fortes fortuna adiuvat
His sensations slowly trickled in in- he felt the brush of warm breath on the back of his bare neck, could smell the fresh pine in the room, hear the gentle breathing of another against his ear, taste the sweetness in the air, and finally, once he cracked his eyes open, see the warm rays of sunlight that filtered into the room from the artificial window.
It was cracked open to reveal a view of some distant shore, waves lapping against the sand they were situated on, the sun beaming brightly down upon them, but he knew the truth beyond those windows- another cloudy day and a layer of snow covering the grounds as Christmas was barely more than a breath away.
Regulus turned over in James’ arm to look at him.
He loved watching James sleep- from when James had fallen asleep in his arms in the Astronomy Tower, terrified during a storm in which Regulus was too ashamed to even admit to himself that he had stared at James throughout the night to now in which he unabashedly stared at his smooth face, calm in sleep. He wore so many expressions in a single day that in sleep, he appeared years younger- his face smooth and unlined. His mouth was slightly open as he breathed, a horrible habit he ought to correct, and his hair flopped onto his face.
“Go back to sleep,” he mumbled and Regulus laughed silently, not knowing how James even knew he was awake or how he was awake himself.
“I want to,” Regulus mumbled. He stretched his arms out like a cat before relaxing again, savouring the feel of the soft quilt atop him. “What time is it?” he mumbled, looking around, trying to reorient himself.
A soft pop had an alarm clock popping onto the bedside table next to him and a quick look showed that it was a quarter past 8. He dropped his head back down onto the pillow, slowly blinking, and as if on cue, a miniature calendar materialised next to the clock and the day was indicated by a glowing box.
It was Monday.
He dropped his head back down.
It was Monday.
“Shit!” he jumped up and out of bed, frantically looking for his clothes.
“What?” asked James, annoyed at the sudden outburst.
“We’re going to miss class if we don’t leave now!” Regulus called, wiggling into his trousers and looking around for his white shirt which had ended up under the sofa and half torn thanks to James’ enthusiasm. He hastily fixed the jagged tear.
“Let’s skip,” he smiled sleepily.
Regulus, in a hasty move, sent a little sting to James to urge him into action and he just frowned, “I thought we got past that,” he sniped, remembering the last time Regulus had done that to him.
“You forced my hand,” he countered, shoving his feet into his shoes.
James clambered out of bed and cast a few freshening charms on himself before finding his clothes which were also strewn about the room but were, mercifully, not torn.
“You stay behind for five minutes while I walk away,” Regulus finally ordered with a pointed finger at James who was still scrambling around trying to find his left shoe.
“But I- why do you get to go first” James pouted, entirely focused on his missing shoe, oblivious to the fact that he didn’t even have trousers on yet.
“Look at yourself,” he laughed and then ran out the front door, watching it melt away behind him.
He heard the distant chatter of students and knew this corridor would be packed in minutes so he slowed his speed to a more casual pace and blended into the throng of students all around him on his way to Potions.
He had received a few looks here and there and he realised he must look a right mess and spent the rest of the walk consciously running a hand through his hair to straighten the errant ends and fixing the tucks of his top. He even popped in a few mints despite the multiple freshening charms he’d cast on himself when he’d woken up.
“Don’t you look nice today,” Dorcas grinned as she saw him approach the classroom door from the other end of the hall.
“I look the same,” he frowned.
“Really? I think you look quite fierce today,” she winked before turning into the room.
Confused, he just continued onwards to his seat, making eye contact with Sirius who was already seated at his desk. His face was neutral when he entered but slowly grew darker once he approached. Regulus didn’t really know whether to say hi or not but based on his expression alone, he decided against it and sat down.
He heard Dorcas snicker behind him and he turned around, “What’s so funny?”
Sirius just dropped his head into his hands, shaking his head side to side very slowly.
“Hi Reg,” Remus smiled upon entry and when he turned around, Remus’ eyes widened a bit as well and he was getting really fed up. He was about to summon a mirror from somewhere just to figure out what the problem was until James walked into the room.
As usual, James stole his attention from whatever was at hand and Regulus savoured in the way his crisp shirt hugged his figure, the way his robes fluttered loosely around him, open just enough to watch the sway of his hips- his entire outfit punctuated by a green and silver tie tied loosely around his neck.
He blanched as James approached, grinning wildly.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Sirius muttered.
“Why? Is it because you’re thinking about how their ties got switched? I can only imagine they spent the night together, clearly naked, and they must’ve woken up late after what was probably a tiring night, maybe they had another-” Dorcas rattled off.
“Meadowes, I will kill you. Slowly,” Sirius threatened lowly.
He ripped his own tie off his neck and stared in horror at the red and gold and pounced on James the instant he sat down, “What is wrong with you?” he hissed.
“Not my fault, you ran out with my tie,” he smirked.
“Well you didn’t have to put that one on, I already had enough people see me with this one,” he held a hand out to switch ties.
“I didn’t want to be out of uniform,” James replied and Regulus just gave a pointed look to his very-red shoes.
“Prongs, I love you, but I really cannot think about you defiling-,” Sirius started.
“If anything he defiled me, I mean the way he-.”
Slughorn finally entered and immediately picked up a piece of chalk to begin writing and Regulus was glad he didn’t have to hex James’ mouth shut, gods knew what he was about to say.
Regulus finally ripped the green tie from James' neck and wrapped it around his own, throwing him his own red tie which he fastened around himself with ease.
“I rather think you look good in red,” James whispered.
“Shush,” Regulus chided half-heartedly.
“See you’re turning red now,” he sneaked.
Regulus brushed his comment off and at the end of class, Slughorn passed their last essays back to them and Regulus had, expectedly, gotten a perfect score whereas James on the other hand had barely passed.
“This is impossible, I literally spent three days on this,” he said astonished as he scanned the parchment, reading all of Slughorn’s scratched comments in the margins. “You started yours the day before it was due!”
Regulus just shrugged as he put it away though he did nothing to hide the smirk on his face.
“This is clearly favouritism, right Pads?” he asked Sirius, looping him into the conversation.
“Next time, I’ll take a look over your paper, just make sure everything’s covered y’know?” Regulus offered.
“I got it,” James huffed like a child, snatching his parchment away from his prying eyes.
“Careful, green is not your colour” he smirked, picking up his bag and walking out the door.
