you self-sacrificing idiot
Regulus whipped around the field in a frenzy, the wind thrashed against his face, the drops of rain turning into small bullets as they pelted him. His flying goggles were the only saving grace he had thanks to James gifting them to him, built in Sticking charms included, an advantage his opponents did not have as they either did not have them or lost them in their haste to fly around the field.
He was neck to neck with James who was leaning so far down on his broom that he was practically flush against it as he urged his broom forward to catch the elusive Snitch that weaved through the rain and players like a golden bug. His arm was outstretched as though ready to knock Regulus off his broom should he get too close so naturally, Regulus kept his arm out too. It would seem their affections for each other took the backseat when it came to Quidditch and he didn’t mind that really.
A clap of thunder overheard caused them both to look at each other for only a moment but by the time either of them looked back, the Snitch had completely disappeared.
Regulus slowed down dejectedly, sitting back up on his broom and stretching his limbs out, eyes still scanning the field for a sight of the Snitch but the rain made it impossible. He wiped at his face and slicked his hair back over his head but it only provided a moment’s relief.
“And it seems both Potter and Black have lost the Snitches for now! Which one of them has the sharpest eyes and can take their team to victory?” the Ravenclaw commentator shouted on the mic and each of their Houses respectively chanted their names.
“Ooooh who will win?” James said, waving his hands and flying around Regulus in a circle.
“Come off it,” Regulus replied, swatting his hand in the air to make it seem to the audience as though they were insulting each other but even then it probably seemed weak.
James trailed him and Regulus had to turn around on his broom and remind him that they were in fact on opposite teams.
“Oh I rather think we play for the same team,” he smirked back and this time Regulus did fly grateful for the rain to burn his hiding face.
He was just happy that he was allowed to play this season.
Madam Pomfrey really did try her best to keep him from it but he was desperate to play, it was his one freedom in an increasingly suffocating world and she granted him his request on the condition that he ‘remain careful,’ whatever that meant in a game where they flew at lightning speed on brooms almost a hundred feet above the ground with iron bludgers flying around- but yes, he promised he would ‘be careful’
He continued his lessons with James, learning how to float and such but not going any further because he didn’t feel confident yet and of course James didn’t push him.
They did have a bit of a tiff about him lying about being sick but he just covered for that saying that he didn’t want James to worry which was pretty much true but he’d continued to manage to evade the question over what happened overall.
He also kept his conversation with Dumbledore a secret, from all of his friends this time, and remained far away from the man but thankfully he was away from school more often than not these days and he was on significantly friendlier terms with McGonagall who actually pulled him aside the other day to ask him how his swimming lessons were going, if they were going at all.
He assured her that they were going ‘swimmingly’ and that earned him a biscuit out of her tin but he couldn’t help but notice the way a small smile rested on her lips for the rest of their interaction- it didn’t sit quite right for such a stoic woman like her to be smiling mischievously for so long.
“Stop staring at your boyfriend!” Dorcas shouted as she flew past him and he spotted the Snitch over her shoulder in the distance and following her directions, he ignored James and went straight for it.
He savoured the dumbfounded look on James’ face who was busy shouting at his own teammates for some unknown slight, his status as a Captain taking precedence over his position as Seeker for the briefest moment which ironically, led to their downfall.
The roar of the crowd was near deafening before the stands immediately cleared as students, including himself, ran inside desperate for shelter and to make preparations for this evening's celebration.
______
“Gods you’re gorgeous,” James whispered against the shell of Regulus’ ear, his breath hot against his skin and causing goose flesh to erupt across his entire body, spreading like wildfire.
“Even though I won the match?” Regulus mused as he kissed across the smooth skin of James’ jaw, inhaling the fresh petrichor scent of his aftershave.
“Especially then,” he murmured, using his fingers to trail under Regulus’ shirt, tickling his sides, eliciting a laugh out of him before squeezing gently.
They were sitting on the edge of Regulus’ bed, or rather James was, Regulus was on top of him, his legs on either side of James’ hips as he straddled him, allowing him perfect access to grind down onto James and elicit an endless string of moans from the boy that was like music to his ears.
