Breaking
It had been weird to just up and bolt like that, but Draco had sort of panicked, seing someone related to him in such close proximity to such a highly classified discussion. Naturally every discussion Draco had with people was classified, but he didn't really want his parents or Severus finding out that he was still looking for the one who'd bitten him.
-Draco knew they were just trying to protect him, but what for? Wasn't it a bit too late for that, seeing as he already was a Vampire.-
Of course Draco couldn't be sure whether the teacher shared his students secrets with his friend, or whether Black had heard anything from outside, but he had still felt uneasy.
Why was the ex- criminal at Hogwarts anyway?
Potter naturally answered that question in their next lesson together, a few days later. The Chosen One had fought off Pansy, away from Draco, with a distraction, before placing himself next to the vampire yet again.
Potter grinned at Draco, when he finally turned his attention to the raven haired boy, as if he hadn't just hexed a fellow student.
"Oh yeah, Sirius is at Hogwarts. He's staying in Remus room. I know it's not really legal for people other then teachers to stay there, but he says he wanted to spend as much time as he could with me, since he's not on the run anymore. And I think Dumbledore's fine with it, at least he hasn't complained yet. We actually spend Christmas together. It was so awesome! Did you know that they hexed the Mauraders Map all by themselves?"
And while Potter went on and on, Draco's mind drifted.
-
Draco didn't seek out the werwolf again after their first meeting. He was, of course, still interested in what the teacher had done to find his 'biter', to maybe try and apply it to his own case. Draco concluded that it wouldn't help him either way. In retrospective, Draco didn't even quite remember anymore why he had wanted to ask or tell the other. Telling your secrets to your natural enemy? Who in their right mind did something like that?
But perhaps, Draco hadn't really been in his right mind ever since he'd began to chase after a phantom. Wasn't it sort of hopeless anyway? Even if he finally found who had bitten him what was he supposed to do? There was no cure. He would never be normal, whether he found and punished the Vampire or not.
The revenge still burned in his veins.
Then weeks turned into months. Everyone left for Hogsmeade time and time again, while Draco stayed cooped up in his dorm, slowly going insane.
The school curriculum got harder, with all of their exams approaching rappidly, destracting the Vampire from his other concerns. There was the worst Slytherin Quidditch performance in the history of Hogwarts, and Draco cringed when he saw them at the bottom of the ranking.
Perhaps Draco was the Person they needed. He was way better than any of them after all! He hadn't flown in the brought of daylight outside of their ordinary flying lessons but he was no stranger to nightly flights at Malfoy Manor. And with all his runes in place he was sure go rock the field even with the sun blasting down at him.
They were a bit short on Seekers as well. Maybe he could try and convince his parents that he had to join, over the holidays.
Blaise was a bloody good chaser, from what Draco had seen, and he felt a bit excited about them having their own project together.
- Considering they were chosen for the team, of course, but Draco was confident in that, with the current state of things on the quidditch pitch.-
In the three years they'd been friends, Draco hadn't spend as much time with the other as he had liked to.
Blaise Zabini was a brilliant boy, and even if they did argue sometimes, they did so eloquently and in style.
Draco was a loner however, so he didn't find much time for anyone really.
--
Of course then there was Severus.
They had progressed further on their 'finding out what can harm Draco Malfoy' project. Which was...fun.
They had noticed, or rather Severus had, - Sometimes Draco felt a bit like the other's new chemistry set,- that the walls in Draco's mind were naturally thickened. Perhaps it was a genetic thing, being a Black by blood and all that, but it still interested Severus enough to keep plunging himself into that thick foggy wall.
Draco learned rather quickly how to protect the things he didn't want his godfather to find. Which both seemed to make Severus proud, because of how fast Draco took to Occlumency as a whole, but he also seemed a bit suspicious, as if he was onto what Draco was hiding.
--
Lupin tried to make comtact again, when the school year was almost over, asking Draco to stay back, so they could finish their conversation. Draco had shut the other down rather quickly though, apologizing for the inconvenience but assuring the twacher that he had given up on his search.
-Of course he hadn't, but it was important to Draco to leave all the wrong breadcrums.-
Draco's short setback in the middle of the schoolyear had left it's marks, quite literally, with an Exceeds Expectations in both Transfiguration and DADA instead of an Outstanding.
