desperation breeds danger
“And if I ever hear of you disappearing again, I will personally find your pale and scrawny arse, drag you into a little cage with Kreacher, and lock you in James’ basement you hear me?” There was a beat of silence followed by a sweet, “I love you, hope to hear from you soon.”
“Wow,” Sirius breathed once Dorcas’ howler tore itself up and fluttered to the floor like confetti.
“Meadowes is honestly terrifying,” James nodded to himself, looking to where the howler once was.
“She loves aggressively,” Regulus smiled fondly before vanishing the mess.
Remus entered the room then with a tray of tea, balancing it carefully between both hands as he lowered it onto the table between them.
“So what happens now that we’re all on the same page?” Remus asked for what felt like the hundredth time.
Thankfully, Remus had come back from his mission with the werewolves quickly enough and after a couple days of very tense arguments, silence, and confusion- they were all caught up. There hadn't been a question as to whether or not to include Remus on this as Regulus considered him a good friend and knew he was entirely trustworthy, a trait he didn’t easily ascribe to most.
And while he and Remus didn’t have any problems per say, it was Sirius who had to work through his issues with both Remus and Peter. Remus was also conversely upset at how he had been unincluded from a lot though most of that also stemmed from Dumbledore, who kept forcing him away against his own wishes. On top of that, on a personal note, their relationship had been slowly crumbling due to a lack of trust from both parties.
He and James were practically their marriage counsellors as they served as owls between the two of them during a particularly tense conversation or speaking to each of them individually at different times to smooth over any wrinkles or misunderstandings. He was happy to do it but it was certainly tiring after a few days.
“Well, I should mention I received a letter this morning,” Sirius muttered, blowing on the rim of his mug and taking a sip, wincing when he still burned his tongue.
“From?” Remus prompted.
“Cissy,” Sirius answered awkwardly, looking up at Regulus as he was probably the only one who could really understand the layers that came with an invitation to tea as it never was purely just ‘tea.’ Having tea could be to simply speak about the weather and the newest fashion trends or it could be a good shakedown for some slight the other party had done- pureblood code really was all over the place.
“Cissy? Why?” he asked, she was the last person he would’ve thought to write a letter to Sirius of all people.
“She didn’t say- she just “invited me for tea” in a few days' time,” he frowned.
“Maybe it’s from Lucius and he wants to kill you,” James pointed out.
“No, he wouldn’t be so brazen,” Regulus replied seriously before he realised James was just joking. “Well, I just mean I can’t imagine she would have anything malicious planned, she tends to stay away from Lucius’...activities.”
“Does she speak to Andromeda by chance?” his brother asked, mulling over the topic as he drained his cup and draped himself on the settee.
“None of us even know where she is,” he reminded him.
He shrugged, “Her and I are basically in the same boat, I just wondered if she had some sympathies towards those of us disowned but I guess I’m the only lucky one.”
“I think you should go,” Regulus said finally.
Remus looked back at him, surprise colouring his features, “Really? I was going to say he shouldn’t, there’s no saying what could happen.”
“Yes I know but I mean, it is a bit curious isn’t it?” He smiled a bit.
He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness about it. Narcissa was one of the very few family members he actually felt close to, who he could be honest with, and could spend time with without feeling annoyed or drained. They had been close growing up and remained that way but now that he was ‘dead,’ he couldn’t risk outing himself for her- even telling his friends had been a risk but it was safer than telling her.
“Well what about Order meetings? We can’t all avoid them forever,” James sighed, grabbing a biscuit from the rapidly emptying tin on the table.
Peter was another issue they were facing- no one able to agree as to what should be done with him. Remus thought going to Dumbledore was the best idea whereas if Sirius got his way, he would drag Pettigrew into Diagon and tie him to a post while he threw tomatoes at his head before cursing him and sending his arse to Azkaban.
Regulus agreed of course but didn’t mention so out loud for the sake of not choosing sides.
“I can,” Regulus frowned, sulking and crossing his arms.
“Reg,” Sirius groaned.
Dumbledore had suggested he join them ‘not as a member of course’ and while he had absolutely no interest in doing so, the others thought it a good idea.
So often, his friends told him how important it was to inform them about what he was doing, for all of their safety, but this democratic system was slowly becoming a real pain in his arse.