_______
He passed by Dorcas and Marlene who were headed down to the Quidditch pitch for a quick fly that evening when Marlene stopped him and whispered that Mary had wanted to speak to him hoping he’d come by the Hospital Wing whenever he had the chance.
It was for that reason he had redirected and gone down to the greenhouses, scrabbling around for flowers but nothing felt right- red roses were a bit too grandiose for the occasion, daisies too simple, sunflowers were just obnoxious, he considered his singing plant that still stood strong but chose against that as it would end up just as a punishment for her instead.
He found a bushel of snapdragons in a faraway corner that was much warmer than the surrounding area, the area reserved for the summertime plants and he plucked a few of them and tied them off with twine.
He didn’t know much about flowers but Narcissa loved gardening and had cultivated an expansive garden at her home that she loved to show off to him every time he visited. She’d go on and on about every single plant, how to care for them, what they represented, and how she chose them. He remembered her specific mention of snapdragons and how they represented strength and the way in which some cultures believed they contained magic and could confer protection onto their cultivator.
While he knew that part wasn’t exactly true, snapdragons were used in many various potions and were an incredibly useful but undervalued flower.
He thought they would make a fine choice.
He felt incredibly nervous to see her and didn’t quite know why- perhaps he just didn’t know what to expect.
When he saw Lily with Snape all that time ago, he had put an end to their confrontation through similar means and through some unspoken agreement, they had all forgotten that night, but now Mary wanted to what? Thank him? That didn’t seem right but he knew he had to go nonetheless so he hoped his flowers would be a nice addition as he made his way there.
The Wing was rather empty aside from a moaning first year and a sleeping fifth year.
A small roster on the wall showed Mary was on the second bed so he went towards her, announcing his arrival before pushing the curtain aside a bit.
She was propped up on some pillows with a small light floating above her illuminating the cramped space. She put down the book that was in her hands and smiled at him but even he could tell it was strained. Her eyes were shadowed, a dark ring encircling them, and her face seemed thin, much more than before- she looked drained.
“Sorry I didn’t come by sooner, I-” he voiced, offering the flowers to her.
She accepted, smelling them before setting them on the table, “I hadn’t expected you to but I just wanted to thank you for helping me that night…I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t. I tried to resist but he- he’s so strong and I hadn’t been expecting him, I should’ve-.”
She was quickly getting upset and Regulus wanted to stop the onslaught of emotion he was all too familiar with, “It’s not your fault. The Imperius is near-impossible to resist and that kind of cruelty is…unexpected. I know what it’s like,” he whispered the last part, wanting to bare just a bit of his soul to her as well.
She had the grace not to comment and she just nodded mutely, “I thought I’d get to leave sooner but I haven’t been er- sleeping, Everytime I close my eyes I think about it so I just stopped trying.” Her voice was quiet and weak, nothing like her usual tone.
He didn’t know MacDonald too well, only knew of her in passing and the fact that they shared Potions together but he had heard about her through many. Practically every boy fancied her at one point or the other but dropped it when they realised they wouldn’t have a chance- not even because she wasn’t straight but simply because they weren’t in her league. She was incredibly talented in Charms, Flitwick constantly mentioning her in his lessons, and she had even been studying under Madam Pomfrey’s tutelage after her classes.
“The first time I was put under the Imperius I-” his throat involuntarily seized and he swallowed to push past it, “I was a child, maybe 7 or 8. My mum was hosting a dinner party and she wanted me and Sirius to sit still and be quiet but we were just kids, it was an impossible request. Sirius was good at hiding what he did but I wasn’t, he’d stop laughing or playing in an instant while I continued, not realising that we’d get in trouble. My mum put both of us under it then, I remember what it was like, to see through my eyes but not be in control of myself. I wish I could say something to make it better, but I don’t. I still can’t talk about it without er- getting a bit panicky.
“I only wish I had gotten there sooner- no one deserves to go through that,” he finished honestly, feeling lighter than he had when he walked in.
There was a sort of safety in baring one’s soul to a stranger for Mary did not level him with a pitying look or jump to comfort him- she simply nodded in the shared experience they had. Regardless of everything else about them- they had both gone through the unthinkable.
“I want to Obliviate myself every time i think about it. Every time I even manage to sleep, I think about him, on top of me, next to me, his breath hot in my ear,” her face contorted sickly, “I can’t escape the feeling.”
Regulus didn’t know what to say- he only knew he felt incredibly sad then.
His first reaction was to bring up Occlumency, to block it out just as he did with everything that happened to him but it didn’t feel right. He knew it wasn’t healthy to do that but it was all he knew to do- he didn’t want anyone else to do that, especially not MacDonald.
“I’m sorry I don’t know why I just said that,” she laughed wetly, scrubbing at her eyes harshly. “I know it’ll get better, it’s just hard.”
“It is and it will,” Regulus replied patiently because there was no point in arguing that fact.
“I sometimes wonder how different life would’ve been if Hogwarts didn’t have houses- if we all just learned magic as one unit rather than all of us constantly in competition with each other, belittling others simply for traits we were tested on at eleven years old. I’m sure blood status would still matter but if my tie was green instead of red, would this have still happened? I imagine we could have been friends,” the corner of her mouth turned up.
“I’d like to say we are friends MacDonald,” he replied in equal measure.
Her smile turned more genuine then and then she continued, her deep brown eyes glinting under the small light above them, “I don’t think people give you enough credit Black.”
“Very true,” he winked jokingly.
She wrapped a cold hand around his that had been resting on her bed side, squeezing tightly and letting it stay there, not pulling back and he allowed the touch, feeling comforted by it just as well.
“What’s that book you were reading?” he asked, peering at the cover.
She gasped deeply, straightening up then and she immediately dove into a detailed summary and he listened attentively as he made a mental note to check it out from the Library after her.
Shadows still lingered behind her eyes and her demeanour was still quiet but just for that moment, she looked slightly better and Regulus knew she’d be okay- she was a Gryffindor after all.
_______
The last week leading up to the holiday passed in a frenzy of exams, gift-wrapping, and holiday cheer.
He had utilised their last Hogsmeade trip to its fullest potential, buying everything he needed for all of his friends which took herculean effort for just how much it all was. He loved giving gifts to others, especially considering how bad he was at actually vocalising how much he cared for his friends.
