so many wrongs
“Shush,” Regulus chided James who was sitting cross-legged across from him, trying and apparently failing to strengthen his mental walls.
“I can't,” he grunted, eyes screwed shut and lips thinned as though constructing them were a physical effort and not a mental one.
“You’re going to give yourself an aneurysm bloody hell,” he rolled his eyes as he watched the words dance around the page. He was so tired they might as well be doing an Irish jig.
“You,” James reached over to pull the book from his lap, “need to stop studying, you’ll do amazing.”
He whined in complaint, trying to get it back but it was futile, “Not everyone is James Potter, some of us actually have to study to get good grades.”
“You think I don’t study? That’s Sirius, Remus sits in the dorm and tries to teach me History until he goes blue in the face,” he retorted genuinely.
“Well I’m not Sirius,” he finished.
“Thank Merlin for that,” James smiled, leaning over and pecking him on the lips.
“Well...” Regulus trailed off, “We do look alike, wait- do you think Sirius is fit?”
James instantly spluttered, “No- I mean you do look alike so- yeah but- like not like that, he is good looking but I never- you’re fit,” he ended lamely, his cheeks pink and eyes wide.
“Oh my gods you do think he’s hot, ew James,” he said with a raise of the eyebrow though it was more humorous than anything else. “Who was your first kiss?” he suddenly asked, all thoughts about studying completely gone now.
“Guess,” he grinned though the splotches of pink remained on the apples of his cheeks.
“Please don’t say Sirius,” he groaned.
“Nope,” he answered, popping the ‘p.’
Regulus studied his face, leaning forward and making eye contact as though the answer would be written in his pupils.
“MacDonald?” he threw out only to receive a shake of the head.
Then like an epiphany because of course it was obvious he shot out , “Lupin!”
“You read my mind!” he laughed, nodding his head emphatically.
“Well it’s obvious isn’t it, I mean you’re attractive yeah and Lupin well he-” Regulus trailed off, fanning himself as he laughed.
“You fancy Lupin?” James’ voice jumped two octaves.
“Don’t flatter yourself into thinking you’re the only Gryffindor I’ve liked, you’re not special,” Regulus huffed.
James immediately tackled him, his legs pinning Regulus down on either side as he leaned down and whispered against his lips, “But none of them have gotten to do this.”
James broke off the ensuing kiss with a, “Wait, who was your first kiss?”
“Barty.”
He paused, as if considering, then tilted his head, picturing the Slytherin, and nodded- deeming him acceptable before resuming.
“Oh Barty,” Regulus gasped playfully against James’ lips and he relished in the look of absolute shock and indignation on James’ face.
He immediately climbed off, “Absolutely not.”
His fire was instantly put out when Regulus intercepted his path out and pushed him to the bed the room had so kindly provided them and made sure to moan out the name of the only man that had ever made him feel this way.
_____
“Are you sure?” Regulus asked a bit nervously.
James reached a hand up to wrap around his own, “Of course I am. I want to see what it’s like, what I’m up against.”
James was so willing to ‘experiment’ that it terrified him. He wasn’t sure he would give anyone, even James, the chance to take a free ride through his mind despite how well protected it may be.
“Legilimens,” Regulus spoke, holding his wand to James’ temple as they sat across from each other in the bed.
He dove into the sea of James’ mind and marvelled at how everything was out on display like a brand new shop front. He saw himself at breakfast through his eyes before diving deeper and seeing Peter fall down a set of stairs, Lily laughing at something in a book, a unicorn he had seen in his Care of Magical Creatures class. All of these memories were inconsequential and yet James remembered them all like a hoarder unable to let anything slip by.
He did manage to hit a wall however which was a bit hopeful but with a slight bit of niggling, he managed to squeeze past it and was assaulted by a memory of Remus and Sirius yelling at each other and he ended up staying as a bystander of the memory for so long he ended up getting sucked into it as well like it was happening in real time.
Remus was red in the face and his eyes were glassy as he shouted at Sirius, “What the fuck is wrong with you? What did you think would happen?”
Sirius in turn had tears running down his cheeks as he pulled at his hair and panicked, “I- I didn’t- I don’t know-” he couldn’t even form words as he turned away.
James’ own head was shaking and the view was getting blurrier with each second until he brought a hand up to wipe at his own eyes to clear them.
“Never speak to me again! ” Remus roared with all the force of thunder after the strike of lightning and at that Regulus slowly and silently retreated out of James’ mind.