_____________
Through Sirius’ pleas, Remus’ plainness, and James’ puppy eyes- he had given in and ended up at an Order meeting, though only under his very specific condition, of course.
He was not about to let it get out that he was still alive, that was just about the stupidest thing that could ever happen, no matter how trustworthy everyone there supposedly was so he went under the Invisibility Cloak, where he’d happily be able to trail behind James, listen in on the meeting, and keep his secret. The use of his cane under it made it difficult but they’d practised enough at home that he could manage to remain hidden if he just took small enough steps.
This meeting was much smaller than what was apparently normal and when he looked around the room, he noted that it was mostly the younger crowd that he had attended Hogwarts with along with Dumbledore, Moody, and Kingsley. He saw that they were the leading trio apparently- Dumbledore, the face of the movement; Kingsley, the upcoming politician; and Moody, the hardened Auror.
Dumbledore had sent notice to everyone of this meeting under guise of it being a private one-on-one check in so that no one else would talk to each other about it- more specifically, so no one would tell Peter, but he couldn’t make it so obvious so when they arrived, they had to act just as confused as everybody else was.
Marlene came up to them first, “Hi,” she smiled, her bright blonde hair tied messily atop her head whereas her eyeliner was crisp and clean along her dark eyes, “What are you doing here?”
“Dunno,” James frowned, feigning confusion, then, “What about you?”
She only winked and said, “Well I suppose you’ll see won’t you?.” She made it seem as though she actually had something to say so he only glanced up at James who just shot a confused look in his general direction showing that he didn’t know what it was either.
Any further conversation was cut short by the arrival of the trio, everyone hastily grabbing a seat. They were in a neutral safehouse and it was rather small so to make up for lack of space at the dining table, they simply brought the chairs into the sitting room so while some were upright in those, others lounged along the sofa or in transfigured lopsided chairs across the room.
James ended up on a sofa and Regulus was on the cushion right next to him at the end but fear washed over him when Frank Longbottom readied to put his long bottom on him.
“Wait,” James hastily put a hand out, halting him right as he was about to land on his lap. Regulus didn’t dare to move.
“What is it?” Frank asked, turning and looking right at him, or rather through him, to see if there was something on the cushion.
“You can’t sit there,” he broke out, hand still outstretched, face slowly turning red- he was a horrible liar.
“And why’s that?” he questioned with a growing confused smile.
Then, clearly out of options, James threw the entirety of his weight onto him, reaching all the way to the armrest, then he smiled innocently up at Frank, “My back is a bit sore, slept on it wrong, you know how it goes.” He then stretched for emphasis, resting his elbow on the armrest and awkwardly splaying himself on the sofa.
Frank just nodded and left with a, “Feel better buddy.”
“You’re huge,” Regulus struggled to get out in a whisper.
James shifted so he wasn’t pressing on his lungs and was instead just laying across his lap and it was a much better position for the both of them.
“I’m sure you’re confused as to why we are all here,” Dumbledore nodded sharply from the front of the room, “It is because we have a sensitive issue we needed to bring up with a select few of you.”
“But first,” he said before turning and raising a purple silk covered arm, “Miss McKinnon?”
Sat right on the floor, she happily stood up and announced, “As most of you know, we have been working out how to get the prisoners Voldemort and the death eaters have taken hostage over the past few weeks- primarily the British and foreign Ministry higher ups. We located the most likely hideouts a week and a half ago and as of two days ago, we were able to rescue 50 out of the 80 presumed missing.”
There was a small chorus of cheers and clapping in response, giving Regulus the impression that this had been something they had been working on for quite some time. He hadn’t really had any involvement when it came to the prisoners- he didn’t know they really kept any until now. It was more a task delegated to the dark Lord’s cronies and lower level death eaters who would likely never receive the mark but would die hoping for it.
It made him realise just how much time had passed since he escaped and he could only imagine Voldemort’s furious face as he stared down at whoever had been in charge of the captives with blood red eyes, the veins that would bulge in his neck, how he might curse them until they begged for death.
He squirmed uncomfortably and James shifted slightly, resting a hand on his knee in a show of support or comfort- either helped.
“We have returned each of them to their respective countries to be placed under a security detail until the threat of recapture is mitigated and we’ll continue working on getting out the rest.” She nodded, then added, more resigned, “In the ensuing fight, we lost six captives and two of our own- Camus Ridgewater and Therese Middles.” He’d never heard of them but everyone around the room nodded solemnly.
