Chapter 5
Regulus blinks.
And then again.
And then again, completely defiantly, just so they realise how stupid they sound.
"Tortured me to death."
"Yeah."
"And broke into my mind."
"That's exactly what I said. Evan, is he an idiot?"
"You're the only idiot here."
"Excuse me?"
"Barty, you can't fight a man with amnesia."
"Dora, did you hear him?"
The blonde's smile makes him inhale sharply.
"You agree with him?"
If this is the afterlife, he doesn't want to be here.
***
Regulus sighs, looking into the eyes of the girl across from him.
"Yes," Pandora nodded again, already seeing the same question in his eyes as she had several times before, "you're not dead. There's something wrong with the space around you, it's fluctuating and bouncing."
The two guys, surprisingly, are silent, not interrupting.
"I can see the future," she says, "very little, intermittently, and not always useful. But what I see with you, oh Reggie.."
She closes her eyes for a moment and inhales deeply.
"Every time it's worse and worse. It's killing me."
Wow, there's a lot to unpack here.
"We'll obviously do everything we can to keep you from dying, Reggie!" Barty declares firmly, and Evan next to him nods.
Regulus doesn't remember them. His head is still a mess, trying to sort through which he feels pain, but there is a feeling in his chest that seems long lost to him.
Hope.
***
Sirius (the brother who gives him a headache at the thought of) looks at him mockingly, his gaze roughly stabbing at his heart like the sharpest knife.
In another universe, Regulus would have stepped over his pride, told of the confusion in his head and the echo of cruel laughter in his ears. He would have looked into eyes so dear to him and taken a step closer, bridging the gap between them.
In this universe, Regulus looks at a guy so much like him, surrounded by friends and like the brightest star in the night sky, and frowns.
He's not sure about him. Each memory is like a torn web, left to sway pitifully in the wind, without a host, without guests.
Regulus looks at his brother, ignoring the stabbing pain in his heart, and doesn't understand how to make a move towards him when even his mind is broken.
Pandora walks up to him and places a gentle hand on his back.
"How are you?" Quietly, but so caringly, she asks.
"I don't remember anything. It's all jumbled up," he sounds foggy.
And the Dark Lord laughs.
Pandora clutches her hand tighter, as if sensing someone else's presence where it shouldn't be. She successfully anchors Regulus in reality.
"We'll deal with this."
Regulus wants to believe her.
***
The father's gaze looks into his soul. He seems to know what has happened to his son. One good thing: the father is completely indifferent to the fate of his youngest (after his brother's escape, it seems to be his only) child. So he doesn't say a word.
The mother doesn't notice the change at all. Yes, Regulus may walk around lost, startle more often than usual, look around desperately searching the corners of the room for someone else's presence, but children grow up. The family craziness must have gotten to him after all (it seems true now).
***
"Master Regulus must remember," the elf whispers again, intelligent eyes never averting their gaze, piercing the very being of the master.
"I'm trying, Kreacher," he mumbles uncertainly, falling completely silent at the end, but the creature's supportive smile helps his shoulders relax.
"And Kreacher is proud of his master. Kreacher will help his master. Master Regulus is a great master."
Regulus can do nothing about the gentle smile spreading across his face and the warmth of love in his chest.
"And you are the best elf I could ever dream of."
Kreacher is all glowing.
***
The clattering of cutlery is the only sound in the quiet dining room during the Black family dinner.
His father leaves the table as soon as he finishes the dishes, no more, no less. He casts a single glance, full of contempt, at his son, and turns away.
With his departure, only more tension hangs in the air.
However, as is always the case, it is only the son who feels it. The mother indifferently continues to enjoy her meal, never taking her eyes off her plate, but Regulus knows better: he sees her eyes burn brighter, hears her heel tapping the floor in impatience, feels his mother's magic, sharp and prickly, swirling in the air.
He suspects what's wrong, and it's confirmed when, sated with food and childish terror, his mother raises her sharp eyes to Regulus, a grin as satisfied as a cream-fed cat spreading across her poor face.
"I know how you can bring pride to our family."
My heart sinks and falls deep to the bottom of his stomach.
He knows the answer, too.
***
Pandora stares at him with a look that reflects the depth of her pain.
"It happened again..." she whispers brokenly.