He found his best friends’ gifts relatively easily as he knew their likes and dislikes- how Evan loved anything plant related but if you got him books on planting he’d be incredibly displeased as he claimed to know more than anything they could ever teach him. Barty loved anything artistic and possibly illegal, which was what forced him to meet a sketchy-looking fifth year Huffelpuff behind the greenhouses one evening, and Pandora pretty much liked anything- the more niche the better. Dorcas was very clear in what she wanted, always giving him a list before the holidays simply because she didn’t want anyone to fuss over her and it was efficient.
It was his newfound friends that caused him stress.
Remus wasn’t necessarily too ‘newfound’ and when he had come across a store with the cosiest and oldest looking jumpers he had ever seen, he jumped on them and added them to the pile of books he had already acquired for him.
He thought he might get Evans, MacDonald, and McKinnon presents. He considered that it might be weird to do so but after a talk with Pandora and Dorcas, they agreed that it would not be weird but incredibly sweet instead and besides, he could just give them to them and disappear until they got on the train so he wouldn’t have to deal with any sort of confrontation.
Sirius was his main problem. He had scoured the entirety of Hogsmeade and nothing struck out to him. He even looked at the categories from the shops at Diagon Alley and still, nothing seemed good enough. He didn’t want to just gift him socks or a set of quills but that was all that seemed available.
“Stop looking so grim,” Barty chided, kicking his foot as he shoved another spoonful of mash into his mouth.
The Great Hall was bursting with life as students chattered, tinsel sparkled in shades of red and green, and the christmas trees erected in every available corner sparkled rainbow coloured lights onto the surrounding area.
The Christmas feast was no small feat by the elves as platters of roast chicken and turkey sat on a bed of vegetables, surrounded by potatoes and roasts and biscuits.
Regulus didn’t even know where to begin- his hand just moved on its own volition grabbing scoop after scoop of the mouthwatering food. He didn’t know how elves knew how to cook- it seemed innate and really, while having elves was technically ‘wrong’ he couldn’t help but not feel bad about it when the result was this.
“Sorry, it’s just- I don’t know what to get Sirius” he sighed as he eyed the platter or buttered rolls in front of him. “I mean what screams- ‘I’m so happy we reconnected after years of hating each other and I care about you but like not too much just in case you don’t care about me as much. And yeah I am really good at giving gifts.’”
Evan, Barty, and Dorcas just stared blankly at him.
“I think you’re overthinking it a bit,” Dorcas pointed out, gesturing with her fork.
“Instead of coming up with an idea, let the idea come to you,” Evan said rather philosophically before adding, “Does dipping asparagus into the gravy make it healthy or unhealthy or do they cancel eachother out?”
He looked over the hall at James who currently had two potato wedges wedged under his top lip giving him the appearance of a walrus and was laughing at Sirius who was trying to balance a spoon on his nose.
“You know I’ve never seen Reg smile so much as he had in the past month, it’s a bit disturbing,” Barty fake whispered.
“No I haven’t” he immediately frowned.
“Yes you have, you don’t smile that much when you look at us,” his friend complained.
“You don’t give me something to smile about,” he huffed.
“Your attitude will be reflected in your gifts this year,” he said primly, sniffing with his nose high in the air.
_______
“Welcome in,” Marlene said at the portrait hole entrance to Gryffindor tower, stepping back to reveal a crowd of people dancing and cheering with music blaring from amplification charms.
Dorcas stepped in first, immediately trapping Marlene in a heated kiss and they took that as their cue to swiftly walk past them and shut the door lest Filch come by and try to shut it down. Surely the professors knew about the parties by now and they tended to let them slide but that didn’t mean Filch still didn’t try his best to catch them.
The room was a maelstrom of colour as multicoloured tinsel hung from every possible surface and fairy lights were hastily strung across the room, flickering at random intervals. There were two Christmas trees in opposite corners of the room that were decorated to the tee and it felt like Santa’s elves had come in and personally decorated the room- if they were drunk and blind.
Pettigrew was playing DJ as he picked through records, Remus next to him clearly doing quality control as he either nodded or shook his head at whatever Peter showed him.
He walked over there first, and Remus gave him a bright smile when he saw him, “I almost didn’t think you’d come.”
“Barty could never resist a good party,” he shrugged as looked over at Barty enthusiastically filling up a cup with a brightly coloured liquid doled out by a Ravenclaw with equally bright pink hair.
“I think we all need one last hoorah because next term we really need to get started on studying for our NEWTS,” Remus worried, running a hand through his sandy hair anxiously.
“I think you of all people have the least cause to worry,” he replied, knowing Remus was a genius.
“It’s not just passing them I’m worried about,” he complained.
Before he got a chance to ask further, Peter leaned over, “No talking about school work! Hey Moony, could you get me a refill please?”
Remus walked away to carry out that request and when Regulus was about to leave as well, Peter quickly stopped him, stepping away from the record player for a quick moment.
“I just wanted to say that I was sorry for what I said last year. It’s just, things had just started to get bad and rumours were going around and-”
Regulus quickly raised a hand, “It’s fine Pettigrew, really.”
It certainly wasn’t, he was still upset about what Pettigrew had said based on a random rumour that he was a dark wizard that had floated around every couple of months but he couldn’t truly stay mad at him or let things be awkward- he only said it was fine for James’ sake.
“Cheers,” he said, clapping him on the back a bit too roughly, before getting back to his work.
Eventually, James ran down the stairs from his dorm and Regulus almost spit his drink out and onto the girls dancing next to him.
He was wearing black denim that hung low and tight across his hips, the waistband of his pants just peeking out over the top. His white button up shirt was hardly buttoned up, only the bottom two were clasped, leaving the entirety of his broad and tanned chest out of display, the flashing lights highlighting the divots in between each muscle tantalisingly, and he had a pair of fuzzy antlers poking out from his curled hair.
He could see both girls and boys looking at James with equal looks of lust or wanting and Regulus could hardly even manage to feel jealous because James’ eyes had scanned the room before landing on him and staying there as though no one else was even in the room.
James slowly made his way over, smiling at people as he passed, before coming to a stop, a dopey smile on his face.
“Is that eyeliner,” Regulus leaned in close enough to see his own reflection in James’ glasses.
James crossed his eyes goofily, “Maybe. Sirius was putting some on and looped me in.”