He was faced with James who was wearing a sombre face of acceptance as he seemed to consider the memory once more with his newfound hindsight.
“You did well,” was all Regulus said in the quiet din of the room.
James shifted as he laid down, supporting his head with his hand, “I didn’t even realise I had a wall there. I guess it was just- I don’t know, they had a big spat last year.”
Regulus knew something had shifted with them last year, the whole school practically knew as their table had gone from rowdy to deathly quiet at mealtimes, as none of them spoke during class, and all pranks and mischief were put on hold. Something had irrevocably shifted between all of them and it felt like the school itself had lost its legs for how unstable it all seemed.
He knew something had happened with Snape for he was not only ill for a while but he had a newfound hatred for all of them. Their animosity grew instantaneously seemingly overnight and blossomed into what it was today.
Regulus isn’t stupid and had come to a few conclusions about Remus but had not voiced them because if Remus hadn’t told him yet, he probably didn’t feel comfortable sharing and Regulus wasn’t going to press him on it as it was obviously quite sensitive. It wouldn’t be fair either to put James in the middle so he just kept silent.
“Well I’m glad you all sorted it out,” he said simply, laying down on his side as well, pulling the crisp white sheets up around both of them.
“Have you ever thought about sorting it out?” James asked, his voice taking on a scared and tentative quality, knowing he was treading on dangerous territory, “With Sirius?”
Regulus only sighed, placing a hand on James’ cheek, “I’ve thought a lot of things James and some things are better left unsaid.”
“I can’t imagine having something on my mind like that and just never saying it.”
“Then you are a lucky soul,” Regulus whispered.
_____
OWLs went by in a haze of late nights, early mornings, spiked coffee, and lots of tears, as in buckets full of tears, by all the stressed out fifth years. That was only accompanied by the nerves and anxiety of the seventh years taking their NEWTs and crying became a usual sound in the corridors.
He was barely holding on as he walked out of the Transfiguration exam, holding hands with a traumatised Pandora.
“Did you see her face? I failed,” she said in a numb and faraway voice.
“That’s just how her face always is, it really wasn’t that bad,” he tried to console her, glad that her hair hid his face from view.
“I turned my cauldron into a swimming pool for pixies !” she near-shrieked in the corridor outside of the classroom, her voice rising in volume and he really couldn’t fault her.
What was meant to be a simple Engorgio charm on a cauldron turned into a massive undertaking as her cauldron simply wouldn’t stop expanding until it got so large, it broke the wooden table it was stood on and McGonagall had to cast a finite incantatem on it before it ran over them.
He just patted her shoulder and hoped she atleast passed considering she’d done everything else well enough.
Barty and Evan seemed smug, as though they had already been granted an ‘O’ and he thought he ought to adopt that sort of mindset.
“You haven’t shown a single ounce of stress this entire time? Why? Are you on something and if so, can I have some?” Pandora interrogated Barty.
“Oh my dear, one does not need good marks when they can simply be provided for, I already told Evan I plan to leech off of him when he becomes the top Healer at St. Mungo’s.”
“I never agreed to that, y'know,” Evan interjected.
“You can’t resist me,” he said with a flourish before breaking away from the group.
“Tell me about it,” Evan mumbled to himself as he rolled his eyes.
_____
“I’m going to miss the greenhouse,” Regulus sighed, casting Silencio on his singing plant that Sprout had managed to keep alive all this time. The plant was rather pretty, aside from all the noise of course, so while he didn’t take care of it, he didn’t mind not actively trying to kill it.
“You can just say you’ll miss me y’know,” Remus pointed out, smiling up at him from where he was sitting on an upturned crate, planting a row of sopophorous beans.
“As if, I know you’ll be dreaming of me Lupin,” Regulus laughed.
“I think that’d be classified as a nightmare,” he corrected, joining him in his laughter.
It was already evening by the time they had managed to make it to the greenhouses with Regulus taking his exams and Remus working on his final Potions project that he, or rather Sirius, had unfortunately left to the last minute. Thankfully for him, James was taking the lead on this and letting Regulus go considering it was an assignment for sixth years anyway.
He just hoped James wasn’t completely failing them.
They had turned the small lanterns that were strewn about the glass room on and they worked to envelop them in a soft warm glow. It was so hot in there now that spring was upon them but they cracked open a few windows to allow some fresh night-cool air in.
It was late but nice, Remus was nice.
He had never once considered that they’d be friends, never given him more than a passing thought before but he was smart and witty, incredibly sarcastic, and quite kind. He’d shown immense care for Regulus, especially when he showed up to the Hospital wing falling apart at the seams but the minute they were both out of there, they never spoke about it again, just knowing that they were there for eachother.