While everyone murmured to each other, he only felt discomfort at knowing there was going to be some sort of retaliation for this- there always was.
Dumbledore stepped back up then, “Thank you Ms. McKinnon, your actions are bringing us closer to the end of this war. However, the path to victory is not an easy one, and many can get lost along the way. As of now, we are to implement new security measures that must be strictly followed- I know many of you are friends, but desperation breeds danger,” he then snapped his fingers and parchments, pulled from the air, dropped onto everybody’s laps.
One fell onto his as well and he looked down to see the list discussing security questions, certain curfews, the maximum number of people that can congregate at any given time, and so on and so forth. He already knew about all of these so he just pushed the sheet aside.
“This all seems a bit extreme,” Mary murmured, twirling a piece of dark hair around her finger as she scanned the page.
Shacklebolt stepped forward then and understandingly, he nodded, “I understand it seems that way but we have heard certain rumours…of a mole in the Order and we only wanted to ensure security for those of us on our side. And on that note, I would like to keep the details of today’s meeting private, I have faith you will all do so for the safety of your friends and the Order at large.”
Everyone nodded and satisfied, the leading trio left the room to presumably go speak elsewhere.
“Well that went well,” James murmured in his ear, stretching his arms and legs out as he slowly sat back up.
“Gods, Pettigrew is getting under my nerves, I just feel like he’s always watching me,” he replied instead. Ever since seeing that memory of Pettigrew watching him, targeting him in his animagus form, he felt like he was still following him despite the fact that he was, for all intents and purposes, dead.
James only levelled a reassuring look at him, “You don’t need to worry about a thing, really. The wards are up and I cast a Hominem Revelio when we got here- everyone was accounted for.” He hadn’t even noticed James do it but knowing that he had eased his spirits a bit.
Everyone lingered, chit chatting, but they slowly filtered out once the sun set and Regulus was happy for it because it was starting to get a bit suffocating under the cloak.
Dorcas had stayed behind, courtesy of Remus murmuring in her ear, and when she was finally the only one left, he was able to throw off the cloak and hand it to James who was more than happy to get it back.
She had gone into the bathroom but when sheentered the room a second later, she froze in the doorframe, staring at him, before pummeling right towards him, her leather boots heavy on the worn wooden floor. She gathered him in her arms and squeezed tight, “Reg,” she breathed into his ear, shaking her head- she was trembling all over. “Were you here the whole time?” she gaped, pulling back but not letting go.
He only nodded, breathing deeply, taking in the sight of her.
“I was scared I wasn’t going to get a chance to see you so soon,” she worried, her hand remaining on his shoulder even after she’d pulled away like he’d disappear if she let go of him.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” he smiled, reassuring her.
____________
“Absolutely not,” Regulus scowled at Dumbledore across the table a day later, his face calm and impassive, which only served to make him more annoyed.
“Reg, maybe he-,” Sirius tried but stopped once he turned his glare onto him.
“Regulus, I only offer because I believe I’ll be able to keep them safe, I am well aware of the importance of these objects,” the old man said, eyes sliding to the side as though the black box he was referring to was there.
“And I say no, too bad,” he threw out petulantly.
“What are we going to do keeping them with us when anyone-,” Now James tried, which was really just a betrayal at that point.
“I said no,” he finished, scooting back from the table with a loud screech and leaving the room.
He shut the door behind him and he could hear the three of them hastily speaking to each other and he had already made it outside before the door opened again and someone came out after him.
“What is it?” James asked once he had caught up with him sitting beneath one of the large trees a ways away from the garden and the house at large. It was nice and quiet out here with views of the rolling hills and expansive space- it offered peace and privacy, both of which he had little of these days.
“I don’t see what giving him the horcruxes will do,” he frowned, idly pulling at the grass by his sides and methodically tearing them apart. “Knowing him, he’d keep them hostage and do experiments on them or whatever it is he does all day.”
“Yeah but you could’ve just said no and ended it there, you’re being a bit defensive,” he reasoned, sitting down next to him and resting his shoulder on his.
He hated how easily James could read him despite how often he says otherwise. He turned to look at him, affection threatening to swallow him whole, and he just admired the strong curve of his jaw, the molten honey colour of his eyes.
“It’s just,” he chewed the inside of his cheek, “I died for them and I…” he trailed off.