“Lay back for me,” Regulus whispered, his voice low and breathy and James kissed him deeply before obliging, scooting further up the bed and pulling a pillow behind his head so he was propped up with a clear view of Regulus.
James was already undressed and Regulus raced to match him, pulling his own top off and while the motion still made him a bit self conscious, James automatically reassured him by trailing his eyes down his body before going back up to his face, pure adoration shining in his eyes.
Regulus moved lower down his legs, settling himself there, and began kissing a trail down James’ chest, his fingers working James’ sides and his breath hitched before going erratic, and to add to his misery, Regulus pinned his hands down at his sides and he relished in the knowledge that he was about to be his undoing. James was almost always the most confident and assured person in the room but a few skillful touches from Regulus and he was a mess.
He was just at the waistband of James’ pants, the only barrier to his goal, when he heard the door handle to his room fumble.
Wandlessly, the curtains around him snapped shut just as the door opened and he and James stared at each other in wordless shock, their hands and bodies freezing where they had been.
Surely none of his friends had come to sleep, it was far too early on a party night to do so, so who was it?
He strained his ears and heard a pair of feet stumble in together, the door hitting the wall before it was slammed shut. They were breathing heavily and Regulus discerned with consternation that it was probably a couple intending to use their dorm room as a hook up spot.
He was just about to shout at them to get out when he heard,
“Evan please,” a voice belonging to no one other than Barty begged.
Regulus gasped and James reached up and clapped his hand over his mouth to ensure he didn’t make another noise and he froze, waiting to see if they had heard but they gave no indication that they did,
Regulus knew very well that aside from him and Dorcas, James was a big fan of them getting together. In fact, he already thought they were at the beginning of the semester and Regulus was forced to break it to him that no, they were still not together.
James had been making a bit of an effort with them, smiling at them in passing or exchanging niceties when they came across each other and it eased the tension between them all just a bit. Barty said he had spoken 'at length' with James but wouldn't tell him what it was about but seeing as neither of them were hexed or cursed, he imagined the topic was pretty mild.
‘What do we do?’ James mouthed and Regulus pushed his hand away, shrugging as well.
Getting out would mean admitting what they were doing which was embarrassing enough, plus they were naked- their clothes on the floor, and it would end what Barty and Evan were getting up to and gods forbid they did that- who knows how long it took them to muster up the courage to even do this tonight.
They heard a slam against the wall and Barty moaned and Regulus considered the possibility of Obliviating himself. Surely he could do it right? Maybe James could do it for him because even that would be better than enduring this sort of torture.
James held a hand over his own mouth now to stop himself from laughing and quickly grabbed his wand, silencing their own bed inside and out, enclosing them in silence.
“I can’t help but feel like this is worse because we still know what they’re doing,” Regulus cringed.
“Well I hear Sirius and Remus every other night and they-.”
“Too much James,” Regulus sighed, shushing him, the mood clearly ruined as he flopped on the bed next to him.
James turned over and pulled him into his arms and Regulus happily went, lying his head on Jame’s chest, hearing his heartbeat drum steadily under his ear.
“How long do you think we’ll have to stay here?” Regulus whispered.
James hummed and lifted the silencing charm for just a moment considering they actually would have no idea if they just left anyways and they were met, nay assaulted, with the noise of Evan and Barty and their poor mattress struggling.
“Obliviate me please,” he whispered.
James laughed loudly and freely then, his smile so wide it exposed all of his teeth, and it echoed around Regulus’ brain, effectively sweeping out the darkness that had lodged in deep and Regulus nuzzled into his side infinitely closer, again amazed by the way their figures moulded together like soft clay.
_______
Having been given a pass by Slughorn, Regulus perused the Restricted Section of the Library trying to find anything that might help him on his quest to heal his little magical problem a week later.
He quickly realised how fast the semester was flying by and was eager to get a start on things now rather than later. It was already nearing the end of October, only two more months till the term was over and he would be forced home where he imagined he’d be provided with little to no time to research anything, too busy being Bellatrix’s slave.