They continued chatting well past their after list from Sprout was completed, ending up in a heated debate about what was the proper way to cut a piece of toast- Remus swearing by cutting it diagonally twice so that he was left with four individual sections with which he could mix and match toppings whereas Regulus thought a straight cut down the centre was good enough.
Remus thought that was a bit ‘serial-killerish.”
“I’m just saying a single-cut down the middle is weird, you just end up with two slivers of bread,” Remus pointed out, kicking Regulus in the foot.
“Oi, stop that bigfoot, and it’s just the most efficient way to eat toast, you overcomplicate it when you do all that,” he retorted from his spot on a stool by Remus.
“My feet aren’t big,” he frowned, looking down at his foot that did unfortunately look a bit long in his Converse trainers.
They were a light brown colour, a colour that seemed to encapsulate Remus, and while a bit used they were still in rather nice condition, a poor comparison to James who cycled through numerous pairs of the same red trainers because he’d wear them till his foot fell through the bottom. Remus’ though had little black marks all over the white borders and he knelt down to get a closer look at them.
Remus bent down and pulled a black marker from his bag, “Here, everyone signs them, you should too.”
“That’d be a bit obvious don’t you think?”
“I promise you, no one’s studying my feet.”
“You wouldn’t believe the lengths people will go to Lupin.”
Despite it, Remus set his foot on Regulus’ knee, turning it to the side so Regulus could write on the inner sole of the shoe on the white rubber border.
He thought about it for a moment before simply deciding on “ R.B”
“Clever,” Remus snorted.
“Steady,” Regulus chided.
He had only drawn the first line when he heard the door to the greenhouses shut- he hadn’t even known it was open, and they didn’t even have time to move before they saw the figure looming in front of the doorway. It was too dark there and they both glanced at each other before squinting to see who it was.
Sirius stood, feet apart and arms curled as though ready to fight as he stared down at them. His face was contorted in anger and confusion and his hands were clenched, his right hand holding a rapidly crumbling parchment and though it was blank, Regulus couldn’t even question it right now.
His ears burned and rang in the oppressive silence in the room and his hand trembled, a jagged line going down the side of Remus’ shoe.
“Isn’t this lovely?” he grit out and Regulus could see the tendons in his cheek being pulled taut, pulling against his skin.
“Sirius,” Remus said in response and his tone was inscrutable. His eyes were blown wide in surprise but he didn’t seem particularly scared, certainly not as much as Regulus, and his tone was questing more than anything else.
It was a jarring comparison to Sirius’ who was certainly already plotting Regulus’ murder.
“Imagine my surprise when I finally found the map where I left it. What I didn’t expect however was that I’d find you two here, alone,” he spoke icily, the temperature in the room dropping. “What exactly is it that you two are doing?” His black boots thunked dully against the floor.
Remus dropped his foot and stood up to approach, “I come here to help out Sprout, you know that.”
“Then what is this ?” he said as though Regulus was just some bug, unwanted and undesired.
“Regulus lets me help him sometimes,” Remus replied like he was giving him a favour by allowing his presence but they both knew for some time that this was equally both of theirs.
Sirius didn’t show any signs of understanding, “You two seem rather cosy for ‘sometimes.’”
“Well we are friends so I would assume so.”
Remus folded his arms as he leant against a table, he was the picture of cool calm but Sirius seemed itching for a fight and Remus was entirely unwilling to give in so he turned to Regulus.
“You just can’t leave me alone can you?” he sneered down and it forced Regulus to his feet as well.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he stepped closer and it was like Remus wasn’t there and he wasn’t in the greenhouses anymore.
Last summer, his mental shields dropped down with the swiftness of a guillotine if he willed them to, blocking out all the unnecessary and only leaving him with the sharp clarity of the present and while he hadn’t needed to use them in a while, this moment called for it and they fell on their own will.
In these moments, this was not the Sirius who stayed by his bedside for hours or wrote him little postcards to leave by his bedside but the brother that sneered and picked fights with him simply because he was a product of their parents, like he harboured anger for the way he turned out.
“You’ve been obsessed with me your entire life and now what? You want to take my friends? Want to be me?” he asked as though he were some sort of God, “Except Pete of course, he sees you for who you are.”
“What is there to want Sirius? No tell me, what is it that I should be jealous of?” Regulus seethed, immediately stooping down to Sirius’ level.