His eyes were bright against the harsh black eyeliner, illuminating them even further, and he wanted to drown himself in his eyes, right in the space where green met brown, where moss met earth, and stay there forever.
“We need to have a serious talk, you can’t go out looking like this,” Regulus hmphed, taking a long sip of his drink as he openly ogled James.
“Like what?” James asked and he looked down.
He slowly started to button the buttons but Regulus held out a finger, “Not quite yet, I’m enjoying the view.”
James ran a finger along his wrist lightly, skirting the material of his dark green jumper and spoke lowly, “You seem in good spirits today.”
Regulus had to admit, all in all, he felt much better than he had in a very long time. He couldn’t remember a time where he had genuinely felt this pleased with everything around him really.
He and James were strong, stronger than he could have ever hoped for the two of them, he and Sirius were slowly inching back to the close relationship they once shared, his friends were all doing well and in relationships of their own, his school work was good as usual…he didn’t have anything to complain about.
It didn’t mean that, at night, flashes of Abena shrieking or her baby crying didn’t flash across his vision or Bellatrix cursing him causing phantom pain to course through him didn’t wake him up at night but the pain lessened when he thought about the positives around him because before, he quite frankly, didn’t have any.
Even the idea of going home in just a few days didn’t scare him as much as it should have.
“I am,” he answered honestly.
James leaned down then, bracing his hand on the pillar Regulus was currently leaning on and he shifted his body the other way so to anyone else it would seem both of them were merely relaxing against it but Regulus could feel the heat build in their little nook.
“I want to kiss you,” James said breathily.
“We can sneak out later,” Regulus replied breezily though heat already began to pool deep in his belly, an excitement only James could elicit.
James dropped his head and when he brought it back up, his prongs had shifted.
“Where did you get that anyways,” he laughed.
“Pete thought he was being funny,” he tried to right them but they were still a bit off centre.
He nodded and quickly grabbed a drink on a tray that floated around the room. He looked up for a moment and saw snow falling, hitting and dissipating after striking an invisible surface just above them.
“Clever bit of magic isn’t it? Remus managed it somehow,” James grinned, looking up as though he could catch a bit of it.
“Very impressive,” he nodded, looking at the throng of people dancing around them.
Dorcas was currently writhing against Marlene with Pandora jumping happily around them, her hands interlocked with Xenophilius’ and Barty and Evan were on the other side of the room in the middle of a drinking competition as beer dribbled down the sides of the cups they were chugging from.
The party was in full swing and Regulus was brought back to the Halloween party and it seems he wasn’t the only one as James turned his body to lean back against the pillar, his shoulder brushing against his’.
“I was so jealous that night,” James admitted with an ashamed look on his face.
“Were you really?” he asked, genuinely a bit surprised.
James just looked at him as if he were slow, “Are you joking? I thought I was going to go mad when I saw you dancing with that guy with his hands all over you,” he made a gagging noise to punctuate his disgust, “I was so mad I almost left the party entirely.”
Regulus still remembered that night as the first time they had almost kissed. The way he ran his fingers along James’ face because of how drunk he was, how hot James’ breath was against his, how close their faces were.
“Talking to you was the highlight of that night, however brief it was,” he whispered and Regulus snapped his eyes up to James, his shoulders back against the wall and his legs kicked out so that he was almost exactly diagonal to the wall, his abs tight as they kept him aloft.
He wanted to eat him, well and truly.
But Pandora had other plans as she flounced over to him, grabbed the drink out of his hand and guzzled it down before pulling him right into the mass of people. The last thing he saw was James’ beaming smile before he was swallowed by the crowd.
_______
The night passed quickly in a blur of drink and dance, or rather more of an awkward swaying for Regulus. He didn’t enjoy dancing all too much but Pandora tended to grab his arms and force him into movement that he just allowed, not in the mood to be fussy about it.
It was like one minute, everyone in their year was present, and the next everyone was simply gone, likely wanting to keep the party going in privacy as they would all be going their separate ways soon.
He remained slumped on a sofa cushion, supporting his head on his hand as he watched James and Barty compete to see who could hold a headstand the longest. James was strong and lean, relatively solid, but Barty was dedicated despite his flailing legs so he wasn’t really sure who would win now.
Sirius dropped onto the cushion next to him, seemingly equally tired out, “Have fun tonight?”
He just nodded tiredly, “Gryffindors sure know how to party.”
“Are you admitting ours are better than yours?” he grinned.
He looked sideways at him, “Not in the slightest.”
Sirius just nodded as he leaned back, “I can’t believe this is our last Christmas party. All I’ve been doing this year is just thinking about how everything is our ‘last.’”
“You could always just fail and get held back,” Regulus offered helpfully. Sirius didn’t smile at that though and Regulus kicked him with a foot, “What is it?”
Shouts rang out and a quick glance showed James on the ground with Barty still upside down, his face incredibly red.
“It just feels weird, leaving you here.”
Regulus just rolled his eyes, “Oh come off it. Atleast now you’ll know what it was like for me when you went off first year and I was still at home.”
His tone remained light but Sirius’ wasn’t and he so desperately wanted SIrius to just let go of this dark cloud of responsibility that seemed to have suddenly dropped on him once their relationship repaired- like he had reason to shrug it off before because they hated each other but now he was forced to bear it.
“Wait here,” he said before darting back up the stairs to his room and Regulus took the chance to cheer for Pandora who had taken to go up against Lily. Both of them were wildly thrashing, their legs all over the place, and he cheered on Pandora but Lily looked like she’d win this round with that look of fierce determination on her face.
Sirius came back down with a small package, “Your Christmas present.”
He hadn’t even considered that Sirius would actually get him something, “You didn’t have to-.”
Sirius just rolled his eyes and shoved it in his hands, “Don’t open it until Christmas, it’ll ruin the fun.”
Regulus agreed, “I’ll send you yours soon, I have it at home.”
He had recently come up with an idea for SIrius’ present and while he wasn’t sure if the idea was actually good, it was the only one that had stood out to him so he decided to just take the chance- he only hoped he’d still be able to find what it was he wanted at home. His mum and Kreacher had an awful tendency to move things around which was just code for snooping through their things.