Draco was scorned for live. Loosing to Granger like that? Unacceptable. He already hated the Muggleborn for taking every additional school subject. How had she even done that? Draco was pretty sure, that some of the classes even happened at the same time.
Was Granger doing bloodmagic? Creating one's doppelgänger was a bit too dark for a third grader. But Draco had done worse, so he wouldn't put it past her.
Even Harry Potter had beaten him in DADA. Degrading.
Draco had been top of most other classes though. Runes Class especially. He had even created his own runes, putting the sun protecting one together with a few others to at least make himself seem a bit more human.
Some of the runes even let him bleed normally. He figured this out quite uncommonly, as, one Saturday, he had forgotten to wash it away before leaving for Severus' study. The look on Severus face. It had felt somewhat simmilar to the time Draco had been crushed by the bookcase. Only this time there had been no smile afterwards, only an angry expression.
--
Draco had thought it already forgotten at the end of their get together. It had already gotten relatively late and Draco was about to make his way back to his dorms, before heading to the forbidden forest, he was stopped by his godfather.
"Why do you weaken yourself, Draco?"
Draco couldn't fully decipher the emotion in the other's eyes, unsure what to answer.
"I don't try to weaken myself."
Draco started carefully, watching his godfathers reaction. But there was still only that blank stare Draco couldn't get a reading on.
"What of the dampening then?"
"It's so I don't kill people because I'm drawn in by their blood."
Draco sneered, getting a little annoyed by all these questions. He didn't want to talk about his disease right now.
"Yes I know why you dampen your sense of smell. But you don't only do that. You started dampening all of them this year. Haven't you?"
Draco swallowed. There really was no other explanation but the truth. He still tried to lie though.
"I feel overwhelmed easily."
"You haven't before. Why do you slow your healing? Why do you restrict your hearing?"
"Well, I'm only trying to blend in. What would someone think if they were to cut me and I would heal immediately? And I don't want to hear Gryffindors gossiping all the way across the Great Hall."
"You've been able to control senses like your hearing since you were just a boy. You don't let people get close enough to hurt you. And nobody would be able to tell that your faster or have better reflexes than most. It's such a usefull gift you have, no need to-"
"Do you think I enjoy this?"
Draco interrupted his Godfather. Rage sinking it'sclawa into his mind. Was this really what Severus thought of his condition? A gift? Something useful? Was he only a tool to his Godfather? A guiniepig to test and probe over and over again?
Severus was about to argue, but Draco didn't let him. Scoffing at his Godfathers words.
"You know, I thought like that too. My mother would tell me I was not like the monster that had bitten me that night. Over and over, every night, she told me I was a wonderful boy who just happened to have bad luck, but that I should look past all the dark stuff and instead consider the gifts it gave me."
Draco laughed without humor. Cold. Just like he felt inside.
"I believed her at first. That I really was just a normal boy with a 'little bloody problem'. Until I understood, that that fear in their eyes was caused by this little problem. That little problems like mine more often then not lead to insanity, and make a killer out of anyone, however normal they were before. However good they think they are."
Draco thought back to the books he'd read. The brilliant man, from the book in first year. Bartholomew Artère, who had become a mass murderer only a few years after publishing his book on Vampiric Veganism.
"Yes I am stronger and faster, my senses are better, but at what cost? I'm this bloodthirsty thing. I feel like with every kill I turn more ruthless. I loose more control. And for Salazar's sake, it really scares me, alright? Whenever I react a little too fast, whenever I hear or see a little too inhumanly good, I'm reminded again and again that I'm not. I'm not human. I don't wanna feel like a monster all the time, Severus!"
Draco's speech came out a bit louder than anticipated, but he didn't really care. It felt good to let it out, even if he was only scratching the surface.
"Why have you never mentioned it?"
Severus voice was careful, and he was eyeing his godson with another one of his unreadable expressions.
"You can talk to me about that, Draco. I..."
Severus hesitated, his facade crackling a bit.
"I care about you Draco. I am trying to help. If you feel like your loosing control I should be the first one you tell. So we can find a way to...fix it, perhaps."
Draco send him a smile. A sad one. Defeated.
"There is no fixing this. But I'm trying my best."
Severus stepped closer, lifting his hand to place it on Draco's shoulder.
"We will try together then."