James slid his calloused hand into his, “You don’t want to give them up now?”
“I’m not attached to them or anything- I know what they are,” he huffed a humourless laugh, running a hand through his hair, “More than anyone I think, but it just doesn’t feel right to give them up so easily to Dumbledore. I want to just-.”
“You want to see this through yourself,” James finished quietly for him.
He nodded.
“That’s all you had to say,” he smiled, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw, his lips and breath hot against his chilled skin. “He’s gone now anyways but I’ll send an owl to let him know.”
His touch was like fire after they had gone without much more than a peck on the lips since he’s been back. James kept acting as though he were made of glass and it was hard to not feel self-conscious about it, especially now that he had more than a couple of scars on his body and he was still forced to use the cane.
Even now when he wanted to deepen the kiss, bringing his hand up to keep James there, he pushed back and away, contentedly looking back out at the view.
He decided to take the initiative then, hooking a finger under James’ chin and connecting their lips once more and he immediately deepened the kiss, skimming his teeth against James’ plush lower lip and when he sucked in a breath of air, Regulus allowed his tongue to follow the inhale.
He rested his hand on his shoulder, using it as leverage to push further but when James leaned back, it put his hip at an awkward angle and some muscle in him pulled and cramped and he tried to fight back the pain but James saw the way his face contorted and pulled away.
He tried to hide his hurt but it was impossible.
“Reg, you’re still healing, I think we should take it slo-.”
“Do you just not like me anymore?” he cut him off, hating how insecure he sounded but he had spoken faster than he had been able to stop the words from coming out.
“What?” James sounded genuinely confused, “Are you mad?”
“Well,” he huffed, crossing his arms and hugging himself against the frigid air as the sun rapidly began setting, washing the landscape in a bright sheet of gold.
“Reg, you don’t understand the amount of self restraint I have been exercising these past few days- the things I want to do- what I think about- ” he spoke lowly, his eyes darkening and cheeks turning a ruddy shade of red. His hands closed around nothing as he held himself back.
“Then just do it,” he breathed, his back arching into James’ side, slowly creeping closer. “I want it- I want you,” he whimpered.
James, clearly fighting a losing battle against himself, caressed his cheek for a moment before slowly increasing the pressure, the pads of his fingers indenting his skin before he kissed him again, finally with the inferno Regulus had been aching to feel.
He moved then, bracing himself as he straddled Regulus, a move that he doesn’t do all that often but Regulus savoured the weight of James above him, his strong thighs bracketing his hips tightly. He hovered so as to not crush him but he wouldn’t have been mad either way.
James trailed kisses down his lips to his neck, biting and sucking at the flesh over his fluttering pulse and Regulus could practically feel the love bites forming as he did so. His fingers trailed at the hem of his top, just barely skirting the material, and when he ground his hips down slightly, Regulus gasped, the friction sweet as pleasure coiled in his stomach.
When James pressed a hand to his chest, Regulus quickly responded by dropping back against the grass and James stared down at him, pupils blown wide as lust swirled in his irises and he leaned down and whispered, lips brushing the shell of his ear, “Hold on.”
He didn’t have time to process as James securely wrapped an arm around his back and one minute they were outside on the lawn and the next they were in James’ room. So often they spent the night in his room, no real reason for it, but James’ room was much bigger and now, with the candles burning low and the curtains drawn, he could almost imagine they were in the Room of Requirement.
“This is better,” he whispered before picking him up and walking towards the bed.
“You’re insane,” he laughed, arms wrapped tightly around in his neck.
“I wanted you to be comfortable,” he murmured in the arch between his neck and shoulder.
He set him on the edge of the bed, far enough that he was secure, but his legs remained dangling off the raised edge.
James cupped each of his knees and slowly spread his legs apart, stepping in the space between them. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his own shirt, giving Regulus a clear view of his toned muscles, each one stark and clear under his smooth skin.
He then took off Regulus’ shirt, setting it beside him much more carefully before he hooked his fingers in the waistband of his trousers and pulled them down, discarding them off to the side before he slowly got to his knees. Regulus’ hands automatically went to his shoulders before slowly climbing upwards to the nape of his neck, gently scratching at his scalp.
James bit his lip as he slowly trailed his hand to his pants and when he cupped him over the thin material, Regulus tugged at his hair, gripping tightly. He thought he might have put too much pressure but when James only smirked up at him, he knew it would never be too much.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“Gods, I love you Reg,” he replied breathlessly.