So far he’d found two books that seemed worth looking at- ‘Wizards and Our Magic: An inextricable Connection’ and ‘A Theoretical Study on Dark and Light Magic’ and one titled ‘A Trip Through the Cosmos’ though that one was a bit more for pleasure than anything else.
He wasn’t sure if he was just desensitised at this point but the books didn’t look like they garnered being in the ‘Restricted’ Section. He had these books and worse at his own library at home, the ones here were certainly advanced and leaned towards more unsavoury topics like old magicks but it wasn’t anything ‘crazy.’ He thought about the possibility of requesting help from Kreacher and knew it might be worth it to ask the elf to bring some things from home.
Nonetheless, he added the two books he’d found to the stack he’d already gathered at a small desk in the corner from books he’d found in the normal stacks of the Library. Those books were remedial and wouldn’t help him with his problem specifically but he didn’t know much about this area as a whole so he knew he’d have to start with the basics and follow that line of research all the way through to ensure he actually came to some sort of conclusion.
He settled back in his seat, pulling his legs up and enjoying the ambient hum of students quietly chatting and pages shuffling as he pulled out a piece of parchment and a fresh quill himself and set to working, pulling back the cover of the first tome and reading.
________
He’d made…decent headway by the time Madam Pince hissed at him that the Library was closed and he had to leave now. He hadn’t even realised dinner had come and gone, his peers had left, and the lights in the Library had dimmed until her sudden arrival.
He was only aware of pain in his hand and a headache starting to form at his temples from hours spent reading book after book on the same exact topic and jotting endless notes- his parchment turned into a patchwork of key words, arrows, and underlined words that were meant to have some sort of significance.
It all made sense in the moment but now looking back, he just hoped he’d be able to make some sense of what he’d written.
Madam Pince stalked away and he made a face at her retreating figure before standing to pack his bag to head back to the dorms for the night, already planning to steal from Barty’s ‘not-so-secret’ Honeydukes stash.
He looked out the glass window as he packed and was just about to look away when he caught a shift of movement right at the tree line of the Forest. It was a barely there movement and he peered closer, so close his breath fogged the pane, and just at the treeline, he saw a black dog bounding in, instantly blending into the surrounding darkness.
The same black dog he was sure he’d hallucinated that day in the Hospital Wing so, naturally, he did the logical thing and sent his bag to his room with a nifty spell Bellatrix had taught him and ran straight for the Forest instead to find it.
Clearly this dog-wolf-monster had some way of slipping on and off campus and curiosity had gnawed at him ever since he woke up the following morning. He also wasn’t a dog person so for one to have such an effect on him…well he thought it meant something and he wanted to chase after it.
Impulsivity was never a word that could be associated with him, especially not when he was younger, but life had been going pretty good for him, all things considered, so he decided to tempt fate.
The night was much colder than he expected, any warmth provided by the sun over the day was quickly ushered out and replaced with a cold breeze that nipped at Regulus’ exposed skin and he pulled his robes tighter around himself as he made his way down.
He wasn’t really scared of the Forest, especially after having spent so much time right by it at the Lake with James. And really, what could be living in the forest that could actually be harmful to students? He’d heard stories from people that had gone in and out all the time and nothing ever happened to them besides them stepping into poison ivy but that was just user error really.
He walked past the still Lake and followed the path where he thought the dog had gone, the castle shrinking with the increasing distance and the noise of the forest gradually growing with buzzing and snapping all around him. He wished he had a name to call the dog or something but he didn’t and instead continued onwards, wondering if this was another hallucination as well considering how tired he was just half an hour ago.
He considered that Barty and Evan might be wondering where he was but lately they were so wrapped up with themselves that they probably didn’t care too much, instead using this free time to their advantage.
Regulus never told them about what he’d heard that night of the party and they’d never told him about this development and he figured they were probably going to make the effort to figure everything out themselves first before including him and he wanted to respect their privacy as they so often did for him.
He slowed his pace down from a frantic gallop to an excited walk as he walked purposefully through the forest but really, he had no idea where to go now- slowly realising that the dog was probably halfway to the moon by now and unlikely to just take a straight path back wherever it meant to go.