“Only one of us ended up in the Infirmary after the holiday, I’d say you were real jealous of me then.”
“Sirius,” Remus cut in sharply as though that had crossed the line but Remus must not have been aware that there were no lines with them, only a wide field with enough space for them to burn each other down.
“Only one of us gets to walk free, one of us gets to go to a ‘home’ after the holiday, one of us gets to be loved. You haven’t the slightest idea what that’s like,” Sirius closed in on him till they were barely a breath apart.
“And yet I haven’t heard an ounce of gratitude.”
“Gratitude ?” he scoffed, looking to Remus as though he had heard a joke, “What the fuck did you do?” he spoke, throwing his arms out before dropping them.
“That’s enough,” Remus put a hand up to push Sirius back a step, “We can talk later but fighting in here isn’t going to do anything but get us in trouble, it’s already late.”
They both looked incredulous at Remus’ interruption and while Regulus took is as a sign to leave, Sirius was still hung up,
“No, tell me? What have you ever done for me? Our entire life I took the blame, I saved your arse every damn day!” he shouted though the words didn’t hurt with the undertone of pain dulling the harsh blow he meant to deliver them with.
“I’m done,” Regulus said, not wanting to break the vow he made to himself as images from the night Sirius left came into the forefront of his mind.
Sirius caught him on the shoulder however and pulled him back and he only narrowly missed hitting the table as he caught his hand on it, the hot metal burning his palm. He pulled Regulus in close, his breath hitting him.
“Admit that you did nothing, then leave.”
And suddenly Sirius was laying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, his face was bruised beyond recognition, his mother was cursing, his father absent as usual. The room smelled of sulphur and iron and he had to force his legs to not move, to not crouch down to Sirius and help him- an innate desire that warred with his sense of self-preservation.
Then he saw himself that night, crying in front of the floo that only burned red indicating that it had been shut on the other side, a decision that had been made for him when he wasn’t able to come to one himself.
His life was set on a sick replay of the night Sirius left.
“I am the reason you are living the life you live, you prick .”
“James is the reason” he fired back, his eyes blazing at the mention of his friend and Regulus’...person.
“Why the hell do you think she let you go? You were underage Sirius, she could’ve easily brought you back if she wanted to but she didn’t. Why do you think that is?” and finally, Sirius paused and Regulus took sick pleasure in the way realisation slowly set in for him.
“She beat me when she found out you were gone, you know? Blamed me for your escape and I realised that if I wanted to live, I’d have to leave too. I tried to as well, that exact same night, but the floo was blocked,
“Little did I know, an elf was watching and told her what happened. She told me that if I stayed as her heir, she would let you go. That is why I stayed, that is why I go back every holiday, that is why you get to live.”
Regulus enjoyed silence, the silence that came when one was engrossed in a novel and the rest of the world fell away or the bliss that came with sleep but this silence was painful in its harshness and intensity.
He’d never meant to tell Sirius of his and Walburga’s conversation about his departure because he knew Sirius had run out of options and couldn't delay the inevitable any longer. He just wished he had a chance to escape as well but it never would’ve worked, Regulus was not meant for the life Sirius had carved out for himself.
“Walburga forced you to leave, James took you in, your friends supported you, and all the while I allowed you safe passage- please don’t delude yourself into thinking that what you did was all your own because without us , you’d have turned out just like me.”
“I would rather die than turn into you.”
Regulus studied Sirius’ face, it was nearly his own, but not quite and he could see a new freckle under his brow or a pressed line right where his smile curved out still lingering on his cheek. This Sirius was only a shadow of the man he would grow up to be and it was jarring because Regulus would never get to see that version of him- he knew that once Sirius could be rid of him as well, he would.
With that he left, pushing past him and out into the night where he could finally catch his breath.
His feet carried him to the Lake, not quite wanting to go back into it all yet and he sat down on the warm shore, glad for the stillness and reprieve of the space.
He watched bubbles dance across the surface and dug into his bag that he had managed to pick up on his way out of the greenhouse and dug around until he pulled out an apple he had managed to snag this morning when he was late for breakfast.
He sent some sparks across the water like James did all that time ago until a single tentacle popped above the surface of the water and he chucked the apple, throwing it across with as much force as he could and it landed true just by it. It floated on the surface for just a moment before disappearing and Regulus hoped that the Squid would eat it or else that would’ve just been a waste
He watched the water ripple before shutting his eyes for a moment but opened them when he heard a light thump by him and it turned out that the Squid had chucked out the core right by his feet and he couldn’t help but smile at it.