____________
“Incendio?” Remus asked from his spot on the bench.
“It won’t work,” he drawled again.
“Well try it again, the paper might catch it,” he pushed.
Just to appease him, he cast an Incendio! right at the journal inside of the protective bubble charm and lo and behold, absolutely nothing had happened. He then turned and stared straight-faced at Remus, he even pointed just to emphasise how fruitless this endeavour was. He needed a spell like Incendio but times a billion, at the very least.
“Should I be apologising for offering a suggestion? My apologies for never having dealt with a horcrux before,” he grumbled, returning to his notes.
“Look I’m sorry it’s just- I’ve tried all of this before and nothing works.”
“Have you tried an Avada?” Sirius then asked and both of them looked at him in shock. “Oh come off it, don’t act like it’s that unreasonable of a question.”
“No I haven’t…” he murmured, turning back to the journal. The shielding charm he had put up held despite the amount of spells that had gone through and rebounded against it and for that he was pleased.
“Well, you could try,” he shrugged.
“Sirius,” Remus warned.
He was at least glad Sirius wasn’t pretending he had never cast it before.
“One Avada now that could potentially destroy a horcrux or an Avada getting us later on because we couldn’t do it when the opportunity presented itself?” he reasoned.
“You’re acting as though it’s a simple hex, you do realise it’s an Unforgivable right?” Remus reminded him.
“Yeah well I know a lot of things that are a lot less forgivable than that,” Sirius quipped, turning back to him, shading his eyes from the harsh sunlight above them.
“He’s right,” Regulus finally spoke up, “I could try.”
It had been quite some time since he had cast it but it wasn’t necessarily that complicated of a spell and he certainly had the intent to kill Voldemort, and his horcruxes by proxy- it was his greatest wish, so it wasn’t even a technical issue but an emotional one.
Sirius was right that there were much more Unforgivable things but he felt worried at how easy the killing curse could come to him. It was meant to be difficult, one of the hardest spells a wizard could cast, but the fact that he, and even Sirius, knew he’d be able to cast it raised alarm bells in his mind.
Either way, it was an unexplored avenue.
He stepped up to the bubble and placed a hand against it to pop it, watching it disintegrate into shimmering glitter as he didn’t fancy the curse rebounding and hitting him or either Sirius or Remus who continued to laze off to the side.
He could feel their eyes on him and he frowned out of view. He really wanted some privacy right about now.
Breathing deeply, he calmed and centred himself, and then he conjured up Voldemort’s face in his mind, his acts of terror, the horror and havoc he had left in his wake across the wizarding world, all the deaths he had ordered and carried out, each and every cruel word- it seemed so much easier then,
“Avada Kedavra!”
The spell landed true, bright green shooting from his wand and blasting right into the journal and he waited as the dust slowly settled before walking up to it.
The journal sat as pristine as ever, blanketed by a haze of acrid sulphur.
When he turned back, both Sirius and Remus wore identical looks of shock,
“So you think I can cast it but when I actually do it you’re surprised?” he spoke aloud to either of them, maybe neither- in all reality he knew he was just sort of projecting. “Well you can cross that off the list- it doesn’t work.”
He left them with that, slowly rubbing at the dull pain settling under his sternum.
With that pain, he was reminded of the burning pain of the dark mark, a pain he hadn’t felt in quite some time now. The only echoes of pain lingered in the visual of it, still stark black on his arm under the various scars he had inflicted upon himself atop it.
He wanted to get rid of it- he hated that mark just as much as he hated the man who had given it to him. It remained a constant reminder of the past he’d actively been escaping from and whenever he looked at it, he could only feel hopeless. He was a complete and utter failure.
He rubbed his left arm under his shirt sleeve, hoping and praying there was some way to remove it.
____________
“How do I look?” Sirius asked as he stepped into the room.
Regulus only gaped at his heeled leather boots, his tight black denim trousers, the pre-ripped and frayed muggle band top, and his trusty worn leather jacket. His wand was stuck in his nest of raven black hair and Regulus could clearly see the makeup he had generously applied around his silver eyes, making them appear impossibly brighter.
“I think…she might have a heart attack,” Regulus finished.