The night well and truly devolved once everyone was out of energy, so much so that no one wanted to leave to their own dorms, so they ended up playing Never Have I ever, sitting around in a circle in front of the slow dying hearth. He was sat between Remus and Marlene, everyone else in various states of awareness around him.
“Never Have I ever…hooked up in a classroom,” Pandora asked almost shyly, which was especially funny when Xenophilius downed his shot instantly and then had to nudge her before whispering in her ear, as though to remind her of that time. She rolled his eyes and downed her glass.
Everyone in the circle had taken a drink surprisingly and Regulus thought McGonagall ought to lock all those unused classrooms up because clearly they were being used and abused.
“Never Have I ever used someone else’s toothbrush,” Peter asked.
Sirius drank and everyone looked at him in horror.
“Whose was it?” Lily asked, disgusted.
His eyes slowly turned onto Remus who looked back at him with a look that only could be described as true fear, “No…”
“I woke up late and it was the first one I saw!” he tried to defend and Remus instantly went in on him, lecturing about hygiene and how their toothbrushes are right next to each other and how he could have spared a moment to check and how it really was just a matter of respect.
Once his tirade was done though, Dorcas sneakily asked, “Never Have I ever had a sex dream about someone in this room.”
Everyone drank and then she added, “With someone I am not currently dating.”
About half of them drank then, shooting each other questioning looks at who it might have been.
Regulus had a sex dream about James, Barty, and honestly Remus. Not that he ever fancied him but strictly speaking, they were all fit and who was he to control the whims of his dick?
“Never Have I ever fancied James’ parents!” Marlene near-shouted before taking her shot, refilling and taking another one just for good measure.
James was flabbergasted as he, Lily, and Remus all took drinks.
“Lily?” he asked, frightened.
“Sorry, but both your parents are fit, I couldn’t decide if I even wanted to,” she shrugged.
“You too?” he turned to him from over Remus’ shoulder.
“Your dad is…something,” he said furtively because he couldn’t very well say he fancied him because he just looked like an older version of James in front of everyone.
“You’re all weird,” he frowned.
“Weird but not blind,” Marlene compromised, pleased with herself.
“Alright, I’m out,” Dorcas called, standing up and walking up the stairs to the dorms.
“Cas, that’s not-” Barty began to speak up.
“I know where I’m going,” she called over her shoulder and Marlene practically tackled them all to chase after her.
“Right well, I’m sleeping down here then,” Lily decided, laying on the sofa and pulling a blanket up around her shoulders.
Regulus was about to stand up but Barty was already slumped, his head in Evan’s lap and Evans’ own head falling back to rest on the cushion behind him.
Everyone ended up picking various spots around the room to sleep in and Regulus had somehow ended up on a high wingback chair, his legs spread out to rest on the ottoman in front of him. James was on the chair across from him, his feet bumping against his own.
“Goodnight,” James mouthed.
Regulus replied in turn before shutting his eyes to the sound of the fire crackling beside him.
_______
They decided to meet in the Room of Requirement the following day, which was also their last day at school, to exchange their gifts. They had originally planned to go to the Lake but it started to feel like it was more trouble than it was worth when James had to keep recasting his warming charm and Regulus’ was relatively weak in comparison so adding onto his didn’t help either as they saw when they tested it out a few days ago.
The room had also lovingly set up the room in a Christmas theme for them with little christmas lights glinting along the millwork that lined the ceilings and a pine tree erected by the hearth that already had wook cracking and sending up little embers that danced around the grate before dissipating.
It was all so lovely and Regulus wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth on his chilled skin but when he tried to move his feet, he was stuck.
“What the-” he asked out, trying and failing to move his feet before looking up at James who was perched on the arm of the chair with a sneaking smile on his face.
James’ eyes just flicked upwards and when he followed his line of sight, he saw a small bunch of mistletoe hanging right above the door.
“Really?” he rolled his eyes at the rather juvenile prank. They always did this in second and third year and would just sit in the Common Room and watch as unsuspecting couples were forced into kissing each other- sometimes it had gone well like with Greengrass and Nott and others it had gone horribly wrong like with Crabbe and Dorcas. He seemed all for it but she had gotten so upset she blasted the mistletoe into nothing- they never could get the scorch marks off the wall.
“Looks like you have to kiss someone to free yourself, what will you do?” he mocked, putting his hand on his head and looking up as though pondering.
“Hmm, I’m not seeing any good options here, I guess I’ll just have to get comfortable,” he sighed, sitting down right on the spot.
James jumped off and padded over to him, his shoes already discarded revealing a pair of fuzzy polka dot patterned blue socks because gods forbid his socks be boring, “It seems I’m your only option.”
“How will I survive,” he sighed, his eyes lifting to meet James’ as he loomed over him.
When Regulus thought he’d have to get up, James instead dropped to his feet, leaning back against the door and turning his head to the side, entwining his fingers with Regulus’ on the floor between them.
“Hi,” he whispered with a sweet smile. He looked like the holidays personified with his red knit jumper and blue denim trousers. His hair was mussed and he smelled of jasmine and aftershave, a cloying scent that went straight to Regulus’ head.
“Hi,” he whispered back,”Are you going to save me?”
“I’m not sure, I’m kind of comfortable here to be honest,” he laughed, “But I do want to kiss you,” he murmured and leaned in.
He heard the slight mistletoe above him pop as it released him but neither of them paid it any mind as James continued his assault on his lips. The scent of the forest whooshed over him and Regulus mumbled against his lips, “Were you outside today?”
“I built a snowman today,” James pulled back, grinning at his great achievement.
“And you didn’t think to show me?”
“Well Sirius and I competed for who could make a better one and got a bit overzealous. He knocked mine over and won by default,” James frowned.
Regulus put his hand on James’ shoulder and hoisted himself up before pulling James up behind him and leading him to the sofas, snapping his fingers and lighting the fire in the hearth.
“Fancy,” James commented from behind him.
“If you think that’s fancy I fear you have incredibly low standards,” he quipped.
“Clearly not,” he said before sitting across from him and pulling out a box about the size of his large palm.
Regulus summoned his own gifts for James, a few small boxes. James could see his face drop a bit and Regulus just smiled knowing he always went a bit overboard when it came to gift giving anyways.
Also he felt may be overcompensating for how long he had kept the fact that he loved James to himself. The initial realisation hit him like a dam breaking and every subsequent thought was a fight to shut the dam, to lock it away when he needed to come to the conclusion that it was simply a losing battle- he needed to just let it out.