“Cheers,” he spoke and hoped that it understood.
Understanding was important in this world and it was a shame so few understood him in return.
In a moment of what was probably insanity, he looked around him, checking the surrounding area before kicking his shoes off and shrugging out of his robes. He pulled at his tie and toed at his socks, leaving all of his extra clothes in a pile by his feet.
Everytime he was faced with the Lake, nothing else beyond his fear seemed to matter and now was as good a time as any to clear his mind so he stepped towards the lake, not quite enjoying the unpleasant sensation of wet clothes but willfully ignoring it as he continued venturing deeper.
He went till he was waist-deep and dunked his head underwater, getting that bad bit out of the way so that he could just focus on the sensation of being in the Lake, one of the very few times he was in it without James and it was surprisingly okay.
At the moment, he only missed James because of how much he enjoyed his company rather than needing him as a makeshift lifeguard.
He walked in a loose circle, feeling the plushy sand give way under his feet and the still slightly warm water thread through and his outstretched hands, wrapping around him like a hug, welcoming him back as though the water missed him as well.
He looked up at the moon before shutting his eyes,
“Will we be okay?” he whispered in a voice quieter than air itself.
He hoped the resounding silence he received in return was a yes as he sat back down on the cusp of the Lake, the lower half of body still under the water that ebbed and flowed around him.
Maybe this was that first step Sirius needed to understand him? He always complained that Sirius didn’t understand him, had missed too much while gone and he blamed him for his ignorance but it was ultimately Regulus’ fault.
Admittedly, it did look suspicious for him and Remus to be alone together and knowing how Sirius felt about things he deemed his, he wasn’t entirely surprised by his outburst.
Or maybe, Regulus deserved a chance to explain himself before Sirius went in on him, automatically blaming him for a crime he had yet to commit.
And maybe cutting toast diagonally was better than vertically.
Who's to say what is a right in a world with so many wrongs.
______
He wasn’t sure what led him to the dungeons that evening but it was a path he memorised as surely as he had the way up to Ravenclaw. He still felt a bit off but the pressure being underground was less oppressive than before, his fear bating and allowing him to take his feet further than usual.
He arrived at the entrance to Slytherin and uttered the password aloud, glad it was still the same, and stepped through the door that had revealed itself to him.
Evan was sitting alone at a desk in one of the nooks carved out of the stone wall and he turned at Regulus’ arrival, a beaming smile already blooming on his face as he jumped out of his chair to greet him. He was incredibly thankful that he’d had the foresight to cast a drying charm on himself once he left the water and redressed because that would’ve been a difficult conversation to have.
“Regulus!”
He spread his arms and instead of dropping them like Sirius did, he pulled him into them practically squeezing the air out of his lungs and filling his mouth with his golden hair.
“Nice to see you too,” he said sarcastically but he couldn’t deny the warmth he felt even though he had seen the boy just a few hours prior.
This is what the hug of a brother felt like, this is what love felt like.
Sirius was wrong.
He knew love, the problem came in accepting it.
He pulled back, “What are you doing here!”
“I do believe this is my house last time I checked,” he raised a brow.
He just shook his head fondly as he quickly gathered his things, “Barty is going to go mad when he sees you.”
“More than he already is?”
It was true.
Barty lazily opened the curtains to peek through when he heard the door but dropped his hand for only a moment before they were ripped open again.
“No way!” he jumped out and in his haste, his legs got trapped in the blanket and he fell flat on his face though it didn’t faze him as he just jumped up again and to Regulus.
“You’re back!”
“For now,” he smiled, glad at his subconscious for taking him here, letting him experience this reunion he hadn’t realised his friends would have. He always doubted their care for him, some rotten part inside of him echoing his mother’s words to him whenever he felt a bit too loved but in this moment, it was undeniable.
His bed was just as he left it and it felt like returning home after a long holiday spent in a hotel bed that was comfy but not quite right.
Barty instantly dove into filling Regulus in on every little thing that he had missed- how Evan’s plant pots fell and spilled soil on his bed, how he lost his shoes under Regulus’ bed for days, how he’d apparently slept in his bed one night just to see what it’d be like, etc. and he listened to it all gladly.
He had calmed down from his confrontation with Sirius but that didn’t mean he felt any better for himself or for Remus who had unfortunately gotten dragged into another one of their spats that always seemed to blow out of proportion.