“Oh come on,” he tried, spinning in a slow circle, “Cissy knows how I dress anyways. Plus, I never liked wearing dress robes back then and I’m sure as fuck am not going to start now.”
He wondered why he even asked if he was already so confident in his decision. Or perhaps, he considered, all this bravado and carefree attitude was just a way to hide the anxiety that was surely rising within him.
“When was the last time you saw her?” he asked, unsure of when exactly that was.
Sirius considered it then gave up with a, “I dunno, all I know is that it’s been a long time.”
He went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and continued speaking, “I hope she’s not asking me to be her kid’s godfather any time soon- I wonder what she named it anyway, Lucius Jr.? Or was it a girl? Lucissa?” he snorted to himself.
That gave him pause as he finally realised, having forgotten it amidst everything else going on, that she hadn’t had the child. He hadn’t heard anything about it, at all, when usually his mother would receive regular updates on her and the child’s health- pureblood rules and all.
He hated to think about it but he was sure there was no child, not anymore.
“Sirius, please don’t talk about kids- none at all. Don’t even bring the topic up, Lucius might, if he’s there, but don’t entertain it, please,” he pleaded, following Sirius into the kitchen because Sirius was always up for a smart quip but he couldn’t bear to imagine how Cissy might feel after something like that.
Sirius, reading the intensity in his expression, nodded, “Look, I don’t imagine I’ll be there any longer than a half hour. If anything, I expect her to do most of the talking.”
He left right after but Regulus was sure out of everything Sirius could do- staying quiet was not one of them, especially not if provoked.
____________
He arrived at the manor a short while later and immediately looked up at the dreary landscape.
Tall grey walls that must have been white once, rounded columns,and hundreds of windows dotted the exterior of the three, maybe four, story mansion before him. The gravel pathway was lined with various marble statues that had been weathered with age and led up to the front which was lined with manicured rose bushes flush with blood red flowers in bloom.
He felt out of place here, much like he had his whole life when surrounded by his family. He liked to think he had grown up so much since then, that he was well and truly his own person now, but in times like this he felt no more than a small ten year old, scared to even place a toe out of line.
He cracked his fingers as he walked up the long pathway and jumped a bit when the large gates clanged shut on their own behind him. He steeled his breathing and wondered how many knocks he should do when it turned out his worrying was for naught as the minute his boot touched the last step, the door creaked open, a small elf bowing before opening the door further. She appeared old and overworked but didn’t have the same…crankiness as Kreacher.
Usually elves address guests by their family name, yet she said nothing.
“Mistress Malfoy is in the receiving room,” she croaked before turning and guiding him there as he still reeled from the title of ‘Malfoy’ instead of ‘Black.’
“Do you actually know why I’m here?” he took a chance at asking.
The elf remained quiet.
The house, if it could even be called that for it looked more like a museum, was silent. There were no signs of life and it was only becoming more clear that for all his wishes for Cissy to not be like the rest of her family, living in a dreary and dead home, it would seem that she was doomed to repeat the cycle.
They arrived quickly enough and he took a moment to really look at her. She was facing the opposite wall, gazing out of the window, and he admired her silhouette- her fine dark hair, dancing through threads of blonde, near white hair. Her perfect posture and small frame, juvenile even at her age.
He stepped through the doorway and she suddenly turned around, hastily standing up. She nervously smoothed her hands on her long robes despite them having been pressed to perfection.
“Sirius,” she said and extended a fine hand to the twin chair next to her.
He entered then and when he got closer to her he knew he should have held her hand, maybe hugged her, but he didn’t do anything besides slowly sink into the chair. He was sitting, admittedly, straighter than usual and with a bit more poise- he couldn’t forget everything he had learned in his past life apparently.
“Thank you for coming,” she greeted tightly as though she was the one who had been dragged here.
“Well, I admit, I was curious,” he replied.
“Ah, they say curiosity killed the cat,” she replied oddly enthusiastically as though proud she knew one muggle phrase.
“Good thing I’m a dog then,” he drawled.
He could see the confusion on her face but he didn’t offer any more clarification than that.
With surprising swiftness, her house elf came in with a tray of tea but she stopped her from pouring it, instead dismissing the elf and doing it herself, pouring them both a cup.
She made his first, only adding a single cube of sugar and a splash of cream- just how he liked it. She took hers with extra honey, sugar, and cream- as sweet as humanly possible he thought.