Regulus's eyes cloud over, an echo of electric pain running through his body.
"Let's run away."
A spark runs through, lighting up the eyes of both of them. They lean so close to each other that they share the air between them, a desperate swirl of fierce hope that seems almost impossible.
"We're going to escape. I don't care what happens to the others – I want you to live," she whispers very quietly.
"Leaving us behind, Sweetie?" Barty's mocking voice comes over their heads.
The boy's eyes brighten, a wide grin reflected in them.
"Never."
***
They're running. Desperate and wild, in a pathetic attempt to save the life of their star.
Regulus gathers the things he might need. Looks at the time-worn photograph of him and his brother, where they are so young and happy, and can't help himself: throws it in his bag.
She meets Pandora, Barty and Evan. They are bundled up in warm clothes, holding bags in their hands and looking more determined than ever.
"Lead us, little prince," they say, as if he can feel his soul throbbing with the need to go, the magic surging out of his body.
And he leads.
For the first part of the journey they run, eager to leave Hogwarts as quickly as possible before they are caught.
Just as they are about to leave the grounds of Hogsmeade, gingerly looking around, Regulus' soul begins to rage and his head cracks with the crunch of memories as ice breaks beneath his feet.
"Reg?" A native voice exclaims in surprise.
The four turn around sharply, wands pointed and sparks of magic crackling at their tips, a curse dancing on their tongues.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down!" raises his hands placatingly, but it helps weakly.
His friends stand beside his brother, all pensive and tense.
"Where are you going like that?" he asks cautiously.
"Fuck you," Barty snarls, his eyes glowing, "go your own way."
Of them all, Barty is the most protective. He's standing in front of Regulus, trying hard to cover him with his body, wand straight, hand steady. The voice is particularly dangerous, about to utter a curse, no matter who is in front of him.
Regulus, with a tearing head, holds the edge of his shirt with a trembling hand, his heart fluttering weakly as he tries to get through the waves of pain and the echo of angry, hoarse laughter. The mockery of trying to cheat fate.
"Come on, little Black, you won't even talk to us?" The guy with the unruly hair and the slanted glasses smiles cheerfully.
Dimples appear on his tanned cheeks as his warm eyes turn to Regulus.
At the same moment he frowns, seeming to have a particularly cruel curse placed on him that lasts forever.
"We're leaving."
Pandora's voice sounds direct and determined. She stands beside Evan, backs straight as a needle, eyes burning with righteous anger.
"Where to?" the guy in the knitted jumper asks softly, "we're worried."
"Don't lie so brazenly, Lupin. You're only delaying us."
"Ditching mummy, Reggie?" Sirius asks caustically, and his brother can't hold back a wince.
His friends instantly growl, the most ardent defenders. Evan grabs Pandora's wrist, keeping her from cursing, and pulls her behind him, towards the other two.
"Let's go," he whispers hastily, pointing with a tilt of his head at the men rushing towards them, "we've attracted attention."
Barty growls disappointedly, but puts his arm around Regulus' shoulder, anchoring him only slightly in reality, the latter only whimpering weakly.
"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..."
Time drags on for Regulus for centuries after that. Dark spots dance in his eyes, very much like black robes whose rustle fills his ears. Loudest of all is the ever-dancing laughter behind him, cruel notes breaking through to the surface, merciless and sharp.
His legs are barely holding up - have to make an effort to put them in front of each other. Every couple of steps his knees weaken, almost dropping him to the ground, but gentle hands grasp him, stubbornly lifting him up.
A chorus of curses and swear words sound, barely able to break through the veil that shrouded the mind.
"Come on, you silly stubborn," a rough whisper sounds very close to his ear, "there's not much left and we'll rest."
"Come on, little star."
He is held tightly, but even so he has to try harder, consciousness slipping through the cracks of his mind.
A gentle pinch brings him back to reality just long enough for Regulus to take a couple more steps. Then his head falls back.
"Come on, just a little more..."
"Reggie. Reg."
"Regulus!" rattles in his ear, but he can't lift his head, completely collapsing.
"Fuck, he must have done it to spite me..."
"Did he?"
"For me to carry him, of course!"
"You're such an idiot."
"The best one of your life."