But he was stubborn and the fact that James had yet to say it had him holding back. He knew it wasn’t right to turn this into some sort of competition but the small voice in the back of his head was frustrated that James hadn’t said it and his insecurities reared their head back at him, hissing that he wasn’t good enough in the sick voice of his mother.
“Me first,” James smiled warily and Regulus just huffed, handing over his gifts and curling his knees up under his chin in anticipation.
He had gotten a clever bit of wrapping paper from Flourish and Blotts that was made of Transfiguration-resistant material meaning you could select any design you like without the paper quality deteriorating as normal paper would. For James he had picked a classic red and green patchwork design with gold ribbon running the width and length of them.
He hand wrapped each present, liking the methodical meaningfulness in it rather than just casting a quick charm over it all and he was rather proud of his work now as James scanned the length of the package, trying to find the seal to rip it open.
Eventually he gave up and just tore it apart.
He pulled the scarf out first- it was a forest green colour and was softer than anything Regulus had ever felt before- it was inlaid with multiple charms to retain all of its’ original qualities so James could be 80 and it would still look brand new. He ran his fingers over the material reverently before putting it on and it brought out the green in his eyes with startling clarity.
“What can I say, you look good in green, look at the end” he gestured.
And along the inner edge of the bottom right hand of the scarf were the letters, ‘J & R’ in a lovely cursive font- it was his own handwriting.
James brushed a thumb over it, “Reg,” he frowned, his bottom lip poking out as he looked at him in clear adoration.
“Shut up, next,” he smiled.
Then James opened a long and slim box and pulled out a large frame. At first he looked confused before realisation dawned on him and his mouth fell a bit open- it was every single note James had ever given him arranged in chronological order, from the initial detached ones all the way to the ones he had signed with love hearts and doodles.
“You kept them?” he asked in awe.
“‘Course I did,” he smiled. He had initially been wary about parting with them but after a long hour of duplicating every single note, he stuck those in the frame and kept the original ones for himself.
He took a long moment reading them, slowly turning the frame around in his hands to read the entire thing and Regulus looked out the window, at the moon light glinting off of the fresh sheet of white snow that blanketed the grounds. At the golden lights that winked around the castle highlighting various classrooms and dorms and over at the forest that loomed ominously in the distance.
James set it on top of the sweater and finally reached the necklace that Regulus had been most nervous about- he had his gold one tucked under his black jumper and would pull it out once James opened his own. He thought he’d hate the gold on himself but it served to remind him of James who glowed from the inside out and of course, the Slytherin house words serving to complement it perfectly.
He pulled back the lid of the small box and held it up close to his eye to examine it- ‘quocumque fine’
“I found them at home and it reminded me of us,” he whispered.
“Them?” James asked dazedly and he pulled his own necklace out and read out the inscription ‘fortes fortuna adiuvat.’
“A pair,” he said in a watery smile.
He nodded and was about to smile until he saw James’ eyes start to get glassy and he hesitated, wondering if he had done something wrong.
“James?” he asked, moving a bit closer to see what was actually wrong.
“I’m fine,” he wiped at his eyes, breathing deeply, “Come on then, help me put it on.”
He let it go and moved behind James, brushing his fingers against the soft skin there to fix the clasp and once he had done it, the clasp disappeared, the links on either side melding together as smoothly as water.
He reached a hand up to his own necklace and startled when he couldn’t feel the clasp there either but he was entirely sure it was there before he had even come down here when he had rearranged it as the clasp slipped to the front.
“Oh,” he breathed out and James twisted,
“What?” he asked.
“I just…the clasp disappeared- I didn’t know that would happen James, I’m sorry- I’m sure if we take it to-” he immediately rushed, apologising hastily for whatever this was. He should’ve known better than to use a Black family heirloom as a present- nothing good ever came from that.
“Hey,” James stopped him, pulling away and wrapping his hands around Regulus’, “I never planned on taking it off anyways love.”
“But what if in a few years-.”.
“In a few years, I will feel the same for you as I do now,” he smiled softly.
“Which is?” he asked fearfully, finally voicing his feelings because the feelings of want and love and lust were hitting him with so much force he felt like he’d die if he didn’t voice it, regardless of how James felt.
“My turn now,” James said instead, turning back and forcing Regulus to move back to his initial position, oblivious to the way his heart cracked, the chip slowly growing into a chasm.
James pushed the first box towards him and Regulus quickly cleared his mind, waving away his previous thoughts to enjoy the present- he’d just have to take advantage of the time he had with James now.
Judging by the box, it was also a piece of jewellery and curiously, he pushed back the lid.
It was a thin silver linked bracelet that caught the light of the flames licking the grate in the hearth. He pulled it out of the box and read the script engraved on it- ‘mera sitara’ it meant ‘my star.’ A smile pulled on his lips and he saw different coloured diamonds gleaming in a line under the length of it- emerald set next to peridot next to amethyst all in a diamond cut and in the dead centre was an onyx gem, slightly larger than the others.
There was slight recognition in the colour of the diamonds, the way some of them even repeated and James helpfully supplied, “It’s everyone’s birthstones, well everyone that matters anyways.”
And he saw it then, the amethyst for Pandora and the matching garnets for Barty and Remus, the lone sapphire for Dorcas and the citrine for Sirius. The onyx for himself, the pearl for James, and the ruby for Evan.
“This is beautiful James, thank you,” he spoke, infusing earnesty into every word.
James put it on him and it shrunk just slightly to fit his wrist snugly as Regulus hated dangly jewellery that moved too much, it was like a sensory nightmare and of course, the clasp on this piece of jewellery remained.
James pushed forward his second and final box and Regulus opened it to see a candle nestled inside. It was in a clear glass box and didn’t have any sort of label on it and Regulus thought it might have been a plain decorative candle before he slid the glass lid off and the scent of it immediately assaulted him.
Notes of amber and aloe hit him in a familiar medley- it reminded him of his cologne, of his shampoo, and then he could smell bits of parchment and ink- the library. Finally, at the very end, he caught a whiff of the clear scent of rain similar to the Lake.
He was in awe before he caught a slip of paper tucked into the bottom of the box and he pulled it out to see that it was a page ripped out from the Potions textbook and Regulus was about to chide James before he actually read the page.