He leaned forward and took a small cursory sip before putting it back down- he didn’t really even want it.
“Does Lucius know I’m here?” he asked, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other, his foot idly swinging in the air. He watched his cousin track the movement and she slumped a bit too, as much informality as she could bear.
“No, he doesn’t,” she murmured quietly.
“Interesting, why is that?” he asked, propping his chin on his hand, as though it wasn’t glaringly clear.
“Sirius, I asked you to come over because I- I’m worried about you. After Re-,” she couldn’t bear to say his name, “Regulus, I don’t have much family left do I?”
It was true as now, excluding him, the only ones truly left of the Black line were her and Bellatrix but now even their surnames’ had been changed to their husbands’.
“I’m afraid not. Though again, why contact me and not say? Andromeda,” he countered.
Her face tightened then as her eyes took on a faraway look, shrouded in some emotion he could only describe as despairing, “I sent an owl but my letter came back unopened. No response at all yet it was the loudest rejection she could have given me.”
“Yes well I don’t imagine she would have felt very welcome coming back here,” he frowned, looking around for emphasis.
He still remembered the way they had treated her upon finding out about Ted. Prior to meeting him, she was his aunt and uncle’s golden child, despite her being a girl when they wished for a boy- she excelled in all of her studies, became magically proficient at a very young age, and showed great promise. Upon all of those, she was beautiful, well-mannered, and well-bred.
She was everything they could have asked for in a child.
Until she grew up.
It would seem as though the minute she gained consciousness and they couldn’t brainwash her anymore- they lost hope in her.
Meeting Ted was the best thing that could have happened for her, but it was the worst thing to her parents who completely wiped her from existence though they couldn’t take away the memories he had of her, the love he still carried for his cousin. He didn’t blame her for leaving while she could either, gods know he had when he had the chance to.
In Cissy’s delicate features, her pointed cheekbones and slim nose- all he could see was Regulus.
It was hard to see Regulus after he had left home but he hadn’t realised how hard it was to leave his cousins as well, never having to see them once he was at school but now, old memories and love came rushing back.
How he could love a family that had abandoned him remained a mystery.
“No, I’m sure she wouldn’t expect that, but whatever she thought would’ve happened wouldn’t have- I mean, I would have liked to see her,” she reasoned.
“Yeah and what have you done to convince her of that?”
“I get it Sirius- I admit I have made mistakes but I’m trying now,” she frowned, gripping her saucer a bit tighter.
“Yeah well, you should’ve tried while she was still here. I still remember one of the last conversations you all had with her. You did nothing while your parents berated her, berated Ted-.”
She cut in harshly, “I was a child.”
“Yeah well so was I and I still knew it was wrong,” he hissed.
“I’m sorry it takes some of us some time to come to terms with what happened,” she said, her tone ice cold but she thawed slightly, “I know you and Regulus had your issues with each other, but I do not wish to bury another family member.”
She hadn’t a clue that even before Regulus had been deemed dead, they had made up- they had forgiven each other quite some time ago.
“So what is calling me here supposed to do?” he finally asked.
“The dark Lord is…upset with the loss of one of his death eaters, Reg, and he wants to punish someone. He said he wants to make a ‘spectacle’ to the world to prove that one cannot simply hurt a member of the DE and get away with it and I cannot help but think he is referring to you.”
She had gone a ghostly shade of white, her veins visible under her dark undereyes and the thin skin of her neck. She was chewing her lip as she said this and when she brought the cup of tea to her lips again, he could see it trembling. This must’ve been her first ‘great act of defiance.’
“How and when did you find out about this?” he asked, leaning forward, finally putting aside all the childish and petty comments now that he was faced with this. He thought he should have felt scared but all he felt was the need to act.
“The dark Lord sometimes hosts his meetings here. I’m not in regular attendance but I…listen in sometimes. This last meeting was the night before I sent you that missive.”
The gears whirred in his head as he considered her words. He hadn’t imagined that Voldemort would have cared so much for Regulus but he supposed that was just because he tended to understate Regulus’ role in the DE whenever he thought about it because he didn’t like to consider what Regulus had done in his time with them.
With that, he might have also just been looking for any reason to lash out in this big way, especially to cut the legs out from under the Order.
“You don’t sit in on the meetings?” he asked as a filler sort of statement.
She shook her head, hands running back and forth on the soft suede material of the armrests, “No, I choose not to.”