***
When Regulus regains consciousness enough to open his eyes and feel no pain behind the action, and the laughter in his head sounds only a ghostly echo, he realises that he is sitting on a soft forest floor, leaning with his back against a tree. On top of him is Barty's jacket, wrinkled from long wear, but still his favourite.
"Good morning, sunshine," a gentle voice urges him to look up and meet Pandora's bright eyes, shining with tender love, "how are you?"
It takes Regulus a moment to come to his senses and cough.
"Fine," he exhales, tired, though he's barely awake.
The girl shakes her head softly, backing away from the bags spread out at her feet. She walks over and sits down next to Regulus, gently nudging him to lay his head on her shoulder.
"Barty and Evan leave to check the perimeter. We've run far enough away that we won't be found right away, we're not using our wands yet so the Ministry won't track us down."
"Do you think they care about us?" Black whispers weakly, covering his eyes.
Pandora runs his hair through her fingers, scratching his scalp as if seeking to lull him to sleep.
"I'm not sure, but it wouldn't hurt. And, as luck would have it, I'm seeing completely useless things."
"What about the space around me, like you said?"
For a moment the girl says nothing, and the movements of her hand slow down, almost stopping.
"It's still turbulent," she concludes grudgingly, and then continues with trembling hope, "but that's okay, we'll get further away, just waiting for you to come round."
Guilt settled in a tight ball at the bottom of his stomach, making itself at home. His friends, barely family, had escaped from bloody Hogwarts and were willing to break the law for him. Regulus isn't sure if it's worth it. Whether he's worth it.
Pandora must know him well enough to flick him on the nose, a frown crossing her delicate face.
"Nope, darling," she says firmly, "none of this is your fault. We chose you, we're going after you ourselves, because you know what, Reggie?"
He's not sure if he wants to know what Dora will continue to say, but he can't help shaking his head uncertainly as he stares into her bright eyes that sparkle with fury and love so intense it hurts his chest.
"You are our guiding star. I don't speak for Barty or Evan, who knows what they're thinking, but you are as important to me as air, Regulus. You are my air."
His breath catches, but Pandora doesn't think to stop. She looks up at him, holding his cheeks resolutely in her hands, caressing gently.
"I will die and kill for you, no matter who stands in my way, but I will not watch you die. You are my brother, my heart and soul, Regulus. You will live, even if it is the last thing I do."
Pandora's pretty eyes fill with tears, but she doesn't look away or let Regulus do so.
"Do you understand me, little star?"
He feels a lump in his throat, no trace of guilt left, just soft, cotton candy-like honey and tonnes of sugar, a love that threatens to drown him headfirst, leaving nothing else behind.
"I understand," he whispers faintly, his voice cracking with the urge to cry, because isn't that all Regulus has ever wanted? Wanted so desperately?
They sit up, foreheads touching, Pandora doesn't let go of him, only moves her hands to his shoulders, holding him tightly.
"Did we miss something?" Evan's ringing voice makes them turn their heads towards their friends.
"No," Regulus begins, but at the same time Pandora speaks up at the same time:
"I was telling Regulus how much I appreciate him, and that he's worth dying and killing for."
Barty arches an eyebrow merrily, smirking. Regulus expects the boy to make a joke or say something stupid, bringing them back that semblance of normalcy, but he finds himself disappointed.
"What are pathetic laws worth when your life is on the line?"
"We'll do whatever it takes, but you're not going to die for some bastard," Evan nods.
He really, really doesn't want to cry right now, but it's like his friends are conspiring to make him sob.
"Didn't you guys support his ideas?" He exhales uncertainly.
If they say they're on the Dark Lord's side, he'll understand... His heart will whimper and crackle, desperate to save them from the psychopath, but he'll keep quiet.
"What do we care about him if you fucking died at his hands?" growls Barty, magic lightning crackling in the air around him.
"He stopped being something great to us when Dora told us what he did," Evan continues, whose magic is like the flames of a bonfire stubbornly flaring up.
Regulus nods and lowers his head so they don't notice his watery eyes. But knowing his family, they probably figured it out anyway.
Hope tastes like flowing caramel, love tastes like especially soft chocolate, like biscuits and marshmallows, warming his heart in the way Regulus dreamed it would.
He smiles and hopes.