Since he had lost sight of anything, he just began an aimless walk, weaving in and out of the trees as he thought back to what he’d actually found of use in the Library.
All the books veered away from any real talks of the dark arts, only talking about them in vague details and skirting around anything really tangible. He’d learned more about what Madam Pomfrey had been talking about though in regards to his magic and how it sustained him while also having the ability to drain him, like it already had once.
He also found out that in general, light magic negated the effects of dark magic, up until a certain point of course. Like turning on the lights in a room drove magic away, even a single candle can cancel out some of the darkness. On the other hand, with enough darkness, even a single match wouldn’t matter and that’s what he was teetering towards.
But he needed to know what he could actually do now. It wasn’t like he could just cast a hundred bubble charms and Lumos’ and he’d be fine- he needed something pure. Something overwhelming to help the current issue- a short term solution to a long term problem.
He slowed to a stop and thought about a bit of an experiment.
The book had mentioned the Patronus charm and technically, it was a very simple spell but it was the application that most people found difficulty in.
To cast a successful charm, he needed to think of his happiest memory, to cast a successful corporeal one, he needed to do that and more. He needed to not just think of a happy memory but he needed to bask in it, experience it in real time, go back to it and drive deep into what exactly made the memory happy in the first place and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to do that.
What did he really have to think about? He thought about him and Sirius and remembered the one time they had snuck out of their front door on Halloween.
Kids had been running up and down their street and in a rare moment of bravery, he and Sirius ran out and for a moment were swept up in the sea of children and candy. They had even managed to make it to one house, knocking on the door and muttering ‘trick or treat’ nervously to the nice couple at the door.
They smiled and dropped some sticky wrapped up concoction in their bag and the minute he and Sirius tasted it, their jaws dropped and they knew they had to go to at least one more house.
Music flitted from the houses and families chatted and laughed all around them and it was the first instance of freedom he’d ever felt with Sirius. He revisited that memory often and figured that it should work well enough.
He raised his wand and the incantation was on his lips before he remembered the way Walburga forced them home, some invisible rope latching onto them and pulling them all the way back into the house. He shook his head, forcing the memory of what happened after out of his head.
He redirected and thought about his friends and the memory at the club- the way his relief was overwhelming, the succour and happiness he felt in their presence, their unwavering support. He was at such a low point that their effort meant that much more to him.
He casted with that thought in mind and the slightest blue shimmer emitted from his wand. It was nothing really, perhaps just a trick of the moonlight above him and he groaned. While he had mental fortitude, he had the emotional intelligence of a rock and he didn’t know what his ‘happiest’ memory could or should be. What if he hadn’t experienced his “happiest memory” yet? How would he know what it was?
The bugs around him buzzed, the birds chirped, and he looked to the forest around him for some sort of inspiration and when his eyes landed on a bit of moss clinging to a rock by his foot, he thought about James. It reminded him of the earthy colour of his eyes and Regulus averted to him, knowing James was just about the best thing to ever happen to him thus far.
He thought about the time James tended to his wound and Regulus could still feel the way his skin pulled around the scar, the tenderness in his eyes and the softness of his hands but he was in the midst of a mental and existential crisis at the time so he wasn't sure that could be his happiest memory.
He continued ambling through the forest as he became lost in memories of James and it was only when he decided on a memory that he stopped again but right before he spoke, he took pause.
The forest was completely silent all around him.
The silence was heavy, bated, as if all the animals and life around him held their breath and Regulus looked around him, confused as his heart picked up, his body subconsciously registering the issue before he mentally did.
Then all at once, a single noise broke through the din- a howl.
For a split second, Regulus thought it was the dog he was looking for but when he looked up at the sky, his heart sank-
It was a full moon.
He had completely lost his sense of time, wrapped up in so much else the past couple weeks that he didn’t even consider it as he ran out tonight and now he was lost in unfamiliar territory, unimaginably far from the school or anyone else.
Fuck.
He spun on his heel and he didn’t even know where to go but he picked a direction and left, walking as fast as he could while watching his step ensuring he blended into the silence of the woods rather than breaking it.
