. I have appreciated our time in the greenhouse together and would love to continue spending time with you.
With Care,
Neville
She blushed as she read it and then quickly read it again. He had written so fast. She was sure it would take a few days or a few weeks for the man to send a letter but she is delighted he wrote so fast. She opens her trunk and digs through it to find a quill and parchment. She takes a few breaths to stop her hand from shaking before setting her quill on the parchment and begins to write.
Dear Neville,
Happy Summer. I’m sure your seatmates on the train were quite bothersome. I have also enjoyed our time in the greenhouse. Your information on Malfoy Manor is correct. They have lovely roses tended to by Narcissa. She is quite passionate about them. The Parkinson’s estate does not have a greenhouse or garden. My mother does not care for plants or gardening. She finds it dirty and not ladylike. We must keep our love of gardening to ourselves so she does not find out. I am very excited to hear about your plans for the greenhouse this summer and any progress you make.
I would love to receive correspondence from you this summer. My summer will probably be quite dull. I wish you luck with your greenhouse and I can’t wait to hear about it.
With passion,
Pansy
As she had assumed, Pansy’s mother started etiquette classes with her the next day. She also received the list of parties for the summer and was crushed to find a party at Malfoy Manor on the list.
As she learned more about being a proper lady, Neville learned more about plants and different techniques in the greenhouse. She got the luck of hearing about it through daily letters which felt similar to talking to him every day. She crawled through the party season by being as polite as possible and wishing that the parties would go by faster so she could return to Neville’s letters. The summer went as fast as it could with the assistance of his letters. A week before returning to Hogwarts, she received another letter,
Dear Pansy,
I am excited to return to Hogwarts this fall. I am headed back a few days early to ease the transportation of our plants to the greenhouse. I, unfortunately, will not be able to write because of this tricky transition so this will be my last letter until we see each other in person again. I am overly excited to see you in person and spend more time in the greenhouse together. If you choose to send any more letters before we see each other, please address them to Hogwarts. I will see you across the great hall in a week.
With adoration,
Nevillle
Dear Neville,
I am finishing packing for the coming school year after shopping at Diagon Alley. It is always quite busy this time of year. I am very excited to be going back to school and our greenhouse. I must leave for the train now so I will leave it at that. See you from across the Great Hall.
With admiration,
Pansy
As the train left the station, she headed toward Hogwarts, but more importantly, their greenhouse.
She dressed the best she could for this. She wore her best school robes. It is the night of the school feast but also, but it is the first time she is seeing Neville in 3 months. She has missed him so much and by the way he writes, it sounds as if he feels similar. She walks into the great hall, searching the Gryffindor table for him. She focuses on the table as she sits down and looks up and he’s there, looking at her with a smile on his lips. She smiles back and then turns her attention to the Headmaster.
She is heading out of the Great Hall when she feels a slight tap on her shoulder, she turns and sees Neville heading into an alcove. She follows and then they are face to face in the alcove. He smiles shyly and grabs her hand. She trails behind him, trusting him to lead the way. She doesn’t know where they are going. She is too focused on him to notice what direction they are going in and is somehow surprised when they end up at the greenhouse.
“I couldn’t wait” he whispers
She looks up and the greenhouse is so full. She knew he grew a lot of plants during the summer but she didn’t know he was bringing all of them. She looks at him in amazement and starts to compliment him on the incredible work he has done but before she can he whispers “There is a surprise I want you to see”. She starts looking around to look for something she hasn’t seen yet but can’t see anything new. She turns around to ask him what and he is holding a flower. A red pansy. She gasps “It is so beautiful” He looks up at her and says
“just like you”
She blushes heavily as he hands her the flower. She stands on her tiptoes, whispers “Thank you” and kisses him on the cheek. They shyly look at each other before bidding each other good night and heading off to their separate common rooms. She goes to sleep buzzing with excitement, she doesn’t think she has ever been so excited for a school year.