chapter 14
Regulus stayed at the Potters the night of the ball, he had been living there for only two nights at this point, and lord knows he had been going through it. The first night brought guilt. Why did I do this? How could I do this? And to my parents. The people who gave me my life’s blood. They weren’t perfect but who was right.
But Regulus knew who was perfect. The Potters all three of them had welcomed him so lovingly into their home. Fleamont kept him company in the libraries and gardens. Effie made sure he knew that she loved him no less than Sirius, a fear of his she knew well. And James, oh James. Perfect, lovely James. He deserved much better.
Even though James said we could and would prefer it if Regulus stayed with him. Regulus resided in one of the Potters many guest rooms, purely out of courtesy, respect. This man didn’t last one day.
And it’s not his fault, he tried really. But as he tossed and turned in the silk sheets. Trying, begging desperately for his mind to just shut up for all the voices to just go away for once cause please. Something good is happening. He got out of that house. He has the man he loves but most importantly he has his brother. Only two doors down from him just like when they were kids. Yet, Orion and Walburga’s voices wouldn’t leave his mind. The guilt was eating away at him from the inside.
A little past midnight Regulus found himself pathetically stumbling into James’ room. James was surprisingly (or not, Regulus hasn’t decided) awake, almost waiting for him. Regulus said nothing but just climbed into bed next to him and let James whisper a soft goodnight.
When he awoke the next morning to James’ stupid dopey smile, he just pecked his nose before saying ,”That was just for last night, don’t get too used to this,”
Little did he know he would find himself back the next night with the exact same shit. Except not really because the second night brought sadness. He felt as if he was in mourning for the childhood he never got to have. He stayed in his own room for a bit longer but still ended up having to James, because at the end of the day Regulus is weak. He is a weak man who just wants to be held by the man he loves. He just wants to be loved.
On the third night came anger, oh he was angry. At himself for a numerous number of things, at his parents for robbing him of his youth, his life. At Sirius for running away and leaving him there, for never coming to get him. At James for even thinking about choosing Lily. He was mad at all.
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As the night bled into early dawn and James felt no Regulus at his side he began to worry, for the past two nights Regulus had been sleeping with him, which he loved. However, James knew it was because he was not in the best state. And now he wasn’t here. A rational person would just assume he’s fine. James Potter is anything but.
He went over to Regulus’ room to see a man pacing ,”Reg,” he said catiualsy opening the door.
“Did I say you could come in,” Regulus snapped but didn’t shoo him away, so James just stood.
“Are you ok love?”
“Yes, I didn’t bother you tonight so I must be mustn’t I,” sarcasm, James noticed is a black family trait.
“Reg you never bothered me, you never could.”
“Don’t be sweet right now James,”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No! why on earth would you think that!”
“Because you’re looking at me like you want to kill me,”
“I am not!” Regulus exclaimed offended.
“You are,”
“I am not!”
“You are,”
“I am not!”
“You are,”
“James!”
“Sorry, I just you can talk to me Reg,”
Regulus sighed as his eyes met James’, “I am mad James but not at you,”
“At whom then?”
Regulus didn’t want to answer this question, so instead he stepped forward grabbing James’ hand and giving James a soft kiss, “Goodnight Jamie. I’ll see you in the morning yea,” and yea ok James could take a hint. He sighed as he gave Regulus a small peck back before returning to his room.
Worst
Mistake
He ever made.
----
He was drowning. Regulus was drowning. After James had left his room, he knew he had to go, he didn’t know where, but he just had to sprint. It was early dawn and the sun only just started rising as he dashed to Potter stables , got an extra horse and rode. Regulus, like his brother was a skilled and at times competitive equestrian but know the horse beneath him was simply transportation. He didn’t know where he was going but god knows he would be going somewhere. The sky was thundering crashing down on him with rain. But Regulus just rode on. He couldn’t tell if the water on his face was the sky or his own but he didn’t care he just had to go. He didn’t care that he had stolen a horse, rod of without telling anyone, of how worried he knew James and Sirius would be. He just had to go.
---
James came downstairs the next morning to see his family in a grim mood.
“Have you seen Reggie?” urged Sirius.
“Not since early dawn. Why! What happened! Sirius,” James felt the worry overwhelm him. He knew Regulus hadn’t been right. He never should have left him.
“He’s not here James. Do you have any idea where he could be?”
“Excuse me ma’am,” said one of the servants entering the room, “I would like to inform that one of the horses are missing from the stables,”
“Which horse,” James urged.
“The Lusitano sir,” she answered. And then it clicked, James remembers Regulus mentioning his skill in equestrian and his love for dark breed horses in one of their late-night chats. James barely got the words out of his mouth as he rushed towards the door,
“I know where he is,”
James was fighting with the storm to find Regulus. He couldn’t have gone far, surely, surely. He was scared for him it was not safe to be out in such a storm, especially when hysterical. James, rode frantically around the ground desperate for a look, a sign anything to tell him where his star is. And then just like god herself had been listening to James. He heard a deafening scream.
In the distance he saw a great black horse rise up, with a small looking black-haired boy on its back. Regulus. James’s rode as fast as his horse would take him to Regulus. But he was too late. He saw right before his eyes as the horse returned to its feet, except not with Regulus on its back. He watched as the boy he loved came down with the storm. Screaming, still trying to restrain the animal.
“REG!” he screamed. He had to go, he had to move now.
By the time James got to Regulus’ side the boy was barely conscious, and his head was bleeding badly.
“Reg, reg can you hear me. Love please can you hear me,” James begged pleaded. Pleaded for Regulus to be ok. No answer. He wasted no time before carrying Regulus to his horse and ridding back to Potter manor.
He came in screaming, “Everybody move. Move! Move!”
“Reggie,” he heard Sirius, “Regulus!” James laid Regulus down on his bed and urged his mother to get a doctor. As the carnage unfolded around him all he could think of was how weak Regulus had looked. James doesn’t ever recall Regulus looking weak, but there he was soaked to the bone on his bed. He looked dead. James had to get out of there. Leaving the physicians, his parents and Sirius to fuss over Regulus, he left the room and went into the hallway.
He just needed a second.