He knew it was Remus but he also knew that Remus was not Remus right now and while that wasn’t his fault, Regulus wasn’t ignorant to the dangers and he felt his heart hurt for his friend now as well.
Remus recently told him a bit of backstory in the greenhouses, where they’d picked up again a few weeks ago- about how he had been bit when he was only a child and Regulus gnawed his cheek bloody when he remembered Bellatrix mentioning Fenrir Greyback’s name- the monster that had attacked Remus for no reason other than being the son of an anti-werewolf advocate. The name itself was enough to strike fear in others’ hearts and he couldn’t ever imagine facing off with the monster at a mere age of four.
And now Regulus was about to become very intimately familiar with what it meant to be a werewolf if he didn’t get out of here now.
He hadn’t even noticed how far into the forest he’d come but now he felt suffocated in it, like he’d been here for an eternity and would never see anything outside it again. All the trees looked the same, there were no landmarks, no indication that he made any progress at all. He felt like he was running in place, like he was caught in quicksand and was fighting a futile fight, just tiring himself out and delaying the inevitable.
In his haste, his foot caught on a gnarled root and he tripped and while his ankle was fine, he’d managed a cut along his calf and gritted his teeth before standing and keeping onward if at a slightly slower pace than before.
Again, he heard another howl, closer this time, and muttered a string of obscenities before redirecting and praying to whoever was listening that he was getting further away.
Seconds stretched into minutes that stretched into hours as he hobbled along.
It all came to a height when he reached a small clearing and it provided him with enough visibility of his surroundings that he paused for a moment, leaning up against a tree to examine his leg. The bottom right leg of his trousers were soaked and he tore the sleeve of his robe off to tie it around his leg and staunch the bleeding and the pain emitting from it since he knew his magic would be doing him no additional favours at the moment.
He caught his breath, leaning against the tree and he was reminded of when James had pushed him against a tree in the forest to hide him from the view of his friends. It was a stark contrast to the position he was now in.
Except now when he opened his eyes, he was met, not with hazel eyes, but golden amber ones.
He was sure time had stopped because he wasn’t breathing, blinking, moving. He and the werewolf were locked in a stare and Regulus barely registered his tall and lanky frame, the tufts of black fur all across his body, and the snarling snout. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from those all-seeing eyes.
Then just as quick as their eyes met, both of their leashes snapped.
The werewolf lunged at him and he turned away with a cry of pure terror.
It was faster than him, of course it was, but he still ran, unable to take his death lying down.
It now felt too hot outside as he ran, his back drenched with sweat, and his breath coming out in hot pants but no matter how fast he ran, the wolf was faster and he spared a seconds’ glance behind him to find that the creature had spanned half the distance between them in less than a minute and was quickly gaining on him.
He shouted, a mix of frustration and fear and exertion forcing the sound out of him and the wolf matched the sound with a snarl of excitement.
He glanced back again and in the blink of an eye, the wolf that had been chasing him was gone and he ran right into what felt like a tree but he barely noticed it as he wobbled on his feet, only narrowly missing the ground as he doubled over before straightening.
The werewolf had found a new target in the form of a large black mass jumping on him- the dog from earlier.
He could barely process the relief because the tree he thought ran into was actually an animal- it was a stag, larger than any he’d ever seen with antlers jutting from its head probably the same size as his own wingspan. He gaped at the beast, hot air expelling from his snout angrily and it pushed its’ large head against Regulus, not quite hitting him but nudging him forcefully away. Its’ black eyes were large and framed by inky lashes that batted quickly.
Regulus looked back towards the werewolf in time to see it throw the dog away from him with force, overpowering him, but the wolf landed right on its’ feet, undeterred by the attack and Regulus had to think they had some sort of connection, whether it just be canine or more, because the werewolf could’ve easily hurt it or killed it if it wanted to but it didn’t.
He turned back to Regulus and this time the stag took over, meeting the werewolf halfway as it jumped at him and pushing him back with his great antlers.
