Nobody had spoken to Sirius in three days now. He supposed he deserved that. Probably. Sirius wasn't entirely sure. Truth be told, he didn't actually remember much of what had happened. That was the worst of it.
He'd acted in a fit of entitlement and spite and he couldn't even remember it. He couldn't remember the way he had broken his best friend's trust in one single sentence. Nor could he remember what happened afterwards until he saw Snape in the hospital wing He remembered that he'd done it, he knew that, he just couldn't remember any of the details. And how could he apologise to his friends, to Remus, without knowing what he'd said?
So that is why he was surprised when he heard footsteps drawing closer to him in the library while he was skipping out on dinner until he knew nobody else would still be there. It is why he was shocked when he saw a familiar pair of black boots stopping next to him in the corner as a figure dressed in black sits down, cross-legged at him side. Closer than they'd been in…longer than Sirius could remember.
They remained deathly quiet for a moment. Eventually, it was Sirius who spoke first. He hadn't spoken in two days so his voice was hoarse and his throat felt dry.
“Reggie.”
For a few seconds, Regulus just stared at him, like he was trying to figure something out.
“Sirius,” He said eventually, sounding almost pitying.
“How did you know I was here?” His whispers were so quiet he was surprised his brother could hear them.
Gently, Regulus placed his wand on the ground, a signal they had both used at home to indicate that they weren't a threat to each other. Sirius hated that they'd even had to do it. Still, he was glad Regulus had remembered.
“Potter said you might be.”
Sirius looked across to him. “I don't even want to know why you were talking to James, and I also don't want to know how many threats and hexes it involved,” Regulus laughed, and it was such a shock to Sirius that he found himself smiling for the first time since before this whole mess. Regulus never laughed, it was against his nature. But Sirius wasn't going to complain. It was nice to see him at ease for once.
Regulus looked him over for a while and then shook his head, looking away with sadness written all over his face. “Oh, Sirius, what have you done? You're supposed to be the good one of us two!” He nudged Sirius in the arm slightly and looked back at him, awkwardly. They weren't used to getting along. He clearly didn't know what to do but it was fine, neither did Sirius.
He forced himself not to cry. “I fucked up Reg, I really- Merlin, they'll never trust me again. After it all, when I realised what I'd done, I felt,” He lowered his voice even more. “I felt like her.” He took a shuddering breath. “It was like she had forced me to…Regulus do- do you think I'm like them? Do you think I ran for nothing because inside, somewhere, I am them.”
Regulus frowned distastefully. “No,” He sounded certain. “You're not like them, they don't control you. Look at you, you're a mess. You feel guilty, don't you?”
Sirius nodded. “So guilty,” He breathed.
“There we go then,” He sat back like that concluded things. “Have you ever seen Walburga Black look guilty over anything?”
Sirius thought about it for a moment.
“I don't think she knows what the word means.”
Regulus laughed again. “See? You're not like them, they've just fucked with our brains enough to make everything we do feel like their actions.”
“Too many words, Reg.”
They fell back into silence.
“Sirius,” He started, turning to face him fully. “They're the best family you've got,” He raised a hand when Sirius opened his mouth to interrupt. “Don't. They are and you know it. They are going to forgive you, Sirius. I don't know how long it will take but I know they will always forgive you.”
Sirius couldn't stop it anymore, tears began to flow freely from his eyes, leaving warm trails down his cheeks that just stressed him out even more. “Fuck,” He mumbled, rubbing them away desperately.
In a movement he'd never expected to happen, Regulus sat up straight and opened his arms, inviting his brother into a hug.
“Come here.”
And Sirius did. He collapsed into Regulus’ arms and continued to sob until he couldn't breathe anymore. And Regulus allowed it, acting like this was the last time they'd ever see each other. Like he wanted to do something good to Sirius before…before something. Like he knew something Sirius didn't know. He tried not to think about it.