It was the section on Amortentia.
On the page, certain words were underlined- ‘love’ ‘infatuation’ ‘care’, all noted with the same thick black ink.
He looked up at James and his face, so open and nervous, before looking back at the page and candle before him.
He had brewed Amortentia and solidified it into the form of this solid candle- a near impossible feat.
If the Amortentia had smelled like himself…and James had brewed it…
“I love you.”
Silence ensued, deep and heavy, and it’s like even the room held its breath, unsure whether to provide them with celebratory champagne or a box of tissues or maybe even a bat for one to beat the other with.
Regulus looked up at James and he had already forgotten what he said, wondering if he just imagined those three words, his mind conjuring the words he had waited so long to hear, or if James actually meant them.
His face confirmed that he might have actually said the words and Regulus just stupidly said, “Are you sure?”
James burst out laughing, swiftly cutting the tension in the room. He laughed so hard that tears streamed out of his eyes, “Oh my gods, of course I’m sure.” He quieted down a bit and dipped his head, “I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you. I love you Regulus.”
Time had slowed to a stop and the Earth stopped spinning on its axis as his world narrowed down to James- lovely, beautiful, crazy James right across from him.
He calmly put everything to the side before lunging at James, tackling him to the floor in a bruising kiss that was all teeth and grabbing hands but it was all Regulus could do lest he fall apart.
They caught their rhythm quickly enough, softening the kiss as they both laid on the floor and when Regulus pulled back for air, he took a moment to admire the soft firelight dancing across his features, his silver necklace resting right in the dip between his collarbones and said,
“I love you James.”
James’ ensuing smile was burned into Regulus’ mind- a sight he’d never forget for as long as he lived.
_________
The train ride home was a solemn affair as it usually was as the thoughts over what awaited all of them at home loomed over them.
Regulus, however, had spent about half the train ride in an abandoned compartment with James so he had a rather splendid time on the journey back. So much so that when he saw Kreacher waiting for him at the platform, he gave the elf a great smile.
“Hello Kreacher,” he greeted the elf who just frowned up at him,
“Master Regulus is being very happy,” he said suspiciously, his greying eyebrows twitching upwards.
“I’m just looking forward to the holidays is all,” he replied, looking over at the other students on the platform rushing into the open arms of parents and siblings that had come to the station to retrieve them, something he hadn’t experienced in years.
Kreacher seemed to be considering something for a long moment before he snapped his fingers and gripped his wrist before popping away before he even had a chance to wave a final goodbye to all of his friends.
“Eager are we?” he asked the elf.
“Kreacher is needing to make dinner. Mistress is to be having guests!” he said before quickly bustling away but Regulus followed in pursuit all the way to the Kitchens,
“Who’s coming?”
The old elf didn’t reply, instead levelling a long look at Regulus that seemed to imply everything he needed to know. It was a bit comical to see Kreacher giving him the same look Barty would give him if he had asked him a similar and inane question.
No matter what Kreacher’s ‘technical’ role was in the household, Regulus had and would always consider him something akin to a ‘friend.’ Friend didn’t sound quite right considering the elf had practically raised him but he had cared for Regulus and had been there for him more than his own parents had so he always had a bit of a soft spot for him.
The look he was giving him now proved enough- the dark Lord was to be coming. He didn’t know why he thought he would at least have a day’s reprieve before his family’s antics started up again.
“Master Orion said you are not to be attending,” Kreacher ordered as he began chopping up vegetables.
“Did he really?” Regulus asked as he snatched up a banana and began peeling it. The ceiling in the cooking kitchens was quite low and he had to duck down to avoid a concussion.
“Master has been feeling unwell, he is saying Master Regulus is to not be going to dinner because he is not going,” Kreacher said before looking around the Kitchens suspiciously and Regulus figured he wasn’t supposed to let that all slip out.
“What’s wrong with him?” Regulus asked. He rarely had contact with his father when he wasn’t at home and directly in his presence so this was certainly news to him.
“The Healers in France is not knowing.”
France? They had a family Healer there but they certainly had one here in London as well? He couldn’t fathom why he had gone there but Kreacher merely shrugged at his questioning look.
Most things his parents did didn’t make sense so he just dropped it and walked out of the kitchen because he had more pressing matters to attend to.
_______
“Fuck” he cursed when he had been too hasty in dropping the last ward over Sirius’ room and it made a loud whooshing noise that echoed in the hall. The voices continued their distant humming downstairs so he took that as a good sign to continue.
His mother had strengthened the wards from before and his anxiety was rushing in, wanting to get this done with before the dinner downstairs ended.
He pushed open Sirius’ door and quickly shut it behind him. He lit the sconces with a snap of his fingers and beelined towards the wardrobe.
It was a distant hope but when Regulus saw Sirius walking towards the trains earlier that day, he saw Sirius was again wearing a leather jacket though it wasn’t his leather jacket.
The one he was wearing was brand new and untouched- by all standards, it was boring.
Before Sirius left home, he had a black leather jacket that he cherished above all else- it was his most prized possession. It had patches sewn all along the sleeves and back, had slight scratches and scuffs from gods knows where, and had unique colourful buttons instead of the normal ones because really, when would Sirius leave anything as is.
It was the perfect present, something he knew Sirius would love- the only problem was that he had absolutely no idea where it would be.
His mother hated that thing, almost as much as the posters on his walls and the piercings in his ears but she had never managed to get rid of it. Sirius kept it somewhere special and if he was right, then he would have left it in that same spot and Regulus would be able to find it.
Dumbly he tried, “Accio Sirius’ leather jacket!”
Nothing- it was a long shot anyways.
He opened every drawer and cupboard, checked under and behind his bed, and inspected every square inch of his room- twice.
He groaned out loud, frustrated. Sirius was smart, but he was smarter. He even checked every single floorboard to see if he had another false one in which he hid it but to no avail.
Giving up, he walked right back out of the room, locking and rewarding the door behind him.
It was too late to buy anything and there wasn’t anything in Grimmauld that Sirius would possibly want so Regulus just crept silently back into his own room in defeat.
It was freezing, the warming charms not quite reaching his room so he went to his wardrobe and pulled out a thick jumper to pull on over his head. His shoes spilled out and he hastily kicked them back in, not wanting to go through the hassle of bending over and picking them up and they hit the back of his wardrobe with a light knocking sound.