“You can choose?” he was actually surprised at that.
A rueful smile, “Well I am a woman aren’t I? In any way, before that I was er- pregnant and was allowed leave.”
“No little Malfoys yet?” he asked cautiously.
She just gave a quick shake of her head before turning out the window and he could see the glisten in her eyes, “Not quite yet.”
“Cissy I-.”
He heard the slam of a door somewhere in the house before a loud, “Narcissa?”
Her head snapped back to him and her pale blue eyes widened in alarm, “Wimple,” she hissed out.
The old elf from before appeared, much more animated than before, “Master Malfoy is being back early. He is coming upstairs now.”
“Clear the table and show Sirius to the back door. Take him to the edge of the property line and he can apparate from there,” she ordered, quickly standing up in a flurry of robes, out of place against her hardened exterior.
“Cissy I-,” he wanted to stay now.
He had been so on the offensive because he thought he would’ve had the luxury of time but only now once they had started to break that ice between them, his chance had been taken away from him and he didn’t know when he’d get the chance to see her again.
He regretted it now and his instinct overtook him as he lunged forward and swept her up in a crushing hug- not wanting to regret not having done so once he left. She hugged him back for only a moment before heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs closer this time and she pushed him away.
“Go,” she commanded and he was dragged away by Wimple towards a door he hadn’t realised was there cut into the wall.
Lucius stepped in through the main door then and he waited, watching her, “Lucius, you’re back,” she breathed.
“I am,” he frowned, looking over her and the room once, nose flaring as though he could scent that someone else was here.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, walking up to him and placing a hand on his elbow.
He looked down at her in apparent disdain, like he couldn’t bear the sight of her. She caught the look and stepped back. Her eyes slid to him over Lucius’ shoulder and widened, she had thought him already gone.
“You don’t understand what it’s like to-.” he started.
Wimple, fed up, dragged him along like he was no more than a sack of potatoes. Eventually, he gave in so she’d stop pulling at his trouser leg and she did as Cissy instructed her to, taking him out into the lush garden and cutting sideways through it to the closest border.
Once there, Wimple pointed, “Five paces to the right and you’ll be out.”
“Thank you Wimple,” he breathed and she dipped her chin.
He spared the house one last look before disappearing, shaking off the cold dreariness and leaving it behind.
____________
I believe you should start your search where it all began.
Albus
He stared at the parchment again, just having left the pensieve and the memory within it.
At first, he was suspicious at what memory Dumbledore had sent him but he saw then that it was of a young, orphaned, Tom Riddle- on their first meeting, him pretending to be distant family member to the matron and later revealing his true identity to Tom in private.
He tried to rub life into his arms again, feeling a perpetual chill after having watched the memory.
Young Tom was as serious as he looked in that memory with Slughorn, black hair with matching eyes, stern expression, a certain deadness hanging about him. His room in the orphanage was small and depressing, perfect for a child like him.
He spoke of his magic, how he scared people, how people that hurt him would become hurt in return. He even revealed that he could speak to snakes. He watched Dumbledore reason with him, starting with the lesson on not stealing from others before explaining that attending Hogwarts could help him control his magic.
Little did he know that allowing Tom Riddle into Hogwarts would have been the worst mistake he had likely ever made.
He considered the note one last time before going back upstairs to his room and to the folder he had of Tom Riddle kept locked up in a drawer in his desk.
He pulled out the thick sheaf of parchment and sat down on the edge of his bed, skimming through it once more.
He had almost given up when he saw it then, pulling the last slip of parchment out of the stack and going back downstairs with it, still forming his idea when he reached James in the kitchen.
“Was it a memory then?” James asked when he entered, allowing him to look at the memory on his own, understanding his need for privacy when it came to anything regarding Tom Riddle and his search for answers.
He nodded, “Yeah, it was of young Tom Riddle, when Dumbledore first met him, and it gave me an idea.” His heart thrummed in his chest and his blood sang at the prospect of finally having something to do again.
“What is it?”
“I need to go back to the start.”
He placed the parchment on the counter between them for James to see.
Gaunt Shack
Outside Little Hangleton, Yorkshire
England, Great Britain
James looked up at him in confusion.
“Before Voldemort became Voldemort, he was Tom Marvolo Riddle, and before that he was Tom Marvolo Gaunt and this is his family home.”