The force that the stag pushed him away with forced him down to his feet and scrambled to get back up, the black dog scurrying to him and biting at his hands and feet, shocking Regulus up and away.
Regulus couldn’t even form words as he and the dog stared at each other and he saw recognition glint in the animal’s eyes and he felt emotional just at the sight of it.
The stag and werewolf were locked in a match of antlers and claws and kicks and Regulus knew that if he didn’t get out now, he’d cause the end of either one or both of them for the animals were both seeming to protect him out of some innate animalistic part of them.
He wasn’t sure but he got up and looked at the dog to help lead him out of the forest and the dog understood quickly enough, jumping up and running and Regulus followed, more easily able to see him now that the sun was beginning to rise, the black sky slowly lightening to a watery grey shade.
The dog stopped every few minutes, circling around him and continuing onwards until they couldn’t hear the fight anymore and he could hear wildlife coming to life around him.
They burst through the edge of the forest and Regulus could’ve cried with relief once out as he collapsed to his feet, breathing air into his burning lungs and relaxing his screaming muscles that hadn’t seen any exertion like this in years.
“What the hell is wrong with you!”
Regulus jumped out of his skin as he looked around and saw Sirius standing in front of him, bruised and a bit bloody but otherwise whole. His hair stuck to his neck that was slick with sweat and understanding slowly dawned on him or rather, hit him in the face like a punch.
“You- You were the dog,” he stammered, pointing up at Sirius accusingly, “You’re an animagus.”
Sirius groaned in frustration, “I am! But what the fuck where you doing out there? You could’ve been killed!” He pulled at his hair as he paced, looking down at Regulus like he wanted to throttle him.
“I just saw the dog and I followed after it, I didn’t realise-” he muttered dazedly.
“If we had been even a second late, you would’ve been dead! You have no idea what you were after. I mean seriously, you don’t-”
“I didn’t know Sirius!” he shouted back, louder than he’d ever raised his voice at his brother before and this finally stopped Sirius’ frantic pacing enough to look down at Regulus’ leg.
Regulus remembered all he’d divulged to the dog that night he was in the Hospital Wing and he wanted to punch himself for being so naive and trusting but Sirius didn’t mention it, instead crouching down and pulling the cloth of his trousers up and untying the hasty knot he’d done to inspect the cut.
It was deep but the adrenaline pumping through Regulus kept him from any sort of pain and SIrius pulled his wand out of his boot and aimed it at the wound.
Regulus jerked away but Sirius kept him in place, looking at him through his brows, “I got this.”
And he did, expertly stitching the skin together as he muttered the incantations under his breath and once done, Sirius sat back on his heels, “You are an idiot.”
“You’re an animagus.”
Sirius just nodded defeatedly.
Before any more conclusions could be drawn, a small rat squeaked at their feet before transforming into a twitchy Peter Pettigrew, “Padfoot, Prongs, he’s-.” His eyes flicked down to him before going back to Sirius, indecision marring his features.
He’d heard that nickname before…
“Wait Prongs? As in James?” he asked standing up, his legs already turning towards the forest.
Sirius didn’t respond but Peter pushed, clearly unable to hold himself back, “Sirius, he’s hurt.” His voice was low, as though Regulus wasn’t right there, and the fear in his voice only magnified his own.
This was all Regulus needed to know before he ran right back into the forest, Sirius and Peter on his heels, yelling after him.
He was slow and Peter and Sirius were gaining on him but they’d both transformed, and while Sirius tried to slow Regulus down by intercepting him, he managed to sidestep him and follow after Peter who rushed through the underbrush as though he had wings. Had it still been dark, he wouldn’t have been able to see the ash-coloured rat but the sun was up and he was visible and Remus would’ve just transformed back.
They made it to the Whomping Willow and Regulus was pulled to a stop to avoid the massive hulking branches that whirled around, only missing him by mere inches.
Sirius was again holding onto him while Peter dashed up the trunk of the tree.
Regulus didn’t even realise he was crying until he stared at Sirius and saw his image blur and swim in front of his eyes and he wiped against his face harshly with his sleeve.