It was oddly light and so Regulus kicked the second shoe in just to hear the sound again and sure enough- it was that hollow sound again.
He bent down on all fours to inspect it, curious, and he blindly felt around, dodging his hanging coats and shoes to run his fingers along the smooth wood before his fingers snagged on a small hook.
He pulled it back and the entire bottom half of the wardrobe came undone.
It was as if he broke it but when he peered inside, using his wand to help illuminate the space, he saw that it was a false backing.
And sure enough, folded perfectly, was Sirius’ leather jacket.
Sirius was a bloody genius- his mother was always more suspicious of Sirius then she ever was him. She’d probably checked and rechecked Sirius’ room hundreds of times and she always found something to toss out or disapprove of but she tended to leave Regulus alone, thinking he could do no wrong so it would only make sense that he would hide it in his room.
He laughed maniacally as he pulled it out, cradling it close and it smelled just as it did before and he rushed to box it up, unhappily spelling the star-printed wrapping paper on because he didn’t have time to do it himself, and throwing open his window where Pandora’s snow white owl was happily sitting and waiting.
She had sent it over two hours ago and it had been waiting, hidden, by Regulus’ window since then and he had been giving it treats nonstop for all its good work.
“The Potters,” he ordered hastily, tying the gift to its leg and the owl quickly shot into the sky with a loud screech.
“Master Regulus,” a croaky voice came from behind him and his heart practically fell out of his arse as he jumped to see Kreacher right behind him.
“Kreacher, stop doing that,” he cried out, putting a hand over his frenzied heart.
“Kreacher just wanted to ask if you want treacle tart that is being left over,” he smiled crookedly.
He huffed but said, “Yes Kreacher, thank you.”
“Anything for Master Regulus,” he said knowingly in a lilting voice before popping away.
_______
“Come on Prongs, I have to open it now,” he declared to James who was also curious at what the package contained. It was clearly a Christmas present but there was no note, no indication as to who the sender was- even the white owl was a mystery as he had no idea who it belonged to.
“I’ll bet it’s from a secret admirer,” Effie called over the kitchen counter from where she was mixing batter for brownies she planned on baking.
“I hope not for Remus’ sake,” James laughed. “Go on then, might as well see what it is.”
Sirius pulled at the seal for the wrapping paper and watched it rip away to reveal a simple black box.
He was rather excited to see what it was, regardless of who it was from, so long as he didn’t get cursed by some sort of love potion- he learned the effects of that the hard way when Peter once opened a present belonged to him and fell in love with a third year Hufflepuff for a week.
When he pulled back the lid, he was so stunned that he ceased to breathe.
“What is it?” James asked with barely contained excitement.
With shaking hands, he pulled out his leather jacket- the one thing he was genuinely distraught about leaving behind. Even James inhaled sharply at the sight of it.
“It’s from Reg…” he spoke, awe dripping in every word, “Merlin, he found it.”
He lowered his hands to see James looking at him with equal parts shock and adoration, “He found it,” he mirrored.
Gods he missed what it felt like to have his brother back in his life.
He pulled the jacket over his pyjama top and it was like he had never missed it. It still fit perfectly and looked completely unmarred, well aside from the ones he knew the stories behind, like the rip on the left elbow from when James ran him into a bush for cheating at Gobstones once.
‘Happy Christmas Reg’ he thought a bit wistfully, only wishing he had a chance to spend it with him in person.
_______
Sirius’ gift came bright and early on Christmas Day, much earlier than even his parents woke up, which he was grateful for though the rhythmic tapping of the owls’ beak against his window was incredibly annoying.
The box was incredibly small and Regulus almost wondered if it was some sort of prank gift as he sat on the floor right by the window to open it up.
When he opened the box he was even more sure that it was a joke because all he saw was a small mirror.
It was exactly the size of his hand and he scanned the front and back, even checked the box again to make sure he hadn’t missed something but there was nothing there- no note or clue as to why Sirius had picked a mirror of all things.
“What were you thinking, Sirius?” he mumbled aloud as he stared at his own grim reflection.
“Good morning!” not-his-reflection said brightly back at him.
His own face melted away into Sirius’ face and he almost dropped the mirror in shock at seeing Sirius’ animated face smiling back at him.
“What the fuck,” he whispered in shock, unable to shut his mouth. “Is this a two-way mirror?” he asked, amazed at how he could have possibly gotten in possession of one.
“Clearly,” he said, pleased with himself. Sirius’ face took up most of the mirror but Regulus caught a glimpse of his background and he was in what must be his new room. “Do you like it? Now we can stay in touch, aside from letters of course.”
“It’s amazing,” he replied honestly. This is the closest to Sirius being with him at home in years and he’d take it, nostalgia wrapping thickly around him.
There was some mumbling in the background and Sirius looked over his shoulder and shouted, “He’s here!”
His brother’s face was quickly replaced with James’ who had clearly just woken up, “Reg! Merry Christmas love!”
“Ew!” Sirius shouted in the background.
“Merry Christmas James,” he smiled back at him, ignoring the sounds of Sirius pretended to retch in the background.
“I’m a bit jealous if I’m honest, Pads’ present might be better than mine,” he blushed.
“Not even close,” he reassured James.
Sirius poked his head over James’ shoulder, “Rude. I’m quite proud of this one actually. I went through a lot to find this y’know.”
“Love is priceless,” James just winked back at him and SIrius rolled his eyes.
Regulus was about to respond when he heard thundering footsteps rushing towards his door before a shrill voice called out, “Regulus!”
He looked back to the mirror and saw SIrius’ and James’ faces turn into one of panic.
“Merry Christmas bye!” he rushed, shoving the mirror back in the box and pushing it under his bed quickly.
He had only just stood up when his room door was thrown open by his mother, “WHat are you doing!” she asked sharply.
“Just looking out at the weather is all,” he said, grateful the window was still thrown open from when the owl arrived.
His mother didn’t seem to care because she just said, “Get ready or we’ll be late, I told you we’re going to the Aunt Druella’s for breakfast.” She slammed the door shut then and he sighed in relief.
Not even the prospect of seeing his family could dull the pure joy and excitement that coursed through him at the realm of opportunities this now presented.
Merry Christmas indeed.