He stayed awake the entire night, tossing and turning as the gears in his mind whirred thinking about the upcoming summer holiday. There was no point in worrying about it as he’d have no control over what happened but like his friends, his mind never quite knew when to shut up.
______
Breakfast the following morning was an odd affair. Exams were blissfully over and everyone had the chance to enjoy the last few days of school before the summer holiday began and there was a heavy air of emotion as people revelled at the end of the year and the promise of a new beginning.
Sirius, James, and Remus sat in silence and while Sirius’ back was to him, he could imagine what his face looked like. He hated having been the reason for it as if all he could do was cause destruction, even if indirectly but atleast Remus and James didn’t look angry- at least not at each other.
His attention was drawn away when two people- a couple, entered the Great Hall holding hands.
It was Dorcas and Marlene and as if to make sure everyone got the announcement, they kissed each other before separating and going to their respective tables. There were a few whoops from the Gryffindor table, one from Ravenclaw, and the loudest was at the Slytherin table courtesy of Barty.
“Merlin’s saggy tits you finally did it?” Barty immediately asked once she approached.
“Mhm I did it, and her,” she winked.
There were some sneers shot down at her from the usual group of Slytherins who seemed opposed to anything remotely positive but she just ignored them with an easy wave of her hand.
“At least someone’s getting it around here,” Evan added snarkily.
“Have you got your eye on anyone then?” she asked smartly, even adding a flick of the eyes to Barty for emphasis.
Evan’s eyes widened in warning and he looked back down at his food.
“What about you Regulus?” she asked though her eyes didn’t hold any glint of recognition, just a simple question.
He made a noncommittal noise and left it at that.
After breakfast Pandora rushed over, “I’m so happy for you! Now you and I can go on double dates! You know, Xeno found this spot in the forest just past the pool of unicorn spit-”
“You know I love you, but whatever it is already sounds rank.”
She just huffed and crossed her arms.
“Right well I’m off to the greenhouses,” Regulus announced, standing up and walking away.
“Didn’t you already-?” Dorcas asked but Pandora jumped in with a,
“Dorcas! Are you wearing a new perfume?”
He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the blooming smile on his face.
_______
“I’m gonna miss you,” James whispered against his bare neck as they lay curled up in bed.
They saw a lot of the Room of Requirement these days, trying to fit in as much time with each other as possible before the inevitable three month separation.
Regulus turned in his arms to face him and let his hand trail against the few freckles that made a small constellation along James’ shoulder. He looked at him in silence for a moment, gazing at his wondrous beauty that managed to take his breath away each and every time.
“I’ll miss you too,” he admitted sadly, he'd come to see James nearly everyday that it would be odd to go back without him. He wished he could just put James in his pocket but how could one contain the sun?
“I don’t- I don’t want you to come back like you did after Christmas. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle myself if you do,” he admitted, his wide eyes searching his behind the thin wire frames.
“James,” was all he could say sadly because he couldn’t just say ‘I won’t.’
He didn’t want to lie to him and it seemed James knew that too as he remained silent.
“What did you do for the Potions project?” he remembered to ask, referencing the assignment he’d completely abandoned.
“Let’s go check on it,” he smiled but Regulus only huffed and nestled closer to James.
“Nevermind, I don’t care.”
James' laugh vibrated Regulus’ bones but when it died down he said much quieter,
“Remus told me what happened with you and Sirius, about how you-”
“Shh,” Regulus whispered, “I lived it love, I do not wish to speak about it.”
It wasn’t meant to be harsh, if James genuinely wanted to talk about it Regulus would but he wouldn’t be all too happy about it. Talking about Sirius or home with James chafed against him, it just didn’t feel right and he simply didn’t want to put them in that position.
“Are you hungry?” James suddenly asked.
“Er- well I’m a bit thirsty at the moment.”
There was a small popping sound, like a muted noise of apparition, and James turned to the small table by the bed where a large glass of water sat.
James grinned evilly and so it began.
An hour and three sandwiches, two biscuits, a bag of crisps, and a treacle tart later, they were ready to burst.
“Mum’s not going to be too happy about that,” Regulus murmured, poking his overly satisfied stomach.
“Reg, can I be honest?” James said from beside him as they lay side by side.
“Please do.”
“Fuck your mum.”
And there was never a truer sentence said as they both laughed together in the dim room, their limbs tangled and their bodies satisfied in the presence of the other.
_____
“Promise me you’ll come back as you are now, not as she makes you,” James sighs.
“I can only promise I’ll come back to you, it is up to you to take me however I return.”
“Then I shall take you as you are and we will move from there."