“What about not running in the forest do you not understand? What the hell is wrong with you today?” he shouted, shaking Regulus by the shoulders. He didn’t even sound angry but confused and concerned for Regulus who was more emotional than he’d probably ever see him.
Regulus couldn’t think, fear lancing around him like a vice and choking his airway. All concern about himself slipped away as he thought of James.
Of course he was an Animagus, a stag at that- Prongs. He couldn’t believe the insane nickname actually had a real explanation behind it and the sight of him tussling with a werewolf assaulted him. He remembered the animalistic noises that emitted from both of them, the way they attacked each other and he knew just by looking at Sirius, who had only briefly fought with Remus, that James was in much worse condition.
He didn’t care if Sirius thought he was crazy. He didn’t care if Sirius found out or Peter or if the whole bloody world knew.
James was hurt, and he was so desperate to see him that he thought he’d explode.
He fought Sirius’ grip, shoving him back with all his strength and hurt flashed across his face as he stumbled back.
Regulus looked back and saw Peter running down the trunk again and when he took a step and the tree didn’t move, Regulus dove into the entrance right behind him and it spit him back out into the main area of the small shack.
It was dilapidated and run down- just four walls and a roof held together by what seemed like sheer will. There were two sofas set against the walls and a rug in the middle but everything was covered by a thick layer of dust.
He now understood why it was called the ‘Shrieking Shack.’
Remus was lying on one seeming sound asleep, a blanket draped over his bare shoulders, and James was curled up on the other, clutching at his side, his glasses lying somewhere on the floor and his hair limply clinging to his forehead.
Regulus ran to him, collapsing at his side, his slick hands grappling at his face, brushing his hair aside and cupping his cheeks.
“Sirius,” he groaned, opening his eyes slowly.
“No it’s me James,” he whispered, smoothing the crease in his brows. His skin was ashy and feverish and his face was contorted in pain. He’d never seen James in such a state and it was terrifying.
“Reg,” he said in relief, instantly recognizing his voice and Regulus looked around for his glasses, grabbing them and quickly setting them on his face so he could see more clearly.
“You self-sacrificing idiot James,” he immediately chastised through cries, sounding rather like Sirius from a few moments ago. He looked down to see bruises all across James and a bit of blood colouring the bottom of his shirt.
“It’s really not that bad,” he whispered, bringing his own hands up to Regulus’ face and forcing him to connect their eyes. He pressed a light kiss to his forehead before choking out, “What were you doing out here? You scared me half to death Reg.”
At the question, Regulus slowly looked back to Sirius who stood in the doorway, Peter right behind him.
Peter showed his surprise and shock very openly, his mouth slightly agape and eyes wide as he stared at the two of them but his look was nothing compared to Sirius.
His eyes glinted like steel in the weak morning light, his mouth was contorted, stuck between a hard line and a snarl as he stared at the two of them, his jaw working and sending the tendons jumping in his neck. His slick hair made him look even more feral and he stood, feet apart, and hands clenched into fists, staring down at them.
All he managed to say was, "You-."
“Padfoot,” James whispered quietly, barely more than a breath. He sounded like he was about to cry and Regulus was too, his physical pain an echo of the mental and emotional burden and guilt he was only now being forced to face.
That sent him into action, wiping away whatever he was about say and causing him to turn on his heel and stomp out of the shack, slamming the door shut behind him with enough force to cause the room to shudder.
He always thought he’d have a chance to tell Sirius face to face in a controlled environment with James beside him. He knew Sirius wouldn’t take it well but they would’ve been able to be honest about it and maybe have a conversation about it but this was something else entirely.
Emotions were already running high and he hadn’t been thinking when he ran back in, his heart taking over when his mind froze and spurring him into action and still he couldn’t bring himself to regret it, not when James was equally relieved to see him.
He finally understood how James felt whenever Regulus was hurt and it was an all-encompassing pain, one that he felt deep into his bones and even knowing that James was okay didn’t do much to lessen it.
The raw pain and fear he’d felt tonight did prove an indisputable fact to him- he was painfully, irrevocably, and truly in love with James Potter.
And he had betrayed his only brother in the process.